Believe

I roll my eyes in playful disgust as I witness Jake kissing Kelly while sitting on the edge of my bed. ‘’You guys are totally.. just overboard.’’ I laugh lightly, continuing reading my magazine. Once they stop sucking faces, Kelly replies to me, ‘’You could be in love too, you know..’’ She sighs out.

‘’Kel.. don’t..’’ Jake mumbles. I glance up at her from my current page, but ignore her comments. Yeah, she was my best friend. But even a best friend could tick you off at times too. Believe it or not. ‘’Anyways.. what are you reading over there boo?’’ Jake asks me as he stands and walks by way.

I was sitting in my desk chair, not even facing the desk. He stands beside me and peers down to see. ‘’Oh.. another rumor I assume.’’ He says, walking back to the bed. He didn’t too much for the magazines, so usually while me and Kelly were talking about the latest Hollywood gossip, he would fall asleep or ignore us completely by making his hands talk to each other, you know hand puppets or whatever. Admit it, we’ve all done the hand to hand thing before at least once in our life..

“Its not a rumor.’’ I defend the article. ‘’Why don’t you tell Kelly what the article’s about..’’ he insists. She looks at me, raising her eyebrows curiously. ‘’Its about.. Ni.. um, no one.’’ I mumble, looking back at the page.

‘’Is it who I think?’’ She asks Jake. ‘’Yeah.. him.’’ He sighs back. ‘’C’mon Chanel.. stop reading it before you see something you don’t want to see.’’ Kelly warns. ‘’Like what?’’ I ask, releasing a slight laugh.

‘’Oh you know,’’ she sighs out, ‘’he’s got a girlfriend.. he’s in rehab again.. he’s in jail again.. all those things that he does that hurt you.’’ She says. ‘’The jail thing was only once.. and the rehab was only twice.. and he’s.. he’s single.’’ I mumble that last part mainly to myself.

‘’And why are you so concerned about his life anyways? I thought you wanted better for yourself, Chell.’’ Jake asks me. ‘’Yeah.. you said you would get better after you know.. what happened. But it seems like you’re more attached than ever before.’’ Kelly says.

I close the magazine and sit it behind me on the desk as I look at both of them. ‘’I promise I’m fine, Kel. Besides.. its just a magazine and he just happens to be in the issue. You know I read cover to cover.’’ I say.

‘’The stupid magazine isn’t the point we’re trying to make, Chanel! God, you can be so fucking stupid!’’ Jake raises his voice. ‘’Jake!’’ Kelly says, slapping his arm hard. ‘’No, don’t Jake me! You know she’s still into him and she’s just too stupid to realize that its hurting her more!’’ He says, even louder.

‘’Nothing’s hurting me Jake.. nothing.’’ I say. He stands up angrily, his temper rising some. He goes to my bedroom door, opens it then slams it shut as he steps into the hallway. ‘’Go talk to him.’’ I sigh to Kelly. ‘’Chanel.. you and I both know you’re the only one that can calm him down.’’ She mumbles back.

‘’He’s your boyfriend.’’ I say. ‘’Chanel.. go.’’ She says, a tad sternly. ‘’Fine.’’ I mumble as I stand up. Even though they were dating, and had been for almost six months, me and Jake had a better friendship. I’ve known him literally forever, his dad and my dad work together so he always came over when his father came to talk with my dad.

And besides, small town. We went to the same school, except he was a year older. But we were just best friends, no one can change. And when I met Kelly in sixth grade, she fit in with us. But I always knew me and Jake had something special. A special bond, brother and sister like. And that was fine with me. And plus, Kelly knew the things I could only do with Jake, like this for instance.

I open the door and see that he’s leaning his back against the hallway wall, his head leaned back too. Jake was 6 foot, me only ranking in at 5 foot 2. That’s not very tall at all.I put my arms around his waist as I lean my head against his stomach, not reaching his chest because of my height.

He puts his arms around the top part of my back, holding me tight. He was strong, he always had been since he was so athletic and all. ‘’Chanel.. I’m sorry.’’ He whispers gently as one of his hands relocates to the back of my head. I felt him kiss the top of my head, so I know he leaned down a little.

‘’I know.’’ I say. ‘’I just.. I just care to much.’’ He sighs. ‘’Its fine.. I need the care anyways.’’ I reply. He sighs again, his stomach moving against my cheek because of his deep breathing. ‘’I love you Chanel.’’ He mumbles. ‘’I love you too.’’ I tell him. It wasn’t the love you’re thinking. It wasn’t the love I had for Niall. It was friendship. And friendship was the one of the best loves you can have, the love I shared was Niall was simply the best though.

“You know I just want what’s best.’’ Jake says. ‘’I know.. and I appreciate that. But you have to realize.. Jake.. Niall was.. my life..’’ I mumble back. ‘’Yeah, a long time ago. You don’t need to focus on him.. or even the thought of him.’’ He tells me. ‘’Jake.. I.. you don’t know how hard it is not to focus on some one you love.’’ I assure him.

He doesn’t reply. ‘’I know you think Niall’s not the best thing for me. But you have to realize Jake.. I was in love with him. And I can’t stop thinking about him. I’m sure that any one who loves some one they can’t have thinks about them all the time.. That they just can’t go a second with out wanting them.. or needing them.. or depending on them. If you only knew.. how it felt.’’ I sigh as I finish off, squeezing Jake hard just to have him squeeze me back.

‘’Trust me Chanel.. I understand.’’ He says lightly. I try not to think too hard on that comment. I remember what he told me when I was in ninth grade.. the school year I started after I met Niall that summer. He told me he was in love with me.. but he knew it could never happen.. I never bring it up.. he does, but Kelly doesn’t tag onto it when he comments something about loving some one.. she doesn’t know.

I feel sorry for Kelly. She’s just a little toy. And no, I don’t mean a sex toy.. Surprisingly she’s still a virgin. She’s beautiful, and she’s got the body any guy would want.. but yet she keeps it pure, because that’s her intentions in life. Purity until marriage.

Jake, also surprisingly, is still a virgin too. And, once again, he’s got the body and the appearance.. But I guess everyone doesn’t want to have sex so young. I was molested when I was younger, ten to be exact, by a family friend who is no longer a family friend.

I assume that’s the reason I’m scared of sex.. and having friends that want to stay pure give me a sense of relief, especially when it comes to Jake. I also dreamed of experiencing it with Niall, he and I had often talked about it and, I’ll be honest, he shared pictures.. pictures he assured me would be okay to do. We talked.. dirty at times. But I guess we have to meet our personal needs some how, and was just our way…

But as I’ve always said, love isn’t an option. You know how you love because you know how you feel around that person. Like me and Niall.. for example.. I have thoughts and feelings that I don’t have when I think or I’m around someone else.. like Jake.

I love that he loves, its nice to know some one does.. But I’m sorry to say.. I just don’t love him back.

Notes

Hope this is a good start, it will get deeper into the main story plot as the story continues along. So please comment your thoughts and opinoins. We'll update soon and thank for reading! Comment subscribe and vote please!! sorry its a slow start...
~Allie xx