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Letters To Lily

Chapter 5

((June 19th||4:09pm))

Dear Lily,
I know this might seem a little weird for me to suddenly admit this, but I feel a very high sexual attraction towards you. Is it wrong that I listen to people like SoMo and The Weekend when I think about you? I know you’re not like that, and I’m sorry. Its just.. I guess its my age and all. You think? I don’t know.
But anyways, I love you. And I can’t wait until a get to America. We’ll be way closer and my letters will get to you faster. I’m enjoying the tour and all, I just miss you, love. I fell out of my bunk the other night, the driver’s crazy! Ha.
Anyways, I love you so much babe. Call me when you get a chance, its okay if it isn’t right when you read this. I love you :) Love Always, Niall xx

I take a deep breath as I fold the letter up and stick it in the box with the others. I didn’t feel like calling him right now, or writing my response just yet.
So the fact that he just told me he is sexually attracted to me, it sorta makes me feel a little special, because I’m actually wanted by someone. But it doesn’t really matter I guess. Its not we’ll ever do it, by the looks of our current situation.
I sigh to myself as I get off my bed and head downstairs. As I reach the kitchen, I find my mom and Allyn at the table, talking to each other about God knows what. They get along like best friends, we all do, so I assume that’s a good thing. As I reach the counter, I huff and slam my phone down, harder than expected.
‘’Don’t break it.’’ Allyn mumbles as she looks over her shoulder at me.
‘’Honey, what’s wrong?’’ Mom asks me as I go to the fridge.
I’m a stress eater, a bad habit, but it soothes me. At least I eat healthy foods though. I grab the bag of grapes and being picking some off and putting them in a bowl as Allyn and my mom continue to talk to me, even though I refuse to respond right now.
‘’Did he hurt you?’’ Allyn asks.
‘’Lily, please.’’ Mom sighs out.
I turn to face them as I lean against the counter, the bowl on the countertop beside my phone as I stare at them, listening to them.
‘’Did Niall do something to you, honey?’’ Mom asks me.
‘’I’ll kill him.’’ Allyn huffs out.
‘’If you kill anyone.. let it be me.’’ I mumble, probably surprising them by actually answering.
‘’Why, what’s wrong?’’ Mom says.
“What happened?’’ Allyn asks.
I join them at the table with my grapes, constantly shoving them into my mouth when I’m not responding or breathing.
‘’Its just.. me and Niall.. I haven’t called him in days, three I think , and its.. killing me.’’ I admit with a sigh.
‘’Then call him back.’’ Mom shrugs.
‘’I can’t..’’
‘’And why not?’’ Ally says curiously.
‘’Because, I just don’t.. have the.. courage to..”
‘’Well, you better gain it, sweetheart. Because I’m telling you honestly, if you lose that boy.. you’ll both be lost.’’ Mom says, touching my hand with hers.
I nod, knowing that she’s right. My mom was smart in school. Smart in life, in general actually. But she hung out with the wrong people. She was at the wrong party, wrong time, wrong night. That’s how she got stuck with me. If you look at my mom, you’d never guess she was thirty-six, going on thirty-seven. My mom was eighteen when she got pregnant with me.
That’s where my dad came into the picture. They were dating, but planned not to do it until marriage, but one beer at some wild high school party can influence a lot of rules to be broken. So, over time, my mother returned to college, got her degree in education, and works as a kindergarten teacher. She was glad she had summers off though, I was too. I could spend time with her.
‘’Yeah, Lily. I mean.. love is important.’’ Allyn adds.
‘’How can I believe in love… after what.. my father did to you?’’ I ask, looking over at my mom, not trying to let that slip.. but it did.
‘’Lily..’’ Mom says, ‘’Honey, don’t base your love life on what happened to me and your dad. He was.. nothing. He was absolutely nothing. And if you’re thinking about comparing that boy of yours to your dad, then stop because Niall isn’t anything like your father. I don’t ever want you to think like that, Niall’s what you need, baby. You need him.’’ She tells me.
‘’Why do I need him? Allyn, you say the same thing! Even he says that. But why? Why?’’ I ask as I’m becoming very frustrated at this topic. I hate talking about love, its stupid.
“Niall’s what you need, Lily.’’ Allyn says.
‘’Exactly. Lily. Niall can offer you so many more things than I could, or your father, or this town, or anything. Niall and you were meant to be together, and you can’t deny it.. He needs you just as much as you need him.’’ Mom says.
‘’An example,’’ Allyn says as she picks up my hand and turns it to show me my wrist, ‘’Last one.. when was it?’’
‘’Um.. I dunno, a week before last Christmas..’’ I shrug, thinking that that’s right.
‘’And what made you not do another one? Remember, I was there with you..’’ she says.
‘’Ni… Niall got me to understand.. that I was.. beautiful.’’ I whisper, finally understanding their point.
‘’See.. Niall’s got your back, honey. He’s going to love you, no matter what. Just please, do this for me, for Allyn, for Niall.. for yourself.. and just go see the boy.’’ Mom sighs out.
I look at both of them, confused and dazed. But yet at the same time I was perfectly fine. I knew exactly what was going on. It was like my emotions and brain were now all of a sudden bipolar, which I am seriously.
So.. I nod.