Nothing Without Love

Louis POV


“I don't know. It was something about you. I mean, obviously you're pretty, that's easy to see. But you weren’t totally afraid of me, if I would spout off something you would just come back with more and I liked that. Then when I woke up and you were gone I just thought that was it, I'd never see you again. I don't know Jo, sometimes I just can't erase you.” I try to take a steady breath as I continue to drive south. I don't know why I just admitted that, she caught me at a weak moment as I've already spilled my guts about Eleanor and now I've just told her that.

One would suppose that she would have to know by now that I don't just have a lustful attraction to her. But I walk a little on eggshells with her because I don't really know where she stands. I mean Erica said she liked me, but I don't know if Erica's actually heard that from her lips or just assumed. She went along with this crazy idea so I mean maybe she likes me or maybe she is just trying to be a good friend.

“So what about you? What are you tell all secrets?” I try to lighten the mood, change it up from me talking about my lonely life.

“Well, I picked my nose until I was like ten.” She smiles at me, I can see it from the corner of my eye.

“While that's gross, not quite what I was looking for.” I chuckle lightly at her admission. She seems like one to always dodge the hard questions.

“Come on Josephine. Tell me something I don't know.” I prod a little more, trying to get more information. I don't want to push her but it would be nice to know something other then her likes and dislikes or her mannerisms.

“Okay.” She takes a deep breath. “I don't have a mom.” I all but slam on my brakes and turn to her, mouth dropped in shock. I expected another stupid childhood secret that she peed the bed until she was six or she used to sneak food to her room late at night.

“What do you mean you don't have a mum?” I slow down as we are stopped in yet another traffic jam. I can actually stop and look at her as she is facing me, turned in the car.

“I mean, I don't know.” She shrugs, looking away for a second. “When Adam was born my mom was nineteen, my dad was twenty-three, he had just gotten out of the Navy and his boxing career was just on the up and up. They were only dating for a few months when they had gotten pregnant and then he was born. Three years later when my mom was twenty-two, I came along. Dad's career was busy, he trained a lot, he was gone a lot and when I turned three, she took off. She was twenty-five, she wanted her own life, she didn't have a chance to be crazy and young.” She bites her thumb nail and looks out the car window. I don't really know what to say as I scoot up towards the next car. My shoulders drop and I don't want to wait too long to say something to her because that's just too long.

“So are they divorced?” Not the best thing, but it's something for her to know I've been listening.

“No, they never married. Dad had called, said he was coming home in like a half an hour, so she packed up her bag, we were already sleeping and she was gone before dad got home. Took off like smoke, she was out of there.”

“Do you ever see her?” The traffic is starting to lighten up and I resume a steady pace but I wish I could just pull over and hold her, listen to her talk. But she doesn't seem to care, she's not emotional at all telling me all of this.

“Um no, I saw her once when I was ten, it was a little awkward. But she lives in Ohio or Illinois, she's married, they have two kids now and she's happy.” She smiles slightly and I'm reminded of my real dad. The one I hate with almost all my heart because he never cared for me at all until I started with One Direction. Then all the sudden I was his long lost son he wanted back in his life. An asshole. Mark is the only father I need.

“You don't hate her?” All this talk about her mother has transferred over to my feelings with my father.

“It's odd, but I don't.” She looks at me again, and I catch her eye, she's serious. She's not emotional, she's not upset about it at all. “You know, she was young, she couldn't handle it but she left us with the best dad she could have. She wasn't happy, when you're not happy, your emotions get transferred to everyone around you. I think if she was around my life would have been drastically different.” She shrugs, just brushes it off.

“Have you always been like this?” Her thoughts amaze me because I've never met anyone like this.

“No, it took me a while to get like this but you know what, she finally learned how to be a mom. She became a mother before she was ready and now she's a mom and she does what a mom should. She loved us I know she did, but she was doing what she had to do.” She explains. I've never thought of it like that. I don't think my dad is like that, as it's obvious that he has alliterative motives as to get my money.

“Wow.” It's all I can say.

“But you have to remember, I was young. I don't even remember my mom. I was three. It's different for Adam, he was six, he has memories with her, he took it hard. And my dad, Jesus Louis, my dad is a saint. He never talked bad about my mom around us, even when she tried to see us, he always let it be our choice if we wanted to spend time with her or not. Adam has never seen her since the day she left. I went there when I was ten but she was busy, she had two small daughters and I just didn't know her well enough for it to not be awkward. We exchange e-mails a few times, Christmas cards, she sends me things for my birthday but the separation is good for us. I don't feel like she's my mom because she was never around, and that's okay. You don't need a mom to grow up if you have an awesome dad.” She smiles, all I can assume is from memories of her dad when she was growing up. I can see where her tough attitude comes from.

Life knocks he down and she just gets right back up.

“What about you? I know your dad wasn't around.” She lets her voice linger in the air and I'm a little nervous talking about him, I don't want my attitude to come off as angry because I'm still pissed at him. I didn't care before he pulled that stupid stunt, now I just can't stand him.

“I hate him. Unlike you, I can't move on from that feeling.” I change lanes and realize we're getting closer to San Diego, probably only a half an hour away, Stan and Sam's flight should be getting in within the hour so we might beat them. “I used to not care about him what so ever. He had another woman pregnant who had a daughter just two months after I was born. And he chose to be with her mum and not mine. But I guess to look at the good, I spent a lot of time with my grandparents, they helped raised me and they mean the world to me.” I explain, listening to the Google maps app that is telling me where to go.

“Well that's a positive at least. I loved my grandparents.” I'm just going to assume with the use of the past tense that they've both gone. “And the publicity?” It's a broad question but I know exactly what she's talking about.

“He saw that I was making money and all the sudden he wanted a part of it. Made lies that my mum prevented him from seeing me, that my half sister just wanted a relationship with me and I was ignoring her. It was all fake. Mum tried for years to get him to see me, she didn't care to get money from him but she wanted us to have a relationship. And I just knew that if I started a relationship with Georgia that I would have to see him and he told so many lies that I can never trust him. So I don't.” I shrug, I've been trying to work on my feelings of abandonment for years, it didn't matter before but it matters when he makes it public.

“Well that's good for you. Everyone handles things differently and you have to do what's best for you. We have different circumstances, you're in the public eye and that's a whole new realm of \reality.” She explains. “Oh, the next left turn.” She points out as I flip my turn signal on and turn quickly. I feel better. I feel like I've gotten all these secrets off my chest and I feel closer connected to her. We know things about each other that not everyone else knows. I pull into the driveway and stop.

“Do you want to be a mum?” I don't know her feelings about them, I don't know if she's maybe afraid that she'll turn out like her mum or maybe she just has no interest in having children.

“Yeah. Eventually. It's not something I want right now, but maybe by the time I'm thirty or thirty five. I want to be ready and know that I'm ready.” She takes her seat belt off and stretches a little bit. “What about you, do you want to be a father?”

“Yes.” I don't even think about it. “I just want to have a family. I came from a big family, lots of kids and it was always fun. And I know that I'll never leave them, and if it didn't work out between their mum and I, I would still be there for them.” I take the lead and get out, opening the door for her quickly. I remember when Mark would do this for my mum and she was always smiling. I would try to do it for Eleanor, but the paps and the fans didn't really help. When I reach my hand out to help her she squeezes it a little bit, looking down rather quickly and it just makes me know that she understood everything I've told her and I know I can trust her.

Notes

Quite the truthful car ride! Has anyone been wondering what happened to Josie's mom or why she didn't talk about her? :)

Okay, so it's time to be brutally honest with you all. I wrote this chapter before I even considered Louis to be a father (even though it's not officially confirmed yet, I know), and with how everyone is reacting to the news I just haven't decided about this story. This happened when I wrote my Zayn story, he left right in the middle of writing it and I completely lost my motivation to continue to write. I'll tell you since I heard the news of Louis, I haven't written at all since. I've got some chapters saved so this is where I pulled it from. :) I just get really tired of people taking things to far, saying that it's Harry's baby or calling her a gold digger. What happened, happened, and to be honest it's none of our business. The more I hear about the situation the more I'm putting a distance between myself and writing. I don't want to abandon all of you but it's not easy. This will for sure be my last fan faction as it seems like each one I pick to write about lately has had something major happen. I might write just stories in the future but it's all in the air. I hope you all can understand.

Have a great Saturday!

xoxox