Brokedown Palace

It had been three weeks since I had first came to Louis. My days passed with ease and it almost felt like we never had been apart. Sure, there were some lingering questions in the air, but Louis had not pressed me on them and for that I was grateful. We had settled into a routine in which he'd wake up and make me breakfast and watch a movie with me until he had to go get things done for the band, then I would go running and try to get back to a relaxed state.
This morning was no different except that Louis as running late, so we had Lucky Charms instead of eggs. I laughed as he ran around the room trying to find his keys, until he heard the jingle coming from the couch.
I dangled his keys in my hands and watched his face turn into fake anger. "How long have you had those?"
"Not very long, just wanted to see you run around here for a little while." I said smirking.
He crossed the room at full speed causing me to jump up and run around to the other side of the couch, he stood leaning forward challenging me to try to run.
I squealed as he jumped over the couch causing me to run into my room, before I knew it his hands were grabbing me from behind launching me forward onto the bed infront of me.
He hovered above me, "Now can I have those keys love?" He said, now the one smirking.
"I can't really get to them if you're on top of me smartass" I retorted.
He didn't laugh but I saw a sad smile form onto his face, he just climbed off of me and held his hands out for his keys.
"I really am late," all the fun drained out of his voice.
I handed the keys to him and watched him from my spot on the bed as he left the room. I heard the car engine turn on and the tires roll out of the gravel drive way.
I sighed and realized I was getting too used to this feeling, I was starting to get back into a place I couldn't be in.
I changed quickly and put my running shoes on ready to clear my head when the doorbell rang.
I knew that none of the boys would be coming over seeing as how they had been at the studio and wondered if Louis had been expecting anybody.
I walked over to the door slightly on gaurd, I hadn't had to feel like this in a few weeks and knew that I was losing my edge.
I opened the door and saw no one standing on the other side. A chill rippled through my body, as I looked down and saw a single rose laying on the front step. I felt the panic bubble in my stomach and slammed the door shut, locking it before I ran towards the bathroom.
I threw up, and then I threw up again. And then again. Until my body couldn't take it anymore. I slumped back and leaned my back against the tub behind me. Shakes rippled through my body.
I finally got off of the floor, made my way to the couch and waited for Louis to come home. It was time to tell him the truth; that he wasn't the only one who had been looking for me.
******************************************************
I was half asleep on the couch covered in a blanket when I heard the key in the lock, I stretched and sat up watching the door. Louis walked in with the rest of the boys , and I immediately felt guilt when I saw his smiling face.
He seemed so happy.
"Have you been there all day?" Harry laughed looking over at me.
"If I say yes, will there be name calling?" I asked forcing a laugh.
Harry started rambling off different versions of couch potato but I couldn't bring myself to respond.
The boys were all sitting around the island in the middle of the kitchen tearing through bags upon bags of chips, when I walked up behind Louis. I put my hand gently on his back and reached to grab a chip, and made my way back to my room not wanting to do this infront of everyone again.
"Hey where are you going? I thought we could all go out or something" Louis called to me over the chatter.
"I'm not feeling too good I think I'm just going to bed." I replied, another lie.
"Now wait a minute you slept all day, there's no way you're tired what's going on?" Louis asked making his way over to me.
"Just drop it everythings fine I just don't want to go out." I said a little too harshly.
"Jesus Dyl, one day you're fine and the next you're a moody bit-" He stopped himself before finishing the part.
I turned around and glared at him, "Excuse me?" the chatter now dying down in the kitchen as everyone's eyes turned towards us.
"No you know what Dylan? I have done nothing but try since you have gotten here, unannounced by the way. You know that I love you, but god, drop the act you have been shutting me out more and more these days and I can't take it anymore!" Louis said raising his voice.
I had been shocked I hadn't even realized he had noticed, and was hurt that he thought it was just an act.
"Are you kidding me? You have no idea what I have been through. No idea Louis now drop it before you say something you regret." I spat back.
"I have no idea? I lost her too Dylan she was my best friend too! I deal with that every single day, that I couldn't stop her. God, do you even know how much I would give to go back and stop her that day?" He said his eyes now filling with tears.
I softened and realized that even if Louis didn't know what I knew, he still lost Isabella too.
"I'm sorry." I said a soft whisper, not wanting to lookup into his eyes.
I knew he was crying now and my heart broke knowing I had hurt him again. I took a step forward and enclosed him into a hug,
"Why did you leave?" He asked in my arms.
This was a rare moment for Louis even through the entire experience, I had only seen him cry one other time. The boys still sat awkwardly on their stools not wanting to leave their friend in this state. I blocked everything else out and looked at Louis.
I knew that I couldn't tell him the truth anymore. He needed to be free of this. I would never be, and would never forgive myself if he was met with the same fate as I was. So I did what I had to, and what I do best. I shut off all the emotions I was feeling, "I didn't love you anymore." was all that I could manage.
It was then Louis looked up at me, "What?" he asked hurt written all over his eyes.
"I stopped loving you. You weren't what I wanted anymore, I couldn't take it. Everything we did hurt, and felt wrong after she died. We were a mistake." I said going against every fiber in my body.
"Get out." Was all that he said, his words hit me like bullets.
I nodded and walked into my room, grabbing cat and my still packed suitcase and walked passed Louis still standing in the same spot, and the group of boys all with their heads down.
I walked through the door and felt a tear escape from my eyes.
I walked towards my car not knowing where I would go, but knew I couldn't be here anymore.
"Wait," I heard a voice call from behind me.
"Go back inside Harry." I said sniffling.
"No, where are you going to go a sleazy motel? Absolutely not, you can stay with me. We can sort all of this out."
"No we can't he's done with me, I made sure this time." I said blankly.
"He is my best friend, I'm not letting you leave him again. I know what you did to him, he was a wreck. I'm not letting that happen to him again." Harry said now anger in his voice too.
"Are you seriously going to yell at me too? Don't you think I actually know what I'm doing?!" I yelled back.
"No I don't think you know Dylan! You think you know what you're doing, but you don't! Whatever is going on with you isn't just about you and you need to realize that!" He retorted.
He took a deep breath and ran his hands through his hair, "Just please calm down, and stay with me tonight. Just think this through okay?"
"I have Harry, do you think he'd be where he is today if I didn't leave him? That he ever would have left our hometown and auditioned for Xfactor if I didn't leave?" I said turning around. I could feel the panic again rising in my throat when I remembered the night I left.
"I'm never going to be good for him, he was happy without me here I made sure of it." I stared back at the curly headed boy infront of me.
"It isn't up to you to decide what's best for him." He said opening the door to his car waiting for me to get inside.
I don't know why I trusted this boy so much, but I felt safer knowing that I wouldn't be alone tonight and climbed into the car.
We drove off in silence and I felt my eyelids get heavy.
My eyes opened and were met with beautiful blue ones staring back at me, I was standing again in his old room. The posters of famous football players still lined the blue walls, but were barely visible in the dark. The only light was the moon shining on the beautiful boy sitting up in his bed staring back at me.
"what are you doing here Dylan, it's 3:00 in the morning you twat" He said with a sleepy voice.
I said nothing just slowly started to undo my zipper of my white sweatshirt.
"Woah wait what are you doing?" said the 18 year old long haired boy.
"I love you," was all I said when I shrugged the sleeves off and stood there in my bra.
His eyes flickered and before I knew it he was standing in front of me, "You have no idea how long I have waited to hear those words," he said pushing me against his dresser.
His hands found their way to my back, mine dancing in his soft hair. His lips met mine with gentle force, his tongue swiping my bottom lip asking for entrance. Mine parted allowing us to fully melt into the kiss.
My hands traveled to the bottom of his hem and lifted the shirt over his head revealing his defined chest.
He lifted me and I wrapped my legs around his torso, over come with the emotions that I had held onto for so long.
He moved us over to the bed sitting down allowing me to straddle him as his hands clumsily removed my bra. Before I could get to the button on his pants, he stopped me by gently grabbing my wrists,
"Are you sure?" He asked with such concern written on his face.
I didn't say anything, just brought my hands up to cup his cheeks and brought my mouth back to his. He turned us over and the rest of our clothes were removed. He slid the protection on with ease.
Our bodies danced together as one, the pain masked by the happiness that washed over me when I looked into his eyes.
He rested his forehead on top of mine kissing my nose, "I love you Dylan."
His words echoed through my ears as I shot straight up in the unfamiliar bed.
The events of the night coming back to me as I realized where I was and that I had been dreaming.
I sighed and got out of bed and made my way to the kitchen to fill up a glass of water, I looked out the window and stared off into the darkness wondering what Louis was doing only a couple blocks away.

Notes