The Silence That Surrounds

Louis’s POV:

My fingers threaded carefully through the soft lace material of the scarf, tying and overlapping the thin piece of cloth so that Sophia’s hands were tied together securely, the other end of the fabric pulled and knotted taunt to the cot’s thin metal frame.

“Christian? Keep an eye on Sophia, yell for us if she wakes up, alright?” I ordered hastily, standing up and looking at Zayn that just got through tying up her long skinny legs in much the same fashion. It was done secure but delicately, something that would not have happened a month earlier. Whatever changed, changed to something more surreal and it left my thoughts spinning out of control, aching to catch onto something just to stop.

A moment of silence and all Christian could do was nod.

“Yes sir, as you order.” Christian murmured, sitting down next to her while his small like hands pushed the hair from his face.

“Should we gag –“Zayn seemed hesitant before I shook my head.

“If Harry wishes that then he can do it, we were told to simply secure her to the bed with the scarfs. We weren’t told to mute her. Leave her some form of expression, even if she does wake the dead. Come, we need to change Dylan’s bed sheets and move the furniture back where it was. I think having it like it was might be easier for Sophia, sort of ease her back –“

Zayn shook his head.

“We can fix it up how it was the time of her imprisonment but she’s not going to forget her brother being here. You know flower’s not going to forget. What the fuck are we even going to do? Damien’s coming tomorrow.” Zayn expressed in worry, swallowing the thicket of fear down that his eyes were far more predominant in expressing. Normally, I’d call it a weakness but after Damien’s previous actions, there’s still a slight concern of even myself having a brown spot in my boxers. Damien scares the crap out of me after the whole tendering from the cheese grater thing.

“She is stronger than she is aware of consciously. This may be the push she needed. As bad a thing as that is to vocalize but it holds more truth, she was far too dependent on Dylan, she needs to get on with herself now, the only one she will and can truly depend on.” I muttered, following Zayn from the room, leaving Christian to watch over the sleeping damsel.

“Bullshit! Ye have more faith than I, Lou. Her life support was Dylan, the point is moot in this discussion anyhow but I shall say this; without her safety net, she is now bound to fall far and hard. We can’t do a goddamn thing. She is at the mercy of monsters and all we encourage is isolation, all we do is rip apart that girl.” Zayn muttered as we entered the guest bedroom, stopping just inside as a ghost shadow sat at the windowsill.

“I’ve no idea what Sophia or Dylan saw in sitting here. The view is absolute shite.” Niall muttered, getting up and standing, sparing us barely a glance before seeming to come to attention with a curt salute of his hand. “Orders, capatain?”

I groaned in annoyance.

“Jump off the roof and break a leg.” I muttered, knowing he couldn’t hear me and his confused looks only confirmed it.

“I said, don’t be sarcastic, that’s my job. A boy just died – not our own but let’s just be silent in respect of that, yeah?” I requested. In truth I was tired of speaking. I was tired of all this unneeded sound and my mind was reeling with images of the hanging body of the boy that was no more than twenty-one, a boy that was forced to that ledge and made to jump to save what was left of his own self-preservation.

“Alright, Louis,” Niall murmured with unspoken agreement before continuing, this time his voice dropped a few notches. “Liam and I undressed Dylan, hosed him off and wrapped him in some blankets and plastic sheets to keep anything that may try to nest in him. You said to give Sophia until tomorrow, right?”

I nodded.

“Yes, now go. You are disturbing my silence, I want you out of here. Go to your room or back in the kitchen and start fixing dinner – I don’t care which at this point. Just as long as your trap is shut.” I snapped, pointing behind me, watching him slide by and run towards the kitchen.

“Absolute shit. Complete and utter bull-fucking-shit.” I muttered, stamping to the bed and tearing the bedding off the bed, the strap restraints hanging loosely from the edges.

“Mate? Not to sound like I have a degree in psychology because I am fairly certain that even the most skilled of one would go nuts before beginning to break through what is the great Louis Tomlinson but I think you’re wrong,” He seemed to pause to take in my reaction before continnuing. “You think something is either black or white, not gray. Sophia doesn’t see black or white, she sees color. She sees what is. She loves deeply, she hates intently but she is still only so young, confused what is out there, what resides within these walls here, even. Your subconscious is trying to get that through its own thick skull because you just went against your own orders. Which was what? Hm? Never submit to a hostage, was it? Your actions and our own is speaking volumes and she’s placing one hell of a mind fuck on Harry because that bloke’s walking in the rain to god knows where. Perhaps, even only just as a passing thought that we’re changing?”

I threw the used bedding away from the bed and kicked it with conviction.

“No. I believe we are as every bit monstrous as you had stated before. My actions are my own concern, not yours. What troubles me, mate, is the fact that we have a dead boy outside, we have a drugged out girl inside Mister Styles room and MASTER STYLES IS COMING TOMORROW! She needs to be alert and at the ready and one of us is going to have to break it to Damien that tall, blonde and skinny done hung himself out to dry by the neck first. Now, I could tell a morbid joke in the form of what happened but after he quits laughing his hands will undoubtedly be positioned around my throat. So, who’s got a blan B?”

Zayn rolled his eyes and left down the hall without a word, grabbing new linin and coming back across the threshold not even thirty seconds later.

“Maybe you can stall it out then, yeah? Could always play charades –you know how much he hates that game.” Zayn grinned, his eyes happening to fall at the corner of the bed before frowning again.

“He’ll saw off my fingers and use them as a paperweight, stop being a smartarse. No, Harry can tell him the good news, I’m staying out of it.” I shook my head deciding.

He bent down and picked up a neat and folded piece of paper, a drawn outline just noticeable among the folds.

I raised my hand, tugging it from his grip, opening it with a frown. Immediately the start of the letter – though the lettering was a bit small to fit everything but at the bottom, below a perfectly lined poem, stood a letter – the beginning reading ‘My dearest Sister’ to which I immediately shut the thin slice of tree skin.

“Bloody Christ. Harry needs to get his arse back, now. He’s gonna want to read this…her brother left Sophia a note and poem.” I answered his miffed expression.

“A drawing too evidently, I saw when you folded it out, it was beautiful.” Zayn frowned, his teasing mood gone – which was a lucky thing for him. My mood was souring as the moments ticked on. This bullshit didn’t need to keep happening. My skin still chaps from the memory of Damien’s last visit and now whenever I look at Harry, my ass tends to shrink into itself –and they call me a sociopath? Naw, I’m a fucking puppy compared to these psychopaths. If it weren’t for my loyalty…and this goddamn tracker my ass would have been gone after the lodge incident. A curling iron up someone’s arse? The BTK killer was half as merciful and he was an American yank.

“Stop ranting inside your head and help me with the sheets. I swear, when you’re stuck in your head you get this far away expression that makes you look almost innocent.” Zayn snorts, unfolding the sheets and starts to position them on the protective mattress.

“Don’t push it, Zayn. Looks can be deceptive, yeah?” I challenged, sticking the letter in my front pocket to make sure to give to Harry to see if there’s anything he wants done with the sickening letter, the only thing I read was ‘my darling sister’ and it made me want to toss my food. A weakened sentiment.

“You’re just jealous. Sophia had a family –“ Zayn started to prove a point, so naturally I cut him off, helping him make the bed.

“And now she doesn’t, does she? Daddy traded her, mum got baked in the mansion when it exploded and Dylan hung himself out with the trash. I only stopped the boys from melting Dylan tonight because it would help bring Sophia some closure. Don’t get on my case about not knowing what family is, Z, I’ve proved myself time and time again. What have you done for this group lately, huh? A big fat nothing, that’s what. Shut up until you can observe better.” I ended his snarky comments.

“We maybe a group, Lou. We may work as a team but we’re not family. We’ll never be family. Ever think the ones the most divided are the same ones seeking and yearning to cling onto something to stay human? Remember how it used to be?” He pointed out.

“Sophia’s not it. She’s a bloody former hostage who should learn her place in this world or die. Fuck! SHE SHOULD HAVE DIED ALREADY!” I screamed, turning to punch my hand against the wall. I seriously don’t get why Zayn has to bring up this bullshit.

Zayn took the knife from his back pocket, handing it over for me to take.

“Then do the fucking honors, mate.” Zayn glowered, his honey dew eyes sparkling dark against the contrast of the darkened skies.

I looked at it a few moments before taking it from his hand and opening, the metal gleaming in the darkness before I twisted my body back towards the open door and threw the knife.

The knife flung easily like butter into the wall of the hall – unfortunately at that time Liam happened to be passing by, hitting the floor in panic with a loud exclamation.

“You lot and your bloody knives! Those things can seriously hurt someone and you’re throwing them in the cabin?! I think we all need a fucking time out! Louis? Go smoke, shit, there’s some weed growing in this forsaken forest somewhere that Zayn planted – go find it and smoke some but stop losing your temper and no one is killing anyone! Wasn’t it you and Harry who protected her from Niall yesterday? Hm? What is up with you guys and your sudden need for Ms. Stone’s blood? She has enough problems here without you lot making it worse! Now get out of my fucking sight, the lot of ya’s!” Liam exploded, struggling to get off the floor – the knife in the wall showing it was only inches from plunging into him.

Zayn ran over and helped Liam to stand.

“Louis is just having trouble coping with his emotions. He knows as well as we do that Sophia –“

Liam shook his head.

“We don’t know shit. We’re not going to know shit until she is awake enough for me to do a mental assessment. Everyone can stop assuming until then. Ms. Stone is stronger than she looks.” Liam reassured, his tone bordering on strong and unwavering but there was still that bit of doubt there.

I snorted and left them to their pathetic assumptions. I had much bigger matters – like this sickening fucking letter in my pocket that I pray Harry will let me melt in the acid with Dylan’s body because I for one do not think letting Sophia see this monstrosity will bring her any sort of bloody comfort. Getting to say goodbye – maybe but a forever reminder of what she lost? That was not bloody okay. This whole thing is not bloody okay. This whole thing is bullshit. Do you hear me BULLSHIT. B-U-L-L-S-H…

The front door slammed shut, a wet and worn figure was back. His cold wet footsteps muffled into the carpet that he’ll undoubtedly have one of us clean before Damien’s arrival tomorrow.

“Louis?” Harry called with a tired quip, seeing me standing there and arguing with myself – some people call it crazy, I call it stress relief because I’m the only one who can start an argument with myself and win…sometimes.

“Right here, H. After all, where else would I be?” I answered back in a sarcastic drawl that Harry immediately picked up on.

“Your attitude on this given day is a true classic of yourself, Lou. Truly. Who pissed in your lemonade? I’m far too tired to hear about minor nitpicking so tell me just the essential details.”

I roll my eyes and take the sickening piece of garbage from my pocket and thrust it into Harry’s soaked clothing.

“Zayn found it when we were changing the bedding. I think you need to melt it with Dylan’s body. Having a reminder of what she lost is a terrible idea. This will make it impossible to train her, impossible to –“He cut me off, opening the letter.

“We don’t know if it’s not already too late, Louis. I had to get out of this bloody cabin to think and I think we might need to send her home. We need to just…end it, she’s going to be too broken to do anything with. I won’t be able to train her.” Harry murmured but stopped, his eyes glancing over the letter.

“What’s it say?” I sighed, giving up. It was all bullshit, why the fuck should I care?

Harry cleared his throat softly, beginning with the poem up top and not the letter itself.

“It’s titled ‘The Heart I leave Behind’” Harry reads carefully, undeterred by the wording on the melting ink against wet paper.

The Heart I Leave Behind

By

Dylan R Stone

I fear my time is near to pass

This peaceful moment and serene feeling only briefly last

For your heart shall hurt and tears will shed

Never forget the love we had

Memories will cause you pain and you will curse my name

But through it all I will look over you always

When you’re lonely or when you’re sad

Just look to your right and I’m right there smiling

More than you could wish, I wish it too

I wish the happiness we had would never end

Fear and cowardice of the unknown brought me to the rope that set me free

But you still have a chance, be my salvation and shine through the pain that I could not

Because our life was never mine or yours to decide

I left it all up to fate

The only thing I fear now is your darkness

Please smile through the pain and remember our memories

Let your heart beat pure for me and carry on

My sweet sister, the heart that I leave behind

*

I listen to the careful way he read, shaking my head still in disapproval.

“And you will truly show her this so she can be tormented by her brother’s passing? There is no hope here, Harry; or have you forgotten? Huh? Damien has killed every single ONE of our reasons. None more than yours. Perhaps had he not, you would not be such a psychopath!” I steamed, knowing I was not on the winning side of this discussion.

“I will show Sophia when she is ready, not before and you really need to go find a pot plant and smoke it because you’re stress lines are showing.” Harry muttered, ignoring my angry outburst - which no one seems to take serious.

I threw my hands up and walked toward the door to go for a smoke but before I even got two steps, Harry spoke again.

“When you’ve calmed down, Lou, I need you to shampoo all the carpets clean since I tracked mud in and dust off the fans and –why the bloody fuck is there a knife sticking from the wall?!” His voice boomed upon the last part, followed by a faint “Damien’s going to have my nut sack already for Dylan, he’s going to plain out neuter me when he sees this!”

“Maybe you should go smoke some marijuana, H, I think your worry lines are showing! You also need to get whatever boot got shoved up your arse, out.” I called back before running out the door – just as Harry came back out into view with the knife hoisted to throw – thankfully I got the door shut behind me before hearing a soft thud and the knife bounding off the wood.

Some people, when they lose someone – they tend to mourn in different ways. Sophia’s was her breakdown, mine is sarcasm, Harry’s is to overthink things and then under think things when they matter, Zayn’s is to laugh in inappropriate moments. Liam – he tends to be more reserved and quiet unless knives are being thrown in his direction and evidently Niall cooks…but he does that anyhow. It is without a doubt that we are a fucked up bunch. Sophia should fit right fucking in, if she isn’t a drooling mass of flesh by tomorrow. I still think that letter needs melted. Problems, that’s all it’s going to cost us in the end and it will give Damien more of a reason to toy with the young Scarlet but what the fuck do I know? I’m just Louis Tomlinson, a fucking blighter who doesn’t know what he’s talking about evidently. Well, fuck this and fuck them…now, what direction did Zayn put that plant.

*

Harry’s POV:

Awhile later I sat at the windowsill of my window beside the cot where Sophia lay, my eyes silently reading over the letter for at least the twentieth time in the past half hour. It was as compelling as the amazing drawing he had done on the back. Dylan wasn’t much of a poet but his letter was heartfelt and I couldn’t help but read it again.

My darling sister,

By now, if you are reading, it means I am gone. The sadness and tears you are shedding, I cannot imagine but know that I am right there with you, drying them and whispering comforting words into your ear. My arms, though you won’t see them are wrapped around you in a warm embrace. Lean into me, Soph and let them fall. You don’t have to be strong, you don’t have to change, please remember that.

I know you have so many unanswered questions and not enough answers. I wish I had them too but I don’t. I have felt all the sadness of the world on my shoulders from the day I was born it seems and I sought to answer the reason why but it has all fallen moot. I’ve accepted that darkness. I’ve let it control me but through it, you were always my light. You made me laugh, cry –beg. I carried on for you. You made our father’s abuse more bearable. You took the majority of injustice from him and never faltered. You were strong. You always were my rock and I tried so hard to be yours in return, Sophia. God as my witness, I tried so bloody hard to be as strong as you but I failed and I broke my promise. I said I’d never leave you but I did -I had to. I had to because I’m a coward, I will never deny this and the textbooks in our history, when they write about our family, it will say: Dylan Stone, coward. It will tell how I was nothing but an over privileged prat. I hate the thought and the idea but it will mean nothing. The only thing that will mean anything at all is your memory of who I was to keep me alive. Share with those who will listen because it is only through your words anyone will know that I existed at all and the only way that you can begin to heal. I want you to remember me – as much as it will hurt because you are my sister, you would keep our true memories to who I really was, not the façade I put up or what our relatives would say. I want you to remember me, not what you see now but how I was – how we were.

The love I feel thudding in my heart right now aches but in it, I know this is the only way that I will ever truly be free again. I know it was the coward’s way out, I know the hurt and betrayal you are experiencing is death gripping and I would do anything to bring that pain to an end but just because I’m gone, it doesn’t mean it’s the end, Nala. Your life is only beginning, trust Harry to lead you into your true purpose. He will protect and care for you. When Zayn was chaining me to my bed, he spoke of you like his own sister. If you need an ear, go to him. He seems the most understanding but please, I beg of you, don’t give up. Do not submit to that sadness, don’t let it consume you like it did me. I left because I was afraid. I know us Stones are meant to be unbreakable but I broke long ago. I just wish I had enough courage to tell you but know that I am crying there beside you because I can’t even comfort your agony. I can’t tell you things will be alright because I don’t know what your future holds. The only thing I can bring comfort with is to let you know that I no longer hurt. My pain and problems are gone, I am free and at peace. I beg of you to find yours.

I’m sorry I broke my promise and didn’t stay. I’m so very sorry, my beautiful, darling sister. I failed you, I know this and the anger you must feel right now is undeniable and indescribable but in time I pray you will understand. I pray you will forgive me so that my soul may be free of my transgressions and able to live within your heart to keep close and bring you comfort instead of torment. My older, wiser sister, I truly wish I knew why I was doing this – why I did it but I have no answers, just that Damien’s threat of a slow and drawn out death scares me with terror, so I took away his satisfaction. I took away his happiness and I am somewhere, where he can no longer harm me but in doing so I realize that you are alone at his mercy and I beg him for any ounce of leniency that he may possess to grant you no harm but I also request him to allow you some form of freedom, no matter how little. For all I desire and pray for now is your happiness, Sophia. You deserve nothing but all the kindness and love in the world. I can only hope and continue to believe Harry will hold true to protect and guide you to your true purpose. We were never meant to lead our father’s life, we were destined for something greater – YOU, Sophia Stone, were destined for something greater.

The only thing left to say, though words can never express how much love and respect I feel for you at this very moment – what I’ve always felt. I’m so, so proud of you and I am so sorry that I left but my heart loves you still as much as it had when we were kids and what happened to bring me to end my life was NOT your fault. Do you understand me? None of this was your fault so do not drown in the guilt you are feeling right now because I would have ended my life sooner or later, Sophia. I’ve lived with this darkness for far too long and it consumed my soul long ago. Do not be sad for me, my sister because I finally found my peace, you must follow to find yours. You must find your freedom and though this is goodbye, it is certainly not the end, nor is it for forever.

All you have to do when you are lonely or when you are sad is look beside you and I am there smiling, I am right there with my arms wrapped tight to you. Talk to me because I will always be your comfort through the darkness and through you, once your anger of my leaving slowly dulls to an ache, I can move on because then I shall truly know you are alright.

I must go, it is very early morning now but never forget how much I love you. Never forget that, never forget what we shared…please keep and cherish those memories, for wherever I am now, know that I too am doing the same.

With all my heart, love and soul,

Your little brother,

-Dylan-

Louis was right – I couldn’t give this to her now. It would destroy her. I don’t know what the hell I am meant to do but this was not supposed to happen. I promised her – with the only thing I thought of that could be kept as a true promise to letting her brother go – escape. A hidden kiss – an unspoken promise, now how am I ever going to fulfil it? Why the fuck is it that I care?

“I should have ended it that night, Niall. You’re right. I should have ended it before this all even began.” I agreed with the silent dyed blond that had followed me back after my yelling match with Louis. Which wasn’t much of one.

Niall’s eyes snapped to alarm, his posture stiffening.

“So – you’re really going to end it?” He gulped but went out of focus for no more than a moment to bring me my loaded gun.

“What choice is there, Niall? Do you truly believe she will snap out of it? Her brother just suicided, he held her when she had no one. Now she truly has no one.” I pointed out, cocking the trigger back to load the bullet into the chamber, my eyes focused on the tied up flower. She was a strength and a weakness…but I knew the only thing I could do was end her suffering.

Christian sat idly, his eyes wide, his lips sounding a silent prayer of mercy but no words were forming and it’s as if my heartbeat slowed, everything moved in a frame by frame motion, piecing together in a film that brings you to a sort of suspense that leaves you at the end of your seat until the last second.

For Sophia, there would be no last moment reprieve. This was something I knew in my heart when I saw her face grow paler, still in blissful sleep, she would simply…wake somewhere else like her brother and the only merciful thing I could grant to her was a quick death. I sealed it was a hidden kiss, maybe not death but Dylan’s freedom. It didn’t matter where I ended up or where my gang ended up – the fact is, she would be free. They both would.

The cold tip of the gun pressed gently into her temple, the scene blurring out by a wave of heavy emotion I had felt only once before – long ago in a time far from here. I remember how right it felt and I knew it was Sophia’s true destiny. So I pressed my finger on the trigger…slow at first but eventually the loud echo of an explosion popped through the air from my pistol and everything else faded out around me, becoming a ruined background painting.

Notes