Even though your life may be hard, there’s still no reason for you to end it.

April 21, 2012
A Jail Somewhere In Colorado

I tapped my fingers endlessly on the arm of the chair as the steel on the seat burned my legs because it was so freezing cold. Why would he even…?


I let out a breath and tapped my fingers faster until I met a rhythm. But then an officer walked to the waiting room and I sat up, but he ended up calling someone else. So I went back to frantically tapping my fingers- sooner or later I began tapping my bare feet on the floor.


Penelope stayed at a hotel nearby, because she didn’t want to see him. I wondered why, and she told me it was because she was afraid that he would start yelling at her, and he just wouldn’t stop.


So, I’m glad she stayed behind. I didn’t want anything to happen to her.


I was getting so tired of waiting- so relentless to see his face. I didn’t know what I would say, what I would do. But I needed to see him.


The officer came back, but he still didn’t call me. What the hell?!


I threw my head back on the chair, the cold steel of the rim seeping into the skin on my neck. I could not be any more desperate at this moment.


“Anastasia Greene?” I jumped to my feet a little too quickly and almost fell over. “He doesn’t want to see anyone.” The officer said and I furrowed my brows.


“I don’t care. Does he know it’s me?” I asked and he shook his head.


“No. I just told him that he had a visitor. But he doesn’t want to see anyone.” He shook his head again and I groaned, lolling my head back.


“Can you just let me see him anyways?” I begged and he sighed.


“Miss Greene, I can assure you that he’ll want to see you some other time. If he doesn’t want to see you then I can’t make him-”


“Since when do officers do what the prisoners want?” I hollered at him, biting my tongue in fear of smarting off to a cop.


He sighed and gave me grin. “Alright. I’ll put him in a room. I’ll be back.”


Great. Just great. More time on sitting on this freezing ass chair. I collapsed onto the chair and covered my eyes.


What if he knew it was me? Would he still not want anyone to see him?


“He’s a little aggravated, but come on. This way.” The officer came back to the waiting room and I jumped to my feet, leaving everything that I brought in behind. “Don’t be too quick. I don’t want you to run into anything,” He said behind me and I slowed down. “Here, in this room. I’ll be standing outside if you need anything. Be careful, he really is annoyed that I cuffed him to the table.”


I nodded my head and took a deep breath. Then very slowly, I put my hand on the door handle and pulled it down until it clicked, pushing the door open.


The room was cold, and the floor sent a freezing temperature through my body because I still didn’t have any shoes on.


I leaned against the door and finally looked forward- the man sitting at the table in front of me was miserable. Ratty curls, pale face, scarred hands and red eyes. He was pitiful. But he didn’t even look up from the table. Instead, he began to wring his fingers like he always does, instead his fingers were cracked open.


I bit my lip and took another deep breath. When I cleared my throat, his fingers stopped turning and he opened his eyes.


When he looked up, he stood up to walk up to me but his handcuffs prevented him from going anywhere. “Anastasia?” He gasped, his voice thick and hoarse. “When they said visitor… I didn’t think it was going to be you…” I wiped the hair out of my face and he grinned, his chapped lips surrounding his teeth ever so slowly. “You’re still so beautiful. Haven’t seen you in days, bébé. Figured you’d stay the same,” He shook his head and looked down. “But you seem to grow a little more beautiful every day.”


I took a deep breath to hide my tears, and I quickly sat down at the table in front of him. He swallowed and slowly sat down in his pulled out chair. “Why did you do it?” I asked and he swallowed again.


“Do what?” He muttered, his voice barely audible. He crinkled his nose and the scars on his cheeks became visible, making me cover my mouth with the back of my hand. The near sight of him like this drove me mad, I wanted to sob.


“Don’t play stupid with me Harry,” I looked down. “You know what you did.”


For a moment, it was silent. His breaths were hitched and he clamped his fingers together. “I didn’t mean to…” He finally said and I looked back up at him.


“How do you not mean to kill someone, Harry?” My tears were building up, and his green eyes met with mine.


“I didn’t mean to kill him, Anastasia.” He raised his voice a little higher, but it was still low and raspy.


“I just want to know why…” I mumbled and he sighed, sitting back in his chair.


“I was driving. Driving to you. I didn’t know where I was going, but in my mind you were wherever I was going. I needed to get away. I needed to get the hell out of Missouri. But even though I knew where you were, I was still looking around Kansas like I’d find you. But then I made it to Colorado with a half a tank. So I filled my gas tank up with the little money that I brought,” He stopped and ran his hand down his face. “When I filled it up, I knew it would go fast. I wanted to find you Anastasia. But if I was to find you, I knew there probably was a 30% chance that you would even let me touch you. So,” His eyes met mine again. “I needed to end it.”


“End what?” I gasped and he shrugged.


“Me.” Tears fell down my cheeks as I waited for him to say more. “I was driving down a county road, and I didn’t see his car coming. As soon as I was about to hit the corner, I saw a bridge and thought I was going to drive off of it. But before I could hit the rail, I hit the car-” He stopped and took a deep breath. “The guy was killed on impact. Luckily,” He trailed off. “The two little girls in the backseat made it out with minor injuries.” My mouth dropped and more tears fell from my eyes. He leaned forward and buried his face in his hands. I knew he felt bad for what he did, I knew he did. “Because I thought that I couldn’t live without you, now they have to live without a father.”


“Harry…” I trailed off and he looked at me.


“Which gives me an even better reason to end my life. If I’m going to take one, might as well return the favor, right? Anastasia, I told you that I couldn’t live without you. And dammit I meant it. I didn’t want to survive that car crash, I didn’t want to live. I should have been the one that died instead of that father. It was not my choice to have killed him. It wasn’t.” His voice cracked and I wiped my tears away. “I just wish.. I could play it over again. I wish I could have made it to the railing a little earlier, so his car would have just grazed the end of mine..”


“Harry. Stop talking like that. I can’t stand to see you like this.” I shook my head and he smiled a little.


“I wouldn’t be like this if you would have just ran away with me..” He muttered and my mouth dropped again.


“So now you’re blaming all of this on me?” I widened my eyes and he shook his head.


“No. His death isn’t your fault, it’s mine. But it’s your fault because you made a bad decision. I made a bad decision. It’s kind of like a chain of events.” He ran a hand down his mouth again and I sighed.


“Alright. It was nice seeing Harry. And I’m really glad you told me what happened. I’ll have enough money to bail you out by tomorrow.” I stood up and he looked up to me.


“So, technically you’re leaving me again? And why the hell would you bail me out? Do you honestly think that this place is hell for me?” He laughed a little and I sneered.


“Just you wait, hell will come.” I stated before opening the door.


“Oh yeah? When is that, little lady?” He cocked an eyebrow and I turned back to him, meeting his gaze.


“When I let you get married to Penelope.” I clarified and his mouth dropped open. “Have a nice rest of the day. We’ll be here tomorrow to pick you up.”


“Wait.” He stood up before I walked out of the door. “Anastasia!” I heard him yell through the door and I stood there for a minute. “Dammit. I know you’re still there. Please come back in here and talk to me.” I looked through the window and he stood up straight. Then I shook my head no before walking away. “Anastasia!” He repeated, only louder than the time before.


I stopped walking and faced the officers, who had opened the door and pulled Harry out of the room.


“Wait. Please.” His hair fell in his face and he pursed his lips together. “I don’t want you to leave yet.”


“Harry I have to get back to Penelope.” I sighed, exasperated.


He stopped struggling from the officer. “She’s here with you?” He seemed a little angry and I furrowed my brows.


“She’s at a hotel down the street.” I said and he arched his jaw.


“Please, stay.” He looked at me from under his long lashes.


“No.” I shook my head and he closed his eyes. “I’ll set up something with the officers so that I can come pick you up.”


Then I turned, and began to walk again. “Anastasia! Don’t you walk away from me dammit!” He yelled, and I heard the officer yell at him.


“Why are you trying to stop me Harry? It’s not like you tried to stop me the last time.” I snapped and looked over my shoulder.


“But, I love you…” He muttered, barely audible. But I held back my tears, and kept walking.

Notes

I wish I could have two updates for you today... But I don't.
Damn.

Hope you enjoyed :D


*Little girl voice* I love you more than unicorns and rainbows,
Kaleigh. xx