Don’t pretend to love the person you never will.

March 17, 2012
The Dahm Mall

“Malina?” I called through the phone once she answered.


“Ana! My God it feels so good to hear from you. How long has it been? Three months?” She seemed excited to hear from me, even though I called her to get Harry off of my mind.


I don’t want to leave, he had said, and I pushed him away.


“It’s been awhile.” I couldn’t hide the sadness in my voice.


“Yeah I- What the hell is wrong with you? What did that rich fucker do to you?” She yelled at me and I bit my lip.


“He didn’t do anything.” Liar.


“Oh really? Ana, I have known you since you were a little blonde brat running around the fucking world. I know when you lie. What did he did to you?” She breathed out and I let out a cry. “Anastasia.”


“Just come over please. We could have a girls day, and we could go shopping or some shit like that.” I ran my hand through my hair.


“I’m not coming over unless you tell me what happened when I get there.” She snapped and I sighed.


“Fine. Just come over.” I pleaded, wiping my tears away.


“Okay, okay. Calm your tits.” She laughed at herself and hung up the phone.


I took a deep breath and walked up to my mirror. My cheeks were red and my eyes were puffy. I looked like I had walked through hell. And quite frankly, I think I might have.


I straightened my hair and then I changed my clothes into my white lace shorts and my baby blue bow-shirt. Then I put on my sandals and grabbed my purse.


Once I slipped my phone into my purse, I walked down stairs and towards the door. As soon as I went to open it, Malina slung it open and smiled at me when she saw me.


But then it faded. “Oh I’ll kick his ass when I see him.”


“No. You don’t have to do it. It’s not his fault.” I shook my head and she squinted her eyes. “Technically, it’s his mother’s fault.”


“Hmm.” She mumbled, searching my face. She gave me a carefree smile and scooted me out of my house, shutting the door and using the key I gave her to lock it. “Get in the car, Gomer. I’ll perk you right up with a little bit of lip gloss.”


“Man, I really missed you M.” I said sarcastically and she flipped me off before we got in the car. “But seriously though.” I said and she drove away from my house.


“Yeah, yeah. I know.” She smirked.


She then turned up the radio, and a Taylor Swift song was playing and when I realized it was her, I glared at her.


“You know I hate her M.” I said and she laughed.


“Yeah but just listen to the song. She’s talking about one of her exes. I know you’ll love it considering your situation right now.” She insisted and I rolled my eyes, making her turn the music up louder.


Then she started to sing along, pathetically. “I knew you were trouble when you walked in! So shame on me no-ow! Flew me to places I’ve never been! Till you put me down, oh! I knew you were trouble when you walked in! So shame on me no-ow! Flew me to places I’ve never been, now I’m lying on the cold hard ground!”


“I hope you know that doesn’t make me feel any better!” I yelled over the music and her terrible singing. But she just shook her head and continued to dance in her seat, singing horrifically.


“Okay, okay. Fine. I’ll change it.” She rolled her eyes and switched the station.


And you know what was playing? You’ll never guess it.


Just A Little Bit Of Your Heart by Ariana Grande. You know, that song that I sang to Harry? And Malina didn’t change it.


When I started to sing along, she smiled at me. But my tears began cascading from my eyes and I began to sing hysterically.


“Ana.” She muttered, turning the radio down.


“No turn it back up.” I whined and she shook her head. “I wanna listen to it!” I yelled and she glared at me, pulling her car over to the side of the road.


“Just because your heart is broken doesn’t mean you have to take it out on everyone else! I am trying to make you happy, and the least you could do is act like you are!” She yelled and I looked down. “Look, I’m sorry. Okay? It’s just that I hate seeing you like this. We’re blood buddies, remember? I actually care if you’re upset unlike that rich assbag.”


And that made me laugh. Not a sarcastic laugh, a real laugh. And damn, it felt good. Soon enough, she was laughing along with me.


“Are you good now? Can we go to the mall now?” She asked and I nodded my head. “Here, let’s listen to some Nick Jonas. Yass.” She smirked, turning the radio back up as she pulled out of the ditch.


Chains was playing, and as soon as we realized what it was, we were both singing along. And I didn’t care how loud I was.


When she pulled into the mall driveway and I got out, I saw a familiar black Mercedes and froze where I was. She whistled and walked over to me.


“What’s wrong?” She asked I shook it off.


“Um, nothing. I thought I saw something.” I scratched my arm and she locked hers with mine, guiding me into the mall.


We went into Route 21, and then we went into Victoria’s Secret. And I got the cutest pair of panties and the cutest push up bra. Let me tell you something. They were matching, and they were both blue with black outline-


I ran into someone causing me to drop everything in my arms.


“God. You asshole. Watch where you’re going.” Malina snapped and I laughed at her, bending down to pick my stuff up.


“I apologize.” The stranger and bent down to help me pick up my belongings.


I froze where I was when I saw the ring on his middle finger… Strangely familiar. My heart dropped to my stomach when I rose up and he put the things in my arms.


“No need to thank me. Because you have nothing to thank me for.”


I was still frozen where I was, but my eyes were scanning every inch of his body. He had a new ring on his hand, and my eyes went into a frenzy and I began to breathe hard. But it’s not a wedding ring. Then my eyes met with his and I quickly walked past him, hitting my shoulder against his as hard as I could.


“Ana wait.” He called for me but I bit my tongue and walked faster, Malina trailing behind me. “Ana!” His voice was growing distant, but I know he was following me. “Anastasia!” He boomed and he grabbed my arm, swinging me around to face him, making Malina tense.


“Who the hell do you think you are?!” I yelled just as loud.


People began to stop and gawk at us, but I didn’t care.


“I told you to wait.” He said through gritted teeth and I let out a laugh.


“And since when the hell do you think you can boss me around? I don’t live under your rules anymore, Headmaster Styles.” I mocked and rolled my eyes.


“‘Anymore’? Wait…” Malina furrowed her brows. But then realization hit her and she grew angry. “You motherfucker! I will beat your head so far into the ground that you’ll be begging to go back to hell!” She went to attack him but I put my arm over her chest, stopping her.


“Do you honestly think you intimidate me, munchkin?” Harry let out a hearty laugh.


“You say that now, but you’ll regret it later.” Malina crossed her arms and Harry’s eyes transferred from her to me.


“That’s something like what I said to you. Funny how that works, huh Miss Greene?” He smirked and anger flew off of me like a heatwave.


“Don’t you ‘Miss Greene’ me! I already told you I was done with you! Malina won’t have to beat your face into the ground because I just might beat her to it!” I growled and he put his hand over his chest like he was hurt, and I let out a scream. “Just get away from me before I lose my mind.” I turned my back towards him and harshly rubbed my temples as I walked away.


“Are you okay?” Malina asked and I nodded my head.


“Yeah. You just go to the car, and I’ll be out in a minute. I have to use the bathroom.” I said, my voice cracked.


“Okay. I’ll be in the car, Gomer.” She winked and walked out of the mall.


I then quickly raced to the bathroom, set my bags down, and ran to the sinks. I rinsed my face about four or five times and dried it off with a couple of paper towels.


Boy, I’m glad that’s over.


I walked out of the bathroom and turned to where my bags were, but I stopped. And my bags were there all right, I just found a curly headed asshole sitting beside them where he didn’t belong.


I rolled my eyes and walked over to my bags, picking them up and turning away from Harry. But he caught my wrist with his warm fingers and my knees locked.


“I have to tell you something, Anastasia.” He muttered beside me, his hand still locked on my wrist while his other hand slid down my arm.


I knocked myself out of my trance and backed away from him. “Go touch Penelope. I’m sure she’ll love that.”


“Not as much as you do..” He swallowed and I looked at him and scoffed.


“What makes you think that I do now?” I scoffed again and he gave me a side grin.


“I can tell.” He grin grew deeper when I took another step back.


“Bullshit. Don’t flatter yourself, Mr. Styles.” I shook my head.


But then his hand landed on my shoulder and I sucked in a breath. His fingertips brushed my bare collarbone and he traced the outline of my shirt.


“I like this…” He muttered, bringing his fingers down to the bottom of it.


I could not move. He was right, I did enjoy his touch. But… It’s too late for that.


“Stop.” I demanded and he dropped his hand to his side. “I don’t care what you say Harry, I am done with you. I can’t keep living like I am now.”


“How? How are you living Ana? Tell me, please.” His expression was concerned but I gave him a cold look.


“Like hell. You have left me heartbroken, and-”


“I left you?” He seemed surprised at my statement. “You pushed me out of your house. So I was forced to leave you heartbroken.”


“You still completely and utterly broke my heart.” I swallowed. “Just go away and give your love to Penelope. Give her all your heart because-”


“Because I didn’t give it to you?” He suggested and I looked down. “Anastasia, bébé,” He reached for me but I jerked my chin up, making him stop. But then he grabbed my free hand and my lips parted. “Vous êtes le seul à tenir mon cœur. I didn’t mean to break this,” He put my hand over my heart. “I was only trying to give this,” He put my hand over his. “I can’t give my heart to Penelope when it was already given to you. How can I give when I have absolutely nothing to offer anymore?”


I had nothing to say to that. He surprised me so much with his words, that I cried.


“I can’t accept your blessing, no. I can not get married to Penelope. I would be scared to anyways. I can’t marry her at all.” He shook his head and I couldn’t help but smile.


But then it disappeared. “And why is that? Is she not as good as you thought she was? Did she tell you to stop fucking her all over the place? Did she tell you that she only wanted you at night? What happened Harry?! Cause I really want to know!” I snapped and he frowned.


“I didn’t even say that I-”


“You know what?! I don’t care,” Tears overpowered my speech. “I don’t care. You love her more than you’ll ever even think about me.”


I walked away from him and he shook his head. “Ana wait. Please. I just basically poured my heart out to you and you’re still going to walk away?”


“I told you no matter what you said, I was done.” It pained me to say those words, but I partially meant them. Or at least I think I did.


“Anastasia.” He said my name so desperately; like he was begging for something. Like he was begging for me to say something.


“Just stop. I know you love her.” He scowled and walked closer to me, but I took a step back. “You can’t lie to me about your feelings towards her, and I wasn’t lying when I said she was way better than I was.”


“I don’t love her…” He muttered, balling his fists.


“I said you couldn’t lie to me. You love her. Admit it.” I threw my hand up.


He grabbed my chin in his hand and emotion flashed through his eyes when he yelled, “Dammit Anastasia! I don’t love her! I love you!”

Notes

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