Sometimes things are just too far out of your reach, and you can’t have them.

March 15, 2012
The Dahm Mansion

It’s been three days…. And I am completely broken. I left when Harry and Penelope went on their date, and Harry hasn’t called me since. He’s either afraid of what I might say, he’s fallen for her, or he just forgot about me. After all we’ve been through… He would just forget about me? Just like that? How is that even possible for someone?


I’ve been here alone.. For three days. And I’ve never been in a darker hell. I don’t know how Harry stood being alone every day in his office.


Now I’m going to have to be alone without him.


I’m never going back to Bently. No more Haley. No more Penelope. No more riding in a canoe through the Bently river. No more yelling, no more fighting. No more kissing. No more swimming or dancing. No more Harry…


Because he’s actually fallen for someone else and that’s just too much for me to handle.


I finished taking my shower, thinking that the hot water would soothe my tense muscles. But it didn’t. I stayed in there too long and the water became cold like my heart.


I have nothing to look forward to when I wake up in the morning. Nothing to look forward to dreaming about except for the fact that I will replay the scene of Penelope and Harry kissing over and over in my head. Probably until it explodes.


And I don’t even know why it bothered me that much. It’s not like I was in love with Harry or anything… Or was I?


No. That’s ridiculous. I would never be in love with… A gorgeous man with a gorgeous heart, and a movie star grin that could kill.


Why the hell does my life have to be so complicated? Why can’t Harry wrap his strong arms around me and pretend that Penelope never happened? Why can’t he just kiss me and whisper words to me in French?


I walked down the stairs and into the kitchen, prepared to make me a sandwich. I probably won’t be able to eat it. I haven’t talked since I left Bently, and I’m afraid if I open my mouth, I’ll start crying, and I won’t be able to stop.


If I eat something, it will be the first in three days. Haley tried to get me to eat something before I left, but I just couldn’t.


And I can’t now.


I forgot the idea of eating something and walked back upstairs towards my room. I walked into my room and walked to my dresser, taking the shirt that I stole from Harry and slipping it over my body.


Maybe I am just infatuated with the idea of him. Maybe I just think I’m happy around him but I’m just too infatuated with him to even know about real happiness.


I nearly jumped out of my skin whenever I heard a crash. I am the only one in this goddamned house. And… Could it be Harry? No. Impossible. He would never come to see me because he’s too occupied with his new girlfriend.


I grabbed the bat out of my closet and walked out of my room. If it’s a complete stranger, I hope he doesn’t think about coming onto me because it’s an insane idea to even walk out of your room in the middle of the night in nothing but a pair of boyshorts and a too-big t-shirt on.


Then I realized, the noise came from my parents room.


When I walked to the doorway, the door was wide open and I nearly choked when I saw who it was.


The. Hell.


“W-what are you doing here?” I stuttered.


He turned towards me with glowing green eyes and a frown. Maybe Harry would come see me in the middle of the night. “I need to talk to you.”


“Bullshit. If you needed to talk to me, you would have talked to me the day I left. Just go home Harry. I am done with you.” I threw my hand in the air and his frown deepened.


“I’m sorry I didn’t call or anything. I was… Busy.” He looked at his feet and I boiled with anger.


“Were you too busy with your whore girlfriend? Because I’m sure you were fucking her all over the damn place! I figured you would be doing that since you kissed her and almost choked her with your tongue the night we actually made love-” I stopped where I was. No. Hell no. I am not wasting anymore tears on him.


“She is not my girlfriend!” He grew angry.


“I don’t really care at this point Harry. I just want to go to sleep. It’s midnight, and I want you to go home. Penelope is probably worried sick about you.” I walked away from the room and headed towards mine.


“Don’t you walk away from me!” He hollered behind me, but my tears began to fall and I walked faster.


When I made it to my room, he slipped through the door before I could even close it.


“Wouldn’t you think I would still feel something for you? You know, since I’m at your goddamned house at midnight?” His voice cracked and I looked down. “What kind of game are you playing with me Ana?!”


Now that, pissed me off. “What kind of game am I playing?!” I balled my hands into fists and cried harder. “You’re the one who is playing games with me! You go on and tell me you won’t marry that bitch without my blessing, and now you’re spending every day with her! You go on and tell me she’s nothing to you and say that I am beautiful and better than her! You go on and have sex with me and then fucking makeout with her like nothing even happened! What the hell is wrong with you?! Why can’t you make up your stupid mind!” I was yelling louder than I wanted to be, I don’t care. I was beyond pissed.


And he didn’t even say anything. He just laughed.


“So now you’re going to make fun of me?! God Harry! I wish you would burn! You deserve to burn for all the lies you’ve told me, and for all the games you played me! And I actually thought I was in love with you!” I yelled, and his expression softened. He took a step towards me but I pushed him back. “And to think how fucking hilarious I was! In love? With you? Please. I would never fall in love with you!”


“You say that now, but you’ll think twice about it later.” I waited for him to say more, but he didn’t. He just stood there and more tears fell from my eyes.


“You need to go home. If you’re not going to tell me anything, or tell me why you’ve been playing me like you have. Then you need to go the fuck home.” I ran my hand over my forehead and tried to control my rapid breathing.


“It’s not like I can tell you how I feel about you Anastasia.” He muttered and if I could yell anymore, I would have torn his stupid little head off.


“Yes you can! That’s the whole point! Just tell me how you feel!” I ran my hands through my hair and left them sitting on top of my head.


“I can’t marry Penelope without your blessing.” He said dryly, and I began to sob.


My heart is broken, and it can never be put back together. He just admitted that he wants to marry Penelope.


“How stupid could I have been to have fallen for someone who doesn’t even feel the same about me? You used me Harry. You used me until I was nothing but dust. And you are the first person to break my heart. I hope you remember that for the rest of your life. Remember that you called me beautiful, and you took it right back. Remember that I fell in love with you for a minute, but you turned that love into pure hate.” He looked utterly broken.


“I don’t want to leave.” He said as I pushed him out of my room.


“Well I don’t care. You can leave now because,” I took a deep breath and he put his forefinger under my chin but I pulled away. “I give you my blessing to marry Penelope.”


His eyes turned disappointed and I closed my bedroom door.

Notes

Any thoughts? xox