Ready Or Not

I fought back tears as she explained the gist of what he’d said to her. That bastard just didn’t know how to keep his mouth shut. It didn't really surprise me though.

“He spared me the details but the thing I do know for sure is the only way you are going to be able to sort things out is to communicate with him. Besides, don’t you want your bag back?”

She was right, she was always right. I hated that. Instead of taking what she said into consideration, I lashed out. As unintentional as it was, I knew I was getting defensive. It was safe to say that I was about to blow things out of proportion.

“I refuse to go to a party, especially if that selfish asshole is going to be there,”

Elaine frowned, slightly taken aback by the fact I had just swore. I usually strayed away from using 'cuss words' – unless it was necessary of course, and right now my situation seemed to fit the criteria quite nicely. I rolled my eyes. This was getting ridiculous.

I knew nothing good was going to come from arguing with her; how pointless it was; that she was incredibly stubborn, but she had Buckley’s chance of dragging me along to that party. All I wanted was to curl up in a ball and disappear – not forever, just for a while, till all this was forgotten about. Apparently, that was too much to ask for.

“Look, I know you’re angry and embarrassed. The last thing you probably feel like doing is facing him but I think you need to at least call him and tell him how you’re feeling about all this. Here, you can use my phone,” she handed it to me, a sympathetic smile strewn across her face, “its best he knows. Guys can’t read minds. Besides, he really likes you and wants to make it work,”

I stared at her phone in my hand for a moment, frustrated that she just wasn’t listening to me. She never did though. Whenever you wanted to tell her something you’d have to really spell it out for her so she got the picture.

“Maybe I don’t want to sort things out; make it work. Ever thought about that?”

At the moment, I didn’t know what I wanted when it came to my relationship with Eugene, but I was sick of her trying to dictate every move I made. She wasn’t my mother, she was my best friend, and it was about time she started acting like it. All I needed was some time to think things over.

“Course you haven’t,” I continued, not bothering to wait for her to answer my rhetorical question, “You never think about anyone other than yourself. I’m not going to get butt hurt over some dumbass who doesn’t know shit about respect when it comes to woman just for the sole purpose of keeping you happy. I’ve got a news flash for you, Elaine: just because you can't control your love life, doesn't give you the right to control mine, so just piss off, okay?”

As soon as I’d finished my rant, I realised I’d overreacted, big time; that she’d had good intentions but just went about it the wrong way. She didn’t answer. She just sat there, her facial expression resembling that of a stunned mullet. She then pouted her bottom lip and let out a quiet whine. Great, now she was sulking.

“Look…” I sighed, “…I just…”

I wasn’t quite sure where I was going with my sentence, so I shut my mouth before I said something else I’d regret.

“I was just…just trying to help you out,” she sniffled, her eyes watering.

I felt helpless as she broke down. It was so strange to see her like this. I wasn’t sure whether to give her space or to comfort her. Usually, she was the tough one, the rock. I wondered if she had PMS or something. That seemed to be the only credible explanation.

She rested her head in her hands and started making an ungodly wailing sound. I covered my ears, cringing every time she rose to the next octave. Concerned was an understatement when it came to how I felt about her mental state.

“Um, are you alright?”

It was a stupid question as the answer was a very obvious no, but it was the only thing I was able to mutter in this Dior time of need. I didn’t think she would’ve appreciated my silence.
And then, all of a sudden, her wailing turned to uncontrollable laughter. She gave me a friendly punch and wiped a single tear from her eye, her face wrinkling every time she breathed.

“I can’t believe you fell for that,” she sniggered between gasps for air, “you really thought I’d care that much. That’s a laugh. Gosh, you really take yourself way too seriously. Lighten up,”

She shook her head, a mischievous grin stretching from ear to ear. I just sat there on my bed, staring at her. She was a crazy good actor. I’d really thought she’d lost the plot. I had no idea how to feel about all that.

“Wow. Um, okay,” I said, my voice suddenly croaky, “Whatever,”

My mouth gaped subconsciously as my mind wandered. What would happen if I did turn up to that party tonight, unannounced? He wouldn’t be expecting to see me there which meant I would catch him off guard, acting as he usually would as if I wasn’t there and wouldn’t be. There was a chance – a bigger one than I cared to admit – that he was with a bunch of girls classified as better looking than me, doing things to them I wouldn’t let him do to me.

The last thing I wanted to do was make a scene. If he was being unfaithful, I’d prefer to witness it first-hand than it go round the school as a rumour, only for me to realise later that it was completely true. That would be humiliating. There had been some similar rumours but none that I’d gotten too fussed about. A part of me still had a bit of trust in him, and the other 85% knew it was too good to be true.

I asked Elaine what the time was.

“Quarter to nine, why?”

I hesitated, took a deep breath before finally replying with, “Let’s do it, let’s go to that party,”

Notes

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