Catching Red Eyes

The next day after work, I felt different. I pushed back my front door, dropped my bags and walked into my bedroom. I still wasn’t able to make it through the day without crying but something inside felt different. I wasn’t quite sure what but I noticed my tears stopped long before they used to. After drying my eyes, I was now pacing my bedroom in my underwear contemplating on whether to wear the new running clothes. I decided I would see what they look like on and then decide. I picked up the tie dye Nike running shorts and put them on first. They were tight but I saw the lure of running in them. It felt like I had nothing on; I then pulled on one of the bright tank tops. I looked at my reflection and knew it was hopeless for me to return them back to Harry now. I slipped on the lightweight Nike sneakers and realized I had lost some weight and my legs looked toned. It wasn’t my intention but I didn’t mind at all.

I grabbed my iPod, slipped my headphones in, and was greeted by Marsh in workout clothes.

“Mind if I join? I missed my usual morning run.”

I shook my head and we made our way down my usual route. It was nice running with Marsh but I noticed the cameras were clicking faster today. I also noticed there were more of them too. My brain pushed away the coincidence of Marsh running with me today and the on slew of cameras. This was my time of day to run all my problems away. I looked over at Marsh as more cameras appeared around the corner street. I slowed my pace and pulled my headphones out.

“Tell me.”

Marsh caught his breath and took a sip of his water bottle.

“Marsh, please. I know this isn’t a coincidence.” I noticed people were staring now as the cameras got closer. I paid no mind.

“It’s Mr. Styles. We are worried about him. He isn’t doing well with the break up.”

“Well, neither am I but you don’t see me going out and getting drunk. I may not show the world I am hurting but every single day I cry over him. But…I also wake up every day and promise myself I am going to try and be happy even if it’s for one second. Harry was the one who walked away from me. I practically begged for him that night but he left anyways. I refuse to made to beg for someone to love me.” I didn’t expect such a statement from myself in the midst of all these people but had I to lose?

Marsh looked down at the ground and nodded. “I understand, Ms. Emerson. He is still very much in love with you…I know this is overstepping my boundaries, but you two have a love that isn’t something you see every day. My wife and I have been married for 15 years and we are still searching for the love you two found in a couple months.”

I looked up at Marsh and fought back my tears. Every part of me wanted to see Harry but I readied myself for this day. “Marsh…I-I don’t know if I can do that again.”

“Just think about what I said, Ms. Emerson. Please, let’s get you back home. People are starting to stare.”

I looked around and there was a small crowd around us now. I nodded and quickly turned back towards home with Marsh at my heels.

When I was safely inside my apartment, I grabbed a towel and whipped my arms, neck, and face. I grabbed a water and took a sip. Marsh’s words were still ringing in my ears. I knew I wasn’t doing well with the breakup but how bad was Harry doing?

I walked into my bedroom, grabbed my MacBook, and searched his name. The headlines were enough to make me want to throw my computer.

ROMEO AND JUILET STORY: ONE ALIVE, ONE BARELY BREATHING

HOW IS HARRY DOING WITH THE BREAKUP FROM AMERCIAN GIRL DOLL, ROWAN?

HARRY STYLES SPOTTED GETTING INTO ANOTHER BAR BRAWL

I clicked on the second link and seeing myself on some sleazy website never got old. There I was from only a few minutes ago, running in my new attire with Marsh. That photo was collaged with one of Harry sitting at some bar. I scanned the article and saw that Marsh wasn’t kidding. Harry was apparently out almost every night, drinking and getting into fights.
I closed the website out and opened my Messages. A few were from Laurie making sure I knew she was still alive and a couple from my mom. I scanned for Harry’s number and hit the FaceTime button. I wasn’t sure what I was doing but I needed to talk to him. The screen opened but it was too dark to see anything. I did see that he was in a room laying down.

“Rowan?”

His voice sounded full of sleep and raspy. My heart fluttered when he said my name. I controlled the urge to cry.

“Harry, what is going on? I’m worried about you.”

He must have turned on a light because his beautiful face came into view. His eyes were bloodshot and it looked like he had fallen asleep in his clothes. His hair was ruffled and was sticking up in all directions. Even in his state, I still felt the pull in my groin. He rubbed his eyes and ran his fingers through his hair. I watched as he woke up.

“Rowan…”

He repeated my name and I tried to focus on just talking to him even though I wished I was there with him right now, not talking.

“Harry, I’m worried about you. Marsh told me you’ve been drinking and getting in fights. Please talk to me.”

He rubbed his eyes again and looked down. I assumed he was drunk and waited for him to focus. He looked at the screen again and his green eyes were bright and shining. He was drunk.

“Rowan…I’m sorry. I love you so much and I don’t know what I was thinking when I left you. I need you.”

I took a deep breath and gathered my thoughts. I should have prepared myself for this. I looked down now and the tears fell. Fuck. I really wasn’t prepared for this.

“Harry, listen…I…I don’t know about all that right now but I want you to take care of yourself. Please, stop all this drinking and fighting. You’re better than that, ok?”

I watched as Harry wiped his eyes on the back of his hand and put his head down. “I fucked up. I thought I could do this but I need you.”

This wasn’t working. I needed to focus.

“Harry…we can talk when you are sober. Right now you are too drunk but promise me that you will stop drinking, ok? I’m getting a phone tomorrow and I will call you but I want you to be sober. Please.”

Harry got closer to the camera and I was taken aback by how beautiful his face looked. I had forgotten how lovely his green eyes were and I felt my breath catch in my chest.

“I will because you’re going to call me. I promise. All I want is you, Rowan Emerson. Right now, and tomorrow and the next day. And forever.”

“Ok. Get some sleep, we will talk tomorrow.”

“I love you, Rowan.”

I smiled and nodded. I wasn’t ready to say the words back quite yet. Harry didn’t seem to notice as he leaned into the screen and rested his head down. He had passed out asleep when I saw his eyes shut and heard his breathing slow down. I watched him for a few minutes and kept smiling at the screen. I couldn’t deny the fact that I loved this person and did want the same things he wanted. I shook my head and laughed as I shut my screen. What was I going to do with this boy I was so madly in love with?

Notes