Catching Red Eyes

“So, are you two staying? Its late, you guys should stay instead of driving all the way back,” my mom asked me. We were in the kitchen putting away the leftovers and cleaning up the dishes.

“Uh, is that ok if Harry stays?” I honestly hadn’t even thought of staying and didn’t realize just how late it had gotten.

“Of course, honey. I would love you two to stay.”

“Let me see what Harry thinks.” I turned to find Harry but he wasn’t in the family room anymore. I checked out the back bay window and I saw him standing on the porch. “Hold on, mom, I’ll be right back.”

I opened the back door to the patio and saw Harry’s back with his hands in his pocket looking up at the sky. It was dark now and the stars were out. It was wonderfully warm with a small breeze. My mom turned on the outside lights and I recognized the tiny lanterns from my graduation party and the string of lights still there too. The pool lights were on too which helped to illuminate Harry’s outline.

“Hey…you ok?” I asked him quietly before standing next to him and looking over at his beautifully lit face. He turned and looked at me with a solemn look. I instantly tensed and it felt like my heart stopped for a second. “Harry…” I said in almost a whisper. “What’s wrong?”

“Rowan…everything is fine. I just…meeting your parents was something I’ve been wanting to do for quite some time now and it just made me realize that I want this life…this life with you. I want a home to come to everyday and you’re there…I want to have all my meals with you…I want you….”

Woah.

“Harry…I-I want all those things too with you…I’ve never wanted it more.”

His eyes brightened and his took my hands in his. My heart was beating so fast and the electricity between us was at its fullest capacity. It felt like I was floating.

“Come on tour with me.”

What.

My jaw dropped and I dropped my gaze from Harry’s. I took a step back and looked back at him. My mouth hung open and I shook my head to control the thoughts. I wanted nothing more to go with Harry but…

“Harry…I-I can’t…you know I can’t…my internship…m-my job is here…”

He looked at me with his deep green eyes and I saw them loose their light as he turned away from me. I went to reach for his arm but he pulled away.

“Harry, please. You know I want to…”

“Then just come. What’s stopping you?”

“You know how hard I’ve worked for what I have with Marc and George. I could get an actual paying job with them now. I can’t just pack up and leave now…that wouldn’t look good on my part…”

He looked at me with pure confusion on his face. His face twisted into anger as he jammed his hands into his pockets.

“You don’t need a job when you’re with me…I could get you any job you wanted, Rowan. You don’t need this job.”

“Excuse me? Harry, this isn’t about what you could do for me because of who you are…this is about me making a name for myself as a self-sufficient journalist…not using you as my connection to get something I may or may not deserve.”

He looked at me again with his now dark green eyes. I wasn’t used to his eyes being like this. I took another step back.

“Look,” I continued, “I love that you want those things with me and I want those things too and I appreciate you wanting to get me a job…but this is about me succeeding on my own…”
He wasn’t looking at me now.

“Can you say something?”

He met my eyes and said the only thing that would crumble my world to pieces.

“I don’t how this is going to work…”

My emotions instantly changed to happy to sad to anger.

“What! Because I won’t go on your tour with you? Because I want to make it as Rowan Emerson and not as Harry Styles’ girlfriend?? How dare you think I would just succumb to what you want?? Do you know how incredibly selfish you sounded telling me those things? Who are you right now? The Harry I know wouldn’t ask me to just go and leave all my hard work behind…and now you’re threatening me with ending things??”

I stormed away from Harry and walked around the house to the front yard. I slammed the perimeter fence door and sat down on the front steps. Who did he think he was? Thinking I would just leave and go with him? Yes, I wanted to go with him but my job and my work came first because this is what I wanted since I was a freshman at NYU. Yes, I loved him with every fiber of my being but I had to look out for myself too. I was angrier that he thought he could just use his name to get me a job. Sure it would be easier but I don’t take the easy road. Who knew if Harry and I would actually last and I had nothing to fall back on but a job that he got me?I would look like an idiot. He was so selfish to just expect I would come with him.

I almost jumped when I heard the fence door slam open and Harry headed in the direction of his car. My breathing quickened and I instantly stood up. I wanted to yell after him but he was already inside his car as it roared to life. I ran to the passenger side and went to reach for the handle but he quickly stepped on the gas pedal and sped off.

I was left standing in my parents’ driveway now really looking like an idiot.

Notes