Catching Red Eyes

As I was almost halfway down the street, I heard a rumbling and saw very dark clouds moving towards me. Awesome. Could this day get any worse than it already has? I spoke too soon as I felt small raindrops start falling on my head. I tried to shield my eyes by holding my clutch over my head but it was no use. Before long, it was steadily raining a very cold rain. That’s when I heard the car behind me.

I turned and saw a silver Audi coming straight for me. I quickly moved out of its way before it started slowing down. I should have known who would be behind the wheel of it.

“Rowan, seriously, what the hell do you think you’re doing?? Its pouring, get in the car now!”

“I am not going anywhere with you!” I yelled over the roar of the harder falling rain. I sped up my feet as if it would outrun an Audi but in that moment I was so hurt and couldn’t even bear to look at him.

“You lied to me, Harry. I had to find out from your own mother that you are, in fact, allowed to date but it has to fit a criteria!”

By this time, Harry had abandoned the car and was following me. His hair was already wet from the shower and now it was sopping wet from the rain falling. I, too, was now dripping with rain. Anyone driving down the street must have thought us mental.

“Rowan, please stop!! You have to listen to me!!” He yelled as he grabbed my arm to face him. I was inches away from his face. The face I wanted to look at every day, every hour, and every minute but right now it was something that made my heart shatter. I didn’t want to listen to him. I wanted Laurie to appear and swoop me away from this insane scene.

“Harry, I don’t want to listen. This is why I don’t do relationships and boyfriends and love because people get hurt and people cry. Please just leave me be!” My back was now to him and I was staring down the street wishing Laurie’s Volkswagen into view.

“Rowan, please. I need you to just listen to me. Yes, I am allowed to date and yes they have to fit a certain criteria…but none of that matters because I love you…”

I slowly turned around. Love? Harry loved me? My mind wrapped around that word and my jaw had slightly dropped. Sure, I’ve heard it before from my exes but I only said it back to please them. I never really knew what love was…did I love Harry?

“And because I love you, they can’t tell me who I can and cannot be with…I just need to convince them that I do love you but I can’t do that if you walk away from me right now.”

“Why do you love me?” It was the only thing I could think of to say because I was so scared to say it back because I knew I would actually mean it…and that was too much for me right now. Right?

“Why? Because you are you…you are driven and you know what you want in life and when you look at me, it’s like I am a normal person and not some product. When people look at me, they don’t see me…they see what they want and what they read about me but you…you look deeper. When you look me in the eyes, you see the person I am trying to be. I have met so many people in this world and you, you, Rowan, are the only one who actually sees me as just Harry not 1/5 of a band.”

I stood on the street and let his words wash over me. No one in my entire life has ever said anything like that to me. I wish I knew what to say back but I was completely taken aback by this whole confession. I wasn’t good at this stuff. I was good at school and working on the paper and writing news articles. I was ok with money but could probably be better. Rowan, focus.

“Harry, I-I don’t know what to say.” Just as I was open to try and say anything, Laurie’s car was approaching us. She jumped from the car with, thank God, a towel from her back seat.

“Jesus, Rowan, you’re going to freeze to death out here! Oh, hey Harry…uhh, I must be interrupting something so we are going to go…come on Rowan.”

“Hang on, Laurie. I’ll be right over.” Harry’s face dropped when he heard I would be leaving with Laurie. Laurie looked back and forth between Harry and me but with a quick look from me, she went back to her car.

“Love, please lets at least sit in my car so we both don’t freeze.” I agreed and gave Laurie a “one second” finger and ran to Harry’s car. It was warm which I was thankful for. We sat for a few minutes warming up from the rain. I knew I had to break the silence.

“Harry…why didn’t you tell me the truth?”

“I –I don’t know. I wish I would have but I didn’t want to hurt you, Rowan.”

“But Harry if you lied to me about this or even left something out then what else can you be capable of then? This may not seem like a huge deal but Harry…I get it, you didn’t want to hurt me but what if I went with you today wherever we were supposed to go and sat there and someone looked at me and said I didn’t meet their criteria…I would have looked like a fool. You wouldn’t have told me any of this if your mother hadn’t said anything. I don’t know much about love and relationships but I know trust is the most important…”

“You’re right, love. I’m so sorry. I should have told you and I was going to but I didn’t want you to question who you are because it doesn’t matter what they think.”

“But I don’t want to be a secret. It all goes back to the same thing and it hurts and it sucks so much because I think…I love you too…”

His eyes lit up and he smiled. I smiled back but had tears in my eyes because I knew this wasn’t going to work.

“But…”

“Please, don’t. I will talk to them today again and I want you there but I understand if you want to go…just don’t make a decision yet, ok?”

I stared at him then out the window. The rain was slowing down now and I saw the clouds moving.

I looked back at Harry.

"Ok."

Notes