The Sass Account
I walked into a pub later that night; these LA pubs are really flashy. I feel like everything is new and foreigners are looked on as people from another planet.
I liked this one though. It was called Britannia. How appropriate? I just wanted a good drink and be around people.
Crazy huh? It’s so weird not being here without Paul. But I kinda liked it. I liked being anonymous. Though that probably won’t happen being in the position I’m in. Doesn’t stop me from trying.
I sat on the stool and scooted up to the bar deck. I took off my beanie hat, ruffling my already messy hair. I haven’t shaved in days, the five o’clock shadow probably made me look a bit knackered to folks here. I looked around the pub and noticed everyone is where they should be. A few blokes off in the corner having a chat to each other, a couple others at the billiards table about to tee off; a couple guys watching a Football match and getting sucked in; it seemed like it all made sense. It was like Cheers only there wasn’t anyone under 60 here now.
“What can I get ya mate?” I heard next to me and turned to the voice. I told him my drink and he placed the bottle in front of me.
The bartender had the strongest bluest eyes I’ve ever seen. He was looking at me while he cleaned shot glasses. He came off as someone who’d been here and around the block. And he was English, how authentic? I loved it. I felt safe, like I was back in Doncaster again. I am over 21 finally. It’s finally legal to do all of the things I continue doing outside America. The barkeep would have spotted me before I was of age though, he seemed like the bloke who would.
He sounded like he was from Devon and all I heard was Chris Martin while he talked to someone else who sat down. It was a married couple. They looked to be in their late 60s. I was mesmerized by them. I felt a bit green to the sight. How long had they been married? They looked like they were in it for the long haul.
I thought I was in my last relationship. Trust and keeping something going because you want to go hand-in-hand are what I value. Eleanor couldn’t keep up her end of our relationship. Truth is, I haven’t been a happy person in a relationship since being with Hannah. She understood me before this life; before all this fame and poise. I was happy with Eleanor, it’s just, I don’t think people fall out of love completely. Maybe some people are just not meant to be together. I thought she wanted it too. I was happy. I really was. I boosted about it on Twitter especially when that Larry bromance bull shit got out of hand. The fans have a mind of their own. I may have let it get to me.
But at the same time I tried not to let it bother me. It got to the point where Harry and our close friendship was completely destroyed. I could barely look at him like I used to without fans freaking out at every turn. I am not gay. Far from it. And quite frankly I don’t think you can call those people fans when they spread such vicious lies. It’s only been 2 months since Eleanor and I ended things. Sure I was angry, of course I was angry. I wish she wasn’t so secretive during the last trials of our relationship. She got clingy at weird times too. Which added to the weirdness. She used to be so sweet, caring and understanding. Matronly even, like a mum. The lads were there for me when I needed them and I was grateful. Bless them.
I couldn’t look at this couple anymore; it was starting to make me sick. I nursed my Jagermeister pint and just stared forward. I didn’t want to be noticed tonight. I didn’t want to be associated with fame right now. I wanted to be normal. I wanted Louis from Doncaster’s life to come back.
I pulled out my phone, scrolling down Twitter. As usual, I got the same old shit. Didn’t anyone have real conversations anymore? I guess technology has yielded that for our generation single handedly. It’s kind of creepy when you think about it.
You know of my love for Twitter but there is an evil side to it and when you’re a verified name. Drum roll: you actually can’t be your authentic self anymore, which feels the best. I am a naturally passionate and serious guy believe it or not. I know people may not believe that because they see me cracking a jokes here and there. I’m an immature young adult. That’s me too. I love that but I’m also dark and have my serious moments too. I wanna actually discuss real things with actual people. Instead of them fawning over how fit I am. Can someone really look in my eyes without commenting on how sexy they are?
Can someone hate them? I want to know if there is a person who can really see the darkness inside me, point it out and bring me down from this pedestal of being a perfect role model. Because I hate to break to everyone who doesn't know, I am deeply flawed. Probably more than the average guy. But did I want people to go there? Tear me down?
Maybe I want to be treated like utter shit. People hate on me for obvious reasons: I’m living my dreams and I am undeservingly rich. I have more than I should. What is it like for someone completely the opposite from my life? What demons do they fight with daily?
My phone buzzed and I sulked slightly before sliding the answer tab.
“I still can’t believe you did this…what if management finds out?”
“They won’t. No one is going to tell them, right?” I didn’t care if I sounded appallingly serious.
“I guess so, but mate, I mean, what’s wrong with your real one? Don’t you find that enough? It’s great…we have such amazing fans who love and adore us. They’d do anything for us. Why the change? I don't know...” Why was Harry confessing all this?
“What’s your problem with me doing this? It can’t be management.”
“Man…it’s your twitter. Shouldn’t you just have one? Why two? Why do you care about what the fans really think? What matters is that the real ones who love us. Looking at the hate will just make you paranoid.”
I knew he wouldn’t truly understand why I’m doing this. “Never mind Harry. You tweet and people clobber over it. I tweet and it’s the same shit. Zayn doesn’t even tweet anymore, let alone fans. No one understands what Liam tweets anymore since that Duck Dynasty bull shit. And Niall, well, he’s a lifer. Why does being liked matter so much to you?”
I really wanted to know. Had we gotten so famous that we lost sight of who we are and now all we care about is being worshiped?
Harry’s silence said everything. He sighed deeply and I knew he wouldn’t ever get it. Probably because he himself has gone mad with the attention. He does get more than any of us but that's always because the media pumped his popularity over the rest of the band.
“Did you tweet anything? Or even see anything?”
“I haven’t yet to either. But I will. I wanna know Harry. Stop pestering me about this. Just keep it between us.”
I heard commotion on the other end and knew he barely paid attention to anything I said. As dense as Harry can be he’s also loyal and a good friend, just not always. He can be a pain for the sake of being one. “Alright Lou, gotta go. Good luck with that. If you get any digits, send it my way.”
He seems to think I’m actually gonna pull some girls out of this. Further proof I need to end the conversation now. And that’s what I did. No goodbye, just a measly “see ya” before hanging up.
I downed the last bit of my drink before ordering another.
I sent out my first tweet. I had maybe a few lone followers. Mostly spam follows. I decided to hash tag/search my name and I was bombarded with messages I didn’t fully prepare for.
@CarrotsForLou He doesn’t know it yet but Louis Tomlinson will father my children.
@SlyGrlForHaz Louis Tomlinson is super gay all. Larry will always be true no matter how much he denies it.
@malikmybody Uh does Louis care about me at all? I’m starting to think he’s taking the breakup with Eleanor harder than I thought.
@bringonthepayne when will Louis Tomlinson get on twitter and stop sulking about Eleanwhore!:DD
@Carrotcaligrl If Louis knows what’s good for him, he will stay into hiding. That boy needs a spanking for what he did to that gurl!
@gr8tatsharreh uhhh if Louis doesn’t tweet already I’m gonna have a mini heart attack. We love him so much! He must know! :D
@CharNCharge Sometimes I wish Louis Tomlinson knew what it feels like to struggle.
My attention stopped at that message. It stood out from the rest. For one, she didn’t have anything one direction-related in her handle, she put her real name, at least I think so, in the name bar. Just Charlotte. Kind of pretty. Like Cher or Jewel. All you need is one name.
I looked at her list of tweets, all 33 of them. Wow. She fucking hates my guts. What a strong passion of hate for someone who refuses to have a picture of herself in the icon window.
This one did make me chuckle out loud though.
@CharNCharge Good Lord fans are just waiting for a taste of Louis Tomlinson’s table scrapes that are his tweets.
She was quite witty. If it was indeed a girl tweeting all this. I feel it is. But I wouldn’t classify that as a hate tweet.
I’ve seen hate for me firsthand. This was different. It looked like all she was doing was ranting, she wasn’t being obsessive either. Not all of her tweets were about me, only a handful of them.
I wonder what a wake up call it would be to follow her on my verified account. But as I read over her tweet/rants it became obvious. I tapped her follow button as Troy.
Let the chips fall where they may.
My shoulder was tapped and I turned around, staring into a striking pair of emerald eyes. Her strained, straw-like hair fell passed her shoulders and she looked fully ready, for something. She didn’t look like a directioner but at the same time she didn’t look like my type either. Easy pass.
“Not tonight babe.” I let the babe slip out, old habit.
“You sure about that honey?” She said that like she got paid by the hour.
I don’t do random hookups, that’s Harry’s trademark. She touched my shoulder but I removed it as fast as she put it there.
“Completely.” I looked at her, my eyes staring hard as I saw some fear build in hers. She stepped away, giving me the stink eye.
Right so. I bet she smells down there anyhow. I’m not missing much from sloppy celebrity seconds. I bet Harry already worked this one. Gag me. Not my business.
I checked my phone for any recent notifications. I turned off my verified ones. I don’t have normal notifications but with the famous accounts I talk to there are selective settings on those. I don’t want to be reminded of that. I checked for the real reason: Charlotte didn’t reply yet. What if she blocked me? Who knows, she may confront me.
I’ll be waiting when she does. Hoping its still a girl. I still support that it is. Gay men aren’t as witty as that, not that I would know.