Love Hate

Harry and I have been talking for about an hour and fifteen minutes and I still haven't told him.

"I have to go soon" he told me.

"Okay" I said giving him a small smile.

I sighed then spoke again.

"Harry I really need to tell you something" I told him.

"Um okay, what is it" he asked.

"Promise me you won't hate me after I tell you this" I said.

"I could never hate you" he said.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

"I cut myself" I said opening my eyes so I could see his reaction.

"Y-You what" he asked.

"I cut myself" I repeated.

He didn't say anything which made me nervous.

"Harry" I said.

"Why" he asked looking at whatever was in front him. His eyes were becoming red.

"Because of the Jess thing" I told him.

He sighed and rubbed his hands down his face.

A tear fell from his eye.

"I'm sorry" I apologized.

"When did this happen" he asked sniffling at the end.

"Saturday, after you talked to me" I said feeling a tear roll down my cheek.

After that he didn't try to keep the tears in, he just let them fall.

"H-How many c-cuts" he asked.

"Five" I told him.

"How deep were they" he asked me.

"Each one was deeper than the one before it" I said letting a few more tears roll down my cheeks.

"Baby, I told you to stay strong, and them right after I tell you that you go and do this" he said disappointed.

"I know, I don't know what I was thinking, it just happened then I regretted it instantly" I said.

"But you still did it" he said.

"So you're mad at me" I asked sadly.

"I could never be mad at you baby girl" he said.

"Do you still love me" I asked my voice cracking at the end.

"Of course I do" he said. "Did you tell your mom and Daniel" he asked.

I nodded my head.

"How'd they react" he asked.

"The same way you did" I told him.

"Oh" he said. "I have to go, I'll talk to you later" he told me.

"Okay, I love you" I told him.

"I love you too" he said then hung up.

I sighed and laid down. To be honest I thought I would cry more than I did, and I thought he would cry less than he did.

Harry's POV

I walked to where the boys were.

I definitely did not want to perform right now. Not after what Gabby just told me she did.

I wish I could hold her and tell her that everything was going to be okay. That this Jess thing would just play out.

I don't even remember the last time I cried that much. I can't believe she cut herself. I hope that's the only time she's ever cut herself.

"You okay mate" Louis asked me.

"Yeah I'm fine" I smiled trying to convince him that I was.

"5 minutes" Paul told us.

We followed the guards to where we entered. We did our little huddle thing.

I could hear the video start and thousands of girls scream.

I grabbed my cross necklace and kissed it like I always did.

They handed us our microphones and ear pieces.

I put mine in my ear and turned my microphone on.

The band started to play 'Up All Night'.

We walked up the stairs to the entrance of the stage.

The thing started to rise, slowly revealing us. I took a deep breath and put on a fake smile.

We all walked onto the stage making the girls scream louder.

I waved at the fans making some of them turn to their friends and scream.

***
We had just finished 'Over Again'. That meant 'Little Things' was next, and I'm 100% sure I'm not going to make it through this song. I've barely made it through this concert.

"The next song we will be singing for you is Little Things" Niall announced making the fans cheer.

Your hand fits in mine

Like it's made just for me

But bear this in mind

It was meant to be

Zayn sang.

His part made me think of Gabby and I when we held hands. My hand was way bigger than hers but they still felt right together.

It was then that I realized I'm not just upset because she cut herself, I'm also upset because I miss her.

I know you've never loved

The crinkles by your eyes

When you smile

You've never loved

Your stomach or your thighs,

The dimples in your back

At the bottom of your spine

But I love them endlessly

This reminded me of the time when I told her I loved the crinkles by her eyes when she laughed. It also reminded me of her because she hated her stomach and her thighs, but I thought they were perfect, just like her.

You can't go to bed

Without a cup of tea

And maybe that's the reason

That you talk in your sleep

And all those conversations

All the secrets that I keep

Though it makes no sense to me

This reminded me of her because she talked in her. I haven't told her, and I don't plan on telling her.

It was my solo now. Ok Harry you can do this.

I know you've never loved the

Sound of your voice on tape

You never want to know how

Much you weigh

I sang my voice cracking at the end. Fuck.

A picture of Gabby sitting on her bathroom floor cutting herself flashed into my mind.

I felt tears escape my eyes.

The fans finished my solo for me.

The boys finished the song. The fans sung at all the parts I sang while I sat there and cried.

"We're going to take a short break" Niall said into the microphone.

I got up and walked off the stage quickly.

I walked into the bathroom. I headed to sink area and looked at myself in the mirror.

I looked horrible. My eyes were bloodshot and puffy, and my cheeks were tear stained.

The door opened making me turn around.

The boys piled into the small bathroom.

"What just happened out there" Liam asked.

"Nothing" I said.

I didn't want to tell them because if I did I knew one of them would ask why she did it, then I would have to explain the argument that happened between her and Jess, then Niall would be hurt. Also because I didn't want anyone to cry, I know they would because they love Gabby like she's their little sister.

"Its definitely something" Zayn said.

"I can't tell you" I said.

"Why not" Niall asked.

"Because I can't" I said. "You guys should be happy I'm not telling you because I'm saving you from looking like this" I told them gesturing to my face.

The bathroom became silent.

"Are you ready to go back onstage or do you need more time" Louis asked.

"I'm fine" I answered.

We walked back onstage and finished the show.

Notes