Love Hate

Two weeks. It's been two weeks since the last time I talked to Jess.

Yesterday was the last day of school. It definitely didn't end the way I wanted it to, but hey, I can't go back in time to change anything.

The last couple of weeks I tried to look at Jess' wrist to see if I could see any fresh scars, but she wore sweaters so I couldn't. I'm pretty sure that meant she did. I cried myself to sleep one night because of the thought.

Right now I was sitting on my bed doing nothing. I felt like I was going through a break up.

My hair looked a mess and I'm pretty sure I smelled horrible even though I took a shower last night.

I've been in my bed since the moment I got home yesterday. My mom brought me food and stuff and would try to get me to get out of bed and have some fun, but right now I wanted to do anything but that.

I'm definitely lost without Jess.

My phone started to ring and I quickly grabbed it thinking that it was Jess, but when I saw that it was Harry I kinda felt sad. Yeah I know, I should be super excited that he's calling but I wanted it to be Jess.

I pressed the accept button and put the phone to my ear.

"Hi" I said.

"Hey baby" he said through the phone.

"Whatcha doin" I asked trying to sound as happy as I could.

"Are you okay" he asked.

"Yeah I'm fine" I said unconvincingly.

"What's wrong" he asked.

"Nothing, I'm fine" I lied.

"No you're not" he said.

"Oh my gosh Harry I don't want to talk about it" I groaned into the phone.

"Well I want to know what's wrong with you" he said.

"Well I don't want to talk about what's wrong with me" I said getting annoyed. Now I see how Jess felt when I kept asking her questions.

I felt a pang of pain in my chest when I thought about her.

"Please just talk to me" he said.

I started to cry.

"Gabby are you okay? Why're you crying? What's wrong?" he asked worriedly.

"J-J-Jess" I sobbed out.

"Babe it's okay, shh, just calm down" he said trying to calm me down.

"No it's not okay Harry" I said crying harder.

"Baby please just calm down" he said in a soothing voice.

My sobs soon turned into cries, then turned into whimpers, then to complete silence.

"What happened" he asked softly.

"Jess and I got into an argument" I said. It came out so I'm quiet I'm not even sure he heard me. But I knew he did when he said something.

"I thought you guys always argued, why is this argument making you cry" he asked.

"This argument happened two weeks ago. We haven't said a word to each other in two whole weeks, and it's killing me Harry" I said holding back the tears that were dying to spill again.

"What'd you two argue about" he asked.

I explained the whole thing to him. Even the part about when she said that I spend to much time with him. He stayed quiet the whole time and just listened to me vent.

"So all this happened because you thought something was going on between Jess and Niall" he asked after I finished.

"Yeah" I said. "And I think she cut herself too" I said.

"She cuts" Harry asked.

"She did it a few times when we were fifteen because she was really hurt" I said.

"So why do you think she's doing it again" he asked.

"Because she was super upset and hurt that Niall didn't love her back. Everyday after the argument she's wore sweaters. It's almost summer, no one wears sweaters unless they're trying to hide something on their arms" I said.

"So if she did cut, it's practically because of Niall" he asked.

I started to nod my head but then realized he couldn't see me so I said "yeah."

"Should I tell him" he asked me.

"No" I said loudly. "Don't tell him, I don't want him to think this is his fault" I said.

"Fine" he breathed out. "I should probably get going though" he said.

"Okay, thank you for listening to my problems" I said.

"That's what boyfriends are for" he said chuckling making me smile.

"I love you Harry" I said.

"I love you too baby, stay strong for me" he said then hung up.

I put my phone next to me and turned onto my back.

I stared up at the ceiling.

I tired to think about things to do this summer, but everything I thought about, it was always something I did with Jess.

I couldn't take this anymore. I missed Jess to much, I was in too much pain.

I soon found myself on my bathroom floor with a razor in my hand.

Was I really about to do this?

My mind was telling me not to do this, that it wasn't going to help with anything. I knew it wasn't going to help but I was to hurt to care.

At this moment my hand had a mind of it's own as it pressed the razor to my skin and pulled down.

It wasn't a super deep cut but it was deep enough that it started to bleed.

I began to cry as I repeated the action. When I had realized what I was doing I dropped the razor. Five cuts ran down my arm, each deeper than the one before it.

The fifth one, the one that was the deepest was a combination of pain from Jess and the pain I've experienced over the years. All the bullying, all the names I was called, it all flooded back into my mind at that moment.

It was bleeding a lot, not a lot where I could pass out any second, but it was still a lot.

I ran over to my sink and turned the cold water on and rinsed my arm off.

I stared at each cut. What have I done?

Why the hell did I do this? How am I going to explain this to my mom? If Jess and I make up and she sees these she's going to think it's her fault. Through this process of naming off people I would have to explain this to, I forgot about one person.

Harry.

How was I going to tell him this? It would break his heart if he knew I did this. I can't do that to him.

I quickly wrapped my arm up and walked out of the bathroom.

I got under my covers. Hopefully no one wanted to come in here.

I snuggled into my pillow and I ended up falling asleep.

Notes

Sorry I made her cut I had no more ideas and I thought this would make the story more interesting. : / :)