Dear Journal,
Now that I am on the cheerleading team, I have a lot more friends then I did before. Harry was my only true friend (though I did talk to some of his friends when he was around) but once he left they stopped talking to me. Now I didn't need them anymore. I have plenty of my own friends. I even have a boyfriend. His name is Dorian and he is like Harry in a few ways- personality wise.
He's smart and funny and the cutest thing every. He has brown eyes, dark brown hair and the most perfect chiseled abs. I swear he is perfect. Why have been dating for about two months now and my mum and father absolutely adore the boy. We hangout all the time when we aren't busy, he comes to football games to support my cheerleading and he sleeps over at my house all the time. I sleep over at his house all the time too- but we don't have sex or anything. He doesn't know about my father raping me and he doesn't need to know. He hasn't even tried to get me in bed but he always tells me that he would love to be the one when I'm ready. He's so sweet!
My phone vibrates on my bed and I set my journal to the side, rushing to my bed. I smile seeing the name '♥️Dorian Greyson ♥️' come up on the screen. I answer the phone and plop down in my bed. "Baby!" I squeal happily, hearing his deep chuckle before he spoke.
"Hey, beautiful. What are you up to lovely?" He asks me in a soft sweet voice. Butterflies erupt in my stomach just but the sound of his voice.
"Nothing, just lazing around the house." I say and sit up, grabbing the remote to the small TV set that was on my bedside.
"Oh, I see. Are parents home?" He asks me and I squint my eyes shaking my head as I flip through the TV channels.
"No, why? Want to come over?" I ask figuring that that is what he wanted.
"Yeah, I kind of need to talk to you about something. It's important." I nod and hop off the bed, going to the bathroom.
"Okay. Yeah. Just come on by. I'll leave the door unlocked so you just come in when you get here." I tell him and we say our I love you's and our goodbyes before we hang up. I look at myself in the mirror, taking the glasses off of my face and grab my contacts. I put the contacts in and fix up my makeup.
I suppose shorts and a tank top was good enough to wear. It wasn't anything too revealing, so I was good. I go downstairs and unlock the door before I rush back upstairs to my room awaiting Dorians arrival.
*
"So, yeah. This isn't really easy to tell you but... Oh my god." He whispers, holding both of my hands in his as he squeezes them, looking me in my eyes. I was frightened by what he had to tell me. Was it that bad? Did he cheat on me? What the hell! Spite it out Dorian! I look at him my eyes wide in anticipation as I await for him to continue. "My mum...shes um gotten a job transfer to America."
My heart drops down into my stomach. Why? Why is it whenever I get close to someone- So attached they always leave me. I couldn't make him stay or anything. This was different from Harry leaving. The situation was totally different. "I'm sorry." He mumbles softly.
"Yeah, it's okay. I'm used to it." I say to him leaning my head on his shoulder. "People leaving me isn't something new." I tell him and kiss his cheek. He caresses his cheek and frowns softly.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He says again and I shake my head, putting my arms around his neck, giving him a hug. I wouldn't let go ever, at least not tonight. "Can I stay the night?" He asks and I nod slowly as he rubs my back. "Good. I love you so much." He says and I smile softly at him.
"I love you too." I whisper back, looking him in his eyes. He smiles and leans into me slowly, kissing me softly. I kiss him back slowly, his hands gripping my waist and pulling me on to his lap. I frown slightly, looking at him a little confused. I put my hands on his shoulders and look him in his eyes. "What are you doing?"
"I am just kissing you." He says holding on to me. "We will see where that takes us. I just really want to have you before I move." He says smiling at me. "We can go slow. I know you're scared." I look him deep in his eyes for a long moment and nod my head slowly. I would love to have sex with him. Trust me his perfect as well as his body is. I'm just scared that it will trigger bad memories for me but I'm willing to try for him.
"Okay but promise to take it slow." I whisper and he nods, smiling.
"I promise, baby."

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