I didn't hear from Niall for over a week, and in all honesty I wasn't going to be the one to make contact first.
I was pissed. He was pissed. We both were pissed. Why can't we just be pissed together? Oh that's right, it's because the son of a bitch won't call me. Asshole. Dick. Douche. Stupid slut dresser. I hate him. No I don't... I'm just pissed off... I need to calm down.
"Where's my cat when I need her?" I muttered to myself, letting out a breath of frustration. It had been quite some time since I was this frustrated.
I hated it. I hate this... The phone rang though, and I didn't even hesitate to pick it up. "Slut dresser?" I asked, my voice seeming almost desperate. "No?" I cringed at the voice, not exactly happy to be hearing it right now.... Then again I never wanted to hear his voice. "Alex." My voice was cold, my entire mood changing. "Nice to hear from you too Harry." "What the fuck do you want?" "Is it like against the law to call you?" "Yes." "Well then send me to prison." "I'd prefer a coffin."
"Still bitter?" "You have no fucking idea." "I'm sure I've got a slight idea, I mean you did just say you'd like me dead... Jesus Hazza, you'd think a few years would loosen you up a bit."
"Funny how that worked out."
"You really should get over it."
"And you really should go fuck yourself. Goodbye Alex, don't call again." I hung up the phone before he even got the chance to say anything more. The phone rang again, but this time I ignored it. I didn't want to talk to Alex anymore.
Fuck him.
I actually hate him.
"Harry? It's Niall... Look I'm sorry about what I said the last time we talked and I'm sorry that it's taken me this long to actually call you... I didn't want to sound desperate to you... Can you please just call me back? I think we need to talk."
"Fuck you." I whispered, biting my lip as I suddenly realized how much this boy was changing my life. I didn't like this. I didn't like it all.

---

I called him back nonetheless though... Granted it was hours later... I may or may not have wallowed in self pity for a while...
"Hello?" Niall's voice cracked.
"Hey... I'm sorry I missed your call..." I whispered, hoping he didn't hear the raw emotion in my own voice. It had been ages since I'd felt like this... Since I felt like my heart was on the line... "It's fine... You're fine... I actually didn't think you'd call me back." "Yeah, neither did I really..." "Oh..." "Niall... Can I ask you something?" "Uh sure?" "What are we?" "I-I don't know Harry." "What do you want us to be?" "I don't know Harry.... I don't fucking know."
"Then why are we doing this? Why are we talking over the phone and acting like stupid little teenagers? I'm not going to lie to you Niall... I like you, more than I should and I hate it. I hate the fact that you're making me question everything I've done with my life."
"I like you too Harry, god I really do. But I'm scared to let you in. I'm scared that I'll just be another name crossed off the list. I don't want to be... Fuck I really don't want to be."
"So you're not even going to give me a chance?" "I didn't say that..." "It's what you're implying. You know, I thought you were different." "What's that supposed to mean?"
"You won't look past what others are saying about me. You won't look at the real me, and it really hurts Niall. It hurts that you aren't willing to know me when all I want is to know everything about you. You aren't willing to look past what you know is only the surface of me... "
"Harry."
"This... This is all new to me. I hate it, and you're just making to all worse. You make me question who I am and who the hell I'm supposed to be. I want to change for you but you keep pushing me away, making it so I don't want to. I don't know what to do Niall, and I really hate it."
"Well what is that you want me to do? I'm just as confused as you, I mean
fuck... You're the first boy I've ever kissed before... "
"So I'm kind of experiment then? You're just putting your foot in the water to see if you're gay. Wow, that's a great ego booster."
"Harry, that's not what I meant." Niall gave an audible sigh on the other end, and it took everything in me not to scream in frustration. "Sure doesn't seem like it." "You're taking things too far..." "Like hell I am."
"You are, and this is one of the reasons why I'm not willing to be anything with you. You assume things, and it's so fucking annoying. You are more than just an experiment to me, but you aren't willing to hear anything but that. This was a mistake, I shouldn't have called you."
"You're right, this was a mistake." "Fuck you Harry." "Right back at you." And he hung up. I screamed. I fucked up.

Notes