In My Arms

Elizabeth flipped through the script pages and sighed, snapping it shut with a dramatic flourish.“I can’t with this.Jazz Age and garters and dancing all night?I’m in my own personal hell.Who wants to dance?”

Anna Blessing, possibly the best friend she’d ever had in her life, glanced up from her mug of hot chamomile tea.“So, you fucked this kid.”

“He’s twenty.Not a kid.”

“But you fucked him.”

“A couple times.”

“Typical.”

Elizabeth rolled her eyes, lifting her mug of chai to her lips.She didn’t take a sip.The fabulously hip tea bar, Steep, offered solace from paparazzi.There was a tranquility to it; an almost Zen like quality with whitewashed wooden walls, oversized plush chairs and low coffee tables with built in tile coasters.Since she and Anna became friends on set of Elizabeth’s first film, they’d met at Steep every Tuesday morning.It’s was their private girls club.Whatever they said stayed in Steep’s comforting walls.They’d worked through a lot of issues sitting on the oversized couches.This was going to be another one.“This time it’s different.”

“Which is what you said about Liam.And Chris.And Joe.”Anna picked up her cellphone and glanced at a text.She set the phone down.“You met a guy, you fucked him.We’ve all done it.You do it a lot.”

“I think I’m falling in love with him.”

“Liz,” Anna pursed her lips together for a moment, as if she was debating the best way to break some sort of awful news to her, “you’re moving way too fast.I’m sure he was cool and funny and whatever.But you literally just met him.”

“Haven’t you heard of love at first sight?”

“And he’s where right now?”

“London.”Elizabeth inhaled the spicy scent of the chai, closing her eyes as she thought about him.“But, Anna, listen to me.He is incredible.I seriously cannot even describe to you how awesome he is—he makes me laugh and he makes me feel like I’m the only girl in the room.And, Jesus, the way he is in bed…being away from him is like the first time I went through heroin withdrawal.I crave him.I need him.I sit there every day and think, maybe this is the day that I’m not going to be able to take it anymore.”

“He’s been gone like, three weeks.”

“I’ve gone through heroin withdrawal twice and I can assure you, the early weeks are the worst.”

Anna studied her.“Okay, fine, I’ll somewhat agree to the fact that you possibly are in love with this kid.But how does he feel about you?Do you think he feels the same way?Because, look, we all saw what happened with Liam.That was like watching Lindsey Lohan get out of a taxi: a God damned train wreck and way too much vagina.”

“He was a cheating bastard.”

“Yes he was.”

“I think Harry’s crazy about me.It’s weird though, I mean, yeah we can’t get enough of each other physically, but emotionally…everything is so comfortable.We Skype each other in the morning, text during the day, and then we’re on the phone talking half the night.His night, I mean, it’s my evening with the time difference.But, Anna, it’s like discovering more about me as I get to know him.”

Anna raised her eyebrows and then turned back to her cellphone.“I hate to admit it, but that’s kind of cute.”

“He handwrote me a letter.I handwrote one back to him—I mean, I didn’t even know I could physically handwrite a letter anymore.”

“You hussy, you.”

Elizabeth set her mug on the tiled coaster and the leaned back against the couch, drawing her knees up to her chest.“I miss him.”

“So go to London.Your dad is London.”Anna shrugged her shoulders casually, tossing her glossy brown hair over shoulder.“Crash at his place or something.Why make yourself miserable like this?”

“It’s not that easy.It’s not like you and Tom, you can balance life and film because it’s what you both do.”Elizabeth nodded to the script on the table.“He’s in the studio working on his album.I’m signed onto this beast and we start filming in a month—in New York.Plus, I have all the media rounds to do for ‘Abduction’ and I just really don’t know what to do.I’m miserable.”

“And he says…”

“He says he wants me there with him.”

Anna set her cup down and stretched, raising her arms up over her head and arching her back as she flexed.“I’m fairly sure you know what you want to do.”

“Yeah. Him.”

Anna giggled and shoved her.“So, when you say he’s good in bed.What are we talking about here?Are we talking about like, insatiable or are we talking about…I don’t know.I’ve seen him move those bony little hips.”

“Christ, you should see his V lines.They’re like, chiseled in granite by God himself.”Elizabeth closed her eyes again, massaging the back of her neck with her fingers.She remembered his lips on her neck, trailing along her collar bone as he mumbled in her ear with that delicious, raspy voice of his.“I’m not one to kiss and tell…but yes.He’s insatiable.And yes.He knows what he’s doing.”

Anna giggled and typed a text into her phone, no doubt to her longtime boyfriend.“Look, part of me still thinks he’s a child.I was already in school when he was born.But if you really think that he’s the one, that you’re in love with him, then I’m all for it.I’ll champion you and him.How does the press do his relationship names?You’ll be, what, Hizzie?”

“Stop.”

“Let’s be completely honest, how are you going to handle the press?”Anna raised an eyebrow.“Because it’s going to be out of control.Harry Styles and Elizabeth Richards?Sex and rock n’ roll meets sex and rock n’ roll’s protégé?You’re going to blow up the internet.”

Elizabeth shrugged, scrolling through her pictures on her phone to one of the more appropriate pictures of her and Harry.She handed the phone to Anna.“We’ll figure it out as it happens.”

“You two are cute.”Anna handed the phone back.“I get it, Liz, I really do.But this isn’t like you and Liam or even you and Chris.The media presence is going to be insane.The paps aren’t going to leave you two alone.Are you ready for that?”

Elizabeth glanced at her phone, hot tears pricking the backs of her eyes as she looked at the photograph of her and Harry.His muscular arms were wrapped around her, his lips pressed to the top of her shoulder.Was he worth it?Hell yes he was. “Fuck ‘em.”

####

“So, I’ve been looking over this schedule and I’m telling you, Liz, it’s going to be nonstop until filming starts next month.We’ve got you on Ellen.Jimmy Kimmel.The Tonight Show.The Late Show. Good Morning America.Everything.”Elizabeth’s agent, Brent Lowe, ran his finger down the printout of his notorious spreadsheets.“Lucky for you, we’ll start with west coast promo and then get you over to New York for promo before filming starts.That’ll give you time to get settled back in to your apartment and the New York life.They’ve blocked out an intense filming schedule.I’m not a fan but, with this director—“

Elizabeth stared at her knees, at the frayed denim at her knee caps that had frayed into holes.Now was as good a time as any.“I want a break before filming.”

Brent stared at her.“Which is why we’re ending the promo tour in New York.It’s a tight schedule.”

“No, I mean a long break.I want to go to London for a while.”

“London.”

“Yes.My father lives in England, remember?”She raised her eyebrow quizzically, coolly, as if she was casually playing a hand of cards with a friend.The hand was a full house, but as far as her agent was concerned, it was a two pair.“Keith Richards.He’s in the Rolling Stones, maybe you’ve heard of him.”

“That’s great and all, Liz, but there’s a lot of shit you need to get done.They’re talking Oscar for ‘Abduction.’And if that’s going to happen, we need to get you out in all the press venues.Print, television, online, everything.”

“I have an Oscar, Brent.I don’t need another and, honestly, I need to go to London.”

“Why?”

“Reasons.”

Brent slid down into his high backed leather chair and tented his fingers in front of his face, pressing his lips into his fingertips.“You need to be honest with me, Liz.Your relationship with your father is nowhere near good enough to warrant skipping out on a promo tour.You’re the one who called him a sperm donor, not a dad. Remember?”

She hesitated.Who was really in charge here?“I need to be in London.As in, yesterday.”

“Why?”

“I told you.Reasons.”

Brent raised an eyebrow.He was too smooth an agent to fall for her shit.She was an Oscar, Grammy, and Golden Globe winning actress.His name was connected with hers and, if he wasn’t on his A game, he was losing money.“Are you using again Liz, because look, we’ve been down this road twice.Heroin is not going to get you anywhere in the business, no matter what people tell you.”

“No, I’m clean.”She groaned, pressing her hand to her forehead.“I could use a God damned cigarette now.”

“I thought you quit.”

“I took a break.”

He reached into a desk drawer and pulled out a half used pack, holding it out to her.She slipped out a cigarette and pressed it to her lips, next taking the offered lighter.After a few fitful drags, she narrowed her eyes.“Anything I say is confidential, right?”

“You pay me enough to know it is.”

“I’m seeing someone.”

“Seeing someone as in a relationship or seeing someone as in you’re fucking someone.”
“I’m seeing someone.It’s serious.”She pursed her lips together to hold back a smile.“We fucked a few times.But, I’m telling you, I’m in love with him.”

“Right.”He looked at her, his eyes knitted above his forehead in a frown.“Who is it this time?”

“Harry Styles.”

“I have no fucking idea who that is.”

“He’s a singer, ah, One Direction?Maybe you’ve heard of them?”She smiled and gave him a thumbs up.“You don’t know you’re beautiful, Brent.Oh oh.”

He closed his eyes for a moment and balled up his fists, pressing them to the area approximate to his sinus cavity.“Okay.Okay.Liz, look, you know that I love you like a daughter or a sister or a close knit cousin, right?You can’t be in a relationship with Harry Styles.”

She frowned.“Why not?”

“Because,” he sighed, “he has his demographic and you have yours.If those two bleed together, a lot of people are going to lose money.I’m sure he was a good fuck.That’s great, fuck him whenever you two are in the same zip code.But you can’t be in a relationship.”

Elizabeth felt her jaw tighten.She clenched her fists next to her, holding her breath in her lungs to keep her voice steady.“I don’t remember there being a clause in my contract saying I can’t be in a relationship with someone.”

“No, but I’m giving you my personal advise.This is fifteen years of agenting wisdom, Liz.You can’t date a boy bander.It’ll ruin you.The little girls who want to be you?Gone.They still have their hopes and dreams of hooking up with him.Those men who want to sleep with you?Gone.They know you’re fucking Harry Styles.”

“I love him, Brent.”

Brent closed his eyes.He was silent for several moments and then, finally, he flattened his palms on the desk in front of him and looked at her.His face was expressionless.“You don’t love him.He’s a fling.”

“He’s not.”

“He is.Liz, I’m going to be completely honest with you.If you want that Oscar, you’ll lay off.Harry Styles is one of the biggest names in music, since, what, since Justin Timberlake was in N Sync.His manager isn’t going to let him fuck up his imagine by being connected with you.It’s not going to happen.Him being single sells records.It sells concert tickets.You being single makes you a sex pot.You’re Marilyn Monroe.You’re Rita Hayworth.You’re Ava Gardner.You’re not in a serious relationship; that’s not who you are.That’s not what got you to the top.”

Elizabeth narrowed her eyes.“My acting got me to the top.I won that Oscar before I had you.”

He held his hands up, palms up, as if he were surrendering.“Hey, I’m not saying you can’t hook up with him.You guys want a night of passion?Fine.Fuck away.But you can’t have something serious with him.His manager is telling him the same thing, I’m willing to bet you.”

Elizabeth glared at him.Her heart seemed to skip out of the proper cadence; her stomach twisting and writhing like it had taken on a life of its own.Bullshit.She wasn’t going to ruin her relationship with Harry because of someone else’s opinion.Her emotions weren’t a marketing ploy.Her feelings for him were genuine: she was falling in love.That was no one’s business but her and Harry’s.“Fuck you.If I want to be with him, I’m going to be with him.We’re in love.”

“You’re not in love, Liz.It’s lust.You’re attracted to each other, physically.You barely know him.”

“I don’t care I’ve known him for ten minutes or ten years.”Elizabeth stood up and yanked her purse over her shoulder.“Look, if I want to be with him, that’s what I’m going to do.I don’t care if it ruins my whole God damned career.I’m going to London and you can just fuck yourself if you think otherwise.I love him.”

“You’ll ruin your career.”

“Fuck my career.He’s more important than movie roles.”

“Fine.”Brent tilted his head to the side, almost as if he were studying her.“But are you willing to ruin his in the process?”

Elizabeth bit down on her tongue until she tasted blood.She narrowed her eyes at him and spoke, slowly, so his thick skull could absorb the complexity of her words, “I don’t care what anyone says or anyone tries to do.I’m going to be with Harry Styles, acting career or no acting career.I love him.And if you think that I need to focus my attention elsewhere, then you can consider this the end of our professional relationship.Fuck you.”

She adjusted her purse strap on her shoulder and then turned on her heel, flouncing from the office.Regardless of what that bastard said, she was going to do what she wanted to do.She was falling in love with Harry.No one—not even her agent---was going to tell her what to do.

She was going to London.Fuck the Oscars.

Notes