In My Arms

Over the next few weeks, they dragged their feet to finish the final preparations before he had to leave on tour. Initially, the tour seemed like a good idea. Now, he wasn’t sure. He didn’t want to miss her entire pregnancy and, frankly, he just didn’t want to be away from her.

Although they spent most of their time in bed, they managed to get two pressing matters out of the way: Harry added her to his cellphone plan and she added him to the deed on the Los Angeles house. The cellphones made sense—they could talk and text each other as much as they wanted while he was away and not get charged an obscene amount of money. As for the house, it was their first step in “forever.” They already had the New York apartment and his flat in London jointly in their names. The house was just the next step.

Actually, the next step was asking her to marry him. He wasn’t ready yet, though; he wanted it to be special. He didn’t want it to be about leaving on the tour or because of the baby. He wanted it to be because he was madly in love with her and wanted to spend the rest of his life with her—and he wanted her to know that. Everything in the relationship was perfect. The decision to put the house in their names wasn’t some kind of life altering decision. It was casual, relaxed. He’d said, ‘we need more milk’ and she’d responded with ‘while we’re out I want to stop at my attorney’s and get you put on the deed. Do you want to get lunch afterwards?’ He knew they were going to be together for the rest of their lives—but he wanted her to never forget the day he asked her to be his bride.

After stopping for strawberry cheesecake gelato, they went back to the house and flopped down in an oversized, padded lounge chair beside the pool. Harry scrolled through airline itineraries on his cell phone, flexing his feet back and forth in the sunshine. “We start the tour in Australia and then set out to Asia. Do you want to come out to any of them? Tokyo maybe?”

“I’ll fly out for a couple Australia dates and then Japan.” She fed him a spoonful of gelato. “Your break is in May?”

“Yup.” He looked out at the pool, the water glistening in the sunshine like it had a faint layer of diamonds on the surface. “After the break we’re in Europe.”

“I’ll come to all those, depending on how I feel. Then I’ll come back home and just wait for the baby to show up. Anna said she’ll come over and stay with me the last few weeks. You’ll be…ah…looks like on the East Coast at that point. Besides, the doctor already said they won’t let me fly after 32 weeks.”

“I’d rather stay here with you the whole time. I feel like I’m missing out on everything, and I haven’t even left yet.” He set the phone down on the patio and snuggled up next to her, running his fingertips across her baby bump. It was somewhat more noticeable now and the tattoo on her lower stomach was slightly stretched on the edges.“This tour is going to be a fucking mess.”

“I told Brent I’m taking a break from filming for a while. At least, until the fall; Harvey Winestein wants me for another period piece and…I told him I had commitments for the next few months, what, with your tour and the baby—although I didn’t say baby—and he was fine pushing filming until October. He also said he’s fine with me taking a few days off for your last show of the tour.” She sighed.“It was hard to say no to that.”

“I know, baby girl. You’ll be brilliant.” He exhaled deeply, burying his face against her neck.“ Zayn wants to quit the group.”

“You’re fucking kidding me.”

Harry sighed again, this time blinking back tears. “I’m begging him not to do it, but…I don’t know, he hates it. He’s always hated it but…ahm…recently it’s gotten worse.”

“What will you do then? I mean, if he quits.”

“It’s more like when he quits, I think. I dunno, the rest of us are still committed to the music and the fans.” His voice broke and he closed his eyes, pulling her hand to his lips and kissing her open palm. “I hope we can at least convince him to stay through the tour. He wants out now.”

She ran her fingers through his hair, twirling a curl around her fingertip. “Can he do that?”

“I honestly don’t know. We have a contract.” He looked up into her eyes, reaching his hand up to cradle her face. “I don’t want him to do it and then regret it. He says he’s stressed out by everything—the fans, the schedule, being away from Perrie—but I think that’s bullshit. I think he wants to go solo.”

“And then what?”

“And then there will be four.” He chewed on his lip. “I know I can’t fucking well hit his high notes. It’ll have to be Niall or Louis.”

Elizabeth stroked his hair, easing her fingertips through his curls. “I’ll stand by you no matter what happens. Sassy, classy, and knocked up, as it is.”

He exhaled deeply, pulling her free hand to his mouth and kissing her fingertips and palm. “Let’s call my mum. Tell her about the baby and see how she takes to being called grandmum.”

“Sounds like a real laugh a minute, Styles.”

“I’ve told you a million times, baby, she loves you. She loves you because you love me.” He pulled her into the house and to his iPad. After texting her to see if she could video chat with them, he dialed in her number and waited for it to connect. He wanted to throw up. This was probably a bad idea.

She chose that moment to pick up. As the screen adjusted to the dim light in his mother’s living room, he saw Gemma was sitting next to her. Good? Maybe? He’d at least get telling the other two most important females in his life that he was going to be a father out of the way at once.

His mom waved at them. “Hello, Harry! And Liz, how are you two doing today? Liz, love, congratulations again on your award! You had us all in tears over here, when you thanked Harry.”

“You two are so adorable, it’s sickening.” Gemma rolled her eyes dramatically. “There was a big article in the Sun today about you two on the red carpet. Analyzing the way you held her hand and the way she looks at you with her—and I quote—aquamarine blue eyes.”

Harry chuckled nervously. He was certain that his pulse was visible, pounding away in his neck like it was the beat to a song in 6/8 tempo. “Ahh…so...yes, she has lovely eyes.”

Elizabeth elbowed him.

“Do you have everything done to get ready for the tour?” He loved his mum’s smile. It crushed him to think that what he was about to tell her might take that smile away. No, no, no, he had to be overreacting. She wouldn’t be mad, she’d be fine. He was an adult. He and Lizzie loved each other.

Lizzie was answering for him, keeping the conversation running smoothly. He slid his arm around her waist. “I told him to make a list, but it consisted of ‘cell phone’ and ‘pack clothes.’ We finally got the paperwork signed so that he’s on the deed to the house and I’m on his cell phone plan, so…honestly, that’s pretty much all we needed to get done, right?”

“I haven’t packed yet.”

His mum laughed. “You never change, Harry. No matter how old you get, you still wait to the last minute for everything.”

“So…Mum.” He looked at Lizzie and raised his eyebrows; she nodded. “So…ahm…so, there’s something that we want you and Gem to listen to….and, I think, you’re going to find it exciting.”

“Just what have you gotten yourself in to?” Gemma narrowed her eyes. She could read him like a book, even on video chat. “Is this something scandalous that we’re going to read about in the Sun? Or those American tabloids?”

“Possibly, which is why we’re telling you first.” He rubbed Lizzie’s lower back, dipping his fingers down below the waist band of her jeans. “Go ahead, baby.”

She picked her cell phone off the coffee table and slid her finger across the screen, adjusting the volume as the sound bite loaded. After a moment, the delicate swoosh swoosh swoosh sound filled the room. Gemma still looked confused, but he carefully watched his mother’s face. Her eyes widened and she clapped her hand over her mouth, bouncing her feet up and down. “Harry—a baby? You’re going to have a baby?”

He smiled his most charming smile. “Surprise?”

“You cheeky boy!” Gemma clapped her hands together. “I cannot believe you got her pregnant. Lizzie, sweetie, I hope your baby has cuter feet than his. God.”

“Mum?” Harry hesitated. “Ahm…are you…”

“I’m thrilled for you two!” She wiped her eyes, her lower lip quivering. Damn it, if she cried, he was going to start crying. “I just can’t believe that you’re going to be a daddy, my little boy; a daddy. Do you have any sonogram pictures?”

“I’m texting them to you now.” Lizzie lowered her phone and tapped her finger against the screen a few times. “These are a few of our favorites.”

His mum picked up her cell phone and huddled up with Gemma, scrolling through the pictures. She squealed. “How precious—I’m going to be a grandmum! Harry Styles.You’d better marry that beautiful girl.”

He pressed his lips to Lizzie’s forehead. “I plan on it.”

####

The day he’d dreaded finally arrived.

He laid in bed, watching Lizzie get dressed and staring at her reflection in the mirror. She’d gotten as far as putting on bright pink panties and a black and pink polka dot bra before she stopped. Standing profile, she ran her hands up and down her swollen abdomen. “If I’m this big at four months, can you imagine how enormous I’m going to be by the time the baby comes?”

He chuckled. “I think you look beautiful.”

“I look bloated.”

“You’re pregnant, I’d be more concerned if you didn’t look bloated.” He reached his hand out to her. “I don’t want to leave you. You need me.”

She crawled into bed beside him and snuggled down under the covers, gently kissing his shoulder and collarbone. “I need you even when I’m not pregnant. Just think, though, I’ll be in Australia in a week and I’ll stay with you for a little over a week. Next thing you know, you’ll be home for a few days. And then, I’ll have my next sonogram and we’ll find out if we’re having a boy or a girl. So….ah…yaaaaay.”

He trailed his finger down her cheek. “I’ll miss you.”

“I bet I’ll miss you more.”

“I’ll miss you most.” He pressed his lips to hers. “I’ll miss your smile…your lips…your mouth…”

He trailed his kisses downward, narrating each part of her that he was going to miss, “Your cheeks…your chin…”

By the time they’d had sex, showered, and dressed, it was time to head to the airport. Harry busied himself staring at her legs as she shifted gears in the Challenger, trailing his fingers down the rose tattoo on her thigh. It was the little things like this he was really going to miss; driving around, getting coffee or ice cream together, braiding each other’s hair because they were ridiculous and didn’t mind a bit being ridiculous together.

She lifted her foot off the clutch, easing the gas pedal down and zipping into the airport exit lane. “So, I sent Perrie a text the other night to see if she wanted to get together. She didn’t respond. There’s nothing weird about that, right?”

“How many days ago?”

“Not that I’m keeping track, but three.”

Harry made a noncommittal grunt in his throat, idly tapping his foot against the car door. “You two were close. See, I’m telling you, this shit with Zayn? There’s something there that he isn’t tell us. That’s the shit that hurts my feelings.”

“Well, maybe she’s just busy.” He glanced at Lizzie as she navigated to the private jet departure area, slowing at the gate. She didn’t sound like she thought Perrie was busy. “Can you get my wallet out of my purse, sexy?”

An armed security guard held up his hand. “Good afternoon, Miss, can I see your ID?”

She pulled her driver’s license out of her wallet and handed it to him. “Elizabeth Richards, here to drop off Harry Styles. Of One Direction.”

“What gate?”

“F-36.”

He nodded, handing her the license back. “Straight ahead and to the left.Just pull your car under the port. Have a safe flight, Harry.”

“Thanks.” He waited until they were headed down the road leading to the private jet way and then snickered, “I love how you always have this panicky tone to your voice, like you think no one is going to believe who I am.”

“I’ll be honest, Hazza, sometimes I have a hard time believing that I’m your girlfriend.I mean, you’re the perfect guy. You like old people. You’re respectful. A gentleman. You have passion and drive and you know what you want, you don’t make pretenses. And, not to mention, you are sweet, sexy, and you have the most amazing voice I’ve ever heard in my life.” She blushed, abruptly stopping. “Just…so…uh, you know. The thought of being Elizabeth Styles sometimes seems like a dream—it’s so perfect.”

He scooped up her hand in his and kissed her knuckles. “I..uh…know we talk about it all the time, but you’d really take my name? You’d change it to Styles?”

“Damn right I would.” She glanced at him and smiled. “Why?”

He shrugged casually, trying to play it off as if the thought didn’t really bother him—but it did. He panicked that, like they kept their bank accounts separate, she’d want to keep certain aspects pertaining to her career separate. “Erm…ah…well, sometimes I worry that…I mean, you built a career being Elizabeth Richards and everyone knows you as Elizabeth Richards and…it’s silly.”

“It’s not silly.” She pulled the Challenger into a marked parking place for gate F-36. The jet was already waiting behind the fence; his heart sank. “I see where you’re coming from, I do, but whenever we decide to get married, I fully intend to legally change my name to Styles. And this baby is going to have the last name Styles. I’m addicted to you, Hazza. I can be independent and mighty and girl power, whatever, but I can also be traditional and completely in love.”

He grinned, trying to bite back his smile. Once she’d turned the car off and removed the keys from the ignition, he leaned over and kissed her deeply. “I love you, gorgeous girl.”

“I love you, Hazza.”

Harry refused to let her help him drag the luggage to the attendant, instead pulling the bags over himself. He could see a set of paparazzi trying to snap their photographs from behind the fence; he frowned. Couldn’t they just leave him and Lizzie alone, just for a nice, private goodbye? Damn it all.

He stomped back to where Lizzie was leaning against the back of the Challenger, pulling her hair back into a ponytail. She grinned at him. “I saw them, too.”

“We never get a break, do we?”

She wrapped her hands around his arm and pulled her towards him. “Only in bed.”

A voice spoke up behind him. “I was starting to think you’d bailed as my travelling buddy, Haz, seriously. We leave in like, five minutes.” Louis draped his arm over Harry’s shoulder. “How are you doing, man? Ready to be on the road again? Five lads, seeing the world?”

“It’s never any fun to say goodbye.” Harry mumbled, nervously running his hands through his hair. Niall knew about the baby, but the rest of the guys….he pondered how this was going to play out. Lou was loud. He was sassy. Just about anything could spurt out of his mouth and Harry wouldn’t be surprised.

Louis leaned over and hugged Lizzie.“How are you doing, beautiful?”

“Hanging in there.” She winked at Harry over his shoulder, hugging him tightly. “You look as sassy as always, Louis.”

“It’s part of my charm.” He leaned back and studied her, his eyes narrowed. For once, the fact that he was checking her body out didn’t piss Harry off—much. “So….um…hey there, Liz. You’ve…how do I say this…”

“She’s pregnant.” Harry rolled his eyes. “If you call her fat, she’s going to punch you in the face.”

Louis’s jaw dropped. He again threw his arms around Liz, hugging her tightly. “This lad got you knocked up? Congratulations, Lovely Liz. You’re gorgeous!” He slapped Harry on the back.“I guess you’re a man after all. I thought for sure those tight pants of yours rendered your bollocks useless.”

“Sperm of steel, mate.”

“Well, hey, cheers to that.” Louis shoved his hands in his pockets. “So, here’s my news. Eleanor and I broke up.”

“Jesus.”

Lizzie grabbed Louis’s hand. “What happened? I literally never expected you to say that; I expected a baby or something, maybe, or a wedding. But breakup?”

“Yeah, we grew apart.” Louis shrugged.“ Not much else to say about that. It’s some start to a new tour, eh Harry? She’s pregnant, I’m single, and Zayn...”

“Fuck Zayn.” Harry pulled Lizzie to her feet. “Give us a minute, eh Lou?”

He nodded, hugging Liz again. “I’ll see you on the plane, mate. And I’ll see you, lovely, sometime on tour.”

Harry pulled Lizzie’s hands into his and kissed them, touching his forehead to hers. “God, I can’t even bare to say it to you.”

“It isn’t so much goodbye as, I’ll see you later.” Her eyes filled with tears; they spilled over her cheeks. “You only ever say goodbye to the people you plan on seeing again. It’s just a few weeks and I’ll be out there with you, not even that long. I love you, Hazza.”

“And I love you, God, I love you so much.” He held her against him, tucking her face down to his chest. “Sometimes I look at you and wonder how I got to be so damn lucky. No matter how many times we’ve done this, there are times when it’s suddenly hard to breathe.”

He closed his eyes, breathing in the scent of her perfume and her shampoo; feeling the rounded swell of her stomach. Missing her came in waves.

And at that moment, he was drowning.

Notes

This is how I'm emotionally handling Zayn's departure, lol. Hoping you all enjoy!