I haven't been away from Michael since yesterday. We cuddled last night, he sung me to sleep when I woke up at 2 a.m. At times, I'd have to get up and get something to eat but Michael followed me the entire time. I'm definitely not complaining, though.

"Mikey? I need to use the bathroom." I croak to him. His arms were wrapped securely around my waist and the side of his face was against my stomach. He sighs and rolls over so I could get up. Ashton said he was going to see Calum today. He said that I shouldn't see Luke because of my state. But I needed to see him.

I walk into the small bathroom, locking it behind me. I turn to look into the mirror. It was me. I remember thinking my reflection was some monster but now I've grown used to it. She was who I was. The red eyes. The pale face. The tossed brown hair. That is who I am now.

After doing my business, I walk out. Michael was leaning against the wall with his eyes closed. He slowly opened them, along with his arms. I walk into them. His grip on me was like being hugged by an anaconda but I couldn't care less. He picks me up bridal style, carrying me back to my bed.

"When do I start smiling again?" I ask suddenly when he sat us down. He didn't seem happy with my question. Michael ran his fingers through my hair, staring and me with heavy eyelids.

"When you realize that everything's going to get better.''

"They won't. Nothing will get better. Calum has first degree murder and kidnapping. Luke has first and seconds degree murder and kidnapping. The fucking possibilities are endless." I say, fighting back my tears. Michael runs his thumb under my eye.

"Woah, now. Luke doesn't have first degree murder down. Calum confessed to killing Grace. Luke's got second degree murder and kidnapping." He assures me. Sure, that makes EVERYTHING better.

"Calum could have life, Michael! What don't you understand about that?!" I stood up quickly. Michael stood also.

"Calm down, Kit-"

"Why?! All I've been is 'calm'! I can't anymore! You're best friends and the people I call my family are going to prison whether we like it or not! I'm lucky enough to still have you and Ashton here with me! I could be all alone again, Michael! Why don't you care about me?!" I wasn't sure how I went from cuddly to angry but somehow I got here.

"You think I don't care?! I care about you more than I care about myself, Chelsea! I held you for seven hours straight! I sung you to sleep after you woke up screaming! I cried nonstop those three days you were gone! I fucking love you!" He shouted, his pale face turning red.

"Michael..."

"Fuck, Chelsea! You are the only family I have anymore! You make me feel like I'm... like I'm home! You have this something about you that makes me feel like I have some sort of sanity. You are my first priority when I wake up. Make Chelsea smile. Cuddle Chelsea. Make Chelsea feel better. Let Chelsea cry on you. Repeat. Don't ever say that I don't care because I fucking love more about you than anyone in the entire fucking world!" He said the last part with his teeth clenched. I glare at Michael for a while.

"I want Luke." I demanded. Michael shakes his head immediately.

"No."

"What?!"

"You can't. Give him a day." He says. My blood was boiling at this point. I stomp my foot.

"No! I can see my boyfriend if I want to! You can't tell me what to do! You just want me because you have to!" I say, slipping on my shoe. Michael grabbed my arm and pulled me away from them.

"Let go of me!" I yell and pull away. His hand grips tighter.

"Ow, Michael! Stop!" I say louder, trying to pry his hand off of me. He threw my arm back at me.

"Fine! Go! Leave me here!" He shouted and stormed out of the room. I stand there totally shocked by what he said. I slowly make my way towards the direction that Michael went. I knock on the bathroom door softly, nearly knocking the tears out of me from that little action.

"M-Mikey?" I wait for a response but it doesn't come. I open the door cautiously to see Michael sitting against the wall with a beer bottle in his hand.

"Six pack's under the counter. Thought you wouldn't want me drinking around you. But right now... I need it." He answers my silent question. I nodded and sat beside him. Drinking can numb feelings, I knew that. I've never had that experience but I know what alcohol does.

"Really, I'm not even that mad. I guess it's just that all we've done is cuddle and, like, not having you in my arms anymore kinda... I don't know. Hurts? I don't know how to explain it. But those words surely did kill me." Michael takes a swig from his bottle. I take it from his hand and set it beside me.

"I-I don't like alcohol." I say. He nods slowly and stares out into space. I felt bad that I hurt him saying the things I did. I don't know what was so bad but I guess saying I wanted to leave got him bad. I was afraid to lay my head on his shoulder. Not afraid... shy?

"I thought you wanted to go see Luke."

"Why do you want me to stay so bad? I would just visit for an hour and come back." I say to him. He looks at me through the corner of his eye. Michael's head drops in a groan.

"I already told you why, Chelsea. You are the only thing that keeps me from getting shit face drunk or getting high off my ass. I don't have a family- hand me my beer," I hand him the bottle and he takes a long sip, "but when I'm around you I realize what love is like. I have to protect you with all I have now. You're like a little sister to me now. I have to keep away the bad guys and scare the monsters out from under your bed,

"But guess what? I'm the bad guy that I have to protect you from. The monster that's supposed to hide under your bed is now in you're mind. I can't have you away anymore. After I told you yesterday, I thought you'd hate me forever. I thought I'd lose my only source of energy and love. When you run up to me, I knew it was silly to think that. You love me, Kitten. I know you do." He takes another swig. I nod slowly, staring at my hands.

"Michael... You guys are the only people that has ever shown me affection the way I need it. Especially you. Mostly you. You have protected me, Michael. From Luke when he lashed out on me. From my nightmares by singing me to sleep and cuddling me. I don't want to see Luke today. Yes, he probably needs me but I want to be here with you." Michael smiles and hugs me tight. I hold him equally as tight.

"I love you, Kitten." He says. My breath got caught in my throat. I haven't had those words said to me in years. I didn't remember how it felt to be loved by someone. Not in the way people may think. In a way that no one could ever understand. Michael releases me when he noticed my stiffness.

"What's wrong?" He whispered. I stare into his eyes, trying to tell him without words. Michael smiles and runs his thumb on my cheek.

"You don't have to say it back. I just wanted you to know that. To assure you that I'm gonna help you through all of this."

Notes

Song Recommendations:

• Don't Speak Liar ~ We The Kings
• All About You ~McBusted
• Savior ~ Rise Against
• Arms ~ Christina Perri
• All Fall Out Boy and Secondhand Serenade

QOTD: "Retaining you're own individuality is the most important thing ever." ~Luke Hemmings

Sorry I haven't been around in a while. I've got this new instagram account that I share with an internet friend and I write imagines down the middle of the theme. It's not easy. But I hope you like this.

~Chelsea :) :) :) :)