Stockholm Syndrome
Day Sixteen
Dear Journal,
All that walking. All those questions. All the effort I put into finding Ashton and I have to go straight back to where it all started. Niall is confused. I tell him I just need to get back home but he doesn't understand that their house is my home. I lov-
"Why do you write so much in that notebook?" Niall interrupted me for the 2nd time since I met him. I slam my book shut and shove it into my book bag frantically.
"I-I've got a lot on my mind." I tell him. He pulled onto a familiar highway. It was about 8 in the morning. I woke up just a few minutes ago.
"Want to talk about it?" I stay silent and stare out my window as a response. He stopped talking after that. Niall turned on the radio. I feel his eyes on me so I turn my head to look at him.
"Anything particular, love?" His rich Irish accent was soft like if he raised his voice any louder I could shatter. I look through his CDs to see a bunch of Justin Bieber and Michael Bublé . I look at his blushing face with a smile.
"I-I like Arctic Monkey... And, uh, Gun's N Roses." I stuttered, still searching through his collection. I stop at a Mayday Parade album and pull it out with a small smile.
"Can we listen to this?" Niall nodded, keeping his eyes on the road. I plop the disk into the slit and push play. Kids In Love started playing. I rest my head on the cold window and close my eyes, drowning in the lyrics.
"We're almost there, Chelsea." Niall spoke. I smile when he said my name. It's like a little piece of the boys that I carry with me. Niall turned into a familiar neighborhood and stopped at the curb of a familiar house. Familiar trees. Familiar driveway. Familiar everything.
"Thank you, Niall." I whispered. Niall smiled and nodded. I reach over the dash to hug him without thinking. He was shocked at first but soon hugged me back. He didn't let go until I did. God only knows how much I needed it.
"Anytime, Chelsea." I smiled and opened the door.
"Wait!" Niall stopped me before I stepped out. I turn to look at him.
"Promise me that you'll stay safe?" I smiled and stepped out, throwing my book bag over my shoulder. I look at Niall.
"I don't think I'll ever know the feeling of safety." And I close the door. He stared at me as I walked into the backyard. My heart was raced as I got closer to the shed. What if they hate me for running off? Michael probably does. I put my hand on the knob of the door and pull it open with force since it's an old door.
Michael and Ashton were asleep on the floor. Michael was curled in a ball and Ashton was sitting against the wall with his head dangling to the side. I put my book bag on the floor quietly. I must have closed the door too loud because Michael jolted up. His hair was a midnight blue color now.
"Kitten?" He asked like he was in a dream. I nodded with a smile. Michael jumped to his feet and cautiously walked up to me. He put his hand on my cheek with tears in his eyes.
"You're here..." He whispered and hugged me with all he had. I cling onto him, breathing in his scent. Pine and strawberries. I didn't know I needed a hug this bad till now. His newly dyed hair tickled my neck as he buried his face into it.
"Mikey. I'm sorry." I whispered. Michael's shoulders bounced and he sniffed. He was crying. I made his cry. I tried so hard to hide my emotions but I was starting to give in. Knowing Michael is sobbing into my neck makes my heart ache.
"This is all my fault. You were all by yourself, walking in the snow. I should've stopped you. I should've CAME with you. I'm so sorry, Kitten. I put you through all that." He sniffed. I let go of him to look into his blue-green eyes. They were shining with tears.
"Don't beat yourself up, Mikey. I'm here now." I say. He nodded and hugged me again, kissing my shoulder for a while. I felt my freezing body get warmer and warmer the longer I was in his arms.
"Oh my God." I hear a familiar Australian accent. Ashton was stood to is feet. I let go of Michael again. He steps out of the way so I could see Ashton better. He blinked faster than usual and his lips were quivering.
"Hey, Ash." I choked.
"Y-You traveled by foot in freezing cold weather to find me?" He asked me. I nodded slowly, not breaking eye contact. He walked up to me slowly at first but picked up his pace. Ashton picked me up in a hug and spun me around.
I giggled loudly. He set my on my feet, swallowing me in his grasp. I finally let my tears fall as I bury my face into his chest. We stand there for a few minutes before I let go. Michael was sat against the wall with his face in his hands. For such a tough looking boy he was really soft.
I sit beside Michael with a small smile. He looked up at me with a red, tear stained face. Mikey smiles back. I wipe a tear from his face with the pad of my thumb in silence. He held my wrist softly to hold it there for a little bit longer.
"I felt like I was living in Hell without you, Kitten. The guilt haunted me as I thought of the things that could've happened to you or the thought of you not coming back. It's crazy how I could miss someone so much in only 3 day." He says. I smiled. I didn't even need to say anything. He knew I felt the same way.
"Boys... C-Can I go see the others?" I whispered to the both of them. The stare at each other for a while.
"Are you sure you're ready, sweetheart?" Ashton asked. I nodded quickly. Michael stood up, bringing me with him.
"We're going to have to take you to them sooner or later."
I paced back and forth in the small, cemented room. Why was I so nervous? There's nothing to be afraid of. My heart thought differently, though. I ran my fingers through my hair as I imagined how all this would go down. But it was too late to think of what to say. The door opened and in he came. Beaten and bruised. A patch on the left side of his gray jumpsuit that read 'H-38'
"Chelsea..." Why was he shocked to see me? It's not like I could abandon them when they need me most.
"Hi, Calum." I smiled. He ran towards me in a great big hug. He spun me around a few times before setting me back down.
"You came. I thought you'd never come." He whispered. I giggled and hug him tight. He smelled like dirt and blood. Which reminds me...
"Calum. Your hurt." I say and let go of him. He smiles and looks down at his cracked knuckles and bruised arms. His face was worse, though. He had a black eyes and a split lip. His face was dirty and scratched. What has he gotten himself into?
"Yeah. I've gotten into a couple fights and got some dirt kicked into my face but it's not too much to worry about." He says with a wide smile. It soon washed away as he looked me straight in the eye.
"Cal... What is it?" I asked. He held onto my arms, rubbing them soothingly.
"Luke. He-He's not doing well. Everyday he gets beaten up for no reason at all. He gets out of his bunk with a sad look and broken heart and walks around with his head down. He's broken an ankle trying to run away from them. He's got a bruised face and cuts everywhere. He's just too sad to fight back, making him look weak." My heart was ripped apart right then and there.
"H-He..."
"He misses you, Chelsea. He doesn't talk at all. Everyone knows him at Prisoner H-18. No one knows his first or last name. Crazy how much he can take. He's just a boy." Tears were streaming down my face at the thought of poor Luke getting to beat until he could see stars.
"Time's up." The police man from earlier opens the door.
"No! No! I'm not letting you go again!" I say, clinging onto Calum's arms. The memory of that day washed over me again, making me cry harder. The police man walked up behind Calum.
"Let go of me, Chelsea. I need to go back." He said as calm as he could. I sobbed into his dirty jumpsuit. His arms were yanked from my grip and pulled behind his back.
"Calum..." I croaked. He smiled at me sympathetically.
"I'm going to fix everything, Chelsea. I can promise you that." I reach for him but he was pulled away and out the door. I cover my mouth to hold in my screams. I can't break down here...
Luke's P.O.V
"H-18." A police officer calls my number. I sigh and sit up, my ribs aching from the beating I got from Tobias and Aiden yesterday. I was used to the beatings, just not the aftermath.
"H-18!" He yelled louder. I hopped down from the bunk and towards the cell bars. He opened them. I stare at him with confusion.
"You coming or not, boy?" He asked. I step out of my cell and immediately hear everyone yelling at me. I bet if I step back in they'd shut up. I walk pasted a bunch of arms reaching for me with my head down. I know this was the reason why I got beat up but there is no other way for me. I'm not a fighter.
"Hey, pussy! Get me out of here!"
"If you get out you better pay my damn bail or I'll hunt you down!"
"When I get out of here you'll be sorry!"
"I will fucking kill you, H!"
"H! Get me out of here god dammit!" People yelled at me. I'd flinch when I hand scratches me or grabs me.
I don't dare ask where I was going. As long as I'm out of that smelly cell I'm happy. The police man brings me to a door that I remember perfectly. Someone was here to see me. I walk inside to see her.
She looked even more beautiful since the last time I saw her. Her hair was no longer orange but now it was brown. She had on a new outfit that I haven't seen before but even looking casual she was breath taking.
Stop, Luke! She can't be here.
"Luke. Oh my God, Luke." She started too cry and ran up to me. I had to use all my strength not to hug her back. It was like my arms had a mind of their own but really I just needed to hold her. She stepped back with a confused look.
"Oh God. You're all beat up." Chelsea whispered, touching the bruises and cuts on my face softly. I turn my face quickly with all I had. God this hurts. Not the cuts but the feeling in my heart. You know that feeling in your heart when you hear a sad song and the lyrics were so sad and so deep that it physically hurts you? Yeah, that's what I mean.
"Luke?" Her voice was so angelic. Especially when she says my name.
I remember the smile on her face when we sat in my bed and talked about our lives.
I remember the shock on her face when I told her I loved her.
I remember the taste of her lips.
I remember the blush on her face as we undressed each other.
I remember the fright in her eyes when I yelled at her.
I remember her giggles when we swung on the swings.
I remember the tears streaming down her face when I was pulled away by the police
I remembered everything. Every single day we spent together even if it was in anger or in love. I was fucking in love with Chelsea. Everything she did made my heart either flutter or break. She did things to me I couldn't explain.
"Luke. What's up, baby?"
"Don't-Don't call me that." I whispered. That was harder than I thought. Her face went pale. More pale than usual.
"What's wrong?" She choked. I looked away from her, not being able to see the pain in her eyes. I caused that. I hurt her. Those green eyes of hers were broken, full of sadness.
"Y-You need to go."
All that walking. All those questions. All the effort I put into finding Ashton and I have to go straight back to where it all started. Niall is confused. I tell him I just need to get back home but he doesn't understand that their house is my home. I lov-
"Why do you write so much in that notebook?" Niall interrupted me for the 2nd time since I met him. I slam my book shut and shove it into my book bag frantically.
"I-I've got a lot on my mind." I tell him. He pulled onto a familiar highway. It was about 8 in the morning. I woke up just a few minutes ago.
"Want to talk about it?" I stay silent and stare out my window as a response. He stopped talking after that. Niall turned on the radio. I feel his eyes on me so I turn my head to look at him.
"Anything particular, love?" His rich Irish accent was soft like if he raised his voice any louder I could shatter. I look through his CDs to see a bunch of Justin Bieber and Michael Bublé . I look at his blushing face with a smile.
"I-I like Arctic Monkey... And, uh, Gun's N Roses." I stuttered, still searching through his collection. I stop at a Mayday Parade album and pull it out with a small smile.
"Can we listen to this?" Niall nodded, keeping his eyes on the road. I plop the disk into the slit and push play. Kids In Love started playing. I rest my head on the cold window and close my eyes, drowning in the lyrics.
"We're almost there, Chelsea." Niall spoke. I smile when he said my name. It's like a little piece of the boys that I carry with me. Niall turned into a familiar neighborhood and stopped at the curb of a familiar house. Familiar trees. Familiar driveway. Familiar everything.
"Thank you, Niall." I whispered. Niall smiled and nodded. I reach over the dash to hug him without thinking. He was shocked at first but soon hugged me back. He didn't let go until I did. God only knows how much I needed it.
"Anytime, Chelsea." I smiled and opened the door.
"Wait!" Niall stopped me before I stepped out. I turn to look at him.
"Promise me that you'll stay safe?" I smiled and stepped out, throwing my book bag over my shoulder. I look at Niall.
"I don't think I'll ever know the feeling of safety." And I close the door. He stared at me as I walked into the backyard. My heart was raced as I got closer to the shed. What if they hate me for running off? Michael probably does. I put my hand on the knob of the door and pull it open with force since it's an old door.
Michael and Ashton were asleep on the floor. Michael was curled in a ball and Ashton was sitting against the wall with his head dangling to the side. I put my book bag on the floor quietly. I must have closed the door too loud because Michael jolted up. His hair was a midnight blue color now.
"Kitten?" He asked like he was in a dream. I nodded with a smile. Michael jumped to his feet and cautiously walked up to me. He put his hand on my cheek with tears in his eyes.
"You're here..." He whispered and hugged me with all he had. I cling onto him, breathing in his scent. Pine and strawberries. I didn't know I needed a hug this bad till now. His newly dyed hair tickled my neck as he buried his face into it.
"Mikey. I'm sorry." I whispered. Michael's shoulders bounced and he sniffed. He was crying. I made his cry. I tried so hard to hide my emotions but I was starting to give in. Knowing Michael is sobbing into my neck makes my heart ache.
"This is all my fault. You were all by yourself, walking in the snow. I should've stopped you. I should've CAME with you. I'm so sorry, Kitten. I put you through all that." He sniffed. I let go of him to look into his blue-green eyes. They were shining with tears.
"Don't beat yourself up, Mikey. I'm here now." I say. He nodded and hugged me again, kissing my shoulder for a while. I felt my freezing body get warmer and warmer the longer I was in his arms.
"Oh my God." I hear a familiar Australian accent. Ashton was stood to is feet. I let go of Michael again. He steps out of the way so I could see Ashton better. He blinked faster than usual and his lips were quivering.
"Hey, Ash." I choked.
"Y-You traveled by foot in freezing cold weather to find me?" He asked me. I nodded slowly, not breaking eye contact. He walked up to me slowly at first but picked up his pace. Ashton picked me up in a hug and spun me around.
I giggled loudly. He set my on my feet, swallowing me in his grasp. I finally let my tears fall as I bury my face into his chest. We stand there for a few minutes before I let go. Michael was sat against the wall with his face in his hands. For such a tough looking boy he was really soft.
I sit beside Michael with a small smile. He looked up at me with a red, tear stained face. Mikey smiles back. I wipe a tear from his face with the pad of my thumb in silence. He held my wrist softly to hold it there for a little bit longer.
"I felt like I was living in Hell without you, Kitten. The guilt haunted me as I thought of the things that could've happened to you or the thought of you not coming back. It's crazy how I could miss someone so much in only 3 day." He says. I smiled. I didn't even need to say anything. He knew I felt the same way.
"Boys... C-Can I go see the others?" I whispered to the both of them. The stare at each other for a while.
"Are you sure you're ready, sweetheart?" Ashton asked. I nodded quickly. Michael stood up, bringing me with him.
"We're going to have to take you to them sooner or later."
I paced back and forth in the small, cemented room. Why was I so nervous? There's nothing to be afraid of. My heart thought differently, though. I ran my fingers through my hair as I imagined how all this would go down. But it was too late to think of what to say. The door opened and in he came. Beaten and bruised. A patch on the left side of his gray jumpsuit that read 'H-38'
"Chelsea..." Why was he shocked to see me? It's not like I could abandon them when they need me most.
"Hi, Calum." I smiled. He ran towards me in a great big hug. He spun me around a few times before setting me back down.
"You came. I thought you'd never come." He whispered. I giggled and hug him tight. He smelled like dirt and blood. Which reminds me...
"Calum. Your hurt." I say and let go of him. He smiles and looks down at his cracked knuckles and bruised arms. His face was worse, though. He had a black eyes and a split lip. His face was dirty and scratched. What has he gotten himself into?
"Yeah. I've gotten into a couple fights and got some dirt kicked into my face but it's not too much to worry about." He says with a wide smile. It soon washed away as he looked me straight in the eye.
"Cal... What is it?" I asked. He held onto my arms, rubbing them soothingly.
"Luke. He-He's not doing well. Everyday he gets beaten up for no reason at all. He gets out of his bunk with a sad look and broken heart and walks around with his head down. He's broken an ankle trying to run away from them. He's got a bruised face and cuts everywhere. He's just too sad to fight back, making him look weak." My heart was ripped apart right then and there.
"H-He..."
"He misses you, Chelsea. He doesn't talk at all. Everyone knows him at Prisoner H-18. No one knows his first or last name. Crazy how much he can take. He's just a boy." Tears were streaming down my face at the thought of poor Luke getting to beat until he could see stars.
"Time's up." The police man from earlier opens the door.
"No! No! I'm not letting you go again!" I say, clinging onto Calum's arms. The memory of that day washed over me again, making me cry harder. The police man walked up behind Calum.
"Let go of me, Chelsea. I need to go back." He said as calm as he could. I sobbed into his dirty jumpsuit. His arms were yanked from my grip and pulled behind his back.
"Calum..." I croaked. He smiled at me sympathetically.
"I'm going to fix everything, Chelsea. I can promise you that." I reach for him but he was pulled away and out the door. I cover my mouth to hold in my screams. I can't break down here...
Luke's P.O.V
"H-18." A police officer calls my number. I sigh and sit up, my ribs aching from the beating I got from Tobias and Aiden yesterday. I was used to the beatings, just not the aftermath.
"H-18!" He yelled louder. I hopped down from the bunk and towards the cell bars. He opened them. I stare at him with confusion.
"You coming or not, boy?" He asked. I step out of my cell and immediately hear everyone yelling at me. I bet if I step back in they'd shut up. I walk pasted a bunch of arms reaching for me with my head down. I know this was the reason why I got beat up but there is no other way for me. I'm not a fighter.
"Hey, pussy! Get me out of here!"
"If you get out you better pay my damn bail or I'll hunt you down!"
"When I get out of here you'll be sorry!"
"I will fucking kill you, H!"
"H! Get me out of here god dammit!" People yelled at me. I'd flinch when I hand scratches me or grabs me.
I don't dare ask where I was going. As long as I'm out of that smelly cell I'm happy. The police man brings me to a door that I remember perfectly. Someone was here to see me. I walk inside to see her.
She looked even more beautiful since the last time I saw her. Her hair was no longer orange but now it was brown. She had on a new outfit that I haven't seen before but even looking casual she was breath taking.
Stop, Luke! She can't be here.
"Luke. Oh my God, Luke." She started too cry and ran up to me. I had to use all my strength not to hug her back. It was like my arms had a mind of their own but really I just needed to hold her. She stepped back with a confused look.
"Oh God. You're all beat up." Chelsea whispered, touching the bruises and cuts on my face softly. I turn my face quickly with all I had. God this hurts. Not the cuts but the feeling in my heart. You know that feeling in your heart when you hear a sad song and the lyrics were so sad and so deep that it physically hurts you? Yeah, that's what I mean.
"Luke?" Her voice was so angelic. Especially when she says my name.
I remember the smile on her face when we sat in my bed and talked about our lives.
I remember the shock on her face when I told her I loved her.
I remember the taste of her lips.
I remember the blush on her face as we undressed each other.
I remember the fright in her eyes when I yelled at her.
I remember her giggles when we swung on the swings.
I remember the tears streaming down her face when I was pulled away by the police
I remembered everything. Every single day we spent together even if it was in anger or in love. I was fucking in love with Chelsea. Everything she did made my heart either flutter or break. She did things to me I couldn't explain.
"Luke. What's up, baby?"
"Don't-Don't call me that." I whispered. That was harder than I thought. Her face went pale. More pale than usual.
"What's wrong?" She choked. I looked away from her, not being able to see the pain in her eyes. I caused that. I hurt her. Those green eyes of hers were broken, full of sadness.
"Y-You need to go."
Notes
Song Recommendations:
- Stockholm Syndrome ~ Blink 182
- Forever My Father ~ Go Radio
- Absolutely (Story Of A Girl) ~ Nine Days
- I Love You 5 ~ Nevershoutnever
- Going Away To College ~ Blink 182
R.I.P Elena 1/1/15 Sometimes people don't want to be society's puppets so they cut their strings but find the worst possible way of doing it. I didn't know her well but she was part of the 5sos fam so I lost a sister. I hope you are jamming hard to 5SOS with our other sisters, Elena. (Her Instagram is/was @5sos_are_my_husbands)
Please. If you are sad or angry, don't hurt yourself. You may not know me but you are my sister/brother. We are a family and family doesn't let one another down when they're falling. Talk to me. I may not make you laugh but I sure as hell will cry with you.
I love you
~Chelsea :) :) :) :)
Girl you need to update just as bad as I need to!! ♡ please add more ♡
9/20/16