Louis POV
“Zayn must of left the AC on really low and I can’t find my pajamas.” … “Let’s cuddle? Lol I don’t care, it’s cold.”
“What if I get a hard on?”
“It’s fine. I mean, it’s a dick. You can’t control it.”
He’s on my bed. Side to side, next to each other, cuddling. His arms around my body and my arms around him, as we hug each others backs.
I can feel him breathing with my hands and with our stomachs touching, feeling his stomach being inflated and deflated.
I can feel his nipples, his four nipples, that has an elevated platforms, against my flat, smooth, chest. His smooth chest and my smooth chest, specifically our small male breast’s, touch one another. Skin against skin is my favorite feeling. And since it’s a huge part of our skin that touches, it infatuates me even more.
My small little happy trail that has gaps between each string of hair, met with his perfected lined V-line, and mine are touching.
“I’m gonna get hard…”
“Dude don’t worry. It’s fine. Plus it feels good when two touch each other. When they are pressed against each other.”
Our penises press against each other over two pieces of fabric. A piece of inflated muscle touches another. It feels like I’m pressing against a piece of hotdog weiner that is getting stronger and bigger by the second.
Then hard against hard are touching. ASDFGHJKL. All day and all night.
Can I even consider this as third base? So many questions.

And I fall asleep with that feeling and with all those questions unanswered, thankful and maybe not thankful for what just happened. It sure will be a feeling that will be hard to let go.
Life gets harder when you crush with someone you can’t have. How do you even identify if either someone is straight or not straight? But one thing for sure is that we get along, not having a single problem with spend the rest of our lives with each other, with the same relationship goals we both share.
It’s true what they say. “You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world...but you do have some say in who hurts you.” And that’s Harry. We get along so much that he sets my standards high in who and what personality traits I look for when looking for a relationship. And I believe the only one who fulfills them is Harry.
We laugh, looking, what I believe, deeply into each others eyes probably 100 times a day, but the truth of it all, it’s only to know that he likes girls. He says, look at that chick and I think, okay, I’ll look at the smile you have on your face when you look at one.
Wanting something you can’t have is one of the worst feelings in the world. Because of the keyword: Can’t. Harry is all I want and it hurts so much.
And what is worst is that he’s my roommate and I have to deal with these feelings everyday.
I’m watching him get dressed, with him not having a clue I’m fake sleeping. He’s naked with nothing on him but boxer briefs. But his outfit that has the same effect it does when seeing him naked… Three words: Hot as fuck.
Last night after coming home from late night studying for our english quiz we have today, it was so cold Harry wanted to cuddle and how could I say no to my best friend? But also to your crush. When you have a crush it’s hard to say no because all I want to do satisfy his wants.
He thought it was cool because we are close friends and I thought it was cool because… well because I have a crush on him.
“Oh you’re up. Good morning. Sleep well?”
“As matter fact, yes I did.”
“I know huh. Not to be gay or anything, but cuddling at night as we fell into distant sleep, felt good.” Not to be gay…
“Yeah I know right? Haha. The only thing that could make it better is a bigger bed.” And the sound of rain on a rainy day would be nice too.
“Oh yeah I know! My leg kept on failing off the side of the bed. Too bad this is a small room or else I would of bought a bigger bed.”
“Yeah that’s what sucks about two tall guys having to cuddle at night.”
“Totally relatable.”
“Hahaha. Well I need to get dressed. Hopefully after the English exam we can go grab something to eat. You up for that?”
“Yeah sure. I want to get away from the campus. I’m tired of it already.”
I could be like Harry and put on a show the way he did: Taking off boxers briefs, changing them to put new ones, slowly and deadly, as I could see his small white ass that I love to see.
The way he goes off to the mirror to stare at himself. Not the way most men do by staring at the body but his face. Then stroke his hair back, probably thinking what fashion statement to make for the day. Then boom. He goes sprinting to his cabinets and grabs his clothes by putting on a pair of jeans first, facing me, zipping the zipper, and buttoning his pants. Then puts on the shirt and jacket.
But with me, there’s no show. All I got is going straight to the cabinet, pull out clothes to find more clothes, putting my fashion don’ts all back in, and quickly put on my clothes.
“I swear, I feel like Kourtney Kardashian next to Kim Kardashian when walking by you. I just can’t look as great as you.”
“Sorry not sorry.” He says and punches me on the my arm. I don’t get the point of why straight boys do that.
“Jerk.”
“Don’t worry. If I get some tonight, I’ll pass on my sloppy seconds to you.”
“Please don’t.”
“Haha I’m kidding. If I get some tonight then I’ll keep it just like a treasure.”
We head out the apartment and go to class. Having class with your roommate is always a good thing because if he passes then I pass. And also if he fails, I fail too. I don’t think it’s that good after all.
The exam was really easy and it only took 20 minutes to complete. Now it’s time to go eat.
“What should we eat?” I asked Harry.
“I don’t know. Hm… Oh I know!”
“What?” Why can’t he just say it?
“Chipotle! I hear people talk about it all the time. We have to go try it.”
“Oh yeah! Yeah let’s go!”
We get to Chipotle and the smell of chicken and Mexican salsa sauces fills the room. Smells so good.
They have everything. Burrito’s with anything you want. Chicken, barbacoa, steak, soyfrito, carnitas, guacamole, hot red sauce, pico de gallo, lettuce, rice, beans and much more. It’s all sounds so good.
“Liam would love it here.” Harry says.
“He would indeed.”
We take a seat and take a bite unto our four dick burrito.
I took a bite into the burrito and the taste of the salsa is dominating the burrito over the rice, chicken, and guacamole. It’s delicious.
“This is really good” I say.
“Oh yeah I know. We have to come often. This is too good.”
“Yeah this is some good shit.” I say.
“Lou! We’re eating,” Harry says with a disgusting face.
“Oh no! In america saying this is some good shit means this is some good stuff.”
“Really?” He says, confusingly.
“Yeah haha.”
“That is so weird. How does saying good shit mean delicious?”
“I don’t even know.”
“Yeah haha.”
“Tomorrow is our Friday. Even though we have four days of classes a week, it still annoying to wake up early to go to class. We should do something.”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know. Go to the movies or something.”
“Yeah okay. I’m up for that. It’s a date.” Harry says. Please Harry, your making things worse.
We leave chipotle and get into the car and star-
“Aye! You couldn’t fucking wait you stupid ass!” Says a Latina girl with a baby, waiting to cross the street to the parking lot.
“I would reply to her and say something back but I’m honestly so full and tired to be fight back, right now.”
“Hahaha I know that chipotle burrito was big.”
On the way home we past by a beautiful breath taking view. It’s on top of a hill and you could see all of the buildings and houses with dozens of tree’s followed by a lovely sunset about to take place into the sky.
“Look how nice it is!” Harry says.
“Yeah I know. It’s lovely.”
“Let’s just park right in front. I don’t want to go home right now.”
“Yeah same.” I say.
We park right beside the view and from the dashboard window you can see what looks like most of San Diego. It’s lovely.
“Woah can you look at that.” Harry says.
“And to think we are just international students living here for college.”
“The city isn’t even ours and yet I feel like I’m at home.” Harry says.
“For me it feels like living at another great American city just like New York City.”
“Yeah.” Harry agrees.
“People say america has a bad government system but it’s not as bad. It’s definitely not a perfect country but it sure is the best country in the world.”
“Just like they say, if you can make it here, you can make it anywhere.”
“I’m sure you got it wrong. It’s if you can make it to New York City then you can make it anywhere. San Diego is more like a beautiful town with many different cultures.”
“True, true.”
“Harry can I tell you something?”
“Yeah of course, you know you can trust me.”
“Oh okay…I don’t know how to say this but I want you to know I’m gay.”
“Oh really?”
“Yeah. Why do you question it?”
“I don’t know it’s just surprising because you don’t seem gay. But know, it’s cool. I honestly don’t care who you like. I’m sorry for playing on and talking about girls to you.”
“It’s fine. You didn’t know so it’s not your fault.”
“But it’s cool. I don’t care. I’ve met gay men and they don’t even scare me.”
“Oh well thank god. I thought you we’re going to feel weird about it, having it ruin our friendship.”
“Oh no I don’t. You’re one of best friends. Why would I care?”
“That’s good. I just felt like I had to say it sometime as it wasn’t easy. I’ve had so friends that are girls that I’ve forgotten what it’s like to have guy friends.”
“Oh well. I’m glad I can be that guy. I’ll be your wingman whenever we go to parties and stuff. Haha trust me it’ll be fun.”
Those are promising words but not the promising words I expect to hear.
“But I also want you to know that…I like you. We hang out everyday, we laugh and talk everyday and get along so much that I’m starting to have feelings for you. You bring out a happiness inside of me that I didn’t even know I had inside of me. Maybe it’s your sweetness, or your good looks. But it’s also the motivations that you have to always be yourself that make me like you even more because it’s something I hope to become as gay man living in a prejudiced world. I don’t expect you to like me but I have these feelings, eating me alive and I just want you to know about it before things get worse or it’s too late.” (When you get a girlfriend and I get incredibly jealous).

I hope I didn’t make things worse. But all he’s doing is sitting there, looking back to the view, taking it all in.

Notes