Liam: “What if she never wants to see me again?”
I knew I was starting to go overboard after I called for the twentieth time. Running my hand through my hair, I stared at the call log on my phone - Y/N’s name appearing over and over again. I didn’t get a single answer and didn’t have the courage to leave a voicemail.
I fucked it all up and I knew it the second I began to overreact. After Y/N ran out of the flat, Harry sat me down and explained everything to me, making me realize what Hannah has been doing to me all this time, I was just too blind to see.
I always want to believe the best in people and after my rollercoaster of relationships, I just wanted to believe that someone wanted to be with me for me and not for all of things I have or money in my bank account.
It’s been almost a week since I broke things off from Hannah, she can keep all of things she used my money to buy, but she can’t keep me. Her true colors really showed when she began hitting me with the expensive bag she treated herself with, that thing coming with a five digit price tag.
The worst part is, I didn’t feel anything when I ended it with her - all I could think about was Y/N. She was the only girl in the world that I knew would never use me for anything I owned - she was there for the real me. I don’t fucking know why it has taken me so long to realize that.
“You need to give Y/N a break, she is hurt.” Harry said as he entered the living room and noticed the cell phone in my hand. I haven’t seen Y/N since I accused her of such an awful thing a week ago. It killed me.
“I don’t know what I am supposed to do. She won’t answer my calls, respond to my texts. I am about to stand outside her doorstep to get her to listen to me and let me explain myself. What if she never wants to see me again?”
I glanced over at Harry who was standing uneasily, his feet constantly moving off the ground. This was a habit he had when he was hiding something.

“You know something, Harry. Tell me.” I tossed my phone on the couch and stood up, prepared to do whatever it took to get curly to spit it out.
“I promised Y/N I wouldn’t tell you.” Sometimes, I got overly jealous with how close she was with Harry - she was supposed to be my friend, my best friend - mine.
“Harry.” My voice was stern as I began walking towards one of my best mates, hating that he was trying to keep Y/N from me.
“We are all meeting at Ralph’s tonight for some food. I told her you wouldn’t be there so she would come.” He spoke slowly, afraid of my reaction.
I didn’t know how to feel. What was worse, the fact that I wasn’t told about this outing or that Y/N didn’t even want to go if I was going to be there?
Tugging on my hair once more, I sat back down on the couch, burying my head in my hands. I began mumbling profanities under my breath as I felt Harry’s presence on the couch next to me, his hand eventually patting me on the back for some support.
“I have a feeling this whole thing is more than just a friendship for you, Liam.” I let out a loud sigh and nodded my head. I had been friends with Y/N for so long that I couldn’t help, but grow feelings for her. However, I tried to distract myself with other girls because I didn’t want her to have to deal with me being constantly away from her. I knew it bothered her and we were just friends, I can’t even imagine how she would handle the distance and time apart if we were actually together. I couldn’t do that to her.
“How long have you known?” I questioned him, lifting my head from my hands and leaning back against the couch.
“The guys and I have been noticing for months, we just didn’t say anything. It’s always been something more with Y/N.”
“What if she never speaks to me again?” God, just the thought of not having in Y/N in my life was enough for me to sit on her doorstep for the rest of my life - if that’s what it took.
“Well, she is a stubborn one, that’s for sure. You really upset her though. Come to Ralph’s - cause a scene if you have to. Just get her to listen.”
++++++
Making my way to the back of the diner, my palms were sweating. Ralph’s was always our spot - it was one of the only places back home where we could go and hang and fly under the radar so people didn’t notice us. We were just a normal group of friends at Ralph’s. No paps, the occasional fan photo, but never anything major.
I could hear Y/N’s laugh as I approached the booth, the top of her head poking out over the seat. That sound alone caused my heart to swell. The past week has allowed me to realize all of things about Y/N I have taken for granted all this time. The guys saw me before she did, but as soon as our eyes locked, I could see the sadness in them.
She looked over at Harry before shaking her head, reaching for her bag next to her in the booth and moving to get up without saying a word.
“Y/N, wait.” I gently reached out for her hand to stop her, but she yanked it, heading for the exit in the back of the diner without a single word.
I was determined, however. I followed hot on her heels and soon as she was out the door, I stepped in front of her, keeping her trapped in between me and the door.
“I don’t want to talk to you, Liam.” Her voice was soft, filled with defeat as she tried to move away from me. I wouldn’t let her. If Y/N was going to hate me, I at least wanted to apologize before my friendship with her was over.
“I never listen to you, I know that. Even when you are just trying to be honest with me, I always shut you out and it isn’t fair to you. You are my best friend. And as soon as you walked out that door, I knew I had fucked up. I was just so caught up in that relationship with Hannah that I didn’t see what she was trying to do. I just wanted to finally be in a relationship that wasn’t so fucked up - I didn’t want to believe she was just using me for my money. You finally had the courage to bring it up to me when no one else did and I treated you in a way I shouldn’t have.” I watched as her eyes filled with tears as I spoke, the sight nearly breaking my heart in two. I moved closer to her and reached up, brushing the tears away with my thumb.
“It’s not fair what you said to me, Liam. You know I would never lie to you and you said all of those things, how do you think that makes me feel? That you always choose your girlfriends over me. I know its selfish of me to say, but it seems that whenever there is a new girl in your life, I am placed on the back burner. You never hear me, Liam. You never listen.”
She was full on crying at this point, her entire body shaking as I brought her into my arms despite her struggle to fight me off. When she stopped fighting me, the tears spilled even more and she grabbed onto my shirt with her fists.
“I care about you more than any of those girls, Y/N. I really do. I only did the things I did because I was terrified of losing you. I wanted to protect this friendship and whatever we had. God, I am such an idiot.” I buried my head into her hair and took in her familiar scent, a long list of memories floating through my head.
“You know you could never lose me, Liam. I mean, I was angry with what happened and I still am, but I can never stay mad at you forever.” She released her hold on me and wipe her damp face with the back of her hand, leaning her head up on stare at me.
“You know I love you, right?” I whispered towards her, the dimlight of the back of the diner being the only light source between the two of us. I watched as her eyes went wide for a moment before she relaxed.
“Of course, I love you too.” I could hear a sense of sadness in her voice, almost disappointment.
To break her confusion on what I meant, I slowly bent down and brought our lips together. Y/N jumped slightly at the contact before leaning into it, my arms snaking around her waist. I brought her in as close as possible, wanting to take in every moment I could.
“Y/N, I did what I did because I was more worried of losing you than being with you. I don’t want to be that guy that is always gone and isn’t with you as much as I should be. It’s not fair to you. The others - I didn’t really give a shit if I was with them or not, it didn’t matter as much to me. But it does with you, I want to be able to be there when you need me and I feel like I can’t do that when I am on tour which is why I want you with me on the road as much as possible. I need you, I-”
My speech was cut off as Y/N brought our lips together once more, the feeling of her against me causing me to almost feel lightheaded. I would never take for granted this feeling. I would never take her for granted.
“I need you too.” She spoke slowly, a small smile across her face as I kept her wrapped in my arms.
“You will go on the road with me, won’t you?” Even after what just happened, I was still afraid that Y/N would say no and that would be something I wouldn’t be able to bare.
“My suitcase is already packed.”
Harry: “Don’t fuck with me, Harry.”
From afar, I watched as Y/N slow danced with Louis. The wedding had gone on without a hitch and I spent the entire time thinking about her. After she stormed out of the flat, something inside me felt wrong. I started imagining what it would be like if Y/N wasn’t in my life anymore. And that is when I came to the realization that I would always choose her over any other girl in my life I dated, even though I did a terrible way of showing it.
I sat in the middle of the hallway for what seemed like hours before I grew a pair and called Olivia, telling her that I wasn’t going to the wedding anymore. I couldn’t even think straight, I had to figure things out with Y/N before I would deal with Olivia.
My eyes were on her the entire ceremony. She looked hurt, but tried her best to mask it with a smile. Every once and a while, I would catch her looking my way, but she would avert her eyes as soon as the contact was made.
Y/N and I always bickered and fought, but it was never to this degree. Most arguments lasted ten minutes and then we were over it.
It killed me knowing she felt this way - that I always picked my girlfriends over her. I just don’t know how to fucking balance shit and well, there is no excuse.
And now I had to watch as one of my best mates danced with Y/N, something that I was supposed to be doing. I didn’t forget the promise I made her about taking her to this wedding, but Olivia was, well, persistent and I felt some sort of obligation to take her even though I knew my time would be better spent with Y/N.
I didn’t even get the chance to tell her how beautiful she looked tonight, the fight starting before I could even get a word in. Y/N was the type of girl that could wear a sweatshirt and have a messy head of hair and still look completely gorgeous. Right now, in that gorgeous dress and the light makeup that covered her face, I felt like I was in a trance.
She had been there through it all - all of the downsides of the fame, the girlfriends that turned out to not be so nice, personal problems, everything. She had been through it all with me - she knew me better than anyone, even myself.
Upon arriving at the wedding, the lads were cursing me out for what I had said and done with Y/N. Word travels fast in our group. While Louis and her stayed as far away from me as possible, the other guys began scolding me for hurting her the way I did.
Zayn even spilled the beans on what I already knew - that Y/N has been in love for me for years and I didn’t do shit about it. I couldn’t lie, I felt the same, but I never really knew if she would feel the same way I do or if our friendship would be ruined forever.
My mind couldn’t stop my feet from walking as I paced across the dancefloor towards Y/N and Louis, tapping him on the shoulder.
“May I cut in?” I watched as Y/N’s face drop in reluctance as the two of them stopped dancing. Louis’s eyes traveled back and forth between Y/N and I.
“Guys, I don’t want to get involved with this stuff…”
“It’s fine, Lou.” Y/N’s soft voice spoke as I snuck in and wrapped my arms around her, bringing her in as the slow song continued on. Louis walked away abruptly as Y/N hesitantly placed her hands on my shoulders.
She refused to look at me, a stubborn trait I knew well. I couldn’t even think straight, fumbling to even put together a string of thoughts to say to her.
“I am not jealous by the way.” She said quietly, her eyes still looking past my shoulder. I could tell by her tone that she was still pissed as hell, but at least she started the conversation before I had to.
“I know you aren’t. I shouldn’t have said those things and I should have noticed that Olivia was purposefully making sure I didn’t have time to see you or the guys. You should have said something sooner. I-”
“What was I supposed to say?” She interrupted, “Hey, by the way, you’re girlfriend doesn’t like me and is making sure you don’t have time to hang out with me. It isn’t exactly dinner table talk, now is it? You always chose your girlfriends over me, Harry. I let you walk all over me when they were around, but I am tired of doing it.” Her eyes finally flickered to mine and they were full of such intensity.
The words she spoke were piercing through my soul, why didn’t she say anything sooner? Why hadn’t I fucking noticed she was hurt by this?
I watched as she tried to keep her composure, her eyes glossy. She tried to move her hands from my shoulders, but I wouldn’t let her. I kept them in place while I tried my best to say what I was feeling.
“And I am the shitty friend that never noticed it. I was too caught up in them to even notice what it was doing to you and that’s not fucking fair to you. You have always been there for me and I have hardly been there for you. You have every right to be mad at me.” I spoke, resting my forehead against hers. I wasn’t going to let her go - this was just going to be another one of our fights. We were going to move past this.
“And I love you.” The four words left my lips so effortlessly that it felt so right for them to be directed towards her. I spoke softly, afraid that the powerful words were going to cause her to run.
Y/N stopped dancing completely, shock taking over her entire body as her mind registered the words that were being said to her.
“Wha-whatt?” She stuttered out, her glossy eyes staring to my soul as I hugged her hips with my hands tighter, afraid to let her go.
“I love you, Y/N.” I said again, hoping that she would finally realize the magnitude of what I was saying. In an instance, her eyes went from shock to skepticism.
“Don’t fuck with me, Harry. It’s not cute to mock me.” As the song came to an end, she detached herself from my grasp and walked off the dance floor, away from me. I turned to Louis who was watching from the table, his arms up in the air as he watched what happened.
I jogged in the direction Y/N had escape to, seeing her walking towards the parking lot, fishing through her bag for what I take as car keys.
“Y/N, stop!” I shouted, sprinting full force towards her. Her shoulders were shaking, the observation preparing me for her tear stained cheeks as I caught up to her.
“I am not mocking you.” I stood in front of her, stopping her by placing my hands on her shoulders.
“Haven’t you done enough, Harry? You ditched me today and that was all before you accused me of something I didn’t do and now you are mocking me. Why? Why can’t you just leave me alone?” The tears were slowly falling down her face as she stared at the ground, too ashamed to look at me.
“I can’t leave you alone, Y/N, because I don’t want to. You are my best friend, my everything. I spent the day wondering how my life would be like without you-” she scuffed at my words, trying to back away from me, but I wasn’t going to let her go. I grabbed the keys in her hand and threw them as far as I could, her jaw dropping at my action as they disappeared into the bushes.
“Harry, you are a fucking idiot!” Y/N shouted at me, hitting me in the chest. Before I could give her the chance to walk away from me, I grabbed her arm and brought her closer, attaching our lips together. She stood motionless as our lips touched for the first time, definitely not expecting that to happen.
“That’s right, I am a fucking idiot. I am idiot because it took me this long to see how important you are to me. I guess I just got stuck along the way. It’s no excuse and I can’t excuse my behavior or how I treated you in the past, but I really want to try. Please, Y/N. Please.”
“I can’t, Harry.” She spoke suddenly, my heart shattering instantly. Fuck. That was it. It was ruined, I had ruined it all.
But then, I heard a giggle. Looking up at her, I watched as she bit her lip, trying to refrain from laughing.
“I can’t, unless you go and find those keys you just threw into the bushes.” That mischievous smile appeared on her face and that was enough for me. I hoisted her body over my shoulder as she let out a squeal, her fists playfully hitting my back.
“Only if you help me, Y/N.”
Niall: “You made your choice.”
Y/N wasn’t in the crowd that night so my entire game was off onstage. The guys could see it and so could the fans. I have never seen her so pissed off or hurt in my entire life. After she stormed out of the room, I sat down and had a long talk with Jessica where she finally slipped that she may have spoken a few not so nice words about my best friend, something I wouldn’t tolerate.
Besides the guys, Y/N was the one constant in my life. She was there through thick and thin and had been since the very beginning of this rollercoaster ride I have been on. Jessica was new to the mix and once I heard about what she said about Y/N, I knew I wasn’t going to be able to make it work.
I was very protective of Y/N. She was in the limelight whether she liked it or not because she was always with me and the lads. People weren’t always so nice to her even though she was only my best friend. She was family.
I hadn’t heard from her since the argument and when the show was over, I ran offstage as fast as I could and had one of the cars take me back to the hotel. My mind was running wild - what if she had left? What if she didn’t want to be in my life anymore?
I couldn’t live with myself if she had gone home because of this. She never takes hate well, especially in areas where it wasn’t deserved. I promised her I would bring people around that were going to be good - for me, her and the boys. Jessica proved to not be that.
Still sweating from the show, I ran as fast as I could down the vacant hotel hallway, sliding my keycard in and praying to fucking god Y/N would be somewhere in the room.
I glanced at the bed, noticing that her suitcase was open and nearly packed. Fuck. Running my hand through my hair, my eyes averted to the slightly ajar bathroom door as I heard snuffles and clinging of objects.
Opening the door, I watched as Y/N wiped her damn face and continued to pack up all of her toiletries, her eyes not acknowledging my presence in the room.
“Y/N, listen to me. I-”
“My flight leaves in two hours, I need to get to the airport.” She brushed past me and I couldn’t even register what was happening. I watched as she placed her bag inside the overpacked suitcase on the bed.
“I fucked up, okay? I took her side when I should have taken yours. I just need you to listen to me.”
“There isn’t anything to say, Niall. You made your choice. You decided to listen to Jessica without even considering how I felt about the matter. How is that supposed to make me feel?” She closed the top of her suitcase and struggled to zip it completely, but managed after a moment.
“I am not just going to watch you leave, Y/N. Not over this-”
“You are supposed to be protecting me from shit like this, Niall. You promised me that if things got out of hand, you would step in. You took her side without even thinking about me! I can’t take being talked about like that especially from people that are supposedly close to you. Over the internet, the media, the fans, that’s fine. This isn’t. I don’t safe from that stuff anymore. I can’t do it.” She was crying again. I could see the tears glistening in the dimlight of the hotel room as she struggled to bring the large suitcase down from the bed.
“I know I made that promise to you, Y/N. And I am keeping it. As soon as you left, I got Jessica to tell me everything and well, she is gone. The last thing I want is to bring someone around that is going to hurt you like that. You don’t deserve it. I let you down as a friend, but I won’t do it again. Y/N, please.” I was begging at this point. Just the thought of her leaving with that suitcase was tearing me in two. I couldn’t let her do it.
“Niall, you always see the best in people and want to believe that they are going to say and do the right thing. It’s the best and worst thing about you. How do I know that the same thing isn’t going to happen again? I didn’t sign up for the hateful words being thrown my way, I signed up to be friends with five incredible boys that are like my brothers. I don’t want to regret it. I-”
I took three large steps towards Y/N, bringing my glistening cheeks into my hands as she continued to cry. I needed her to hear me loud and clear.
“I won’t do it again. You are my best friend in the entire world and you mean more to me than some girl that I have know for a few months. We’ve got years of friendship on them and that is stronger than any of this. So please, don’t leave me.”
I could feel tears forming in my eyes as I waited for Y/N to speak. This was all getting to be too much. She moved to bury her face into my chest, my arms instinctively wrapping around her.
“Don’t ever let someone like that happen again, Ni. Okay?” Nodding my head, I kissed the top of Y/N’s head over and over again. I wasn’t going to let her go.
Zayn: I took a step closer to her, only for her to take one step back.
Holding the box of tea in my hand, I threw it against the wall in efforts to let go of some of frustration. Sick my fucking ass. I watched as the white packets spilled from the box, littering the carpet. Sitting down on the edge of my bed, I buried my head in my hands as I replied last night over and over again.
Liam dropping by to give me a piece of artwork from Y/N’s art show, bitterness all over his face. He shoved in my face and left, not bothering to say a word.
Glancing next to me, I grabbed the piece of canvas lying on the bed and held in my hands. My eyes had barely left it since Liam gave it to me. Y/N had draw a picture of me - I was sitting on one of the steps onstage, a huge smile on my face. She had done this for me and I didn’t even have the decency to show up to her show, after promising her for months I would.
After Liam had left, Kara and I had gotten in a huge argument and she blatantly admitted to me that she wasn’t actually sick, but didn’t want me going to the art show because she felt like I spent too much time with Y/N.
I went out and bought this girl boxes of tea and soup and everything, just for her to tell me that she faked it because she felt threatened by Y/N. After the fight finished and I kicked her out of my apartment, I began throwing everything I had bought Kara for her “sickness”, completely pissed.
I even went down to the art show to see if there was still time, only to find it vacant and locked. I had fucked up. Y/N had been looking so forward to this show and I was supposed to be her number one supporter.
I was supposed to be there for her and I couldn’t even do that. I wouldn’t be surprised if she never talked to me again. Y/N always put the guys first, she went to everything we asked her to - events, parties and of course, shows. I honestly can’t think of a single one she has missed. Granted, she can’t make it to ones around the world, but she has been at every show around home and I couldn’t even make it to something that was about her. It was so selfish of me.
A few days since the art show had passed and I hadn’t heard from Y/N. I tried calling or texting her, but nothing seemed to work. The guys wanted me to give her some space, but that was a little hard to do when we saw each other a lot.
The gang were meeting up at Liam’s flat for another round of FIFA and beers and while I knew Y/N was going to be there, I couldn’t stop myself from picking my sorry ass off the couch and heading over there.
While the guys tried to not make it awkward, the tension in the air could be cut with a knife. Y/N was snuggled up on one corner of the couch - her hair was up in a messy bun and she was wearing that oversized grey sweater I loved so much on her.
When I had walked in, her eyes met with my briefly, a small smile on her face as she turned her attention back to the TV. I could easily detect the uneasiness in her face, but she was always one to avoid confrontation.
I walked into the kitchen to grab a beer before taking a seat in the chair adjacent from where Y/N was sitting. She didn’t say anything and barely acknowledged me, the guys trying to break the feelings in the air with the constant shouting as the FIFA match got more intense.
“So where’s she at? You look a little lost without Kara aro-” Niall couldn’t even finish the sentence as Liam smack him on the back of the head for bringing her up when everything was a mess between me and Y/N.
Everyone turned to glare at Niall, his face red from embarrassment, but Y/N’s eyes remained on the screen, trying to alienate herself from this situation as much as possible.
“She uhh-isn’t come we. I-ummm, I ended it.” I stuttered out before taking a long sip of my ice cold beer. Y/N’s head snapped towards my way in shock before she quickly shook off what I had just said, trying to pretend like the words leaving my mouth didn’t matter.
But they did matter, a lot actually. I had a bond with Y/N that no one could break. I would gladly chose her over any other woman in my life, that’s how much she meant to me. I wasn’t always great at expressing how I feel, especially towards Y/N. I could tell her anything in the world and knew that she would never judge or hold it against me. But when it came to my feelings for her, I was running as far away from them as I could.
The boys continued on with their game, I having no intention of playing. It wasn’t long before Y/N stood up from her spot on the couch and walked down the hallway to the bathroom. This was my shot.
“Don’t do it, man.” Liam scolded as he watched my eyes travel the path Y/N had just walked. Setting my beer down on the coffee table, I ignored what Liam had said and rose from my seat.
“Don’t fuck it up.” He murmured under his breath as I passed the couch and waited in the hallway from the her. When she emerged from the bathroom, she jumped in surprise.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” I stuttered while scratching the back of my neck, “can we talk?”
Y/N nodded and walked towards Liam’s bedroom, shutting the door for more privacy so the boys didn’t intervene. She was uncomfortable distance from me as I leaned against the door - I was used to her being close.
“I am sorry for missing your art show. I-there really isn’t an excuse for it because I knew how important it was to you and I listened to Kara when she said she was sick. I ended up rushing there, hoping i could at least see part of it, but it was already over and empty.” Fuming my eyebrows together, I waited for Y/N to yell or scream at me. But she never did, her eyes just stared at the ground.
That was one thing about her - she never voiced how she felt about things. She hid them and pretended like she wasn’t hurt. The silence killed me more than if she were to scream in my face and tell me she never wanted to see me again.
“Kara told me she was lying about the whole thing and that she felt jealous because I was always with you or the guys. When she said that, I immediately thought about you - I had chosen someone over you when you needed me and-” I cut off, not knowing where this apology was going. The silence between the two of us was killing me.
“Y/N, please. Say something.” I took a step closer to her, only for her to take one step back. I sucked in a breath the cushion the blow.
“What do you want me to say, Zayn?” Her voice was so quiet, almost ghostly, as she hugged her arms around her body as if to protect herself.
“Anything. Yell at me, shout, do something. Don’t just stand there and not say anything.” That’s when her eyes looked up at me, tears pooling around her mesmerizing eyes.
“I, I was looking so forward to that night because for once, it was about me. That’s sounds terrible,” she mumbled, shaking her head at her moment of selfishness. Selfishness that she should have.
“You always supported my art and the other night was my chance to finally show you some of it. You knew how important it was to me and you decided to be with Kara. You are always the most caring guy, Zayn. It something I always love about you. But, Kara - she was always trying to get in between us even when you didn’t see it and I let her because I figured you let her into your life for a reason, a reason that I may not have seen. The other night just made me realize that I-nevermind. I have been kidding myself.” She shook her head and turned her back towards her, the sound of her chewing on her thumb nail filling my ears. Whenever Y/N was nervous or upset, she bit her nails. It was a habit she hated, but one I always loved for some reason.
“Kidding yourself? Y/N, what are you talking about?” I took another step forward as she turned her body around to face me, tears streaming down her face.
“I am in love with you!” She shouted at me, her emotions hitting me like a freight train. The tears came down her face harder as she cried in the middle of the room, her arms still hugging her shaking body.
“I have been in love with you for years, Zayn and you haven’t even noticed. You’ve brought in girl after girl and let them take you away from me and you never did anything about it. And I didn’t mind until finally one of them took away something important from me. I did that entire art show for you! And you didn’t even come!” She was still shouting as I stood there, stunned. I have never seen Y/N this way - she has never broke down like this in front of me, even after years of knowing each other.
Not being able to stand the sight in front of me, I paced towards Y/N and brought her close to me, my lips meeting her before she had a chance to fight it. Her sobs stopped at the contact, my thumbs moving to wipe away all of the tears that had fallen on her perfect face.
“God, I am such a fucking idiot,” I mumbled as I kissed her lips over and over again, hoping to absorb some of her sadness, “I don’t want to lose you, Y/N. I can’t. You are everything to me.”
It was true. I needed her, more than ever. I would spend the rest of my life making it up to her if I had to, I wasn’t going to let her go, no matter how hard she fought.
“Promise me, Zayn. Don’t ever do something like that to me again.” She mumbled against my lips, her tears no longer pouring from her eyes. Kissing her again, I nodded my head.
“Never. I need you.” I spoke truthfully, as I kissed my way up her face until I reached the top of her head, bringing her into my chest.
“I need you too.” She spoke softly.
Louis: She was like a breath of fresh air from all of the chaos that had engulfed my life over the past few years. She was everything.
“How did you get in here?” Y/N’s voice startled me as I looked down the hallway at her. Carrying two shopping bags in her hands, I quickly rose to my feet. I had been waiting by her door for ages, hoping that she would be back sometime soon.
“I-uhh-waited for someone down at the front to leave so I could come in.” I spoke slowly as she juggled her keys in one of her hands, working to unlock her front door.
“I don’t want you here, Louis.” She spat my way, attempting to close the door in my face, but I stopped it with my foot.
“Just hear me out, Y/N. Please.” I begged. While I sat on the floor of the hallway waiting for her, I imagined how this whole thing was going to go. And well, this is how I pictured it.
“Why should I? How can you even bare to ‘look at me’?” She taunted towards me with hate, repeating the words I had screamed at her last night at the club. Looking down at the floor in shame, I shook my head.
“I just-please, give me five minutes and I will leave. I promise.” I couldn’t even look at her in the eyes, the shame of my actions last night weighing heavy on my shoulders. Heavier than anyone would ever understand.
Sighing, she let me into her flat, walking towards the kitchen to set her bags down. I followed close behind, knowing that a fight was about to break out in a matter of seconds.
Y/N and I both had tempers, our hotheads always causing our fights to escalate more than others’. Setting her bags down, she ignored my presence in her tiny kitchen as she began unloading her groceries.
“Start talking, the fucking meter is running.” She spoke, turning around to place a jug of milk in her fridge.
“I jumped to conclusions last night. Granted, I was a little intoxicated, but-” I was immediately cut off, a habit of Y/N’s that always drove me insane.
“It’s not just last night that is the problem, Louis. Every single girl you bring home or out with us is nothing, but nasty to me and you don’t do a god damn thing about it.” Her words caught me off guard, them filled with so much anger.
“I know, Y/N. I-”
“No, you don’t, Louis. You never listen to me. I have put up with girl after girl that has tried to get rid of me- get me out of the picture. As if I am some fucking threat to them. Last night, I finally stood up for myself instead of just taking the hateful things that are being spat in my face. And guess what, your girlfriend SLAPPED me. She physically hurt me and you didn’t do anything about it.”
“Y/N, please, I-”
“Oh wait, you did do something about it. You immediately came to Nicole’s aid without even blinking my direction and hearing my side of the story. How do you think that makes me feel?” Venom was laced in her words, yet her eyes were full of sadness as she stopped unloading her groceries to turn and look at me.
“I just-I know somethings you get a little heated and I, I didn’t want to believe that what happened was true. That someone I brought around you would actually do something like that. I was so angry that I acted out unfairly and at the one person I was supposed to listen to and to comfort. You are my best friend, Y/N. Please.” I was at a loss for words in that moment as Y/N bit her lip to keep from crying. She always put on a brave face, she never showed this side of her. It broke me into pieces.
“For once, Lou. I want you to pick me, I am your best friend. But it doesn’t matter if you have known a girl for a month, a day, a minute - you always somehow find a way to side with her. It just makes me realize that I will always be more invested in this friendship than you are.” Her voice cracked as she turned away from me to place her boxes of cereal in the cupboard above the stove.
“That’s not true, Y/N. You are more important to me than any of those girls.” I was speaking from the heart, Y/N was the person I always turned to for anything. When I needed a break from the guys or well, a break from the world, she was there. She was like a breath of fresh air from all of the chaos that had engulfed my life over the past few years. She was everything.
“You have a great way of showing it.” Her voice was full of exhaustion as she finished unpacking the last bag before turning to look at me.
“I just need time, Lou. To think about everything.” She scrunched her eyebrows together in thought, biting her lip as she stared at me with such insecurity.
I had sat in the hallway for hours, just practicing what I was going to say to her and now that I was in the moment, I couldn’t even form a sentence on how sorry I was.
“I will give you as much time you need, Y/N. I don’t even know what to say about last night. I-” I trailed off, feeling so fucking ashamed for what I had done. For what I had caused. I wanted to yell and scream that Nicole was gone for good, but I think the last thing Y/N wanted to hear was her name.
“You’re still my best friend, Lou. I just-I need time. I don’t know if I can forgive you for this, at least not right now.” Her voice was small as she leaned against the kitchen counter, staring at the blank wall next to her.
With caution, I walked over to my best friend, a girl that meant so much to me, and placed a comforting kiss on her forehead - an action I was so used to doing.
“Just promise that you will call me when you,uhh, think about it?” My voice was shaking with emotion, knowing that Y/N was hurt so badly by my actions and the actions of a girl I thought I could trust. My biggest regret was bringing someone into Y/N’s life that would do that to her.
“Okay.” She whispered with a small, grim smile before stepping away from me and walking towards her bedroom. I listened to the door click shut, the noise causing my heart to sink deep into my chest.
I let myself out of her apartment, taking in every last image and smell I could before shutting the door. I needed Y/N to forgive me for this one. She has given me so many chances and this is one I had really fucked up. No matter what - no matter how long it takes, I will get her to forgive me. I need her in my life. Y/N is it. She’s the one for me.

Notes