Saving Addison White (A famous Harry Styles fanfiction)

At first I struggled but I ended up being able to light the cigarette I was holding in my hand. I was sitting on a bench at the park I’d been to the previous day on my little adventure around Holmes Chapel with Gemma and Anne. It must’ve been five o clock in the morning and although it was dark out, it wasn’t a cold I expected it to be maybe because it was just the beginning of spring.


I couldn’t fall asleep, my mind was torturing me over and over again. Thinking about the fact that my mother had called Harry and that he actually had her number saved on his phone. There must’ve been a good explanation and it was my fault for snooping, had I minded my own business I wasn’t going to see the call and I was going to have a peaceful sleep.


I knew I had to ask him, I wasn’t going to like the answer probably but I was going to have to do it. I was Addison Riley White and I wasn’t afraid of anything and anyone, I’d been to hell and back. Asking Harry about the type of relationship he had with my mother was going to be a piece of cake.


I put the cigarette I’d stolen from Zayn between my lips and took a long pull of it before coughing my lungs out. The last time I’d smoked a cigarette was over a year ago and it wasn’t one of my proudest moments. It was bitter in my mouth and I didn’t like the smoke in my mouth but since I didn’t know any dealers in London and couldn’t get a moment alone to get myself a small bottle of liquor I was stuck with the cigarette.


I was so caught up in my thoughts and I was brought back to
reality when I tear rolled down my cheek. Quickly, I wiped it away before taking another long pull of the cigarette but it wasn’t as effective as pot, the coke or the vodka. All it was doing was making me cough and making me more and more tempted to call Demi and beg her to come fetch me and every time that thought entered my head I quickly discarded it.


I was going to spend the last day with Harry’s family and enjoy myself. I wasn’t going to think about my mother and how she’d ruined me in the past and how she wasn’t afraid to do it again. My mind went back three years to a time when I was 15 years old and in the prime of my career. The same year I realised that I was being exploited by my parents for their benefit…


“I don’t want to do it,” the 15 year old me said sternly, crossing my arms across my chest. “Molly, you and I both know that I can’t play this role. There’s so much at risk and…”


My mom’s palm came into contact with my left cheek so quickly and unexpectedly. It was so hard that I stumbled backwards and a hot tear involuntarily tumbled down my cheek but I was quickly to wipe it away and turn back to my mother who looked disgusted with me.


“You don’t tell me what you want to do and what you don’t,” she said in that wicked voice of hers. “You don’t honestly think you’re going to be Disney’s little princes forever don’t you?” she scoffed. “Because if you did that’s very stupid of you…” she fixed her all black, nicely tailored and overpriced suit before using her manicured fingers to push a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “Eventually you’re going to grow out of Disney and sweetheart, I’m only helping you…” she grinned.


She was so patronising. Had I not looked like her so much I would’ve thought I was adopted. She never consulted me when she was making decisions that affected my career, she did everything in her might to put me down about absolutely everything and she didn’t treat me – or anyone – like a proper human being.


I stayed silent, responding to her was only going to provoke her and get he upset with me which was the last thing I needed. I looked over her shoulder to a wide eyed Naomi who looked like she wanted to be anywhere but where she was at that moment. She was my mother’s PA at that time and did absolutely everything she was told to do. Really, with my grandmother gone I didn’t have anyone to stand up for me. I was alone.


“Sweetie,” my mother briskly wiped the tear from my cheek, I hadn’t even noticed how much I was crying. “I only have your best interest at heart. You know how vicious this business is,” she said as she fixed my up making the dress I was wearing shorter – as well as adjusting the padded bra, ripping the stockings more, ruffling the hair and smudging the make-up herself. “I don’t want you to end up like Lindsay Lohan and those other child stars,” she took a step back to admire her work. “Look at you…” she turned to Naomi. “Doesn’t she look lovely?”


Naomi frantically nodded her head, grinning as she did so. I looked down at the skimpy costume I was wearing, I really did look like a hooker who was hooked on drugs thanks to my tiny, undernourished body. I’d had an eating disorder even back then, carbs and any other form of food that wasn’t diet soda, coffee and apple were frowned upon by my mother. My thighs were barely there, instead there was a huge thigh gap, my hipbones protruding through the dress and my collarbones all out. To my mom it was perfecting since she was the same but to the rest of the world I was sick.


“Now smile,” she warned, mimicking how I should me looking. “You want this role real badly remember and your dad pulled a lot of strings to get you this audition…”


“Addison White!” called a voice from behind me, when I turned around it belonged to a tall brunette and grinning lady. “It’s time for your audition,” she looked me up and down and I saw her smile fading a little. “Would you like to follow me?” I nodded and the two of us walked into the building and into a room where two men and a woman were sitting.


“The talented Addison White,” said the woman. “When you’re ready…” I shuddered at the memory of the day that changed my life forever. Also, the breeze that was now there wasn’t so warm and I was slowly regretting not bringing something warm to wear but I was relieved when I slowly started approaching Harry’s road but by then I had no control of the tears falling form my eyes. I wanted to away from him already, not because I hated him but because being with him killed me. He wasn’t mine and seeing him every day was a reminder of that.


I lifted my head to see how far I had to go and I saw Harry, he was walking out the front gate and although I could see his face exactly I could see that he was frowning. Something must’ve told him to look down the road because he did and smiled when he was me walking up, however the smile quickly faltered as we got closer and closer to each other and he noticed that I was crying. I didn’t say anything, I simply threw myself into his arms and started sobbing onto his chest – inhaling his familiar scent that somehow made me feel like everything was going to be okay.


“Where did you run off to?” he asked in his gruff, just-woke-up voice I loved so much. Come to think of it, his hair was a little messy and he was in his sweats and an old t-shirt.


I didn’t move my head from his chest, I couldn’t bear to face him. I was hurting too much already and it was only going to make was I was going to do that much harder. “Harry, I’m not good for you,” my speech was muffled as I wept. “And I’m only going to bring trouble into your perfect life. I drink too much, I rely heavily on drugs to keep my sane, don’t get me started on my stability and my dysfunctional family…” I trailed off. “Let’s face it, me being with you – although it’s fake – isn’t good for you and your career, especially with a mother like mine. Also, your fans can’t stand me…”


“Hey, hey, hey, look at me,” he drawled, his voice gently and I had no choice but to do as he said. “I don’t care about the fans. Your family doesn’t scare me. You haven’t touched a drug in three weeks and you’re doing just fine. And you don’t drink too much. My life was boring until you came into it,” he wiped a tear from my cheek. “You can’t blame yourself for the way your parents are…” he pulled me to him and kissed me on the forehead.


“You don’t understand…”


“Then make me,” he pleaded, I could hear the need in his voice.


“I don’t think you’re ready for it but,” I sighed. “Okay…”

Notes