Saving Addison White (A famous Harry Styles fanfiction)

For me being alone didn’t mean being alone in a room sitting in silence with no one next to me or anywhere near me. No, to me being alone was something else.


Being alone was going to bed with a heavy heart every night because I realised that there was no one to talk to about my problems and share my insane thoughts with because I didn’t want to seem like a burden to them and I was afraid that them knowing the truth about me would only send them running for the hills.


I was surrounded by a lot of people every day of my life, some dying to be friends with me but I felt that I didn’t belong with them. I felt that I wasn’t worthy to be friends with them, I was an outcast in the world yet they didn’t know that. To me being lonely didn’t mean sleeping in an empty bed, it was so much more than that and I’d been alone for so long that I was so tired and over it. I’d felt that for many years and for the first time, whilst sitting at that café, I didn’t feel so alone anymore.


I looked down at my perfectly manicured hands that were knotted and rested on my lap and heaved a heavy sigh before looking up at Demi and Louis who had terrified expressions on their faces. Terror wasn’t the only expression on their faces, there was another one but I just couldn’t decide what it was. I think it was sympathy which was the last thing I needed from the both of them, I’d been doing just fine without anyone’s sympathy.


“Addie, I…” Demi spoke after what felt like an eternity of silence. “You have to tell someone, I don’t know who you’re going to tell but there must be someone you trust. I’m sure someone can…”


“No,” I cut her off, without hearing what else she had to say. “I don’t need to talk to anyone about anything.” I pulled the sleeves of my jacket – that I’d put on when it had become cold – when I realised that Louis was unintentionally staring at my faded scars witch a disturbed look in his eyes. “I’m fine. I’ve been functioning very well and bringing someone else into this will only upset them which is the last thing I need…”


“But keeping it on the inside is only hurting you.” I was shocked to hear Louis speak, he’d fallen into a comfortable silence since the moment I opened my mouth to tell the story of how I ended up where I was at that moment, leaving no detail out.


“I’ve spoken to you guys which is fine,” I sounded like I was trying to convince myself more than anyone. I started picking on my bright pink nail varnish, something I did when I was nervous. “Can we please just drop this? I don’t want to talk about it…”


“The excessive partying, the booze drinking and drugs…” I was shocked to find out that Demi knew about the habit I’d picked up when I was 16 living in a town with just so many pressures. “And how can I forget you getting with a different guy every night. Addison, that’s obviously not you, your deal with your parents are the reason you’re the way you are and it’s not fair to you and your career. Lately you can’t even book yourself a proper gig and…”


“And what? Have you not heard anything I’ve just told you Demi? It’s what they want, all of it. They’re happy that I’m the fuck up I am today, it brings them so much joy,” my voice raised slightly. “And I’d appreciate it if we just dropped this topic. It’s only giving me a headache.” I sighed.


I remembered that I hadn’t had a single drug in my system in almost a month and it was driving me crazy. Going cold turkey was not easy, I didn’t know how people did it. Especially when I woke up in the morning sweaty and shaking, Harry would hold me tightly close to him to help calm me. it was slowly getting better but it was affecting me… a lot.


“I just want to go back to Harry’s so I can start packing my bags and book the next flight out of here. And if you don’t mind Demi, I’d like to stay with you for tonight.”


“But Harry,” she stopped herself midsentence and I knew exactly why. She remembered that Harry and I weren’t really a couple. “Oh right, you’re not really together.”


“I just don’t get why Harry would lie to us,” Louis said, sounding very distant. “It’s not like him… And I’ve known the lad for a long time now…”


None of us said anything about it, I didn’t know what to say because I didn’t know Harry that well, I’d only just met him some weeks ago and besides it was something Louis needed to talk to Harry about. The drive to Harry’s house was the longest, I was almost convinced that Louis had taken the long way. I curled up into a little ball in the backseat, trying to imagine how the conversation I was about to have with Harry was going to go. Worst case scenario we were going to have a huge fight which was going to cause us to call it quits on our fake relationship and I got to go home or we could’ve ignored each other until we were both calm and actually ready to talk to each other like civilised human beings.


When I walked into the house Harry was sitting in the living room, his head buried in his hands and his leg crossed and moving frantically something he only did when he was nervous. At least I wasn’t alone. When he heard the door closing he lifted his head from his hands, turned to his attention to the front door before rising from the couch and moving towards me. The anger very obvious but I acted like I didn’t notice it.


“What stunt was that last night?” he spat out.


“I was only finishing off what you started,” I spat right back at him. “Flirting with a girl in such a public place and making me look like a fool in front of all your friends,” I scoffed. “I didn’t sign up for that when I agreed to doing this fake dating shit! I know we’re not together but it doesn’t mean you have to treat me like I’m nothing.”


He stayed silent and I was pleased, that taught him to not come with me with bogus accusations.


“That’s what I thought.” I took one step to my left and pushed past him, I had only walked two steps – my main goal being to getting to the bedroom, the guest bedroom because I didn’t want anything to do with Harry and I couldn’t really kick him out of his room. Harry grabbed my wrist, he really needed to stop doing that. “Let go of me,” I said in a shaky voice, I was going to burst out in tears if I didn’t get away soon.


“Addison, please just hear me out…”


“No,” I tried to keep calm, I kept my voice low because if it was too raised it was going to give away that I was crying. “No, I don’t to hear anything you have to say to me right now Harry. You’re not my boyfriend, you’re allowed to do whatever you want to do… Please, don’t let me be the one to stop you.” I yanked my wrist from his perfect hands and staggered towards the bedroom, my vision blurred by the tears filling my eyes.


I wanted to be back at home, in the comfort of my own home where I could go into my bedroom, close the door behind me, catapult myself onto my bed and let everything I’d been bottling on the inside ‘til that moment into my favourite pillow. I knew it was going to help with relieving me. I guess you could say nothing was wrong in my life but nothing was going right either, it was an awkward in between state and I just couldn’t get myself out. No matter how hard I tried.


I was tired of everything. I was tired of pretending every day that I was okay, tired of pretending that nothing was going wrong and most of all tired of being my parent’s puppet. I just wanted to be held tight by someone I trusted and have that person tell me that everything was going to be okay but the problem was that the person I needed was nowhere near me. She was somewhere exotic with her boyfriend.


I knew I had to be strong, not for anyone else but myself. I was the only one who could fix myself and I’d been doing so well until the night I met Harry, he turned my perfectly functioning life upside down. I was tired of being the one who had to suffer for my parent’s mistakes. I was tired of having to be the strong girl, for once I wanted it to be easy.


I knew it wasn’t that simply but I wasn’t going to give up so soon, I was going to have to carry on being strong. I closed the door behind me, getting one slight glimpse of Harry before the door slammed shut. Only when I was secure in the room did I let it all go, I cried making sure not to be too loud. I couldn’t risk him hearing me.


Maybe it was time for me to go back home, the sooner I was away from Harry, his friends and his country, the sooner I could get my life back on track. In the moment I decided that I was going to be the one to put my life back together…

Notes

I just felt this chapter was needed, now Addie isn’t alone and will now have the support of Louis and Demi.


I feel kind of sorry for Addison at this point because although she’s the ‘tough girl’ with this ‘I don’t care’ attitude, she’s really just vulnerable and just needs to be looked after… maybe Harry’s the person she needs.


What do you guys think? The next chapter is going to be in Harry’s POV, I’m getting so excited about this story and slowly I’m reaching 1 000 views which is getting me super stoked!


Thank you all for reading so far #team_Haddison!