Walking Away.

I have barely slept a wink for the past two days, knowing he is coming home. I can’t handle the smell of alcohol on his breath, I cannot help but think I would be better off without him but without him I would just be a 23 year old without any money, a house and family. I love him with every inch of my body I worship him like he is my one and only, that doesn’t stop my fear and loneliness when he is around me. I look at my clock on the cabinet next to my bed, seeing that it is 6:37am and he will be walking through that door in less than 4 hours from his job in marketing job in Australia. These past few weeks whilst he has been away I have tortured myself, telling my head it is ok to walk away from this man who I love so dearly but has become a monster I do not know. I hang my legs over the bed and stare down at feet. I could just go now, pack all my things and move to Cornwall where my sister is. I’m sure she would take me in even after all the past we have had, maybe if she hears me out she will forgive me. I drag myself up and walk across the bedroom not caring about the cold laminate flooring sending shivers up my spine. God I hate this fucking flat! I slip myself into the shower and wash all the sleepiness away. I climb out and stare in to the mirror my eyes staring back at me screaming at me to get out of this place, there big black pit holes, no emotion, no love and no care anymore. I practice my fake smiles as I comb my hair before turning the hair dryer on. I walk through to the kitchen make myself a coffee and sit staring blankly at the TV screen without even turning it on. Its 7:45am only an hour till his flight lands. I need to cheer up, I need to get a grip. It’s been 6 weeks since he went and I have not had a happy day since, to be honest I don’t think I have had a happy day since I was 16. Not one of those days were you have a giggle and chat with your friends and generally just are happy. No I haven’t one of those days in years, now I just fake it and convince myself I’m happy. I wasn’t always like this oh no. I was one of the loudest , careless girls you could meet in Seniors , Always going out on parks getting drunk with a bottle of frosty jacks cider, coming home late to my dad sat on his chair giving me the death stare whilst I try not to stumble across the living room floor laughing to myself. Lots of friends and boyfriends. They were my good times. As I am thinking about all these things I smile to myself just remembering the memories whilst I slowly drift off to sleep.
I wake up in a tangled mess on the sofa. I get up and look at my phone. “FUCK!” Its 9:47am He’s due back any minute. I run around the house trying to tidy everything, putting on some clothes and a little make up and try and make an effort. I hear the door slam and I flinch. “Shit”. I mumble under my breath. “Gem, Hello Gemma are you home.” He says. “Yes I’m coming.” I say as I sweep myself up and walk to the living room. He looks at me for a while before saying anything, he looks all tanned and is glowing, god he is handsome when he’s not angry. “Hey baby, how’s it been? You look well, come let’s sit.” He says patting the chair. I walk over to the chair not intending to sit too close to him. I sit down and pull my dress over my knees. “Yeah it’s been fine, nothing interesting just the usual, what about you fill me in on your vacation.” I say avoiding eye contact. “Good it was great, I will be going back in 6 weeks to finish my work off on the new building.” He says with not a glint of guilt. He’s leaving me on my own again, knowing I have no job or friends to keep me occupied whilst he’s gone. Not like its much fun anyway when he is around, I just like the company. “Oh right, well that’s sounds great.” I say with a fake smile plastered across my face. He stands up and walks down the hall to the front door before getting something out of a carrier bag and bringing it back in to me. “Here I bought you something.” He says scratching his head. I take the gift off him and open it, it’s a black round vase with tribunal patterns on, and it’s quite beautiful to say he picked it. I smile at him before placing a quick delicate kiss on his cheek. “Thank you Jake, It’s gorgeous. I move off the chair and walk in to the kitchen placing the vase on the side. I go to the fridge and put some lamb chops on the table to defrost for later. As I turn around He’s stood there in the door way watching me intently before he can even open his mouth I know what’s coming. “You don’t seem yourself Gemma, What’s wrong?” he stares at me and all I want to do is blurt out all my feelings and tell him I’m leaving him. “Nothing I’m fine just couldn’t sleep last night so I’m really tired.” A fake grin is put on my face yet again to try and convince him. “Go back to bed, I’m home now I will look after you.” He says it like he means it, but I know deep down he’s just a lying pig. I can’t be in the same room as him so I slide past him and go in to the bedroom and climb in to bed.
“Gemma wake up. It’s almost tea time and I want my tea I’m starving. Gemma. GEMMA.” I startle out of bed running down the hallway thinking there’s something wrong and then I come around and remember what he was shouting me for. “Fuck you.” I whisper so he can’t hear. I go in to the kitchen and throw his tea in the oven. I don’t care anymore I give it a day before he lets loose. I’m a housebound girlfriend at the age of 23 , not aloud children because he doesn’t want them, My career is ruined , he manages my money and my bills. I need to become an independent women not cooking for my boyfriend who’s 6 years older than me and doesn’t lift a finger in this fucking house.
“Jake I want to talk.” I say as I walk in to the living room were he’s laid on the sofa waiting for me to serve his tea like a waitress. “What about, there’s nothing to say, go and make me food.” Looking at me with an intent glare. “No Jake this serious, fuck your tea if you’re that hungry make it yourself. I’m going out tomorrow and getting my job back and you aren’t stopping me, for the 6 weeks you were away I’ve done fuck all cause you left me with no money or car keys. I’ve just been trapped and spending my savings on food, because you’re a manipulating tight arse.” I huff as I can feel the blood rushing to my head as I get angry. “Gemma.” He says with a warning stare before carrying on. “Don’t you ever, ever talk to me like that? Do you understand?” Now he’s got his finger and jabbing me straight in the cheek with a murderous look on his face. “Jake I can’t live like this anymore. I’m not who I used to be, I’m lost in a bubble and you don’t help!” I scream at him before running down the hallway and out of the front door. Before I could get down the path I feel a sharp pain in my head. “Jake get off me.” He’s pulling me back inside with my hair not giving a shit that it hurts. Only I know too well what’s coming next.
I’m in heap of a mess on the kitchen floor, Blood all around me and smoke coming the oven. I try to stand up but I am just not getting anywhere my legs buckling underneath me. As I find the table leg and grip my hand around I finally drag myself up. I slowly turn the oven off and leave it. There’s no way I'm serving it too him. I walk dragging myself in to the bathroom with no sign of Jake. I check the damage that he's done to me, taking pictures of every bruise and cut I have on my face and body. Eventually when I pluck up the courage that motherfucker is going down and he isn’t dragging me down with him this time because I have all the evidence I need from the past 7 years all stored in a secret file in my phone. I gently clean all my wounds but go dizzy as I do so. I start to run a bath as the front door slams, I quickly lock the door so I’m safe in my own little moment without him ruining it. I can hear him kicking things around and smashing everything and anything he lays his eyes on. Fuck him he bought all that shit anyway. I climb in to the bath, close my eyes and cry.

Notes

Hi guys, The boys wont be coming In whilst chapter 3 but enjoy.