Constructive Criticism ahead with Bloody Reviews

Hey so here's your review :)

Short notice: runes is an old writing in ancient Egyptian or Greek history I think you meant ruines :). But it’s nice and short so I guess it’s fine but not very clear ^^

Please don’t start a sorry with “I’m princess Esmeralda and I hate my life so far”. It gives off a bad vibe. Quite cheesy and You have to be carful about how you built your sentences, it’s important too get the good message across.

Chap 1:But I really like the beginning. I mean it has cute fairytale essence to it. It is quite refreshing like watching a movie with your little sister. But her life isn’t horrible and saying she hates it makes you hate her for being a spoiled brat :P but otherwise she seems cute, pure and fair :)
Honestly I really do enjoy your story it’s very cute :) But you have to take your time to describe the event a bit more
I don’t understand how she met “Liam” or what happened were they in the hall? wasn’t she with her friends? how was he dresses? How did she feel? how did make her unconscious …

Chap 2: Okay the first paragraph is quite confusing. We have to guess the meaning of what you’re saying. Again you have to b carful on how you built sentence. Don’t try to put everything in one sentence. Just wrote a few more :) it’ll put your own ideas in order ^^
It’s quite contradictory, you said just before you hated your parents and now she worries about them ^^ maybe you should be clearer on determining the relationship they had before so it would make a bit more sense to us readers :)
Okay love? already? I think that’s the last thing on her mind :) she’s been kidnapped ^^ don’t you think it’s a bit too cliché :) I also think you should describe in what environment she’s in right now. Because we don’t know if she’s in a cage, a hotel room, a cave etc… there could be so many scenarios and I think that if you could explain that you’ll focus more on how she’ll try to escape etc…

Chap 3: be carful with witch/ which they don’t have the same meaning. A witch has magic powers but which is to built a side sentence in your sentence. ex: I love your hair, which is blond. I hate the wicked witch, who lives in the woods
So the chapter isn’t too short so that’s a nice change :) the story is cute but again, not very believable ^^ You should describe the surrounding a bit more :)

Chap 4: Well it was a better chapter but you should really take more time to let the situation sink in ^^not just quickly get over it :) after all it’s the whole point of you story right?
Overall: I don’t have much to say, you aren’t really able to get the suspense high although you try to let us on cliffhangers. But you should be more careful of your grammar and syntaxe. The story wasn’t my favourite but I think you can always make it better :)

Notes