Pretend It's Ok

Gharram was anything but at ease. In fact, she was overwhelmed with fear. It had been this way for days after the celebration of Diwali and her grandmother knew what it may have consisted of. She hadn't asked Gharram, but she could see from her body language and tasteless appetite that it had been a sense of realization - and her sudden change since the night at the temple. Pamela smiled to herself happily that her granddaughter had finally realized what the meaning of her life really was.

Gharram couldn't wipe off the slight frown on her face seeing that her revelation had finally made sense for once. The signs were in front of her and there was no escape it. Her mind was set she didn't know how to manage anything else. All that she needed to do was to make things right. It would be the last thing for her to do before her 'self-transformation' was complete.

Gharram sat on the balcony ground gazing at the tremendously beautiful scenery before her. The glistening strings of light around the houses of many mesmerized her. The sudden crack of fireworks caught her attention. Her eyes quickly darted to the sky seeing the beautiful mixtures of blue, red, green, yellow and pink ignite the night sky. Gharram had her knees up with the veil of her sari hanging on her shoulders. The warm breeze seeped into the strands of her loose hair. She inhaled deeply closing her eyes taking in her atmosphere with a tear making its way through her lashes. Gharram wiped it away before it could fall.

"No...", she whispered to herself through gritted teeth. "No more.", she begged herself clutching onto the hem of her sari skirt.

She rubbed her face of anymore tears and ran her fingers through her hair messing up her perfectly straightened strands. The eruption of fireworks filled her ears. She gazed above her at the light show. Her mind raced and her heart paced, but she felt numb.

Gharram closed her eyes freeing herself of any thoughts. Nothing was necessary, nothing was needed. The only thing important was Gharram. Her focus needed to be on herself.

She was tired of seeing Harry at every corner or turn, every puddle, every dream. She had to focus on her life and get herself back on track. But that was the thing... Gharram was back on track. Her stepping away was one way of doing it. Gharram left her 'old life' of modeling on hold for her to search for the next thing for her to do. The only thing left was to solve the isolated issue between her and Harry.

Harry. Her heart was at her throat at the sound of his name. She groaned to herself knowing he was a problem to be settled.

Gharram sat there staring at the popping colors in the navy blue sky. She constantly wondered what it was he was doing - something she would never admit. She frowned and her heart sank into thinking back to the airport. The memory of the tearful green-eyed man were bullets being shot at her chest. Gharram wanted so bad to apologize to him and embrace him, but she knew it would probably be too late for that. Gharram sighed thinking that he had Brooke to comfort him now and that she would just be in the way like she had been before.

Gharram was in denial of her feelings and the signs before her everywhere. She didn't want to trouble herself of the rejection. Gharram could feel her palms sweating at the thought of it all in her head. She could see the angered expression on Harry's face, the clenching of his fists at his sides, the veins on his neck from all the shouting he would be doing because of her careless and selfish choices.

Careless and selfish to him, because in a way, it had been selfish. She never gave Harry a chance to explain his actions. She left without telling him a word. So he knew that it had been indeed regarding him and because of his carelessness. Little did Gharram know how much Harry had been suffering on his own. Gharram never gave it a second thought.

Gharram stood up - hearing the sari fabric drag along the floor - and walked back inside to her luggage bag. She unzipped it seeing her cell phone in the small pocket. She hadn't taken it out since she had arrived. She pressed the lock button revealing her lock screen - her and Harry. It had been one of the last pics she took during fashion week. Gharram felt a small smile tug at the sides of her lips. She ran her finger along the side with his face.

Regardless of how much she didn't want to, Gharram couldn't help but to grin widely at photos of her and Harry. Harry always had that effect on her.

"Beti...", she heard a quiet voice from behind her knocking on the door frame.

Gharram turned around with alert only for her smile to reappear, "Hi daddi-ji."

"How are you today, jaani?", she smiled hopefully at her granddaughter.

The foreign words were beginning to be extremely familiar to Gharram. She loved speaking her native language. It strengthened her lack of communication even more.

"I'm good. Couldn't be better actually.", she gripped the phone tighter into her palm.

She sat on the side of her granddaughter's bed looking down at where Gharram's hands were. "Is that him?", she nodded her head towards the phone.

Gharram laughed in embarrassment, "I don't get it?"

"Gharram...", she placed her hand on her shoulder. "...when you do something as random and drastic as coming to India, it means there's a lot going on in your life." She grinned at Gharram in confidence.

Gharram on the other hand stared at her astonished at how accurate she was. "But how.."

"Just like your mother...",she chuckled shaking her head happily.

Gharram's eyebrows rose and a huge smile was plastered on her face at the shocking comparison Never would she think that her mother was the type to run away in sudden reaction. She pointed to herself, "My mom. Use to run away..." Pam nodded her head laughing at the fond memories. "Wow, I always knew I got my rebellious side from her."

"Why are you running from him, jaani?", the sudden change of tone in her voice caught Gharram off guard.

Gharram could feel her heart against her chest. Her eyes lowered to her lap where her hands had been gripping her phone. She licked her lips closing her eyes. She hated thinking about him. It was more about feeling the guilt and pain from it all. She shook her head sighing heavily. Gharram gazed up into her grandmother's eyes finding her mimicking the sadness she caged.

"Daddi-ji, I'm scared...", Gharram half-whispered. "For the first time in my life, I'm scared...", she stood up her phone still gripped tightly in her hand. "I'm scared to see how he's going to react to me, I'm scared to hear what he's going to say, I'm scared that he won't even talk to me and more so..." Gharram turned her head towards her grandmother - the light breeze steadily lifting her hair, "I'm scared it will be too late."

"It's never too late.", her grandmother stood up walking towards her. "Your time with him wasn't then. You were still confused. You weren't meant to be his back then." Pam lifted Gharram's chin so that their eyes connected. She made sure she had full attention. "But letting your feelings inside and constantly running from what's beating in your heart will never settle anything at all." Pam could see the tears rolling down her granddaughter's face. She wiped them away with her thumb, "Jaani, you never know until you speak up. Keeping quiet only causes distance."

"I don't know, daddi-ji.", Gharram turned her face salty droplets falling freely from her eyes. She didn't know how much more her eyes could take before they felt out of their sockets. She could feel he heaviness under her eyes only increase by the second.

"Yes you do...", her voice much quieter. Much softer. "You're ready now..." Pam gained all attention from Gharram back at that very second. She could tell Gharram was still unsure and now scared more than ever.

"Go back to him."







Gharram hadn't looked back after saying good bye to her grand mother and unc-...Uday. She sat in the seat next to the window already feeling her legs shake beneath her. Her palms were sweating and she hadn't even reached London yet. Gharram had done some research - called Liam - and asked about Harry's whereabouts. Liam didn't seem to be as over joyed as she thought. He told her about how Harry's condition was. If she had known about Brooke...she would've left earlier. Would she?

"Ladies and gentlemen, please abort the aircraft in a single file manner.", the flight attendant's voice echoed into her ears.

Gharram's foot had touched the grounds of the Heathrow Airport. Her pulse began to pace quickly and she could feel the blood rushing to her cheeks.

It had been raining in London - as per usual. The weather was always expected this way, but today it matched with that of the mixed emotions buried beneath the hard core of Gharram's heart and mind. The chilly air hit her mixing with the rain drops on her skin. Gharram had worn more suitable clothes - well what she thought was suitable at least. Dark denim jeans, black over-sized sweater and her black converse. She walked along the pavement with her luggage dragging along with her. Her taxi had been waiting for her before she arrived.

Gharram walked in after placing her bags in the trunk. At this point, she was surprised she hadn't suffered a heart attack. Her phone read two o'clock in the afternoon. She had noticed her hands were shaking violently - which was why she struggled reading the screen. Gharram tried taking her mind off things staring out the window counting each rain drop landing on the glass. She swallowed what felt like a boulder as she noticed the street signs passing by as the taxi drove closer and closer to her destination. Being back London felt right in a fearful way. Or was she just nervous?





"I'm going to grab me a bowl of cirsps. Want anything, lad?", Liam asked getting off the couch.

"No, thanks.", Harry said switching through channels on the TV. "On second thought...", Harry paused looking at the Pepsi commerical with the hot model in interest. "Liam, grab me a soda from the fridge please...", Harry shouted over the loud volumes of the TV. Silence. No movement at all. "Liam...", he called after a few seconds of no response. "Hello Liam!", Harry turned his head seeing that Liam was staring out the window. Harry got up to check on him to see if he was okay. He placed his hand on his shoulder in concern. "Liam, what are you-...", Harry froze seeing a cab pull up in front of the building of his flat.

The rain was pouring heavily making it hard for him to see who it had been. Harry squinted his eyes focusing on the figure unloading her luggage. Harry quickly turned around realizing who it was. His eyebrows were furrowed in utter confusion. What should he do? Where should he go? Harry didn't think at all. He acted upon instinct.

Harry walked down the hall towards the door of his flat his heart racing out of his chest - if possible. He reached the front of his flat and hesitated his quaking hand on the gold knob. One more wall, one more door, one more thing from blocking him from what could possibly be his future. Swallowing his pride, Harry turned the knob opening the door revealing the face he yearned for.

Gharram stood in the raining water dripping from her hair and clothes. She was still as a board. Tearing violently and waiting for the reaction she knew was coming, Gharram's body froze in shock. Harry moved out the door slowly in the rain. Quickly his hair and black v-neck were soaked from the huge droplets. His eyebrows were still furrowed staring at her intently. He wasn't expecting to see Gharram ever again, in all honesty.

Gharram's foot hesitated. Then the memories of her Harry flew back in her head. She could hear his laugh distinctively. The wrestling matches they challenged each other and movie nights lasting them in the long hours of the night. Her and Harry's comments towards each other. The way Harry nursed her back to health when she was ill. The tears and the betrayal. The lies and heartache.

Everything lead to this very moment.

Harry then took one more step lifting his hand slightly only to bring it down. Gharram couldn't take it anymore. The silence had killed her deeply. Running to Harry, she could tell that he was waiting for her to make the move. Harry was hesitant solely because of her. He wanted Gharram to step to him first. Harry held her tightly to him feeling her sobs against his chest. He couldn't feel anything, but her. He couldn't see anything, but her. He didn't care for anything at that moment, but her.

Gharram's sobs only got louder as he held her tighter. He released slowly meeting his eyes with her's. He cupped her face into his hands supply her cheeks with warmth. Harry's emerald green eyes met with her honey ones. He wiped the tear that fell from her eyes. He shook his head towards her as if telling her not to worry. Harry lowered his head kissing her forehead lightly. Gharram bit her lower lip accepting the kiss willingly. She felt the heat seep into her skin. She gazed up at his much taller frame seeing the water droplets hanging from his curls.

Gharram stood on her toes lightly placing her lips onto his. Harry didn't ask, didn't reject and didn't care as to what was going on. He just knew that Gharram was now fully aware of her feelings and finally fought her fears.

The rush of disappointment crept into chest as he felt the cold replace her supple lips.

"I love you..."

His eyes shot open. Harry's heart now soaring to what felt like the heavens. He stared at her not expecting the words to fall from her mouth so freely. Gharram grinned revealing the dents on each of her cheeks. Harry held her tightly not knowing what to say. All he could register was that she was no his and no one else's.

"I love you, Harry Styles."

Notes