Pretend It's Ok

Everything was going right for Melinda and Zayn...or so Melinda thought.

She had started seeing a familiar routine a few days after they 'rekindled'. Zayn was much more irritable and less affectionate. It seemed as though he was forcing it out of himself. This hurt Melinda because she could see the struggle of composure on his face with each sentence that exited his lips towards her. As if he didn't like communicating with her. She hated being the reason behind it. It made her self-esteem lessen again and she felt as though she had been doing wrong. Zayn just wasn't satisfied anymore and she had no idea what to do. But of course with all the thick air came Melinda's impatience with him.

Melinda was fed up.

But then again she felt she could put it aside and leave tonight as special as possible. Maybe tonight would solve everything.

"Where are you, Zayn?", she sighed quietly gazing at the screen of her phone waiting anxiously for a text back.

The aromas of mixed spices and seasonings filled the air and she had been trying her best to mask it with floral scents to create a romantic atmosphere. Melinda had a full prepared meal, hot and ready to be devoured - made for two of course.

Melinda had dressed up according to this special occasion. One Zayn failed to recognize or acknowledge for that matter. She wore her fitted knee-length black dress with red pumps that Zayn adored so much. She flat ironed her black silky hair and re-did her front fringe the way Zayn liked, kept her makeup as simple as possible and made a full dinner packed with Zayn's favorites.

Same place, same time, same position and new day...or should she say night.

Melinda waited patiently for him to enter the door of their flat, a phone call telling him he was on his way up or a text saying that he would be here any minute.

Melinda couldn't handle another night of loneliness and cold pasta. Work had been so much more busier for Zayn and as his wife, she understood that he had to maintain his work schedule, but that meant Melinda had to sacrifice her personal time with him. What with a new album and a tour dropping in a few weeks, the boys had to prepare. Melinda was well aware that she would be experiencing some lonesome, and at first it was fine, but now....

Now was different.

She picked up her phone in the palm of her hand and redialled, "Come on. Come on. Come on. Answer, dammit!"

"You've reached Zayn Malik. Sorry, couldn't come to the phone right now. Please leave a message, but you don't have to.", Melinda furiously grunted clicking the red button and slamming the phone on the table. "Ugh!", she then slammed her fist against the table shaking the cutlery a little.

Melinda hadn't informed Zayn of the dinner, no, she wanted it to be to left as a surprise. Judging by tonight's absence, it'll remain one for a while.

She shook it off - like always. Melinda should let it go like every other night, but tonight... Tonight meant something to her. Tonight meant something to them. Tonight was supposed to be special, but in fact became just another night.

Gulping all the frustration in her throat, Melinda slowly lifted herself from the chair she sat in after she had finished her plate of food. Melinda picked up the dishes and made her way to the kitchen. It was quiet and still in the flat. The music of the night crept through every crack of every window and door of the flat. Melinda sighed again exhaling the negativity residing in her soul. She had to be positive for the sake of Zayn. When Zayn would return from rehearsals, the studio or a photo shoot, the same excuses rolled in as always.

"I'm so tired, babe, I'm so sorry. I want to have a movie night with you, but I can barely keep my eyes open."

Melinda hasn't had a movie night with Zayn since the first month of their marriage. She hasn't had a decent conversation reaching past, "I'm good. How are you?" since the first month as well. And since when did Zayn ever call her.... babe? And since when did she ever let him call hee that?

She hated that word.

The clinging of dishes echoed throughout the apartment. The pot Melinda had used to mix the pasta sauce and chicken breasts had a tough spot to remove. She scrubbed with the thought of what Zayn had been telling her these past few weeks. He had been having mood swings more than a pregnant woman with each passing day.

As each remembrance revived in her mind the scrubbing increased. "Do you always expect me to answer when I'm trying to record an album?", her eyelids lowered slightly anger slowly fueling. "You don't know what its like having cameras in your face 24/7" But that she does, Mr. Malik. The buffing continued along with her force. "You'll never understand the stress I go through.", man will never understand what women endure for them. Tears were stinging the back of her eyes and the frustration in her chest built up quicker than usual. She felt her heart rate increase and the pain build. "Get off my back, yeah... I'm trying to be a perfect husband. Stop being so damn clingy.", stinging sensation filled her body instantly. A slight pain from her hand shot up her arm.

Melinda looked down with tears dangersouly hanging off of her waterline. A gasp escaped her mouth as she frantically tried finding a rag to conceal it. The gash on her palm surged pain up her arm causing the tears to roll down at rapid speeds like never before. Melinda wrapped her arm and went back to the sink to throw away the broken pieces where the main dish of tonight was placed in. She tossed it out and made her way to her bedroom.

Her bedroom...it once use to be their bedroom, but after Zayn's busy schedule his attendance in it would lessen. It has now come to the point where Zayn slept on the couch every night falling asleep to an open TV. She would wake up each morning to wake him, but before Melinda could even get the chance he'd already had left. Lonely nights turned into lonely days which ended up in just pure lonesome.

She could feel her chest fill with anguish and hurt. She couldn't bare this much pain any longer. Melinda felt the heavy weight of a thousand boulders in the back of her throat and decided to just let the pain exit her body as she changed out of black dress she had worn.

Today is September 29, 2017. Their first wedding anniversary. No flowers, candy, jewelry and kisses.

Nothing.

Zayn had totally forgotten....or maybe she was just over reacting. Whatever. Zayn wouldn't forget a memorable day like this. He shouldn't, he's the one who picked the day.

11:56 p.m. "Zayn, when are you coming home?", she asked the phone as if it will automatically give her an answer.

Melinda clicked his name to call once more. Ring. Careless. Ring. Idiot. Ring. Bastard. Ring. Insensitive fucker.

Ring, "Hello..." her heart sunk at the sound of his voice a slight pang of happiness came over. "Babe?", her face faded into a frown. "You there? Melinda?"

"Yeah, I'm here. But you're not.", her voice began to tremble. Don't cry. Keep it in. Melinda's heart pumping much more than usual. Her throat clogged with sadness.

"I know babe. I'll be there in five minutes.", he sighed into the phone.

Melinda stayed silent to think of what to say next before speaking again. Babe... Cringe. Just let it go, Melinda. "Alright...", she sighed rolling her eyes. "Be careful. I love you...", she said aimlessly looking at the TV. Melinda seen the screen to her phone to her disappointment that he had hung up already. "I love you, too...", she said to herself with the pain in her chest returning again.

Five minutes isn't really that long, but those were the longest five minutes of her life. Waiting for Zayn was something she did on the regular. Same routine. Same silence. Same intimacy - none at all. Same tired Zayn.

*Melinda*

On the TV I had been watching Kuch Kuch Hota Hai for millionth time. Tears streaming down my face as the main character, Anjali, had parted from her best friend, Rahul, because she didn't want to hurt anymore. She secretly loved her best friend, but Rahul was in love with someone else. My eyes swelling up with sympathy and comprehension. I felt for her. Alone, miserable, unwanted and shunned from the one person who is supposed to make you feel cherished. I couldn't hold my composure. Zayn pushed the patience out of me.

I sniffle wiping my tears after hearing the flat door open. I tried my best to wipe the residue of mascara from my face as good as I can. As usual he walks in with his hat slightly tilted to the back with his quiff styled up right - he never flattens it the way I love anymore. His jacket hung off his right shoulder, "Melinda..." He walked in and seen me watching TV, "There you are...hey babe."

Babe... Let it go. "Ahem...Hi.", I cleared my throat still looking at the screen. "I made your dinner, but you were late...again. So, I'll just heat it up for you."

"Nah. I already ate.", he said nonchalantly.

My eyes narrowed on him, "You ate...but I made the dinner for us to eat."

"You can eat. No one is stopping you, babe.", he continued his tone and unbuttoned his shirt.

Babe...argh. Calm down. "But I made it all for the both of us. To eat together...", I replied calming myself down mentally. I felt my blood boil at temperatures that could only be found on the planet Venus.

"I already ate. I'm not hungry.", his voice rose a few decibels. He wasn't yelling but it was slowly getting to that level. "Just eat by yourself."

I quirked my eyebrow staring at him with fire in my eyes. Silence taking over the space around us. I pursed my lips and a look of agitation was clear on my face. Zayn glanced at me to see why I was so silent. He gave me a look as if telling, 'What.'

I rolled my eyes and stood up from the couch. "Ugh...", I grunted as I made fists with my hands walking past him angirly.

"What's wrong with you? Can you relax? Getting mad because I'm not going to have one meal with you...", he spoke up this time with more annoyance in his voice.

I stopped in my tracks and turned towards him slowly with my hands on my hips. "One? Oh, just one meal? That's it?", I sarcastically asked nodding my head sarcastically agreeing.

Zayn's eyes squinted in bafflement, "What's the matter with you, Melinda? Have you gone mental?"

My eyebrows rose in shock, "Excuse me?"

"You know, Melinda, for the past few weeks you have been blowing up my phone a lot. Its annoying. Learn to not be as clingy.", he spoke his feelings. Which hurt.

"Awe. I'm blowing you up? I'm clingy? A nuisance...", I asked maintaining my sarcastic tone.

He continued ignoring my comments, "I'm working and you know that. You're just not understanding that I've got a lot going on..."

I huffed laughing darkly at him, "We all have a lot going on, Zayn...but I'm not just your friend or girlfriend...I'm your wife. I expect you to answer the phone just like I do when you call."

"You were never like this before.", he interrupted ignoring my statments. "You've changed.", he said turning away from me.

"Me?", I questioned quietly pointing to myself. I whispered the question, but Zayn heard by the way he faced me so quickly.

"Babe...", he walked over to me.

I put my hand up stopping him from nearing me as I stared at the wooden floor, "That is it..."

"What?", he asked furrowing his eyebrows.

"That...is it.", my eyes rose to his confused face. I knitted my eyebrows in anger, "You think I changed?"

He sighed placing his fingers in between his eyes, "Babe-..."

"Shut up.", I said sternly. He looked up at me in shock as if to ask me why, "Don't call me babe. Stop calling me babe. You know I hate that word." He exhaled deeply staring at the ground with a look of irritation, "I've changed? Me? I haven't changed one bit. I'm not the one who sleeps alone, I'm not the one who denies sex, I'm not the one who skips meals and I'm definitely not the one who is oblivious to their wife."

"I don't have the time for this...", he said trying to walk away.

I stood in front of him holding my hand on his chest. Yes, it felt amazing feeling the touch of his masculinity after not having to in a long time. "You can't ignore me while I'm talking...", anger filling my chest.

"Why not? All you're doing is complaining! I've been in the studio all day rehearsing for a fucking tour and working on a fucking album being yelled at and scolded by management. I'm utterly exhausted and you actually think I'm gonna stand here and listen to you wine about irrelevance?", his voice rose at a level I never thought would surface. "You're being so selfish. What kind of wife are you trying to be anyway? You don't even care that I just want to be a lone after a hard day of work..."

If my jaw could drop any fruther it would've been near the Earth's core, "What the fuck....I'm selfish....I'm selfish?" Zayn moved away from my hand and walked towards the bedroom, "Don't walk away from me..." I followed him into the room where it use to be filled with love and affection. Now its showered in hatred, "I make dinner for us everyday, I clean this flat from the minute I wake up, I make sure all your laundry is folded, I get your attire for work ready and make sure that you have breakfast waiting on the table before you leave because apparently its uncool to kiss your wife goodbye before you leave to work. That's being selfish? I care and love for you putting so much work and effort to every single thing and this is what I fucking get?"

He stood there staring at me and I could feel the heat in my cheeks increase. I could feel the throbbing of my throat return. I lowered my voice so that it was near a whisper, "I'm doing my duty as your wife to take care of you. I slave for you all day wondering what you're doing and when you're coming home because we haven't even spent any time together anymore." I swallowed what felt rocks and hot fresh tears rested on my waterline, "You haven't held me in your arms in weeks..." I could see it on his face that he was breaking as he turned his face slightly away from me, "All I wanted was to have dinner with you and just sit next to the TV watching a movie. Is asking your husband for a cuddle too much to ask for?"

"Melinda...", he said sincerely. "I know we haven't been with each other in a while, its just that work is getting harder."

"You can at least put some effort into it to show me that you care.", a tear rolled down my cheek. I tried to blink them away, but failed as the rest followed its path.

Zayn sighed running his fingers through his hair taking his hat off, "What do you want me to do? All you do is complain. I can't even sleep for five minutes without you talking..."

I couldn't believe that he spoke like this to me. Shock clearly written all over my face, "Sleep at Niall's."

"You're kicking me out of my flat?", he rose his voice again.

"Damn right! If you're so annoyed of me asking if you need anything or having a simple conversation with you, because we haven't had one in a while, then go. Go sleep at fucking Niall's house!", I yelled with all my strength. My voice trembled from the hurt that resided in me.

"Fine..", he said walking towards the door.

I wasn't going to stop him. Instead, I walked behind him. He turned around as if waiting for one last thing. He knew me better than anyone, "Funny how when you're present in this flat, I'm more isolated than I am when you're actually gone."

I stopped him before he could speak, "Don't even..." I swallowed again staring up at his tall figure with a distraught expression - like a lost puppy, "You know what the worst part about this is..." All my happiness at that moment flew out of my body as I stared into his eyes making sure that full attention was on him. I wanted him to feel what I felt, "You forgotten the date." His expression hadn't changed he actually had to think. I stepped away from the door holding it with one hand, "Happy one year anniversary, Mr. Malik." His eye's widened in embarrassment as I closed the door on him.

Notes