I went to open the door, expecting to find one of my friends, but that was not who I saw when I opened the door.

It was Harry.

I had to fight the urge to cry again. He had said we’d talk today, but I hadn’t been sure if he really meant it. Now I was.

He was staring at the ground, and didn’t say anything.

“Uh, hi?” I said, but it sounded more like a question.

He looked up from the ground, wearing an expression similar to the one from the night before, and if there’d been anything left of my heart, it would’ve broken.

“Hey”, he said. “Do you have time?”

I nodded and opened the door further so he could come in. He did, and we went to the living room in silence.

“Do you want something?” I asked, looking at anything but him. I was so embarrassed of my actions. I’d been so stupid. “Something to drink, or …?”

He shook his head. “No thanks”, he said.
“Oh, okay, well, you can sit if you want”, I said, mostly because my knees were shaking so much I wouldn’t be able to stand much longer.

He sat on the couch, and I sat in the armchair. An awkward silence descended on the room. I didn’t know what to say, what I could say, to make it better.

“I—“, we both started at the same time. I looked up and met his stare for a second, then I forced my gaze away from him. I had to focus, or I would never say this.

“I’m sorry”, I said. “I know it probably doesn’t make it any better, but I’m so sorry.”

I forced myself to look at him, and he looked so confused, I wanted to hit myself.

“Why?” he asked, so quiet that I thought I’d imagined it. “Why did you do it?” he asked, this time a little louder.

Why indeed. Why did I do that? And how could I explain how I ended up in that situation without telling him I loved him?

“I … I don’t know”, I said. “We went out, and I guess I had a little too much to drink, and then … I don’t know. I know that’s not an excuse, and I’m really sorry, I just …” I stopped myself before I could tell him anything else.

“I thought you wanted this”, he said.

“I do”, I said quickly. “I don’t know why I did that.”

“I get that you were drunk and that you didn’t know what you were doing, but I thought you didn’t drink?”

“I don’t usually”, I said.

“Then why did you drink yesterday?” Harry asked.

How do I answer that without telling him I’m in love with him? I wondered.


HARRY’S POV
“Then why did you drink yesterday?”

I couldn’t even fathom what could be so bad that Ally would drink. It was so unlike her.

“I—“, she started, but she didn’t continue. She seemed to contemplate what to tell me to make it better.

I was shocked at how hurt I was when I found her with that boy. I’d never cared like this for a girl. I don’t think I understood how serious it had become for me until the night before.

“Just tell me the truth”, I told her.

“The truth”, she said, as if the thought hadn’t hit her. She looked up for a moment. “The truth”, she repeated, looking straight at me, then she returned her gaze to her lap. She was quiet for a moment, and then she sighed. “Okay, the truth. But …” she hesitated a moment. “You’ll freak.”

“Why would I freak?” I wondered, torn between confused and … scared.

“Because … Well, you just will.” She took a deep breath and held it for so long, I wondered if she would ever let it go. Then she let it go in a heavy sigh. “Okay, so, yesterday, something happened, and I needed to talk to Perrie, so she, Eleanor and Dani came over and we talked. They thought I needed a girls’ night out, so we went, and I drank too much, and, well, the rest is history.”

“Yeah, I get that, but what happened?” I was starting to get slightly irritated. Whatever it was couldn’t be worse than what I’d seen the night before.

She was quiet for so long, I thought she wouldn’t tell me. When I was seconds from getting up and leaving, she finally lifted her gaze from her lap and looked directly at me. Her eyes were shiny, and she looked so heartbroken I didn’t know what to do. Then she finally talked.
“I realized that… that I’m in love with you.” At first, her words didn’t register. I only heard how her voice shook, and how it broke in the middle.

Then they did. I couldn’t do anything but stare at her. I must’ve heard her wrong. She couldn’t be. She was Alyssa. She couldn’t be in love with me. She couldn’t be. Why would someone like her be in love with someone like me?

If I thought she looked heartbroken and filled with hopelessness before, it was nothing compared to how she looked then. The tears that were glistening in her eyes became too many, and started flooding freely over her cheeks. She didn’t even try to dry them off.

“Anyway, I… I’m sorry”, she managed to say through the tears, and then she turned away from me. What was she apologizing for? She’d already apologized for the night before. She couldn’t be apologizing for being in love with me… could she?

I wanted to say something, to assure her, but the words weren’t there. We were quiet, the only sound the sound of her sobs and gasps. There was a pain in my chest that I didn’t understand.

And then I seemed to regain the ability to move. I stood up from the couch, ready to walk away, but I still hoped she’d ask me to stay. She didn’t. She didn’t say anything. She didn’t even look my way when I walked away. When the door finally closed behind me, I understood that pain in my chest.

It was my heart breaking.

Notes

Sorry about the long wait and the short chapter. School is really keeping me busy, and I haven't found the want to write in a while. It didn't feel like I wrote for myself anymore, but for someone else, and that didn't work, so I had to take a break. Then I saw the document on my computer and thought I'd try to write something, and then I just did. I started writing this chapter a while ago, but then I realized that it would be a turning point in this story, one way or another, and then I realized I didn't know what I wanted to happen (I know, really bad planning on my part). Anyway, I hated writing this chapter even more than the last. I was close to tears myself. But, I hope you liked it and please comment!