Just as Much

Erica's POV

I have such a headache. I've been staring at my computer for hours and things just don't seem to flow. I can't piece my paragraphs together in a way that makes sense. I should just give in and call it a night. I've gotten at least another page in the books. I save my work and all but slam my computer shut. Instantly regretting my aggression, my laptop is my lifeline.

Tomorrow I have a dreaded dinner with my mother. I love her so much but she drives me crazy. Seriously, shes a genius as far as the business is concerned, but her social life is crap. Literally, she makes the worst decisions, and she keeps making them.

Allison gave me so much shit after we ran into Niall a few days ago. Going on and on about how cute he was, and how nice he was to me. I kept reminding her that he has to be nice to me because I clean his house but she kept insisting it was for other reasons, but I can't read anything into it. I get my hopes up way too easily.

One thing that saves me tomorrow is the fact that I have a night class starting at six, so we have to meet early for dinner and I can't stay late. Wednesday's are my short days for cleaning Niall's too. I do a lot more on Monday and Friday's because by Wednesday I'm exhausted.

I decide to take a shower tonight, shaving my legs and paying particular attention to exfoliation. I loosely braid my hair before I crawl into bed, one nice thing about not living in the dorms while at school, my own room. Well, there are a lot of things that are better than living in the dorms, if I'm being honest, but my own room is the biggest reason.

I double check to make sure the front door is locked, plug my phone in and crawl into bed, finally letting my body relax. I know I'm too hard on myself, and to be honest, I don't even need a degree if my mom is planning on me taking over the company, but I'm doing this for me. My phone pings and I turn over to face it, wondering who could be texting me so late.

From Niall:
Where is my extra shampoo?

Of course he's asking me that. I shake my head and type out a response.

To Niall:
If it's not under the sink, then it's where your extra stuff always is, main bathroom closet, top shelf.

I put my phone down and turn back to my side when I hear another ping. Ugg, Niall!

From Niall:
Thanks Erica! Goodnight beautiful, see you tomorrow!

How can a girl not love that? I can't think anything into this, that's seriously how Niall is, he doesn't realize how much of what he says can effect others. He's a nice person that just says this stuff. I chose not to respond and turn my phone to silent as I try to fall asleep.

“There's my girl!” My mom pulls me in for a hug. I notice her freshly dyed blonde hair and extremely fake nails coming my way. I embrace her, choking on her over use of perfume, she is still my mom.

“Hi mom.” I pull the chair out across from her and remove my coat, draping it over an empty chair.

“So, how are things? How's school?” She asks, sipping water and swirling her wine. I try not to roll my eyes, she's always trying to act like someone she isn’t.

“School is going well, just a few more weeks and I'll be done for the semester. Everything else is fine.” I tell her, stiffing my back.

“Good. I'm leaving for Simon's on Friday.” She smiles at me, here we go. I purse my lips, hopeful that I don't spew word vomit.

“Simon's?” I ask her, I already know.

“Well, he's off to LA for the summer and as usual, he invited me to come, beings as I'm his head housekeeper here in London.” She's giddy like a high school student.

“Mom, when are you going to stop with that?” I ask, scrolling through the menu.

“Stop with what?” She's always playing dumb.

“He's with someone now, for god's sake, he has a child with her. He's not going to be with you.” I've literally told her this a million times.

“Well he can't be with me right now Erica. Tomorrow is always a different day.” She's delusional.

I shake my head and continue to read. My mom has a great heart, she really does, it's just not in the right place. When I was 14, my mom and Simon started dating. Not dating for the public to see, but dating in “secret”, that's why I was at the Christmas party that year and met One Direction. My mom was completely okay with being the girl in the background, not letting anyone know that they were together. This went on for years. Simon dated women in public but always went back to my mom. And every single time he came back, she let him. She never had a problem with it. And now he has a child, and a girlfriend, and my mom is still waiting for her turn. Still hopeful that he'll come back to her. It makes me sick.

It hasn't happened in almost five years, it's not going to happen. I've tried countless times to let her see it, and she just doesn't get it. She just can't see the light and I get tired of playing along with her games. I try to ignore it but she always brings it up, like it's something to be proud of. Being a celebrity's secret girlfriend. I shutter at the mere thought.

“So how's Niall?” She asks with a glimmer in her eye. I know what she's thinking. She want's me to get with Niall, she's fame hungry. And I'm not.

“He's fine. Busy setting up for the tour.” I try not to give her any personal information, afraid of what she'll say to whomever she wants.

“That's it? No other news to share?” Always pushing for more.

“Nope, I just go and clean his house mom. It's a professional relationship.” I know Niall thinks I'm like my mom, who, from the outside, is an extremely professional person, but get her around Simon and you can just see she's on his hook. I just don't want to be like her.

Yes I've had my share of boyfriends, but I keep a distance. I've never focused on anything more then school and my job. I mean my longest relationship was maybe seven months before I decided I was losing focus on my main goal of finishing my freshman year at University. And now I'm almost finishing my sophomore year.

“Well, he seems like a nice young man Erica.” She reminds me and her tone just sickens me.

“He is.” I look away. This dinner is something I hate. I always push it off as much as possible, but I have to see her more then I would like. To be honest, I'm suppose to take over her company when she retires, but I don't want that. I want to graduate, get my masters, get my P.h.D. and become a professor. But I keep those dreams to myself, my mom would have a fit if she knew about it, and honestly, her money is keeping me in my flat and allowing me to afford the things I need by giving me the job I have.

We order our food and wait in silence. Things weren't always like this with my mom. When I was younger and we moved to London, things were good. It was just me and her. We were inseparable. She would push me to work hard in school, and we would have fun together. When she started her cleaning business, I was so excited for her. She was focused and determined to achieve big things. Then she slept with Simon and he was her drug. She started changing, bleaching her hair, lip injections, and eventually a breast augmentation. It's like she just needed that male attention and once she got a taste of it, she wanted to be something she wasn't. I don't really recognize my mom anymore to be honest. She looks nothing like the mom I had when I was a kid.

“When will you let me take you shopping?” She twists her hair around her fingers, acting like a teenager.

“Mom, my clothes are fine.” I pull my cardigan around my chest.

“They are, but darling, you don't have to always shop at John Lewis, we can afford nicer things.”

“John Lewis has great things mom. I don't need nicer things.” I tell her forcefully. A tone I hate taking with her, but it usually happens.

“Fine. But you won't attract a guy when you're constantly covered up.” She reminds me and grabs the attention of the waiter. This is why I avoid these dinners.

Notes

And now we can see Erica's hesitation and a little more of why she is the way she is. The web keeps getting spun.

What do you think of Erica's mom? How this might influence Erica's focus on school and withdraw from relationships?

Let me know what you think! Thank you to everyone that has voted, subscribed, commented and read! Extra love you y'all! :)

Happy FRIDAY!!

xoxox