It Never Ends

It’s been nearly a week since I Michael and I kissed again, and I’ve been ignoring him. There’s no use in even trying to be in a relationship with him, his mom said he’s hardly home, and when he’s gone, he hardly talks to anyone anymore. It’s not like he’s tried really hard to talk to me either, a couple text and maybe 3 phone calls, but that was all.

“Alex.” My sister said knocking on my door, “What is it Lucy?” I asked, snapping out of my thoughts. “Mom needs you.” I got up and walked to the kitchen and sat on a bar stool. She sat her laptop in front of me and pressed a button. “What’s this? Mom no I don’t want to ta-”

“So what, now you’re ignoring me?” Michael said. “I don’t want to talk to him.” I said and started getting up, “Wait!” He shouted. I turned to face the screen, “I forgave you too fucking easy. Because now that I’ve done that, you’ll think it’s okay to keep doing it, and just keep it up, and you’ll think every time you do it, that it’s okay, because I’ll forgive you like that.” I said snapping my fingers, “And I DON’T want you to think that. So I’ve decided, I haven’t forgiven you. Because what you did was unforgivable, and I’m extremely mad at you for it.”

I walked back into my room, got dressed, did my hair and makeup, grabbed my keys and phone, and left. I didn’t want to be at home, I didn’t want to talk to anyone, and I defiantly didn’t want to talk to Michael. I think I drove for 3 hours or so before I reached a small town, there was a coffee shop I decided I’d go in.

I went inside and sat at one of the booths. A guy, my age or a little older gave me a menu, “Haven’t seen you around here before.” He said. “Haha yeah, I’m just, getting away from home. Shitty drama.” I laughed. “Well here, then this is on me, Pumpkin Spice Frappe. It’s fantastic.” He said and walked behind the counter to make it.

I sat there and looked out the window, it was so quiet and peaceful. “Here you go.” He sat it down on the table and sat in the seat across from me. “So what’s your name?” He asked. “Alex. Yours?” “Alex!!” He smiled. “Ooo, name buddies.” I joked. “What’s a beautiful girl like yourself doing with shitty drama? And out all by herself?”

I knew this was coming, “It’s too complicated. Here, let me pay for this, I have to go.” I said, and handed him 10$ and told him to keep the change, then I wrote down my number on a napkin and told him to call my sometime. I hurried out of the building and into my car. Maybe I should go back home. I picked up my phone and I had 20 freaking missed calls. Most of them from my mom, but like 6 from Michael.


I called him back, “What?” I hiss into the phone. “Alex please go home, your family is worried sick.” He said. “Well I’m heading back.” I said and hung up. I guess I didn’t really want to talk to him. I turned on Bring Me the Horizon and drove 3 hours back home. When I got there, there were more cars than normal, fucking hell. I groaned and opened the door. My mom rushed to me and hugged me. “Alex we were worried sick!! The boys came all the way from Seattle as soon as they heard.”


“That’s great.” I growled as I stormed upstairs into my room. I kicked off my shoes and hit the wall with my fist. “HE DID THIS TO ME.” I screamed. “HE RUINED MY LIFE.” I punched the wall again. “HE LEFT ME ON MY OWN, WITH NO ONE ELSE.” And another punch. I felt my fist go through the wall, and I fell to the ground in tears. God what was wrong with me. Why can’t I just forgive him? Because he’ll do it again Alex that’s why. Are you stupid?


“Alex.” His voice spoke, knocking on the door. “Go away Michael.” I hissed. The door opened anyways, “I’m Ashton but that works too.” He spoke and shut the door behind him. “What he fuck do you want?” “Michael is really upse-” “Leave,” I interrupted, “I don’t want to hear it. Leave.” “Alex come on let me just tell you what happened.” He pleaded, but I opened the door, and shoved him out. This time I locked the door.

I turned on my computer and plugged it into my speaker system and blared the loudest music I had, Whitechapel. The loud heavy metal music filled the room, it was almost calming. I could very faintly hear the knocks on my door, and she shouts of my name. It was nice. The door flung open, and this time it was Michael.


“How the hell did you get in here?” I hissed and he laughed, “You’ve never moved your key.” He threw me the key that unlocks my door, shut it, locked it back, and sat down across from me. “Listen to me Alex.” He said. “I don’t want to, Michael.” I growled. “Alex fucking stop it alright? I know that you’re upset that I left you, I get it. It wasn’t exactly easy for me either. Yeah, I may be the one that left, but the boys are the reason I left. I fucking loved you. I know that I should’ve kept talking to you anyways, especially after they got girlfriends. But I didn’t okay? And I’m sorry, just stop getting mad at me. I’m sorry Alex. I really am.”


“Michael,” I sighed, “I’m more mad at myself than I am at you. I don’t even know why I’m mad at myself, but I am. Michael you deserve someone much better than me. I’m… me.” “And I love you… I love, YOU Alex, I always have, and I always will.”

Notes

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