Just a feeling

I know Ethel had warned me about this but I couldn´t help it, it was done. I signed, some voice inside my head was telling me this wasn´t the only way out but i needed the money; although my parents didn´t know a thing they would never know about this. I was going to be in the place that all the teens would have killed for, but was I ready for it? I started feeling dizzy and a voice pulled me back down. "Emma? Emma?" Collin Rusell said, he was the manager of the hottest boyband of all the times, "Yes?, sorry I was.. just... thinking about school, sorry where were we?" Collin just smiled and continued "Well, now that you´ve signed the contract all we have to do is introduce you with Niall" he got up and shook my hand while he added "Tomorrow, here at 9:00 am?" I just nodded.

When opened the door of my flat, there she was, the clumsy redhead Ethel, she was my best friend and the reason i was living my dream of studying in London. She only saw my face and instead of judgging me, she only opened her arms and embraced me while she told me "Honey, there were other ways, but the only thing i can do right now is support you and be here for you." She rubbed my back but suddenly stopped and added "Wait... have you already talked with James about this?" Oh my God James, he would never forgive me, he was my best friend and now I was betraying him, I just started crying, because i was really dumb I was only thinking in my interest "Please, don´t say anything to him" I sobbed and added "I will explain him everything, but in the right moment". Ethel calmed me and talked with me for really long hours just to try to make me feel better, finally i fell asleep.

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I woke up really early, i didn´t want to be late so I took a long and steamy shower, grabbed a pair of navy leggings, a white loose sweater and my pair of white converses, i fixed my long brunette hair and added some make up to my face, guess i was ready to meet Niall Horan.

When I arrived to the Modest! offices i was really nervous but i couldn´t let all the people saw me in this state, so I inhaled and opened the door. I thought it was only going to be Collin, Niall and me but i was really surprised when I saw all One Direction staring at me. This wasn´t happeng, I mean I was only hired to improve Niall´s image, beacuase lately he was involved in a lot of gossip related to really big parties, alcohol, well also some one night stands, so I was the girl that will prove the fans that Niall was still a good and cute guy, maybe putting all the things in that situation, yeah it was a really big deal. What am I doing?, again Collin´s voice had to bring me to reality "Emma you may have know all this lads, Do you?" "Yes, Who doesn´t" I replied laughing with nevousness, all of them, excepting Niall, smiled at me. "Well we only told you to come so you could meet the guys and they could meet you" the buig manager said. "Hello I´m Emma and I´m going to be around you, but only for a while, can I ask for your names? because I always get confused" I replied. One by one they said their names with a big smile and a polite greeting, until it was Niall´s turn "I´m Niall and i´ve had enough of this so I´m leaving" he said while he raised from his chair and left the room.

For some reason I felt something breaking inside me, How was I supossed to deal with this? I had to do it, now I was tied to Niall Horan.

Certainly that was really unexpected, guess Collin and all the boys saw that in my face because they seemed really ashamed. I looked up to them with blurry eyes, sorry but I couldn´t help it. I just turned around and I ran until someone pulled my arm "Wait" he said, I turned around just to find Collins "I know that was really rude from Niall, but you are not leaving this right? beacause.. I mean.. You can´t you´ve signed a contract and you need the money right" he said with a wierd tone like he was showing me how trapped I was, but he was right I was studying university and my parents couldn´t send me more money and also the contract "No of course I am not leacing but he was really rude" I aswered trying not to cry again. "Look" he said "I will talk to him and i promise you things will get better, tomorrow you will hang out with him and just pretend you are just casual friends we are going to start really slow, ok?" I just nodded.

I knew Ethel was at our flat and she was going to bombard me with a lot of questions, so I prepared mysel, took a deep breath and opened the door "Ethel, are you here?" I shouted but as soon as I close the door I heard his voice "Are you dating him?" James claimed "Woah! what are you saying" I said with surprised tone. "Damn Emma" he said while he hit the wall next to me "I thought you were only avoiding me because you were really focused on school, but now Ethel has told me everything, are you seriously dating... him" he continued as he shook his head, I could swear I saw a little tear in his deep green eyes, and at that moment I started crying."I...I...James" I sobbed as I walked towards him and placed my hand on his shoulder, he moved violently away from me and sighed "Just... stay away I thought we were something.. more" he walked and opened the door and said "Good bye Emma and good luck, please don´t call me" and left.

I was still crying on the floor when Ethel entered, she ran to me although she was the one that told James about Niall, I could understood her because she had no way out, so I just hugged her and whispered " I´m the worst person in the world... I just harm everyone" "No you are not" she said while she rocked me in her arms "You´ve just made a decision and we have to respect that, well and you also have to understan that James felt betrayed, and I´m really sorry for telling him but he didn´t let me other way, I´m really really sorry, and believe me this will get better soon" She continued. "I hope so.." I said half asleep.

Everything inside me was hurting, I´ve lost my best friend who have told me that was in love with me and problably I was feeling the same way about him but I was too blind to noticed him. I felt like a bitch who was only interested in money. Thanks God Ethel was the best friend I could ever ask for but I was scared.. sacred of feeling lonely and end up alone.

Copyright2013 FMC

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