Then you came along.
Truth be told..
Marley’s POV.
At what point did he decide that it was acceptable to be interested in someone as ordinary as me. He didn’t know anything about me and if he did, he sure as hell wouldn’t be interested. Sitting in the car with him in silence was enough to make me want to scream and cry. How is it that I don’t even know this boy but yet I have already become so familiar with his being . From the way his thumb is always moving to the beat of whatever it is he hears. I knew the way he smelt and how strong his arms were.I even knew the noise he made when he bit on his lip when he was searching through his mind for words, which is what he was doing now. I could feel it. He was now staring at me.
He took a deep sigh, are we home yet?
The worst part was we technically live together at the moment.
Harry’s POV.
I guess a part of me knew that she was going to react so hard about this, but she’s a goose if she thinks I’m going to let this go now. There is a reason she is so closed off about all of this and I don’t like not knowing. I knew this girl, I mean I didn’t know her life but I knew who she was as the person she is now. She’s guarded, and tough but kind. She is curious and is genuinely interested in knowing about my life but all I want to do is know about hers. I don’t get what she didn’t understand, was she not interested in me? I don’t know how to deal in a situation like that. I needed to know her.
We walked into the house in silence to see a sleeping El and Lou on the couch.We put the few groceries we had up in the kitchen and Marley went upstairs. I sat in the kitchen for a while and needed my gut to be brave. ‘Just follow her’ I pepped talked myself. So I did.
I opened the door to what used to be my room and was now turned into Marley’s world. She was sitting there next to her bed like a 9 year old writing in her diary. She had a book of empty pages, which she was writing text on. This was her naked place. I sat next to her and she continued writing never pulling her pen from that paper.
Marley’s POV.
I heard him come in my room and then I heard him sit next to me. I felt him hover over my shoulder getting a peek at what I was writing. I did everything in my power to not acknowledge him. I needed this time with my pen and paper right now. This is where I ran to when things got complicated. Not because I wanted to but because it was habit, this is what I had been doing for years now. Since before my Dad left, this is all I knew.
Harry began to grab the book and pen from me.
“Don’t.” I snapped. “Just a few more minutes.” I insisted.
“Okay..” he said quietly like a child. He laid his head on my shoulder as I wrote endlessly and for a strange reason. This felt right and normal.
I wrote and wrote and got so into what I was writing at one point I was crying, God knows why. And I prayed I would never have to tell Harry why. He caught on, he saw it. Saw me slowly unfolding. He kissed me on my temple and laid his head back on my shoulder and waited for me.
After a few minutes I was ready to take on the conversation that Harry had waiting to start on the tip of his tongue. I closed my book and attached my pen to it putting back under my bed.
“What do you write in there?” he asked me with longing eyes. Like he was begging for a number of answers from me.
“Just stuff I’m not ready to admit out loud yet.” I admitted to him.He nodded.
“So, Can we talk about it now? You kind of blew me off at the store…”He dragged his words reminding me off the current events.
“Yeah. I’m ready now.” I told him. We turned to face each other. My head now leaning on my bed.
“I like you and that’s that. I want to get to know you and I kind of feel like maybe you are equally interested. Please say something.” He got real shy real quick.
“I like you. I don’t know you but I like you and I like how you treat me. But I don’t think that ‘this’” signaling to the us factor..”..is a good idea.” I confessed.
“Why not though?” He gave me that longing look again.
“Because you and I are very different people Harry Styles. And I can’t even fathom the kind of girl you desire and deserve but I know I’m not her.There is so much that if you knew you wouldn’t be interested. And I don’t feel like putting myself in a position to be broken. “ I was now tearing up at the honest truth, I could never be what he wanted.
Harry’s POV.
She was crying. I didn’t know why and that’s what killed me the most. I didn’t know how to help her through this conversation.
“…I don’t feel like putting myself in a position to be broken.” She ended. She was scared, not of me; she was scared of after me. Like I was going to get tired of her and throw her out. Never.
“Don’t you get it? God MJ, just let me know you . I don’t know why you’re so fucked up but let me be there. “ I was yelling now and she didn’t like it.
“I don’t need you to be there. I came to London because I didn’t need anyone to be there. I’m fine. So stop coming around like I need you to. I was fine. I’m fine.” She was now yelling back at me.
‘What happened in Texas MJ?” I now asked her trying to get straight to the point.
“Nothing that concerns you.” She told me as she stood up and changed in front of me into her Pjs and then climbed in bed.
‘That’s it? You’re done with the conversation so now you’re going to run from it?” I asked her with my head and back leaning against her bed.
“Just shut up and leave me alone. Please. No more drama tonight.” She begged of me.
She was right though, it was late and fighting was going to get us nowhere.
Then I saw it, her journal. The book she had been writing in. The thing that held all her secrets.Do I take it and get down to the bottom of this all? Or do I leave the room without a question.
Fuck.
I grabbed the book and kissed her on the temple and left the room. I went downstairs to the other couch and opened the book. I took a deep breath before connecting my eyes with the words on the page.
As soon as I did, the things I read were beyond me. She had had this journal since she was 11. Words written so tiny.
March 14, 2004:He did it again to me tonight, he keeps making me promise not to tell Mom but I tell Mom everything.
March 15,2004: He hit me tonight because I squealed when he stuck his hand down my pants. Do the other girls at my school fathers do this to them too?
January 21,2005:Mom finally found out about the things Daddy was doing to me. She cried a lot.
January 22,2005:Daddy left today and hit Mom before getting in the car.
April 2,2005: I don’t know why I’m so sad all the time. Doc says it’s because I went through a ‘traumatizing’ event unknowingly and its affecting me. Cool.
May 29,2007: Mom and Dad are getting back together. I don’t really know how I feel about that, but she’s so unhappy without him. She deserves to be happy.
June 26,2007: Dad moved back in last week and hasn’t said one word to me. Is it wrong that I still want him to love me?
January16,2009: Mom was diagnosed with cancer today. The Doctors are saying that it’s not looking good but that they are going to do everything they can.
September 28,2009: I came home early from school today. I heard noises in Dad’s office and he was fucking my Aunt Sarah. Cool. What now?
January 1,2010: Dad moved out this time mom said it was for good. Fucking dick.
October 11,2013:The Doctors told Mom that she was terminal today. That means that in about a year she isn’t going to be here. Then what am I going to do?
October 28,2014: Sonny and I watched Mom and I die today. It was time. I miss her already.
November 3,2014:Sonny and I decided London was the best option for me. I’m leaving in the morning and I am scared out of my mind.
November 5,2014:I met this woman on the plane tonight, her name is Jo and I swear to God she’s my guardian angel.
November 9,2014:How can Harry already have feelings for me? Why? Why me? I’m not that girl for him, even if I wanted to be. I would never be enough.
The words I was reading from skipping years to days to months. I wish I had never opened this. It all made me so sick and it all made so much sense.
I was now in the restroom crying hitting things. I was so upset. How could he hurt her like that. She was so young and she didn’t know. She lost her Mum. Fuck how is she even functioning right now.
Marley’s POV.
I was sleeping restlessly when I heard noise , loud noise mind you from the downstairs restroom.Screaming and crying.What the hell is that? I threw a sweater and socks on and went downstairs to investigate.
On the couch was still a sleeping El and Lou but harry was nowhere in my vision.
“Noooo. FUCK.” I heard cries from the restroom.
I opened the door to a very upset Harry with my journal. He looked up at me unable to form words. A massive part of me was so mad at me and the other small part just wanted to comfort him and tell him I was okay. I knew how hard my past was to digest.
I knelt down and grabbed the journal from his hands and placed it on the vanity.I held his hand.
“I just wanted to help you. I just wanted to know what was wrong.” He cried to me.
“I know, it’s okay.” I told him as I helped him stand up.
“I’m sorry Marley.” He cried more now into me as he wrapped his arms around me crying into my neck.
“Let’s get to bed, okay?” I held him now tearing up.
We walked upstairs to my room never unhooking our fingers.We laid down and I held him for hours as he cried into me till he fell asleep.
This wasn’t going to be easy.
At what point did he decide that it was acceptable to be interested in someone as ordinary as me. He didn’t know anything about me and if he did, he sure as hell wouldn’t be interested. Sitting in the car with him in silence was enough to make me want to scream and cry. How is it that I don’t even know this boy but yet I have already become so familiar with his being . From the way his thumb is always moving to the beat of whatever it is he hears. I knew the way he smelt and how strong his arms were.I even knew the noise he made when he bit on his lip when he was searching through his mind for words, which is what he was doing now. I could feel it. He was now staring at me.
He took a deep sigh, are we home yet?
The worst part was we technically live together at the moment.
Harry’s POV.
I guess a part of me knew that she was going to react so hard about this, but she’s a goose if she thinks I’m going to let this go now. There is a reason she is so closed off about all of this and I don’t like not knowing. I knew this girl, I mean I didn’t know her life but I knew who she was as the person she is now. She’s guarded, and tough but kind. She is curious and is genuinely interested in knowing about my life but all I want to do is know about hers. I don’t get what she didn’t understand, was she not interested in me? I don’t know how to deal in a situation like that. I needed to know her.
We walked into the house in silence to see a sleeping El and Lou on the couch.We put the few groceries we had up in the kitchen and Marley went upstairs. I sat in the kitchen for a while and needed my gut to be brave. ‘Just follow her’ I pepped talked myself. So I did.
I opened the door to what used to be my room and was now turned into Marley’s world. She was sitting there next to her bed like a 9 year old writing in her diary. She had a book of empty pages, which she was writing text on. This was her naked place. I sat next to her and she continued writing never pulling her pen from that paper.
Marley’s POV.
I heard him come in my room and then I heard him sit next to me. I felt him hover over my shoulder getting a peek at what I was writing. I did everything in my power to not acknowledge him. I needed this time with my pen and paper right now. This is where I ran to when things got complicated. Not because I wanted to but because it was habit, this is what I had been doing for years now. Since before my Dad left, this is all I knew.
Harry began to grab the book and pen from me.
“Don’t.” I snapped. “Just a few more minutes.” I insisted.
“Okay..” he said quietly like a child. He laid his head on my shoulder as I wrote endlessly and for a strange reason. This felt right and normal.
I wrote and wrote and got so into what I was writing at one point I was crying, God knows why. And I prayed I would never have to tell Harry why. He caught on, he saw it. Saw me slowly unfolding. He kissed me on my temple and laid his head back on my shoulder and waited for me.
After a few minutes I was ready to take on the conversation that Harry had waiting to start on the tip of his tongue. I closed my book and attached my pen to it putting back under my bed.
“What do you write in there?” he asked me with longing eyes. Like he was begging for a number of answers from me.
“Just stuff I’m not ready to admit out loud yet.” I admitted to him.He nodded.
“So, Can we talk about it now? You kind of blew me off at the store…”He dragged his words reminding me off the current events.
“Yeah. I’m ready now.” I told him. We turned to face each other. My head now leaning on my bed.
“I like you and that’s that. I want to get to know you and I kind of feel like maybe you are equally interested. Please say something.” He got real shy real quick.
“I like you. I don’t know you but I like you and I like how you treat me. But I don’t think that ‘this’” signaling to the us factor..”..is a good idea.” I confessed.
“Why not though?” He gave me that longing look again.
“Because you and I are very different people Harry Styles. And I can’t even fathom the kind of girl you desire and deserve but I know I’m not her.There is so much that if you knew you wouldn’t be interested. And I don’t feel like putting myself in a position to be broken. “ I was now tearing up at the honest truth, I could never be what he wanted.
Harry’s POV.
She was crying. I didn’t know why and that’s what killed me the most. I didn’t know how to help her through this conversation.
“…I don’t feel like putting myself in a position to be broken.” She ended. She was scared, not of me; she was scared of after me. Like I was going to get tired of her and throw her out. Never.
“Don’t you get it? God MJ, just let me know you . I don’t know why you’re so fucked up but let me be there. “ I was yelling now and she didn’t like it.
“I don’t need you to be there. I came to London because I didn’t need anyone to be there. I’m fine. So stop coming around like I need you to. I was fine. I’m fine.” She was now yelling back at me.
‘What happened in Texas MJ?” I now asked her trying to get straight to the point.
“Nothing that concerns you.” She told me as she stood up and changed in front of me into her Pjs and then climbed in bed.
‘That’s it? You’re done with the conversation so now you’re going to run from it?” I asked her with my head and back leaning against her bed.
“Just shut up and leave me alone. Please. No more drama tonight.” She begged of me.
She was right though, it was late and fighting was going to get us nowhere.
Then I saw it, her journal. The book she had been writing in. The thing that held all her secrets.Do I take it and get down to the bottom of this all? Or do I leave the room without a question.
Fuck.
I grabbed the book and kissed her on the temple and left the room. I went downstairs to the other couch and opened the book. I took a deep breath before connecting my eyes with the words on the page.
As soon as I did, the things I read were beyond me. She had had this journal since she was 11. Words written so tiny.
March 14, 2004:He did it again to me tonight, he keeps making me promise not to tell Mom but I tell Mom everything.
March 15,2004: He hit me tonight because I squealed when he stuck his hand down my pants. Do the other girls at my school fathers do this to them too?
January 21,2005:Mom finally found out about the things Daddy was doing to me. She cried a lot.
January 22,2005:Daddy left today and hit Mom before getting in the car.
April 2,2005: I don’t know why I’m so sad all the time. Doc says it’s because I went through a ‘traumatizing’ event unknowingly and its affecting me. Cool.
May 29,2007: Mom and Dad are getting back together. I don’t really know how I feel about that, but she’s so unhappy without him. She deserves to be happy.
June 26,2007: Dad moved back in last week and hasn’t said one word to me. Is it wrong that I still want him to love me?
January16,2009: Mom was diagnosed with cancer today. The Doctors are saying that it’s not looking good but that they are going to do everything they can.
September 28,2009: I came home early from school today. I heard noises in Dad’s office and he was fucking my Aunt Sarah. Cool. What now?
January 1,2010: Dad moved out this time mom said it was for good. Fucking dick.
October 11,2013:The Doctors told Mom that she was terminal today. That means that in about a year she isn’t going to be here. Then what am I going to do?
October 28,2014: Sonny and I watched Mom and I die today. It was time. I miss her already.
November 3,2014:Sonny and I decided London was the best option for me. I’m leaving in the morning and I am scared out of my mind.
November 5,2014:I met this woman on the plane tonight, her name is Jo and I swear to God she’s my guardian angel.
November 9,2014:How can Harry already have feelings for me? Why? Why me? I’m not that girl for him, even if I wanted to be. I would never be enough.
The words I was reading from skipping years to days to months. I wish I had never opened this. It all made me so sick and it all made so much sense.
I was now in the restroom crying hitting things. I was so upset. How could he hurt her like that. She was so young and she didn’t know. She lost her Mum. Fuck how is she even functioning right now.
Marley’s POV.
I was sleeping restlessly when I heard noise , loud noise mind you from the downstairs restroom.Screaming and crying.What the hell is that? I threw a sweater and socks on and went downstairs to investigate.
On the couch was still a sleeping El and Lou but harry was nowhere in my vision.
“Noooo. FUCK.” I heard cries from the restroom.
I opened the door to a very upset Harry with my journal. He looked up at me unable to form words. A massive part of me was so mad at me and the other small part just wanted to comfort him and tell him I was okay. I knew how hard my past was to digest.
I knelt down and grabbed the journal from his hands and placed it on the vanity.I held his hand.
“I just wanted to help you. I just wanted to know what was wrong.” He cried to me.
“I know, it’s okay.” I told him as I helped him stand up.
“I’m sorry Marley.” He cried more now into me as he wrapped his arms around me crying into my neck.
“Let’s get to bed, okay?” I held him now tearing up.
We walked upstairs to my room never unhooking our fingers.We laid down and I held him for hours as he cried into me till he fell asleep.
This wasn’t going to be easy.
I am so sorry for your loss I know what it's like and I hon can say that with time it will get better. And the best way is to surround our self with friends, family and just talk about the wonderful memories you had with your father. It's what I did when my grandma passed away and when my grandfather passed away as well. Don forgot your have people that care for you and will listen when you need to talk. Never shut your self out because doing that will make it worse. So please take your time and if you ever need time to vent anything out I am here for you.
3/1/15