Then you came along.
95% of the time.
“I love you my darling Marley, I’ll see you again one day.” She told me with her voice weaker than it was a minute ago. This was it.
“Mom, I need you. You can’t leave me.” I begged her as I held her hand next to the hospital bed in tears.
“You need to get out of the hospital. You’ve spent too much time here MJ.” She told me.
“But I need you. I love you.” I said to her crying harder than I had before.
“I’m right here my love. Get me some water, will you?” she asked of me as she released my hand.
I got up and walked to the sink, I grabbed her cup and filled it with water. I turned back and looked at her. She was gone.
Wet floor.
“Mom…MOM. WAKE UP PLEASE MOMMY.” I yelled at her. “Mommy please I need you.” I screamed till the nurse finally came in and held me.
“MOM! MOM” I yelled as I realized it was just a nightmare a flashback. Something that I never wanted to relive but have numerous times since that day. I wiped the tears from my eyes.
“What’s wrong?!” El busted through the door asking me. The minute I saw her I cried more. I knew exactly what Eleanor was, she was in my life for a reason I know it. She took me in, she’s my friend.
“Did you have a nightmare?” she asked me as she sat on my bed with me.
“I need to tell you something.” I sat up more readjusting myself.
“Okay, what is it?” she asked giving me her full attention.
“My Mom…she had cancer for 5 years.She was terminal. She died a little over a week ago.” I confessed.
We sat in silence for what felt like hours.
“MJ, I’m so sorry.” She said with tears in her eyes.
“It’s okay, I just…you needed to know. That’s what I’ve been doing for the past 5 years. My past 5 years have been spent in a hospital.I’m not stupid. And London was supposed to be the answer which is why I moved here.” I told her now able to catch my breath.
“God and we have all been such assholes. I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine.” She told me in more tears as she pulled me into a hug.
“It’s okay. I just didn’t want you to think I was lying or anything.”
“Never. Does Harry know?” She asked me.
“No. Why?” I wondered on.
“When we got back last night. He was asking me if everything was okay with you and if you were alright. He seemed genuinely concerned. Said he saw you crying yesterday.” She told me.
“That damn lemon pepper chicken.” I said as she laughed.
“You know Harry is kind of into you.” She told me. I laughed at the fact that she even thought that.
And like clock work a knock came through the door.
“Come in.”
“Do you mind if I use your shower? Louis is in the other one and we have a meeting in 30 minutes. “ a shirtless Harry told me.
“That’s fine.” I motioned him to the restroom.
“Thanks.” He said as he went into the restroom to shut the door behind him.
“You should go get in there with him.” Eleanor joked…at least I thought she was joking.
“You should go make me breakfast.” I told her.
“HA JOKES.” She laughed.
“I’m going to go get in with Louis, I’ve got some stuff to do today. You going to be okay by yourself?” She asked.
“I’ll be okay! Go ahead.” I told her as she hugged me again and kissed my cheek and left my room.
I sat up in bed and turned my Netflix on to ‘How I Met Your Mother’.
“Robin, I love you.” Ted Mosby professes his true love to this girl who he clearly won’t end up with.
“Ah, Ted Mosby. The Yellow Umbrella Man.” Harry said as he came out of my bathroom.
“The one and only.” I said back.
“You okay MJ? I know I don’t really know you and I mean I practically live here so I feel like I should know you because you do live here.” He ranted.
“I will be…okay. Thanks for the concern and you’re right. We should know each other.” I changed the subject quickly.
“Want to get lunch after my meeting today?” He asked me. Like a date? Are people going to see us in public? All these questions.
“Sure. Somewhere good though. Nothing weird.” I told him.
“Someone’s picky.” He said causing me to laugh.
“I suppose. I just know what I like is all.” I informed him.
“Oh yeah? Then I look forward to finding out.” He said taking this conversation somewhere else.
“You better go or you’re going to be late for your meeting. “ I told him.
“Shit. Simon, thank you! I’ll come get you around 11:30!” Harry said as he jumped off from sitting on my bed and ran out the door down the stairs with his loud footsteps.
It was 9:50. That was just enough time for me to go running, come back and shower and go to lunch with Harry. I threw blue my tennis shoes on and a more fitted long sleeve shirt on with a yellow scarf and grabbed my headphones and was out the door. As I was walking towards the front door a changing Harry stopped me in my tracks.
“Where are you going?” he asked.
“Running!” I said to him as I stretched.
“You run?” he asked me in astonishment.
“All the time, I was in cross country in High School..” I told him.
“Well then we should start running in the mornings! I could always use a running partner.” He went on and on.
I looked down at my watch.
“Harry. 9:56. STOP TALKING. MEETING!” I told him as I ran out the door.
The run was quite wonderful; amazingly enough Hyde Park was just a couple of blocks from our place. I ran 3 miles, which isn’t much for someone, like me. Running was my therapy in High School. I got back to the apartment around 10:25 when I saw a swarm of cameras around my front door and a blonde boy that looked like Niall from where I was standing.
I walked closer to the door when Niall was like “There you are, I don’t have a key!”
“Why would you?” I asked him laughing as I unlocked the front door with the cameras flashing behind me.
“Were you out runnin?” he asked me.
“Yep. 3 miles today. Felt good. What are you doing here?” I asked of him.
“I was sent here by Eleanor to pick something up for her work, I guess no one else was answering their phones.” He informed me.
“I thought y’all had a meeting at 10?” I asked.
“We did. It was a short meeting. We just had to sign some stuff and go over some things.” He told me about the quick meeting.
“Okay! Well get what you need for Eleanor and I’m going to hop in the shower.” I informed him as I took my tennis shoes off by the door.
“Perfect! You don’t want to get lunch or something today do you?” He asked me nervously.
“I’m actually getting lunch with Harry in like an hour. So maybe another day?” I nicely said.
“Absolutely! I would love that!” He told me as he hugged me and went to the kitchen.
I ran upstairs to turn the shower on and I hopped in, now realizing I had no body wash of my own. Guess I will be using Harry’s that he left in here this morning. I poured some of it on my loofa and his scent overtook me. Oak trees.
I washed my hair with the thought of what my London life was going to be like here. Niall was especially cute but I couldn’t tell if it was innocent or he was trying to move in. Same with Harry, I genuinely want to get to know him though I just don’t know what kind of idea that would be. I hopped out of the shower and grabbed a towel and went to my mostly empty closet. I grabbed my black skinny jeans and a long sleeve royal blue sweater that I got for my birthday last year! I put on my lace up boots and did my hair down and straight with some light make up.
It was 11:40 and the front door opened.
“MJ, You ready?” I heard from downstairs. I grabbed my purse and threw my wallet and other things in it when I heard footsteps come up the stairs.
“I’m coming” I said to a stomping Harry who was now standing in my doorway.
“Wow you clean up well alphabet girl.” He told me as he looked me up and down.
“Thanks, I think?” I told him as I grabbed my yellow scarf and threw it on.
We walked out to his car where there were still cameras. I guess this is something that just happened all the time for them. I didn’t like it one bit. Harry held the door open for me as I climbed in once again to the cinnamon and oak scented box.
“PS, I used your body wash…I didn’t have any..” I confessed awkwardly causing him to burst out into laughter.
“I know I can smell you. Don’t worry, it’s all good!” he informed me as he started the vehicle and drove.
“Maybe we explore a bit today after lunch?” He suggested as if I was supposed to just go along with it.
“As much as I would love that I need to explore a store for some room things and some new clothes.” I informed him.
“We can do that too.” He said as he laughed at my correction.
We got to this hole in the wall Italian restaurant that was actually extremely casual but fancy.
“Hi, I had a reservation for Styles.” He informed the host.
“Yes, Mr. Styles a table for two right this way please.” I feel so underdressed.
She sat us at a booth near the back corner, I’m assuming to avoid everyone recognizing him.
“So how much did you run this morning?” he asked.
“About 3 miles.” I told him as I looked at my menu.
“Can I get you guys anything to drink?” Our waiter Tom said.
“Sweettea please.” I said.
“Water, thanks.” Harry told him.
“Thank you so much.” I told him as he left to retrieve our drinks.
“So tell me about you.” Harry insisted.
“There’s not much to tell.” I told him.
“C’mon MJ, Don’t do that.” Harry begged.
“Do what?” I asked now confused.
“Go and shut me out when we are jut getting to know each other. I already know what kind of person you are.” He confessed.
“Trust me you don’t.” I disagreed.
“Then tell me something.” Harry sat there staring at me un-amused.
“My real name is Marley Jay Thomas. MJ is what everyone calls me.
“Really? Marley, I really love that name.” He told me with aslight smile causing my cheeks to heat up the slightest.
“Thanks. Uhm, I have a sister her name is Sandra and we call her Sonny. My Mom was kind of a hippie when she was my age.” I told him causing me to laugh to myself remembering all the stories my mom had told us.
“I’m noticing that. That’s kind of cool though. How does she feel about you being in London?” he asked causing me to contemplate an answer.
“She’s okay with it. She wanted me to be here. But I miss her.” I confessed now realizing my eyes were starting to water. DON’T WATER.
Harry and I sat in that booth for about 3 hours talking till my butt finally fell asleep from sitting down so long.As we left the restaurant there were what he called the “paps” outside waiting for him to come out.
“Look they know I’m here with someone, they just don’t know who. I don’t think you want to be exposed to all this yet. So..”
I cut him off.
“Harry I already was this morning when I got back from my run.” I told him.
‘Shit, Niall I forgot about that. Well then I guess c’mon.” He said as he put his sunglasses over my eyes. “The flashes they get really bright. Just hold onto my arm, okay?” he said to me as I grabbed his muscle of a bicep.
We opened the door and a flash of lights took over my vision. People screaming. The feeling of being closed in. I guess it would have done me right to let Harry know that I’m a bit claustrophobic.
“HARRY, WHO IS SHE?”
“TELL US YOUR NAME”
“SAME GIRL THAT WAS WITH NIALL THIS MORN”
“SLUT”
Harry opened the door for me as I climbed in and took a deep breath. He got in the car swiftly and slammed the door behind him.
“You alright?” he asked me as he put his hand on mine
.
“Is it always like that?” I asked him.
“Uhm..like 95% of the time it’s like that.” he told me as he started the range rover.
“Oh. I’m sorry.” I told him with actual sympathy.
How could someone live like that. I don’t understand it really.
We drove back to the house where Eleanor was at and we met her in the kitchen.
“Where have you two been?” She asked us.
“Out.” Harry said as he went to the fridge for a water before storming out of the room upset.
“What’s up his ass?” She asked me just as confused as I was.
“I have no idea.” I told her.
We were fine 10 minutes ago.
If Harry actually did have feelings for me, it was going to be exhausting and right now I needed a nap.
So that’s what exactly I went upstairs to do.
To take a nap.
“Mom, I need you. You can’t leave me.” I begged her as I held her hand next to the hospital bed in tears.
“You need to get out of the hospital. You’ve spent too much time here MJ.” She told me.
“But I need you. I love you.” I said to her crying harder than I had before.
“I’m right here my love. Get me some water, will you?” she asked of me as she released my hand.
I got up and walked to the sink, I grabbed her cup and filled it with water. I turned back and looked at her. She was gone.
Wet floor.
“Mom…MOM. WAKE UP PLEASE MOMMY.” I yelled at her. “Mommy please I need you.” I screamed till the nurse finally came in and held me.
“MOM! MOM” I yelled as I realized it was just a nightmare a flashback. Something that I never wanted to relive but have numerous times since that day. I wiped the tears from my eyes.
“What’s wrong?!” El busted through the door asking me. The minute I saw her I cried more. I knew exactly what Eleanor was, she was in my life for a reason I know it. She took me in, she’s my friend.
“Did you have a nightmare?” she asked me as she sat on my bed with me.
“I need to tell you something.” I sat up more readjusting myself.
“Okay, what is it?” she asked giving me her full attention.
“My Mom…she had cancer for 5 years.She was terminal. She died a little over a week ago.” I confessed.
We sat in silence for what felt like hours.
“MJ, I’m so sorry.” She said with tears in her eyes.
“It’s okay, I just…you needed to know. That’s what I’ve been doing for the past 5 years. My past 5 years have been spent in a hospital.I’m not stupid. And London was supposed to be the answer which is why I moved here.” I told her now able to catch my breath.
“God and we have all been such assholes. I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine.” She told me in more tears as she pulled me into a hug.
“It’s okay. I just didn’t want you to think I was lying or anything.”
“Never. Does Harry know?” She asked me.
“No. Why?” I wondered on.
“When we got back last night. He was asking me if everything was okay with you and if you were alright. He seemed genuinely concerned. Said he saw you crying yesterday.” She told me.
“That damn lemon pepper chicken.” I said as she laughed.
“You know Harry is kind of into you.” She told me. I laughed at the fact that she even thought that.
And like clock work a knock came through the door.
“Come in.”
“Do you mind if I use your shower? Louis is in the other one and we have a meeting in 30 minutes. “ a shirtless Harry told me.
“That’s fine.” I motioned him to the restroom.
“Thanks.” He said as he went into the restroom to shut the door behind him.
“You should go get in there with him.” Eleanor joked…at least I thought she was joking.
“You should go make me breakfast.” I told her.
“HA JOKES.” She laughed.
“I’m going to go get in with Louis, I’ve got some stuff to do today. You going to be okay by yourself?” She asked.
“I’ll be okay! Go ahead.” I told her as she hugged me again and kissed my cheek and left my room.
I sat up in bed and turned my Netflix on to ‘How I Met Your Mother’.
“Robin, I love you.” Ted Mosby professes his true love to this girl who he clearly won’t end up with.
“Ah, Ted Mosby. The Yellow Umbrella Man.” Harry said as he came out of my bathroom.
“The one and only.” I said back.
“You okay MJ? I know I don’t really know you and I mean I practically live here so I feel like I should know you because you do live here.” He ranted.
“I will be…okay. Thanks for the concern and you’re right. We should know each other.” I changed the subject quickly.
“Want to get lunch after my meeting today?” He asked me. Like a date? Are people going to see us in public? All these questions.
“Sure. Somewhere good though. Nothing weird.” I told him.
“Someone’s picky.” He said causing me to laugh.
“I suppose. I just know what I like is all.” I informed him.
“Oh yeah? Then I look forward to finding out.” He said taking this conversation somewhere else.
“You better go or you’re going to be late for your meeting. “ I told him.
“Shit. Simon, thank you! I’ll come get you around 11:30!” Harry said as he jumped off from sitting on my bed and ran out the door down the stairs with his loud footsteps.
It was 9:50. That was just enough time for me to go running, come back and shower and go to lunch with Harry. I threw blue my tennis shoes on and a more fitted long sleeve shirt on with a yellow scarf and grabbed my headphones and was out the door. As I was walking towards the front door a changing Harry stopped me in my tracks.
“Where are you going?” he asked.
“Running!” I said to him as I stretched.
“You run?” he asked me in astonishment.
“All the time, I was in cross country in High School..” I told him.
“Well then we should start running in the mornings! I could always use a running partner.” He went on and on.
I looked down at my watch.
“Harry. 9:56. STOP TALKING. MEETING!” I told him as I ran out the door.
The run was quite wonderful; amazingly enough Hyde Park was just a couple of blocks from our place. I ran 3 miles, which isn’t much for someone, like me. Running was my therapy in High School. I got back to the apartment around 10:25 when I saw a swarm of cameras around my front door and a blonde boy that looked like Niall from where I was standing.
I walked closer to the door when Niall was like “There you are, I don’t have a key!”
“Why would you?” I asked him laughing as I unlocked the front door with the cameras flashing behind me.
“Were you out runnin?” he asked me.
“Yep. 3 miles today. Felt good. What are you doing here?” I asked of him.
“I was sent here by Eleanor to pick something up for her work, I guess no one else was answering their phones.” He informed me.
“I thought y’all had a meeting at 10?” I asked.
“We did. It was a short meeting. We just had to sign some stuff and go over some things.” He told me about the quick meeting.
“Okay! Well get what you need for Eleanor and I’m going to hop in the shower.” I informed him as I took my tennis shoes off by the door.
“Perfect! You don’t want to get lunch or something today do you?” He asked me nervously.
“I’m actually getting lunch with Harry in like an hour. So maybe another day?” I nicely said.
“Absolutely! I would love that!” He told me as he hugged me and went to the kitchen.
I ran upstairs to turn the shower on and I hopped in, now realizing I had no body wash of my own. Guess I will be using Harry’s that he left in here this morning. I poured some of it on my loofa and his scent overtook me. Oak trees.
I washed my hair with the thought of what my London life was going to be like here. Niall was especially cute but I couldn’t tell if it was innocent or he was trying to move in. Same with Harry, I genuinely want to get to know him though I just don’t know what kind of idea that would be. I hopped out of the shower and grabbed a towel and went to my mostly empty closet. I grabbed my black skinny jeans and a long sleeve royal blue sweater that I got for my birthday last year! I put on my lace up boots and did my hair down and straight with some light make up.
It was 11:40 and the front door opened.
“MJ, You ready?” I heard from downstairs. I grabbed my purse and threw my wallet and other things in it when I heard footsteps come up the stairs.
“I’m coming” I said to a stomping Harry who was now standing in my doorway.
“Wow you clean up well alphabet girl.” He told me as he looked me up and down.
“Thanks, I think?” I told him as I grabbed my yellow scarf and threw it on.
We walked out to his car where there were still cameras. I guess this is something that just happened all the time for them. I didn’t like it one bit. Harry held the door open for me as I climbed in once again to the cinnamon and oak scented box.
“PS, I used your body wash…I didn’t have any..” I confessed awkwardly causing him to burst out into laughter.
“I know I can smell you. Don’t worry, it’s all good!” he informed me as he started the vehicle and drove.
“Maybe we explore a bit today after lunch?” He suggested as if I was supposed to just go along with it.
“As much as I would love that I need to explore a store for some room things and some new clothes.” I informed him.
“We can do that too.” He said as he laughed at my correction.
We got to this hole in the wall Italian restaurant that was actually extremely casual but fancy.
“Hi, I had a reservation for Styles.” He informed the host.
“Yes, Mr. Styles a table for two right this way please.” I feel so underdressed.
She sat us at a booth near the back corner, I’m assuming to avoid everyone recognizing him.
“So how much did you run this morning?” he asked.
“About 3 miles.” I told him as I looked at my menu.
“Can I get you guys anything to drink?” Our waiter Tom said.
“Sweettea please.” I said.
“Water, thanks.” Harry told him.
“Thank you so much.” I told him as he left to retrieve our drinks.
“So tell me about you.” Harry insisted.
“There’s not much to tell.” I told him.
“C’mon MJ, Don’t do that.” Harry begged.
“Do what?” I asked now confused.
“Go and shut me out when we are jut getting to know each other. I already know what kind of person you are.” He confessed.
“Trust me you don’t.” I disagreed.
“Then tell me something.” Harry sat there staring at me un-amused.
“My real name is Marley Jay Thomas. MJ is what everyone calls me.
“Really? Marley, I really love that name.” He told me with aslight smile causing my cheeks to heat up the slightest.
“Thanks. Uhm, I have a sister her name is Sandra and we call her Sonny. My Mom was kind of a hippie when she was my age.” I told him causing me to laugh to myself remembering all the stories my mom had told us.
“I’m noticing that. That’s kind of cool though. How does she feel about you being in London?” he asked causing me to contemplate an answer.
“She’s okay with it. She wanted me to be here. But I miss her.” I confessed now realizing my eyes were starting to water. DON’T WATER.
Harry and I sat in that booth for about 3 hours talking till my butt finally fell asleep from sitting down so long.As we left the restaurant there were what he called the “paps” outside waiting for him to come out.
“Look they know I’m here with someone, they just don’t know who. I don’t think you want to be exposed to all this yet. So..”
I cut him off.
“Harry I already was this morning when I got back from my run.” I told him.
‘Shit, Niall I forgot about that. Well then I guess c’mon.” He said as he put his sunglasses over my eyes. “The flashes they get really bright. Just hold onto my arm, okay?” he said to me as I grabbed his muscle of a bicep.
We opened the door and a flash of lights took over my vision. People screaming. The feeling of being closed in. I guess it would have done me right to let Harry know that I’m a bit claustrophobic.
“HARRY, WHO IS SHE?”
“TELL US YOUR NAME”
“SAME GIRL THAT WAS WITH NIALL THIS MORN”
“SLUT”
Harry opened the door for me as I climbed in and took a deep breath. He got in the car swiftly and slammed the door behind him.
“You alright?” he asked me as he put his hand on mine
.
“Is it always like that?” I asked him.
“Uhm..like 95% of the time it’s like that.” he told me as he started the range rover.
“Oh. I’m sorry.” I told him with actual sympathy.
How could someone live like that. I don’t understand it really.
We drove back to the house where Eleanor was at and we met her in the kitchen.
“Where have you two been?” She asked us.
“Out.” Harry said as he went to the fridge for a water before storming out of the room upset.
“What’s up his ass?” She asked me just as confused as I was.
“I have no idea.” I told her.
We were fine 10 minutes ago.
If Harry actually did have feelings for me, it was going to be exhausting and right now I needed a nap.
So that’s what exactly I went upstairs to do.
To take a nap.
Notes
Hey! I hope everyone is having a great Saturday!
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Let me know what you think. <3
I am so sorry for your loss I know what it's like and I hon can say that with time it will get better. And the best way is to surround our self with friends, family and just talk about the wonderful memories you had with your father. It's what I did when my grandma passed away and when my grandfather passed away as well. Don forgot your have people that care for you and will listen when you need to talk. Never shut your self out because doing that will make it worse. So please take your time and if you ever need time to vent anything out I am here for you.
3/1/15