You're my compass, my North star. I'll follow you wherever you go.

*LOUIS' POV*

"Do you like taking photos?" I ask Harry.

We'd conveniently slipped out into the garden with the promise of fresh air and some snacks if we got hungry. Snacks that I'd have to purchase from a nearby vendor.
Harry has been at it for the past hour, using a camera that a kind staff member had lent him to take photographs of everything that moved. Now, he looks up to smile at me from three feet away.

"I do." He shrugs. "Especially candids."

"Doesn't that make you a stalker?" I joke, squinting against the radiant sunlight.
He laughs softly and shakes his head. "Could be. Nobody's complained."

"Don't think anyone would, Curly." I cross my legs and lean back against a tree trunk.
Our shoes lay untidily across from us on the lawn, so that we're barefoot and roaming.

His smile falters for a moment before he looks down to study what images he's already
captured. What did I say?

"Harry?"

He comes to sit by me wordlessly and sighs. I turn my head to examine his expression and
find him deep in thought.

"Penny for your thoughts?" I whisper, because something told me not to disturb the calm tranquillity of this space.

"Why are you here?"

I blink up at him because with both of us seated, he manages to stay taller than I ever will be. "Should I not be?"

"No." He inhales as the wind rushes through blades of lush grass. "They told me I live in a hallucinogenic paradise."

"And do you believe them?"

"Yes."

Okay. I didn't expect that.

"I know that you don't feel for me, what I do for you." He stares off at the building across the street - a burger joint that turned into a sleepy bar after dark. "And that's okay."

I can't seem to look away from him, and find myself memorising every tiny detail of his face just because. He was beautiful, nobody could deny that. He outshone me any day, but for an estranged reason he saw something in me. That made a little warm feeling erupt in my chest.

"That's okay because it won't last." He says.

"What won't last?" I pick at a leaf that is golden from being detached from a plant.

"The way you currently feel about me."

He was asking for my curiosity. "Really?"

"Yes." He looks at me now, straight-faced and humourless. "I can't be the only one in love."

And the air is knocked out of my lungs. In love? Harry was ready to commit to something I knew nothing of. He was ready to accept me for being simply me, plain old me. It wasn't right. It didn't make sense. How deep did Harry's infatuation run?

"Harry." I let him rest his head on my lap because there was no harm in that. "You are an amazing person, I know that much if I know nothing else. But, I shouldn't be the one you want."

"Why not?" He looks up at me with his fingers laced with one of my hands on his torso.

"Because we don't know each other, because you think we do. Because I have...." I look away shamefully. "I have a boyfriend. Because-"

"What's he like?"

"My boyfriend?"

Harry nods once. "What's his name?"

"Douglas. He graduated a few years back and won't go to college until I do."

"Do you love him?"

I frown. "Y-Yes."

"A lot?"

"None of your business, Harry."

"I'm sorry." He turns onto his side and closes his eyes. "What's he like?"

I sigh and let my head hit the tree. "He likes....apple pie? Drinks coffee. He let me ride his motorbike once and I crashed. He didn't even yell." I smile fondly. "I do love him."

*NARRATOR'S POV*

Louis didn't know the damage he was causing, the tiny frayed wires in Harry's heart everytime a praise in Douglas' name was mentioned. It gave him tiny internal cuts everytime; but he kept quiet and listened with his eyes closed, pretending that one day Louis will talk about him like this.

Harry didn't like apple pie and he didn't know how to ride a motorbike, but he could learn if that's what Louis liked. When Louis stops he slip his hand under his cheek and hums a tune he remembers from his childhood. Memories of his life with Louis always came floating back, always making him sick and sad because it wasn't true. He was hurting because he
wanted so badly what a stranger named Douglas had.

"Would you ever....." Harry trails off at the thought of his forward question.

"Yeah?" He felt happy when Louis started to play with his hair, and he was careful to remain extra still so Louis wouldn't stop. The actions soothed him.

"What do you think about me?" Would you ever fall in love with me?

Louis' thrown by Harry's question. "I think you're really nice."

Harry grins. "Would you like me too?"

"Like you? Sure."

"Like you like Douglas."

Louis coughs into his fist, now he felt uncomfortable and stopped petting Harry's hair even when the older boy tries to regain that trust.

"Louis?"

"I don't know, Harry." He snaps, already trying to get out from under Harry because this conversation has grown too deep for him.

Harry frowns and sits up, opposite Louis with his hands holding the smaller boy's.

"Can you stop asking me this? Please, I don't want to have to answer them." Louis takes his own back and stands up, ignoring the cracking of his knuckles and popping of his joints.
Harry stands too but doesn't step closer. "I don't want to make you angry."

"Then stop with all these questions!" Louis vents. "I can't give you what you think you want and I won't keep pretending."

"I don't want you to, I just want-"

"Me. You just want me."

"Yes. I do."

"Well, I can't give you that. Someone else will-"

"I don't need someone else, Louis."

"You don't need me either. What are you here for, Harry?"

"To get better."

"Exactly, and for you to get better-" Louis looks up at him earnestly. "-you can't keep doing
this to yourself."

"But-"

"I can only be your friend, Harry."

Louis hated having to disappoint someone, but he also hated being asked so many personal questions. He escaped every scenario where he was the center of attention because, why should he be? In spite of all this, he can't seem to entirely let go of Harry.

Harry sees him as desirable, as something he wants. And yes, that would be objectifying him but Douglas did that already all the time. He wonders why in both cases, and he thinks about whether it would even work out between Harry and him - Harry's schizophrenia is an inborn trait that neither one can simply remove.

"Could I have a chance with you?" Harry's palm aches to touch Louis, his fingertips to graze the skin of his chin and cheek.

Louis sighs loudly. "Okay."

Harry's eyes turn from black to bright green. "I'll take care of you, Lou. When do I get my chance?"

"I don't need that, Harry." He lies. "I don't know."

"Now?"

He shakes his head. That would mean cheating on Douglas, and they both agreed not to let that happen again.

"You can decide." Harry whispers. "Choose who gets to love you."

"That isn't fair."

"Why isn't it?"

"Because Douglas......he already is my boyfriend, and he won't-"

"He doesn't need to know." Harry kisses his forehead. "I love you."

***

"Hey, babe." Douglas is waiting in Louis' room, ready to pounce and give him a heart attack as soon as he's in past the door.

"Gosh. Hey." Louis gasps, setting down his keys - because his impulse to keep carrying his car keys but leaving the car at home will never go away - and phone on his desk.
"I have a proposition." He comes up behind Louis, wrapping his arms around the smaller boy's waist.

"Speak it." Louis stiffens but forces himself to relax.

"What's wrong?" Douglas pouts against his neck.

"Nothing."

"Tired?"

"Yeah."

"Well that eliminates half of my plan."

Louis laughs and let's Douglas kiss his jaw because this is his love, and Douglas made him happy. Most of the time, not when he was in a mood.

"Oh? I'm sorry." Louis cries out when Douglas starts tickling him. "Douglas! Douglas, stop!"
There's a sharp jab of pain in Louis' side that he ignores, before continuing to fend off Douglas. He collides with the table and coughs to clear his windpipe so that he can breathe, using harboured strength to push Douglas away now.

"What happened?" Douglas asks, and maybe that's worry on his face. Louis isn't sure because he hasn't seen anything remotely close to concern etched on Douglas' face for a while now.

"Nothing. Just....." Louis knows what happened and so he steps around Douglas, into the bathroom. "Give me a second."

He lifts the hem of his T-shirt to examine the damage, it was nothing major. A healing cut's scab had been scratched off and it swollen red now, a disgusting sight that even Louis didn't want to look at on his tummy.

"Shit." He looks at his reflection in the mirror and takes a deep breath before tending to the open wound.

One band aid later, Douglas hadn't bothered to knock on the door and ask Louis if he was okay. Nothing. Louis didn't expect him too, it would just have been nice if he had. He deserved nice things sometimes.

Douglas is sitting on his bed when he steps out, and Louis ignores him to get water from the mini fridge he was allowed to keep in here. It was originally for when Phoebe fell asleep with him after a marathon movie night, and it still served that purpose.

"Louis?" Douglas plays with the frays of the comforter and Louis wishes he really wouldn't.

"Hmm?"

"You good?"

Louis rolls his eyes. "Peachy."

"Babe, come on. No need to kill the mood so early."

"What?"

"I mean, you know it's not my fault. It isn't yours either-"

"Not now, Douglas. I don't want to talk about this with you."

"I know and it isn't one of my favourite things about you either-"

Louis doesn't listen to the rest of Douglas' rambling because he didn't need that. So Douglas didn't like his cuts? That's why he never brought them up and never awkwardly discussed them. Louis had to go through it all on his own because Douglas didn't like them. How bloody pathetic, Louis thinks. Louis has never felt so alone with another person before.

"I'm tired, Douglas." He says finally and he isn't sure if he cut off his boyfriend from talking or not.

"O-Okay." Douglas says, standing up and approaching Louis. "Goodnight, babe."

"Yeah."

He gets a kiss on his forehead from Douglas before he is left alone, and all he thinks about is how Douglas' breath smells like smoke and Harry's smelt of toothpaste.

He showers before joining his family for dinner and his mother drags him into the kitchen for a hushed talk. "So, how'd it go?"

"What?" He rubs his eyes with the balls of his palm.

"Oh come on." She hands him a wet plate that needs drying. "Spill."

"Mom." He whines. "I'm tired."

"And you can do your hardworking mother a favour by helping her out with the dishes. Now
tell me what happened with Harry."

"What do you want to know?"

"You're grounded if you keep acting coy, young man."

"Alright!" He laughs. "He relapsed."

"Oh."

"Yeah but he's fine now. Has to take medication and sleep really early. He-"

"What did he say to you?"

"Said he loves me."

"Romantic."

"He's a psychopath, Mother."

"Don't you dare." She splashes him with soapy water and Louis thanks the Gods for his
mother. "He's such a nice kid, would never hurt a fly."

"I know but I can't just fall in love with him because you like him more than Douglas."

"You said it, not me. And it's fair because I've known Harry since he was born."

"Really?"

"Yup. You and he used to have play dates before you switched schools and he only came
over to babysit Phoebe."

This is news, Louis thinks with a suddenly wide awake mind. "I didn't know that."

"Probably why he chose you to be the subject of his......fantasies."

"I'm pretty sure a mother isn't supposed to talk like that so easily."

"Harry's a nice boy. Give him a chance, yeah?"

"But I'm-"

"Douglas, yes we all know." She exhales dramatically. "Maybe take a break from that relationship?"

Louis has always listened to his mom and dad, never disobeyed their order and in the end they were a happy family. This, was crossing the line. "You can't ask me to do that."

"Yes, I know. Just a suggestion, okay?"

"You don't even know Douglas."

"I know enough though. He goes to these creepy parties and smokes something I can't seem to find at the shop. Look at what's happened to you since dating him."

"I'm fine." Louis mumbles.

"I know you are, love." She kisses his cheek. "Trust me though, yeah?"

"Alright."

"And don't think I'm saying to go sneaking around with Harry." She quirks her eyebrow. "He needs to be let go of by the doctor first."

"Mom, I don't like Harry like that!"

"Neither do I!" She says, jogging out of the kitchen after draining the sink and leaving Louis in the darkness.

He sighs and follows after her, noticing that Phoebe and his father are watching TV from under a blanket on the couch. He loved family cuddles, because they never really got to do it anymore.

"Lou!" Phoebe calls him when he's about to take on the task of going upstairs begrudgingly.

"Yeah?"

"Come here!" She sits up and stands against the back of the couch to speak.

He could never resist her baby dagger eyes so he slumps down beside her, letting her uselessly throw a portion of his own Spongebob blanket onto his lap.

"What are we watching-"

"Shhh!" His mother shouts from the doorway, phone in hand.

Everyone turns to look at her in alarm. His father speaks up. "What's up?"

"Oh God." She covers her mouth with her hand. "I-It's Anne. Harry's mom."

Louis stands because sitting made him feel like he was wasting something. "What
happened?"

"The rehab center, someone started a fire while all the other patients were asleep." She
says. "She and Gemma are at the hospital with Harry."

[A/N: I felt that this story needed something to spice it up, which was kind of silly because now :( But I REALLY hope you all enjoyed it and will comment :'( because I've been having a terrible week and I just want to know you're there so :) - Sxx]

Notes