---

I woke up this morning to a dark grey sky, fog all over the horizon. To me, now, there were no birds chirping, flowers blooming, dogs barking, nor will they ever. Everything - My world - was so sad. So silent. So dreadful. So awful. Horrible. It was a new day today; I know I shouldn't be spending it like this, But, Avery was diagnosed with stage four cancer a few months before, and ever since, everyone and everything had been in a bad shape. Including me: Niall Horan.

"Niall, are you coming with me to the hospital?" My mom asked from downstairs. Avery was in a deep coma for weeks now so My mom and I have visited her more and more, hoping she would awaken. We both missed Avery dearly. Especially me.
I was out of my thoughts as fast I was in when I heard the heels of Mom's shoes clicking around the house. Probably finding the keys.

"Doctors called," my mom said calmly, but I could hear a hint of sadness in her voice.

"Avery isn't doing so well." She paused. I could almost imagine the sad look on her face, bringing her hand to her face and trying to hold back tears.

"They say she probably isn't going to make it." I could imagine a tear strolling down her face, landing onto the wooden floor as she didn't even bother to wipe it off, shaking her head. I silently nodded my head, putting on my coat and boots. I quietly stood up and made my way downstairs at a quick pace. Then, I saw the Pictures of Avery and me on the wall. I stopped and looked at the pictures.
Childhood memories. I smiled at the picture of her and I picking corn in the fields, happy without a care in the world. Her used-to-be dark brown flew into her face as she bent down to pick up a cob of corn that she'd dropped. I pushed her over playfully.
You're gonna' get it! I remembered her yelling. I smiled once again. I reached out and touched the photo with sympathy, looking at the next.

Prom. First Kiss. I smiled even harder. The smile on my face faded away slowly. The memory slipping away as well. I tried to hold onto it as I thought. As if I can talk to her now.

I hope your okay...

I just wanted to stay here, staring at the photos and re-creating memories without a care in a world like I used to act. We used to act.

"C'mon, Niall!" My mom yelled from down stairs, walking out of the door, Causing me to look back at the picture once more, having tears build up in my eyes. Yet I refused to cry.

---

Beep, Beep, Beep...

I took in a breath of air. The sound of the heart monitor beeped at a slow steady pace as I glanced over at Avery. Her mouth twitched. If I wasn't told by the doctors that she sometimes did that, I'd be running out happy, excited that she's still living and maybe she was just asleep. Instead, It currently hurts to even look at her. I looked down and held her hand, closing my eyes. I shook my head. This can't be right, I thought. It was surprising on how full of life she used to have. Even more shocking that now, She's almost lifeless...

"Soon, when you get out of here, You'll be with me all the time, no matter what." My voice cracked when whispering these things. I was positive that she was going to leave the hospital in a few days like nothing even happened to her. She wont have cancer. She wont be in a coma - we'll be together without any care in the world, once again. Just like kids.

"Lysander, honey, are you okay?" My mother said as she leaned against the door frame of the door on the other side of the room, looking at me with worry and concern in her eyes as she inched closer to me. Soon, her hands were on my shoulders.

"She's doing fine, Mom," I said softly. I continued with "Isn't she?" My mom nodded her head yes, then no. I exchanged a look of hurt with hers of sadness.

"Sometimes, things don't happen the way you want it to." She paused. I could see the tears welling up into her eyes.

"Her case is extremely life-threatening, and-" I cut her off, running my hands through my hair.

"Don't you have hope, Mom? Don't you believe that she can make it out of this mess, alive?" I asked, looking up at her, tears in my eyes, but I refused to cry once again. I always had because It's a sign of weakness, something that tells you, that you can't handle things in tough situations. But I can.

"I do have hope but Honey," She said while cupping my cheek. "I just don't think she is going to make it..." She said while looking me in the eyes.

"I'm staying here tonight, ground me, do whatever you want, but I am staying." I yelled this out, about as stubborn as a child, sitting on a big couch in the E.R.

"Whatever you say, Dear." And with that, she left the room, only to come back five minutes later with a pillow and a blanket.

"Thanks Mom." I croaked, laying down on the couch and drifting off to sleep.

---

"Niall?..." A familiar voice called out to me.
It couldn't be, she was in a coma...

"Niall...It's me, Avery..." I looked up, only to be greeted by Avery's face across from where I'm staying. She was wearing all white clothing, but she looked more lively than ever. I smiled, but it quickly faded.

"Avery...," I said excitedly.

"You're alive?" I smiled widely. It quickly faded when She shook her head yes, then no.

"I think It's time," was her reply. I shook my head.

"Time for what?"

"Me."

"What time for me?" I tried to ignore whatever she was going to say, since I knew it was going to be bad. Tears fill up my eyes, but I still refuse to cry. They wont come out. Avery shook her head and looked down, her straight blonde-white hair brushing over her shoulders. I heard a sniffle.

"Niall," She said.

"I'm practically dead. Not yet, but I'm only breathing from the tubes all around my body." She shook her head.

"It's time for me to go," She said. I looked at my surroundings. There were no leaves on the trees and it was a dirty gravel road I was standing on. I could barely see the moon; the leafless trees were blocking it. I shook my head. No, I thought to myself. She held out a hand, which I ran to her. At this time I could clearly see she was paler than ever. She had dark lines below her eyes and brown spots in different places around her face. It almost looked like the life was draining out of her as she looked at me with sympathy. She opened her mouth.

"Can you do me one favor before I go?" Her voice cracked.

"What is it?" I croaked out. I continued with a stuttering "A-anything."

"Cry for me...," she said as I grabbed onto her hand.
"Please?" She put her head down once again.

"Don't leave me," I said, my voice barely even above a whisper as it cracked.

"It's time to let go, Niall," Avery said, closing her eyes. Her hand let go of mine. It wasn't until then I noticed she was fading away into the dark background.

"Don't leave me!" I said this much louder this time, tears coming on once again.

"Goodbye," she said, opening her eyes and shaking her head. I tried to grab onto her, but I failed as my hand went through her body as if she was a ghost.

"Don't leave...me..." She was fully gone. I didn't see her anymore. She vanished before my very eyes, leaving me here alone in the dark gravel pathway.

"Please..." I collapsed to the ground and put my head in my hands, shaking my head. This wasn't real. I didn't want it to be. That was when a single tear rolled down my left cheek, which someone told me it indicates sadness; pain; loneliness, followed by one down the right. I cried about someone for the first time ever, tonight, I thought. Maybe it was nothing huge, right?
Then why was I starting to sob, right there on the dark, gravel ground, head in hands while shaking my head?

---

I opened my eyes. I was greeted by my mother across who seemed to be crying. She shook her head.

I knew exactly what it meant. I stood up and ran over to her and hugged her, letting my tears flow down. I shook my head as I shook violently. She sniffled and pushed me, grabbing onto my shoulders and looked me in the eye, a single tear rolling down her cheek as she did so.

"Try to b-be brave," She said as she shock her head and hugged me again. I didn't mind as I buried my face into her wool sweater. I swallowed yet another lump in my throat as I thought of Avery. Today was the day I faced my fear. I felt more alive then ever - yet I feel so dead.
Maybe this is what life does to you sometimes.
Yet, I'm going to get through it, somehow, even through hard times...

It's okay to cry.

And that's how I spent my day - facing my fear for the first time ever; losing someone close but meeting another part.

Another part of me.
And there's no hiding it now.

Notes