Just A Little Bit

Zayn's POV

Physical pain involved healing and medicine and maybe even seeing a doctor. You may have hurt your back while lifting something or broken a bone when falling on it wrong. Some have to take medicine all their lives to deal with pain- they are always eager to throw it away.

My pain was not physical. It was something I never thought existed and never wanted to have. Reading the news and hearing everyone talk about made me sick; twice I had ended up in the bathroom spewing my guts into the toilet. The picture coming in tack with the article made my head throb and every part of my body feel raw. I was sick for days and no matter how much medicine I took, how many drinks or how much weed... I felt like her face would never leave my head.

I was haunted by the idea of lying in the ground somewhere. Blinded by my rage and sadness, I threw away three months of school. Nothing was worth anything without her. I had thought if I stayed away she would be happy and only remembered the good parts about us instead of the bad. I should've been with her. I could have protected her, stopped this from happening. This is why I did not want my pain to leave me. I wanted to be reminded of my stupid behavior, be reminded of everything I could've done to save her.

No, love was a strange thing, and I hated it.

Louis had pushed girls my way, actually paid them money to have their way with me. Nothing was good, nobody was as pretty as her, nobody was as smart as her, and nobody was Grace Matter like Grace Matter.

Death was a scary subject. I never would have thought I would see Grace dead before me.

"Zayn, come on." Niall peeked his head around the corner, sorrow in his eyes. I stood in front of the mirror, bloodshot eyes from the alcohol and drugs and from no sleep. I felt heavy as my body moved from the bathroom to the bedroom.

Harry stared at the news, mouth hanging open in shock. I followed his gaze, not listening for anything in particular. The Grace subject had almost been dropped. I think next week they would stop the search for the killer- unless they stumbled on a lead somehow.

Hanging on the screen was a car being lifted from a body of water. I frowned and read the caption that went along with it.

'Suicide Attempt'

"Turn it up." I demanded, grabbing the remote from Harry and tapping the volume button numerous times. The speaker boomed over the room. "The male has been safely taken to the nearest hospital with more news to come. He was alive and breathing when pulled out of the vehicle. " Names flew by on the bottom of the TV screen and my eyes scrambled to pick up the right bits of information.

Why was I so curious?

Harry seemed to notice this, standing closer than usual and keeping a warm hand on my shoulders for support. I ignored him, looking over the names. Two names.

Calum Hood and Kevin Isle.

Where did they seem so familiar? Fuck, I needed more sleep and more food. But none of those came very easily to me and I was sick of being sick. Why the fuck had I let myself fall for a girl?

Louis always told me to never do that. These were the consequences. I wish he was back. He had left yesterday for a visit with his friends and family back home in England for a week or two. He had taken a week off before Spring Break. He would tell me who these people were.

"Mate, get some rest." Harry suggested when the news flashed to a commercial. I rubbed my eyes and threw the remote on the bedside table. Sighing heavily, I reached for my shirt and lifted it over my head.

Green eyes stared back at me, rich with contentment and worry. I struggled with my jean button before finally tugging them off and heading towards the bed.

My body slapped against the sheets and my eyes closed without consent.

Notes