All Too Well

I brought Lux into my room since that was the only bed I had. I laid with her in my arms as her eyes were dropping with exhaustion.

"Collins, tell me a story please? One you wrote." Lux leaded with me as her exhausted eyes fought to stay open.

"Okay sweetheart." I continued on with a story that I thought she might like. I looked down at little Lux and realized she was already sleeping. I carefully put her onto the matress and tucked her in. I quietly grabbed some comfy clothes, left my room and went to make a cup of tea and change.

The lights in my apartment were dimmed as I made my tea and sat on my couch after changing into my usual leggings, a tank top, and a loose cardigan. I put my thick brown hair into a high ponytail, but still pieces of hair fell out to frame my face. I could feel my ponytail brush against my chest as it was so long. I cozied up with my tea and sat, trying to relax.

My eyes had almost drifted shut when I heard a banging on the door. I became extremely frightened and my pulse quickened. I looked through the peephole to see a very drunk, bust very vulnerable looking Harry. I immediately became concerned, opening the door for him.

"Harry, what are you doing here? Its late." I said with my voice showing complete concern for his condition.

"Collins I'm sorry. I'm such an asshole and I'm sorry for how I acted. I ruined your dinner." Harry slurred. All I could do was shake my head and lead him to the couch.

"It's late and you're drunk. Just stay here tonight, you can have the couch." I said, trying not to look at him as I got up to go into my bedroom. Harry grabbed my arm and pulled me back.

"Stop! Stop using that as an excuse not to talk to me! Collins, please. Please just talk to me." The very drunk Harry pleaded with me. I felt a pang in my heart as I had heard those same words time and time again. I shook my head once more.

"Harry please, you're clearly drunk and I need to go to my room. Lux is here and you cant wake her up." I said, hoping he'd cooperate if I told him the one thing that meant something to him was asleep in the next room over.

"Lux is here? Let me see her Collins, I need to see her." Harry slurred again as he pleaded with me. He was about to get up and go to my bedroom but I pushed him back down. I saw something flicker in his eyes when I pushed him. They went from something of warmth to coldness, almost anger.

"Don't ever push me!" Harry spat. I instantly became frightened as regretted letting him in. I didnt know what to do as I could see his anger intensifying. I went back to when I was a little girl and my parents would fight. I would run and hug my father, hoping it would save my mother from another blow like in my dream. It always worked. Without thinking, my body collided with Harry's and I wrapped my small arms around his stone hard body as tightly as I could. I squeezed my eyes shut hoping he'd relax in my arms. I felt his heart racing and his lungs working hard with his anger. After a minute though, his body began to relax, and he leaned back to look at me. I looked up at him with worried eyes, and he stared at me in awe as he touched my face with his thumb. A tear trickled down his face as he began to process what had happened just minutes before.

"Uncle Harry?" A small voiced uttered coming from the bedroom. I ran to Lux and picked her up quickly, pulling her head into the crook of my neck.

"God dammit." I could hear Harry mumble in the living room, I looked at him with concern painted over my entire face. I gave him a look that told him to stay put as I walked back into the bedroom with Lux. I turned on the lights and held her tight.

"Lux, Uncle Harry just got locked out of his flat so he came here." I said, trying to convince the little girl.

"Why did he yell? He scared me." Lux said with the smallest voice I had ever heard come from her. It broke my heart, as I knew this conversation all too well. I couldn't tell her that he was drunk and irrationally angry. I had to save her from my fate, which meant I had to lie.

"He was just upset that he lost his keys babe. Everything is okay, don't be afraid of him. Everybody gets a little mad over silly things sometimes." I said with a smile. All I could do was hope I didn't just do to her what my mother always did to me.

"Okay Collins, will you lay with me though?" She asked, I could tell she was still quite tired.

"Of course, love." I whispered as I lay down. Soon enough she was fast asleep again. I got up to go check on Harry, but when I opened the door, he was right behind it. We looked at each other with wide eyes. I was the first to speak.

"You heard all of that." I stated knowingly.

"Thank you for lying." He said sincerely but as if he were about to cry again.

"Are you sober?" I asked him gently.

"I could use a cup of tea, but for the most part, yeah." He said, not looking at me.

"Wait in the living room, I'll make you a cup." I said to him.

I made Harry's tea and brought it to him and he took it thankfully. We sat in complete silence, only hearing the small slurping he occasionally made when taking sips of tea. This time, Harry was the first to speak up.

"Collins?" He asked me hesitantly.

"Hmm?" I hummed. I was exhausted.

"Why'd you lie for me?" He asked me, still not looking at me. I had to consider this for a few moments. I didn't want to tell him the truth, but I didn't want to lie to him either for some reason.

"She doesn't deserve to loose that kind of innocence toward the world yet. And as much as you've made me want to hate you since we met, you don't really deserve to loose the way she loves you. I think Lux is good for you because she makes you more normal when she is with you." I explained to him. All he did was nod, and I could tell how tired he was as well.

"Collins, I cant tell you how sorry I am for tonight." Harry said to me, I could tell he was deep in thought about something.

"I just don't get it Harry. You're so amazing with Lux, she adores you. Lou treats you like a brother. You must be a great person, but you come off as such an asshole. Why do you put on an act?" I asked him, being careful not to upset him again. He lifted his arms and rested his elbows on his knees, covering his face with his hands. He sat like that for a few minutes until finally he looked up at me, pushing a hand through his dark brown curls.

"I dont know, Collins, I really don't. I just don;t know how to act or how to make people like me. Its like everyone has this preconceived idea of me, and they like what they see me as, so I try to be that." He tried to explain as best he could, although I think he struggled somewhat with coming up with an explanation.

"Harry I didn't have a preconceived idea of who you were. You could've been yourself, and I probably would've liked you more than I do right now." I explained to him sympathetically.

"What do you think of me now then?" He asked, his voice clouded as I felt him slip into a dark place, but one much different from before. In this place, he had nobody to hate and snarl at but himself.

"Well, I think you drink way too much. I think you're a pretentious, self entitled dick head who only cares about himself and his image. I think you're unconfident with who you are, like you don't have much integrity. And I think you're somebody I don't want to get mixed up with. I answered straightforwardly, in a very calm manner. All Harry did was nod as his jaw clenched and he looked away from me. But I continued.

"But right now, at this very moment, I see a man who is troubled, who drinks when he has no other way to escape this facade. I see a man who has never had something real to hold onto. I see a man who needs somebody to truly care for him." I said. The entire time, I never took my eyes off of him.

"Does that mean you'll go on a date with me?" Harry asked as if he were shocked by the idea that I wanted to care for him. I gulped, not sure how to answer him. I didn't want to break him anymore than he was already broken. But to be completely honest, this moment made me feel something for him. It scared me that I cared, but I couldn't stop myself.

"No, I just can't do that Harry I'm sorry. But I'd love to be here for you, you know like, be your friend?" I said to him hesitantly. Even if I didn't have all my walls up, I couldn't say yes to Harry, he was just too messed up right now.

"Yeah...yeah that could work." Harry huskily mumbled. I could tell he was disappointed, but I just couldn't do it. Instead, I put my arms around him and held him tight. He slowly put his arms around me and hugged me back. We stayed like that for a few minutes until I became afraid of what I began to feel.

"Harry, you can stay here. I;m sure Lux will want to see you in the mourning. But I have to go to bed so make yourself comfortable out here. Goodnight." I told him quickly, stumbling on my words as I rose up to go to my bedroom. Harry spoke as I was walking away.

"Goodnight Collins, thank you for...well for accepting my apology I guess." Harry said with sincerity coloring each word. I stopped in my tracks when he spoke, just barely turning my head to the side, I took a moment before I spoke.

"You're welcome." I spoke quietly. I made my way to the room and closed the door. I quietly crawled into my bed, careful not to wake Lux. I carefully pulled the covers over myself but I was too shaken to sleep; What had I done? I accepted Harry into my life. I told him I'd be his friend. How could I have done that? I wasn't able of letting him in, he would just hurt me. But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't invested in him in some sort of way. Tonight had opened my eyes to who Harry really was. And he needed somebody who would accept him, someone other than the boys and Lou. For some reason he chose me though.

This frightened me because after I accepted him, I dismissed him. But I only dismissed his offer to go on a date. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, but I was apprehensive to say the least, I stayed up and over thought the entire situation, which caused my anxiety to kick in. I decided to put in headphones and listen to music to try and calm myself. after a few songs, I drifted into sleep.

Notes

Chapter five!!! Sorry it took so long, I really hope you all are enjoying it so far though. Thanks for reading it! I would love to hear what you all think of it so far in the comments! :)