3 months later


Roxana's POV:

I guess you could say my life changed after the party. I wanted it to, I had it all planned.

As I had expected, Zayn gave me an ultimatum. Either I was all in, or he was out. He missed being in a relationship, and he wanted it again. With me. I laughed in his face and told him to fuck off. He did, then. With Florence. They got mixed together during the numbers game and sort of... clicked. I get it, though. She's like me expect for the fact that she actually has a heart.

I haven't talked to Harry in three months. It was easy, though, they were on tour at the moment. All I got was a message through Grimmy. “I'll be waiting.” he said to me one evening, delivering the words 'young Harold' sent me. Whatever.

Niall sort of became best friends with Rider. How, I have no idea. But it was nice, though, we went on holiday together. Rider, Cara, Niall and me. Loads of drinking, loads of fucking, got a good tan out of it. We skyped every now and then, and he sort of cheered me up when I was in a bad place. Which I was most of the time.

After the craze about my new book died down, I focused on fashion again. I hung out with Cara a lot now, and we were inseparable during the London Fashion Week. I never wanted to be a model, but it was fun from time to time. I enjoyed being one of the designers' darlings.

All in all, my life was almost domesticated. I didn't really fuck around a lot, and I also laid back on the drugging. Because he would yell at me every time I tried to light a blunt or snort something up my nose. How he became such a big part of my life I did not know. He was the only thing I did not plan. And I hated and loved him at the same time.


Hotel Room, Paris

Our sweaty bodies laid on the bed, damp from the recent love-making, and I was still so fucking hot. He had gotten the best out of me today. I felt like I've just run a marathon.

“Come here,” he mumbled and snaked his hand around my waist, pressing me against him. I sighed and wrapped my naked body around his. Our foreheads rested on each other, and he gave me a soft kiss on the tip of my nose. I had cut out all the crap with him. I had let myself go. And it was dangerous.

Ever since our first night together, he saw right through me. He saw what was facade and what was real. Hell, I even cuddled with him. I never cuddle with anyone, except for Niall from time to time.

“We're leaving for Portugal tomorrow,” he said and looked at me. I arched an eyebrow and sniffled slightly.

“I will not be following you around. I hate having to hide. They will find out eventually,” I said, trailing my fingers down his exposed chest.

“But I need you. And you know you need me,” he said in a husky voice and left a soft kiss on my lips.

“I might, but I'm tired of it. I want to go back to London and live my life. And have you out of it,” I said in a wary voice. He chuckled before tilting my chin up to look into his beautiful eyes.

“I guess it's a little too late for that now.”

“Fuck you,” I spat at him and he just growled at me.

“You just did, Roxana. And you can do it again right now if you want?” he said happily, trying to brighten the mood, but I wasn't having any of it. I got out from under his grasp and off the bed. Putting on a shirt and panties, I grabbed a pack of fags and stepped out on the balcony. I lit one and greedily inhaled. He came up behind me, slipping his hands around my waist and pressing his chin on my shoulder.

“What's wrong?” he asked. As if he didn't know...

“Have you broken up with her yet?” I asked back, staring out into the distance of Parisian roofs.

“No. But I will. Soon,” he said and I snorted sarcastically.

“Yeah, right. You've been saying that for three months now.”

“What if I do, Roxana? What then? Will you just magically become my girlfriend? Will you be nice to the fans and quiet at public events? Will you be a role-model? How do you think it will work?” his voice had gotten angrier. I turned around to face him, staring at him with fury in my eyes.

“I do not fucking know, alright? I never planned for any of this to happen, but now you're here, and for some reason, I can't get rid of you. And I don't want to,” I said, my voice getting softer now.

“But I want to go out with you. I want to be able to be in public. To fool around in restaurants, to kiss the shit out of you in parks, and I want to wake up next to you every goddamn morning. And that's the closest I've ever been to actually having a relationship with someone, so you might as well take it or leave it. I'm tired,” I tried to reason and looked at him. His face was a mask of pain. He knew what he was putting me through, and he knew that I had given up a lot for him. Naturally. He never asked me to, I just did. We had a connection that was hard to explain. We were so different, and I guess that's why it sort of worked. He wasn't having any of my shit, he kept an eye on me like a hawk, and he even got me to open up to him. About everything.

“Roxana... I... I have no idea what to do with you,” he finally said, his voice barely a whisper.

“Be mine,” I said back, taking his face into my hands “Break up with her, and tell the boys and the public. We will figure it out. I've never wanted anything in my life as much as I want you. And I have the feeling that you feel the same way,” I told him and he smiled softly.

“Then say it, Rox. Say it and I'm yours,” he said and my heart dropped. He was asking a big thing, and so far, I have not been able to give it to him. But I was so fucking tired of it all. I was tired of repressing my feelings, and I was tired of keeping up the facade of the bad girl. I wanted to take the next step. I wanted to be loved, and to love back. The words Rider had said to me months ago kept replaying in my head every time we talked about this topic:

“The problem's not loving us, it's us loving them back.”

I had never loved anyone, not even myself. But he was just... he was different. I actually believed in our relationship. For once, I saw a future for me. A bright one not involving drugs or felonies. I saw a future with him. And that's when I finally let go of the old me.

“I love you, Louis.”

Notes

please do not kill me after you've read this chapter - it's kinda... essential.
I really hope you guys accept the way the story went.... I really do. I haven't planned this from the beginning, it just sort of happened... and I don't know, but it feels right.