I release a relaxing sigh as the slight breeze continues to hit me softly, wiggling my fingers and toes deep in the cold sand. Hearing the clear sound of laughter coming from the ocean just as Ashton splashes Stella humorously.
"Go join everyone." I say to Michael, who's sitting down next to me leaning back on his hands with his feat crossed, and gazing out at the water dressed in grey swim shorts. "I'm good.. Maybe later." He shrugs, sending me a small smile. I look at him unsure and adjust my thin sky blue knitted cardigan that lays on top of my white loose sheer tank top, paired with distressed light washed boyfriend jeans.

"Hey sis!?" Calum yells to me from the water. I give him a look to continue. "Will you plug in my phone to the speaker and put it on Pandora!?" He asks and I nod yes, before grabbing it from the beach bag and plugging it in, then pressing play on the Ed Sheeran station.

I rub my cold hands together and release a slight shiver, wondering, how the hell can they be in that water right now? It must be freezing even if the sun is out. Judging from everyone elses attire I'm guessing I'm the only one that thinks that. I feel the wind begin to grow stronger.

I glance at Michael and think of what he's doing.. Its pretty obvious which is sweet but it makes me feel weak.

"Michael.. Go swim if you want to swim. Im okay." I try to assure him and he gives me yet another unsure look then glances down at my hands, that are still attempting to find warmth. "Your cold. I'll go get you one of my jackets." He sweetly offers while standing up to go. I quickly rise to my feet. "No its okay, ill get it. While you go swim." I point to the water. He's really amazing, but im not okay with people treating me like im broken.. Even if i am.

"Fine." Michael lets out a husky chuckle, and smiles down at me giving me a kiss goodbye before he makes his way to the water and I begin to make my way towards the house.
I walk along the soft sand till I reach the tile drive way and enter through the large doors. The house is so still and silent inside, since everyone is down at the beach.
Once I grab Michael's black jacket I walk back down stairs then decide to also grab a water bottle for us all. I reach the hall that leads to the kitchen and I begin to slowly gaze at the pictures hanging on the hall wall. I pass a picture of Luke standing with his parents and their manager, then the next a picture with Ashtons parents with the manager, also with Michael's in the next picture frame. I suck in my breath and stop walking to consider to keep going or not. Clearly knowing what was coming next.. I consider every millionth thought that comes to my head maybe within 20 minutes I take a step forward and squeeze the jacket tensely with my hands. My posture drops as I step infront of the large framed picture of the boy's manager standing with Calum and our parents.. My eyes glue to my moms smiling face as I let my lips curve into a smile, releasing a sad sob as tears fall from my eyes. Its the first time I've smiled since her death.. And the first time I've seen a picture of her.

Immediately I turn away and walk quickly to the kitchen and grasp my hands on the edge of the counter, breathing heavy try to calm my self down. Out of the corner of my I notice a group of large glass bottles filled with alcohol sitting against the counter wall all lined up. Without another thought I snatch the nearest one and rush the cap off raising it to my lips sending the bitter vodca down my throat. My body hisses as I gulp it down. Roughly, wiping away my tears. I lick the taste from my lips and grab six water bottles. Taking one, I empty the water into the sink and poor the clear water looking liquid into the bottle and set it in my jacket pocket. Separating it from the others. I wanted to forget.. Even for just a couple hours I would give anything just to forget.

I casually make my way back to the beach keeping the normal looking bottle in my jacket pocket.

"Oh thanks Carter." Luke smiles to me as I hand him one of the five waters then pass them to the others who graciously drink them. I notice Michael run back into the water after kissing me another kiss on my cheek, so I sit back in my spot in the sand and pull out my water looking liquid and gulp down another large swig. Keeping the reality of the real substance to myself.

Notes

Hope its good :)