Condition: unresponsive Status: stable (larry)
1
Harry remembers it all.
He remembers the hype that surrounded them all as they walked through the city surrounded by security guards and screaming fans. He remembers the way Niall and Liam walked slightly ahead of them, arms wrapped around each others waists and the way Zayn spoke on the phone slightly behind them. He remembers Louis laughter as they walked away from the arena they’d sold out almost too many times, the way their bodies fit perfectly together. He remembers being pushed into a car alongside Louis, Liam, Niall and Zayn getting their own car. He remembers being glad to have some time alone. He remembers the words Louis whispered in his ear as the car started.
‘I love you.’
He also remembers the lights, the flashing camera lights and inquisitive paparazzi that chased after their car. He remembers Louis joking about them being like ‘princess diana and that other bloke.’ as they raced through the streets of paris closely followed by press teams. He laughed at the joke then but now he doesn’t, now he just cries because it was a little too accurate.
He remembers the way their driver swerved to avoid hitting the stupid cameraman who’d literally jumped right in front of the car, he remembers Louis startled yelp and the way his arms tightened around his waist. He remembers the drivers yell of ‘shit’. He remembers his own words, his loud cry of ‘LOUIS’ as the car sped into the hard concrete of a wall. He remembers silence.
Silence then screams.
Screams of Louis name playing over and over and over again in his brain. His own screams as the side of the car in which his lover sat crumpled. Folded. Smashed. He remembers being dragged from the wreckage by some burly armed guy who rocked him as he screamed. He remembers louis body being cut free of all the metal, mangled and bleeding. He remembers the ambulance and the sirens, the fucking sirens that still haunt his nightmares. He remembers being led into the hospital and placed in a bed. A few kind words uttered by a nurse and then black.
He remembers the day he woke up. His family crowded round him but Louis nowhere in sight. He remembers crying and throwing up then screaming again. Screaming to be taken to Louis side. The nurses obliged and he remembers shutting up. He remembers the hospital room with it’s white walls and white bed and white faced, bandaged louis lying on the sheets. He remembers crying as he asked the doctor if he was going to make it, he remembers the sad look in the eyes of the doctor.
‘His conditions poor. He’d unresponsive to treatment and the minute but he’s stable at least.’ The doctor had said. He remembers being incredibly disappointed with the answer and crying some more.
He remembers a couple of weeks later sitting by Louis bed, Jay sitting opposite him. He remembers being silent as they both held one of Louis hands. He remembers the tears they shed as they caught each others eyes.
Harry remembers it all.
He remembers the way the doctors spoke to them both, like they were babies rather than adults scared of losing a loved one. He remembers the nerves that took hold of him when they said they’d be doing a routine check up to see if Louis could go without life support, to check if he was responding. ‘Life support off, 30 seconds, life support back on.’ he remembers Louis not responding and the life support going back on. He remembers going for a walk that night, around the arena that they’d sold out almost too many times.
He remembers one month later still being in paris. He remembers the doctors arguing with Jay about life support and whether it was worth keeping Louis on the machine. He remembers the doctor describing Louis as a ‘vegetable.’ and Jay slapping his face. He remembers pushing his meal away that night and throwing up when Liam said he should at least eat some veg.
He remembers his and Louis 6 month anniversary, he remembers spending it next to Louis side crying. He remembers the boys trying to cheer him up, he remembers them failing miserably.
Harry remembers it all.
He remembers going for another walk, to the Eiffel tower. He remembers smiling as he watched two young teens walking hand in hand, he remembers feeling old. He remembers the cautious way people who recognized him dropped their gaze as he cried on a bench when he heard some mother calling after their child. Their child who was named Darcy, the name him and Louis were going to give to their first adopted daughter. He remembers buying some flowers from a roadside stall and walking back to the hospital carrying them carefully. He remembers the way their scent filled the hospital room.
He remembers what was supposed to be another routine check. ‘Life support off, 30 seconds, life support on.’ He remembers being confused when the whole of Louis family and the boys and Simon and Paul and countless others filled the hospital room as well. He remembers the cautious glances in his direction and the tears that seemed to be on everyones faces. He remembers being confused but not saying anything.
He remembers the doctors words, the exact same as they were every other time. ‘Life support off.’ Or at least he remembers the first three words were the same. He remembers counting the seconds and frowning when it reached 35, 40, 50, 1 minute. 1 Minute and 30 seconds later Harry remembers realizing what was going on and screaming at the doctors to ‘Stop, to stop and just switch it back on’ He remembers 30 seconds after that hearing the heart monitor going flat.
Harry remembers it all.
He remembers the way he sobbed and screamed and clutched onto Louis body. He remembers the dead weight in his chest as he watched the white sheet being pulled over Louis grey skin. He remembers people trying to hug, him to hold him, to comfort him. He remembers pushing them all away and running as fast as he could.
And now as harry runs into the road, in front of the massive truck whose driver hadn’t yet seen him.
Harry remembers it all.
