Esoteric.

He just stood there staring at me, mouth opening and closing. Though no words were coming out.


"Zayn."


"I. . I can't,"


"You can't what?"


"I can't talk to you anymore."


I took a quick intake of breath. "Wha...what?"


"I'm sorry. I just can't talk to you anymore."


"But. . I mean. Why?"


"I can't"


"You just. . wait, you just kissed me and you. . I mean...." I wasn't able to form a coherent sentence. Why was he saying this. I mean, what the fuck?


"Sorry. I have to go. Bye." he spoke pretty disconnected from me and the entire situation. I was stuck in place as he started walking away without another glance in my direction.


"Zayn. .wait." he paused, his hand of the doorknob. "Please?" I asked as my eyes started to brim with tears.


"Bye Emerson." he said once more before pulling open the door, walking out completely.


"Zayn," but it was too later, he was gone and I was alone. Standing in complete and utter shock.


What the hell just happened? Before I could even process what was going on I began to cry.
Crying uncontrollably without any hint that I was going to stop anytime soon. Why did this have to happen to me? Why couldn't I have just listened to Shiloh. She was right all along. Did I really just say that?


Eventually I pulled myself off of the floor wiping my eyes with the sleeve of my hoodie. I opened the door just as the bell rang causing the hallways to crowd.


----


Zayn's Point of View.


"Emerson?" I asked seeing the familiar brown locks. I could tell she was debating on whether or not she wanted to turn around. I gave her no choice as I approached her so she'd feel obligated to speak to me. Which I completely understand is wrong but, I needed to know what Shiloh had said to her. "Hey." I said watching her turn around slowly.


"Hi." she said looking around awkwardly.


"So, what are you doing here?" Really Zayn? Did you seriously just ask her what she was doing at the mall? Dumb ass.


"Shopping."


"Yeah, sorry. That was a stupid question." I sad my cheeks changing to a light pink causing her to laugh a bit.


"Can I ask you something?"


"Um. Yeah." She replied a bit uneasy.


"What do you mean, Shiloh told me what I said about you."


"It's nothing."


"Please tell me."


"Zayn really, we can just forget about it."


"No. I want to know."


"She just said something about you said I was extremely annoying and you didn't understand why she was my friend." she answered looking down.


Shiloh's such a fucking bitch. "What? I never said that."


"It's okay if you did." she said looking back up at me. I could see her eyes watering a bit, which absolutely caused my heart to break.


"No. I swear to God, I never said that." I said with the most sincerity. I needed her to believe that I'd never say anything like that, especially not about her. "I promise." I said, almost begging her to believe me. She nodded. signifying she trusted that I was telling her the truth.


"So, you're going out with Louis tonight?" I asked doing my best to hide my anger.


"How'd you know?"


"He told me."


"Oh."


"Yeah."


"I'm suppose too."


"What?"


"I'm suppose to go on a date with him."


"You're not?" Trying not to get too excited.


"I don't know. I came her to get a new outfit but I'm not sure If I really want to go."


"Oh."


"Yeah."


"Well if you decide not to go did you want to get something to eat?" The words flew out of my mouth before I could control them. Shit.


"Uhh. . "


Oh crap! She didn't want too and now she just didn't want to feel bad about saying no. "You don't have too, if you don't want too. I understand. I mean, it's okay. You can say no, I just. . " I rushed out feeling all too embarrass to continue. I heard her chuckle a bit as I mumbled incoherently to myself.


"No. I'd love too." She answered surprising me.


"Really?"


"Of course. I just have to cancel on Louis."


"I can do that for you."


"Oh. You don't have to do that."


"It's no problem, really."


"Really."


"Yup."


"Thank you."


"So I'll see you later, yeah?"


"Uh yeah."


"I'll pick you up around 6?"


"Yeah."


I wanted to hug her, I really did. But if I did I'd probably freak the living shit out of her. So I just walked away. Without another word, I turned around looking back to smile at her gorgeous face. Did that seriously just happen. Holy fucking shit! I'm going on a date with Emerson. I couldn't control my nerves or excitement as I started getting ready. Of course, I was ready thirty minutes before I said I'd pick her up. Great. I sat on my bed my legs bouncing as I watched the clock tick by extremely slow.


Six O'clock.


Finally. I took a deep breath as I stood up. Patting my back pockets making sure I had my wallet, phone and keys. Okay. I'm all good. I sprayed some cologne on before walking out my door and down the stairs. I could feel my heartbeat picking up the closer I got to her front door. Thankfully, I didn't see her mothers car anywhere. Taking a bit longer than I should, I finally knocked on her door. Soon after I hear delicate footsteps walking down the stairs.
I took a large intake of breath as the door swung open and she revealed herself. She looked absolutely stunning. She always does though.


"Hey." I smiled stepping closer to her. I had to keep my cool, act like a wasn't a nervous wreck that would've gone home and cried, most likely if she had turned me down earlier.


"Hey." She breathed back smiling. Finally, I wrapped my arms around her waist pulling her to me. My fear of her pulling back quickly vanished as she wrapped her tiny arms around my neck, making me squeeze her tighter against me. She smelled absolutely amazing. A sweet mix of perfume along with fruity shampoo and conditioner. It's kind of creepy that I know that. Isn't it?


Long before I wanted to I pulled away not wanting to hug her too long, afraid of scaring her.


"You ready?" I asked looking into her insanely beautiful green eyes.


"Uh, yeah."


I smiled at her before turning around making sure she was following me. I would've walked behind her but I wanted to be able to open the door for her. I know, old fashioned but she more than deserves it. She blushed a bit, giving me a small 'Thank you' as she climbed in. I jogged across the front of the car, hopping in the drivers side. I quickly buckled my seat belt before turning my key in the ignition. I was going to take her out to eat but, I was all too afraid I'd say something stupid and she'd think I was an absolute freak. So, I chose the movies. The ride was quiet, but I didn't mind it so much.


"So what did you want to see?" I asked looking at her out of the corner of my eye.


"Um, what's playing?"


I named of a few movies, half expecting her to pick The Fault in Our Stars. I mean, what girl wouldn't.


"22 Jump Street." She answered almost immediately. Surprising me.


I walked ahead of her a bit, once again so that I'd be able to buy the tickets. I turned around seeing her with an adorable, aggravated look on her face.


"I could have bought my ticket."


"What kind of guy would I be if I let a girl pay on a date?" I said, once again without thinking.

Thankfully she smiled.


"Did you want anything to eat?"


"Yeah, just let me. . " and that's all I heard because yet again I walked away to get there before her to be able to pay for everything.


I handed over a box of Mike and Ike's. She looked at me weirdly causing me to panic.


"If you don't like these, I can get you different ones. I can get you whatever you want." I hurried out.


"No. No they're fine."


"Are you sure? I can get you whatever."


"No. I just. . .how did you know these were my favorite?"


I smiled a bit "Oh." I chuckled. "I'm a good guesser." I said smiling genuinely at her. She nodded at me and we soon made our way into the theater, taking seats in the very back. The lights started to dim causing butterfly's to erupt. I couldn't help myself from glancing at her. She's just so absolutely breath taking. I slowly started sliding my hand over to her thigh making a insanely huge lump form in my throat. What if she pulled away. I was going to completely and absolutely embarrassed if she did. I intertwined her fingers letting out a breath I didn't know I was holding in as she wrapped her fingers around mine.


The movie ended sooner than I expected but I couldn't let go of her hand. Not now. I stood up keeping her small hand in my much larger one. I rolled my eyes as I saw the slutty ticket girl from earlier give Emerson a nasty look as she saw us holding hands. Some girls are honestly just too desperate. I unwillingly let go of her hand as we reached the car, so that I was able to open the door for her once again.


I pulled up to her house long before I wanted too. I stepped out rushing over to open her door for her.


"You didn't have to get out."


"I wanted too."


She smiled small at me causing my stomach to flutter.


"Thank you." she smiled. "For taking me."


"Thank you." I smiled back. "For going with me." She nodded simply. I started leaning forward.
This was it. This was actually going to happen. After all of these years of waiting I was finally going to be able to kiss her. To kiss to absolutely amazing girl that I had been crushing over for four years. I was finally going to be able to feel her soft lips against mine. To have her tiny body pressed against mine. There wasn't anyone around to stop this. I couldn't control my nerves as our faces got closer. Our noses barley brushing against each other. I was mere centimeters away. I began moving the tiny bit I needed too to connect our lips.


Emerson's front door whipped open. It was her mom, right? It had to be.


"What the fuck?" A familiar voice rang through my ears. I instantly removed my hands from her hips.


"Hey." Emerson spoke up barely above a whisper.


"Hey? Hey?! Is that all you have to say?! I catch you almost kissing my brother again and all you can say is hey?!" she shouted her face changing from normal to bright red.


"Uh. . uh." Emerson stuttered.


"Uh. . uh. . Are you going to actually say words or stutter like a complete idiot?" Shiloh snapped.


"Shi. You don't have to be such a bitch." I said stepping in between them.


"Shut up! I'll deal with you later." She yelled, clearly dismissing me. I stepped back knowing not to tempt her.


"Get in the house Emerson!" she snapped once again. I wanted to yell at her. To tell her to shut the fuck up and stop treating Em like that but I knew I couldn't. Thankfully though, she stood up for herself.


"What?" Emerson asked bewildered.


"Are you deaf? Get in." She said stepping aside to let her in.


"Um. No you get out."


"Excuse me?"


"Get out, are you deaf?" she said repeating her words right back to her. It took absolutely everything I had not to smile at Emerson.


For once, Shiloh was at a loss for words.


"You're in my house. Get out. You're being an absolute and complete bitch and you need to leave. This has nothing to do with you. Get the fuck out! She yelled. Apparently she was over Shiloh's shit just as much as I was.


"Zayn did you . .?" she asked gesturing inside. I wanted to. She had absolutely no idea how bad I wanted to say yes. I knew if I did though, I'd be screwed. I shook my head looking down. I couldn't look at her.


"Are you'?" she asked her voice breaking a bit. I felt like absolute shit. All I wanted to do was tell her I'm sorry and hold her in my arms. I walked away without so much as another glance. I couldn't bare too.


"What the fuck was that?!" Shiloh yelled the second we stepped inside the house.


"I'm not in the mood.'


"I don't fucking care what you're in the mood for. I told you to stay the fuck away from her and just couldn't help yourself could you?" she screamed. I stayed quiet. "I've had it. If you don't knock this shit off right this second I will tell her."


"No you wouldn't." I finally spoke up, my heart stopping.


"I swear to God I will, Zayn. I'll tell her."


"Please don't." I pleaded.


"This is the last time I'm saying anything about it. You got it? The next time anything happens, and I mean anything I will fucking tell her."


I nodded feeling my eyes prick with tears. Why? Why did she have to do this to me. Why couldn't I have been less stupid.


I barely got any sleep the entire weekend and I honestly didn't want to even get out of bed this morning. I knew if I didn't though I'd regret it. Even if I couldn't talk to her, I could still see her beautiful face. I pulled on my usual black skinny jeans along with a plain T-Shirt. I pulled on a beanie not bothering to do my hair for once. I saw her pull into the parking lot. My heart instantly stopped the second I saw her foot hit the pavement. She was dressed in sweats and hoodie which was pretty unusual for her. She looked absolutely mesmerizing. She was one of those girls who didn't need to wear any bit og makeup to look absolutely flawless. She had her glasses on, which seemed weird to me since I knew he didn't like wearing them.


I watched as she walked across the parking lot. Shiloh approached her acting as if nothing was wrong like she usually did. Though this time Emerson didn't go along with it. I watched in amusement as she totally ripped Shiloh apart right in front of everyone in the parking lot. I smiled as I watched Shiloh's face turn beat red before walking away rather quickly. I kept my eyes on her as walked into the school, which I soon followed her. I knew If Shiloh caught me she'd rat me out but she wasn't anywhere near the school right now.


I walked down an opposite hallway of her locker. I hit into a spare room, that was hardly ever used. I cracked the door, peaking out waiting for her to walk to first period. The second I saw her coming. I adjusted myself so I'd be able to pull her in easily. I grabbed her forearm gently pulling her into the dark room. She was struggling to get out of my grasp.


"It's me."


She instantly relaxed. I released her watching as she slowly turned around. She looked into my eyes, directly.


"What are y. . "


I instantly cut her off by pressing my lips to hers. It felt absolutely amazing. Better than I could havee imagined. I grabbed her hips pushing her against the wall behind her. I eventually let my hands slip from her waist, down to the back of her thighs. I wrapped my hands around them lifting her up. She wrapped her legs around my waist. I held back the groan threatining to spill from my lips as her fingers tangled in my hair. I didn't want to stop but I knew I'd soon have to. Finally we pulled away breathing heavily. I released her thighs letting her slowly slide to the ground.


"Em I." I started. I really didn't want to finish this sentence but I knew I had too. I knew if I wanted Shiloh to keep her mouth shut I'd have too.


"Zayn."


"I can't..."


"You can"t what?"


"I can't talk to you anymore." I said feeling my heart break as I hear her sharp intake of breath.


"Wha. . what?"


"I'm sorry. I just can't talk to you anymore."


"But. . I mean, why?"


"I can't."


"Wait. You just kissed me and you. .I mean." She struggled to form a complete sentence.


"I have to go, Bye." I said disconnecting myself from the entire conversation, knowing if I didn't


I'd just break down crying.


"Zayn. .wait." she spoke her voice cracking. I paused my hand on the doorknob.


"Bye Emerson." I pulled open the door.


"Zayn."


I acted as if I didn't hear though I clearly did. I couldn't possibly manage to stay at school for the rest of the day. I walked out the school not bothering who saw me as exited I felt absolutely shattered. I just threw away the the most important thing in my life.

Notes