Esoteric.

I looked up coming face to face with a familiar pair of gorgeous hazel eyes ‘I’m. . .I’m so. I’m. I’m so sorry.” Stuttering like an absolute idiot, my cheeks turned bright pink.

“It’’s no big deal.” He smiled cooley at me.

“Mm. I’m going, I mean, It’s uhh. I’m going to go.” I shook my head at the involuntary words spewing from my mouth.

“Where’s Shi?”

“Oh. I um. I kind of. . .left her on the side of the street.” I looked at me feet.

“You what?” he asked stifling a laugh.

“I. Um, made her. Mm. I made her get out the car.”

He began laughing. “What’d she do?”

“She just. Um, she pissed me off.”

“She deserves it.” he smirked.

“Mm. Yeah, well. I should um. yeah, I’m gonna go. Yeah. I’ll erm, I’ll see you later. Bye.”

Really? Would I ever be able to act like a normal human being in any proximity of him? He probably thought I was incapable of having an actual conversation.

-------------


“Beep. Beep. Beep.”

The obnoxious sound of my alarm blaring through my room caused me to groan. Soon enough, I rolled over smacking my hand down on the snooze button. Eventually I threw back my covers rolling out of bed. Lazily padding down the hall I entered the bathroom turning on the shower. I made sure the water was the perfect temperature before stepping in. The water rushing over my body woke me up slightly. After going through my normal shower routine I got out wrapping a large white town around my body.

I chose a pair of skinny jeans with a crop top along with my Doc Martens. Applying some concealer to hide the dark circles that took place under my eyes. As well as some eyeliner and mascara. I hurriedly brushed my damp hair into a high ponytail before tossing my phone and keys into my bag. I wasn’t running late but I still wanted to get to Shiloh’s early in hopes of stopping by Starbucks before school.

“Good morning honey.” My mother chimed as I descended the stairs.

“Morning.” I smiled as she rounded the corner.

“You going to school?”

“I’m going to Shi’s, she’s driving.”

“Okay. I may or may not be home tonight. I have to go out of town for a few days and I’m not sure if I’m leaving tonight or tomorrow.”

“Mmkay.”

“Well, I love you and I’ll see you later.”

“I love you too.” I smiled wrapping my arms around he as she leaned in to hug me. “Bye.”

“Bye sweetie.”

I stepped out the door, the warm air instantly rushing around me. I took the small walk to Shiloh’s just three houses away from mine. Not bothering to knock I entered the house shouting a “I’m here!” before heading straight towards the kitchen. Pulling a pop-tart from the cabinet, I took a place on the counter once again. Halfway through my pop-tart I heard footsteps traveling down the steps.

“Took you long enough.” I said plopping another piece of food into my mouth.

“I didn’t know you were expecting me.”

I nearly choked on the chunk of pop-tart in my mouth. My cheeks burning a deep red the instant I saw Zayn’s figure enter the kitchen.

“You okay there?”

I nodded still trying to recover from my previous episode. “I’m sorry. I thought you were Shiloh.”

“Figured as much.” he smiled pulling a cup from the cabinet beside me. I hopped down walking out of the kitchen.

“You didn’t have to move.”

“Oh. No. I mean, uh. I should probably go find Shiloh.”

“She left already.” he said causing me to turn around.

“What?”

“She left about twenty minutes ago.”

I pulled my phone out making sure I hadn’t misinterpreted the time. Nope. Still had an hour before we even had to leave.

“Well, I should get going then.”

“I could take you.” he said stopping me yet again in my tracks.

“I. .um. You don’t have too.”

“I know I don’t have too. I want to.”

“Uh. Okay.”

“Okay. Just let me go put a shirt on.” He said gesturing to his naked torso. In my haste to leave I hadn’t realized he was shirtless. Though now it wasn’t pointed out I couldn’t help myself from looking. My eyes raked over his tattooed torso. Taking in every line, every muscle. All the perfection that he was. His deep chuckle brought me back to reality. He’d caught me staring, great. I knew by now my cheeks were a deep crimson.

“Uh, yeah. I’ll be right back.”

I nodded once again at a loss for words. When wasn’t I at a loss for words around him. Especially when he’s just caught me checking him out. Oh God and now I’m going to be sitting in the car with him for twenty minutes. Why in the world did I ever agree to this? Sometimes Emerson you can be so stupid. I mean really. And now here you are talking to yourself like a complete lunatic. I quickly pushed all thoughts from my head the second I heard him approaching the kitchen.

“You ready?”

“Mm. Yeah.”

He smirked again before turning around heading towards the door. I nearly tripped down the steps leading to the pathway. Thankfully he hadn’t seen, although he very well could have. At least he didn’t say anything. The ride to school was thankfully quiet. That way I didn’t have a chance to embarrass myself. My door suddenly opened surprising me. Looking over, I smiled. There was Zayn standing with his hand on the door handle.

“Thank you.” I mumbled quietly.

“No problem.” he cheered.

I started my walk towards the school not realizing that he was following me. I could feel everyone's eyes on me as I pulled open the doors. Receiving multiple dirty looks from various girls as I walked through the halls. What in the hell was there problem? It wasn’t until I was at my locker did I realize who was standing beside me.

“What are you doing?”

“What do you mean what am I doing?”

“Exactly what I said. What are you doing?”

“Standing here.”

“Obviously, but why?”

“What? I can give you rides to school but I can’t stand next to you?”

“No. I didn’t mean that. I just. .uh, I.”

“I know.” he laughed. “But anyway, I have to go. So I’ll see you later, yeah?”

“Mmm. Yeah.” What the hell was going on. Someone’s acting a tad weird. Before I even knew what was happening Zayn’s arms were around my waist pulling me in. I stood there, awkwardly frozen. Why was he hugging me. Not that I didn’t love it. I did, quite a lot actually. I just didn’t get it. We don’t even conversate and when we do I make a complete fool of myself.

After realizing what he was doing, I’m assuming that’s why anyway. He pulled away.

“I’m . . .oh. I’m sorry about that. Yeah, mm. Um, bye.” He stuttered before hastily turning around rushing off in the other direction. What the actual fuck just happened?

“Emerson.”

I looked up seeing Shiloh standing before me with an aggravated look plastered on her face. What a way to start the morning.

“What the fuck was that?”

“What?” I asked confused. I had assumed she was going to go on about the fact that I had left her on the side of the road. Apparently not.

“Why did my brother just hug you?”

“Uh. I honestly don’t even know.”

“Don’t lie to me.”

“What? I’m not. He just. . . hugged me.”

“People don’t just hug people Emerson.”

“Apparently they do.”

“Why were you even near him in the first place?”

“I didn’t know I wasn’t allowed to be?”

“You know I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Well that’s how it sounded.”

“Irregardless that has nothing to do with anything. Why were you with him?”

“Well after you ditched me this morning, thanks for letting me know you wouldn’t be there by the way. He offered to give me a ride.

“Why couldn’t you just drive yourself?”

“I told him I would.”

“‘Then why didn’t you?”

“Because he insisted.”

“Oh and what you can’t tell someone no? You had no problem telling me to get out of your car the other day.”

“Well. . . I mean.”

“Whatever. You’re pathetic. I don’t know how long it’s going to take for you to realize that he doesn’t want you. He’s not going too. It’s been four years and he still doesn’t want you. How many times do I have to tell you that to get it through your head?”

And in an instant, my heart shattered. Every last bit of it. I felt absolutely horrible. She knew exactly what to say to hurt me. Every last word she spoke was completely and absolutely true. He didn’t want me, he never has and I doubt he ever will, but having someone. Especially your best friend say it straight to your face hurt all the more.

“I know it hurts but it’s the truth.”

I nodded swallowing the lump in my throat feeling my eyes well up with tears. Just fucking great. This is exactly how I wanted to start the week Fucking Mondays.

Notes