Esoteric.

Irregardless of hard I tried I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I could tell Shiloh knew I wasn’t really paying attention to anything she was saying. I didn’t intentionally mean too, it just kind of happened.

If he really did like me, why’d Shiloh constantly tell me he didn’t? He wouldn’t lie right? Maybe he would. Ah! This is all too confusing.

“Emmie, is everything okay?”

“Huh. What? Sorry.” I muttered coming back to reality.

“You okay? You’ve been acting weird all night.”

“Oh yeah, no. I’m good.”

She looked away unconvinced but let it go.

----

Zayn’s Point of View-

Did someone just walk into the bathroom?

“Hello?” I called out, Nothing. Okay. I peeked out from behind the curtain feeling my stomach erupt with butterflies. Why was she in here?

“Em?” No answer. “Hello?” What the? Ah. She had headphones in. Oh this could be fun. I stepped out not bothering to grab a towel. I stood waiting for her to notice and the minute she did was priceless. The second she looked my way I could see the pure embarrassment in her eyes. She was absolutely adorable. She opened her mouth and started stuttering causing me to smile. I really couldn’t even have helped it if I had tried.

“Oh my god. I’m so. . .I’m I mean. I didn’t, Uh. . .I’m so sorry.” she manage to blurt out.

“It’s fine with me.” I chuckled absolutely loving the way she got so flustered.

“Oh well. I’m gonna go. Yeah, Uhh I should go.”

“You can stay if you’d like.” I teased. I had too. I had to push every feeling I had for her out of my head and act like it was nothing. I couldn’t let her know that I was absolutely dying inside at the thought of her seeing me naked.

“No. No, I should go. Yeah.” She rushed out, before hastily turning around walking out the door. I pulled on a pair of sweats letting them hang low on my hips.

“So.” I muttered entering the kitchen. She stayed quiet. “You’re not talking?”

“Um. Last time I checked we weren’t supposed to talk anymore.”

“I never said” I mean, I kind of did but. . Not in those words exactly.

“Oh that’s right. You said, YOU couldn’t talk to me anymore.”

“I don’t know why you’re so upset.” Honestly. Why would she be mad? There’s no reason for her to be. I mean unless she. . No. She couldn’t.

“Well I suspect a person would be mad if someone they liked kissed them one minute and then the next they were saying they couldn’t talk to her anymore.”

Did she just? No she didn’t. She couldn’t possibly. My entire body felt elated by the very words that just came from her mouth. Though I was having a hard time believing it, I mean why would she like me? Out of everyone, I mean really. I’m nothing.

“I didn’t. . uh. It doesn’t matter either way.”

“Yeah it does.”

“No it doesn’t. We’re not even suppose to be talking.”

I know what I said, but she didn’t get it. I wanted to talk to her. I wanted to be with her. I just. .Shiloh’s just such a bitch, Makinsure g she gets whatever she wants. “There’s more to it than you think.”

“Then tell me.” I wanted too. I really did.

“I can’t.”

“Yes you can.”

“No. I can’t”

“Well then, I’m just going to go wait in Shiloh’s room.” she fumed hopping off the counter. I couldn’t just let her walk away she had to know I wasn’t doing this because I wanted too. I was doing it because I didn’t want her to find out the one thing Shiloh could hold over my head. I didn’t want her to think any less of me.

“Please just wait.” I begged grabbing her hand. The bit of warmth illuminating from her tiny hand felt absolutely amazing in my much larger one.

“Why?”

“I just, please?”

“I don’t know what you want me to do Zayn.”

I wanted her to get it. To get that I wanted her. That I wanted her to be mine. I needed her to be, but she didn’t want me and she couldn’t be. No matter how much I wanted it. It couldn’t happen. Right? “Just please understand it’s hard.”

“Well, let me make it a lot easier for you.” she snapped pulling her hand from mine.

She just didn’t get it. “Emerson.” I pleaded grabbing her waist pulling her to face me.

“Zayn, I’m not. . “

I stopped her by pressing my lips to hers. I couldn’t help it. It was so incredibly amazing. I couldn’t get enough of her. Every bit of her. She smelled absolutely intoxicating. I need her, all of her. Why couldn’t this be less complicated? Why couldn’t we just be with one another? Maybe because she doesn’t like you or maybe it’s the fact that you have an incredibly huge secret that you don’t want her finding out about, ever. My fingers gripped on to her smooth waist tightly lifting her up on to the counter, stepping between her legs.

“I’m sorry.” I mumbled in between kisses.

“You don’t need to be.”

“Yes. I do.”

“No.”

“Mhm.” I hummed rubbing my nose to hers.

“Zayn, I. . “

“Nnn. Nnn.” I kissed her. “No talking.”

“But Zayn.”

“No.” I hushed her by kissing her again, I couldn’t help myself.

“but you don’t even.”

“I don’t even what?”

“Like me.”

“What?” I asked pulling away to look directly at her. Does she honestly think that? How could she possibly think that I didn’t like her? Who didn’t like Emerson McPherson? This girl had to be absolutely blind to not realize it. Every guy in school basically wanted her and yet, she showed no interest.
She looked down her cheeks turning a tad pink.

I slid my forefinger under her chin forcing her to look at me. “Emerson.” I whispered trying to get her attention. “You think I don’t like you?” She didn’t say anything, answering my question. “I like you. Really.”

“It’s okay. You don’t have too. . . “ she started.

“I do though.”

“Shiloh said. . “ she stopped the second the front door slammed signaling she was home. Shit. I removed myself from my previous position. I opened the fridge sticking my head in pretending to find something to eat. What did Shiloh say though. Did she tell her? No she wouldn’t. Would she? Yes she most definitely would but then she wouldn’t have anything to hold over me to keep me from dating her best friend. I honestly didn’t even understand why she cared so much about it. I did my best to ignore their conversation until I heard her say something about them going out to eat?

“You guys are going out to eat?” I questioned, genuinely curious.

“Yeah.” Emerson answered back, almost immediately.

“Why does it matter to you?” Shiloh snapped.

“Just asking a question. There’s no need to get your panties in a bunch.”

She yelled a “Shut up.” before continuing her conversation with Emerson. Okay? I waited until she was all the way up the stairs before turning back to Em.

“Em?”

“Yeah?”

“I like you.”

“Zayn.”

“No. Wait, I understand if you don’t feel the same way, but I couldn’t let you think I didn’t like you. Or that I don’t want to talk to you, it’s just there’s certain things I can’t talk about right now and Shiloh. .I mean. There’s certain things I don’t want you knowing about me and if I was to try and pursue a relationship with you, I mean. Ah!” I let out an exasperated groan. “Things are just complicated and if I could have without all these other things, I would. In a heart beat.”

“I. . Uh. You can’t like me. I mean uh Shiloh said you didn’t and. . .”

“Of course she did.” I mumbled under my breath. I swear this bitch. I could kill her. Okay, not really but still. Why the fuck would she go and tell her that? Is she seriously so obsessed with keeping us apart that she’d lie? Of course she would Zayn, it’s Shiloh we’re talking about.

“Emerson I. . .”

I was cut off yet again by Shiloh entering the kitchen. She just had to ruin everything. You’d think as a sensible human being she’d at least have some compassion but no. Not one ounce of it. Then again, Shiloh wasn’t very sensible. Before I even realized it, they were gone. Just great. Would I ever be able to finish a full on conversation with her? Probably not, at least if Shiloh was around. I’d have to sneak to her house in the middle of the night or something. No I couldn’t do that. Could I? I mean, I guess I could. Doesn’t that seem kind of creepy though? I mean, it’s not like we don’t know each other, Right? Why am I overthinking this? I sound like a damn girl.

Still though. I had to let her know that whatever Shiloh said wasn’t true. Especially if she thinks I don’t like her. Which is absolutely insane. I’ll just wait until tonight and sneak over. Yeah, I’ll text her and tell her I’m outside and she’ll come down and we can talk all about it. Yeah, this could work. Maybe. . .
Possibly. Yeah, I highly doubt it.

Notes