From split flesh seeps deep crimson over the canvas that was shaped by dated battles with the devil. The scars only remain, enforcing the ideology that the past is real and the present will not ever be a distant memory. A blood-stained blade sits in solidarity but for the brutal scattering of scarlet droplets riddled with an entire lifetime of confusion, many years of agony and seemingly never-ending days of overwhelming pain. I wrote the words in my diary; it was late now, the house quiet and the doors closed. The lamp that lit the corner of the lounge that I was sat in was the only thing of comfort to me, even the tiny drops of blood that coloured my pale wrist had started to become something of normality. I heard a door close gently and I froze on the spot. The pen I was holding fell into the crease of my diary and I knew I had been caught again. I shut my eyes, using the tactic that my three year old self had adored in a bid to become invisible. I could never figure out why it didn’t work.

“Skyler, love. Why are you out of bed?” He came closer, his voice soft but increasing in volume with each step. I screwed my eyes closed even tighter and he came down to my level. “Again, babe? Really?” He sighed softly at the realisation, kissing me on the forehead before he stood up and walked towards the bathroom. I had opened my eyes now, guilt filling my body. He wasn’t supposed to know. He came back moments later, a bag of cotton wool and a bowl of warm water in his hands. Sitting beside me, he moved my diary from my lap, along with the pen and the blade that rested on my knee. I glanced over at him to see the fluffy white balls of cotton being dropped into the warm water, a pain-stricken look on his face. “Deep breath.” With that, he started to clean my cuts.

“Harry, I’m so sorry.” My voice just a whisper, our eyes locked together. Disappointment clouded his eyes and I knew exactly what he was thinking. “It’s not your fault, don’t even contemplate it. It’s me, Harry, it’s always me.” The words that last left my mouth cracked and I held back a sob.

He shook his head, knowing the truth. “Don’t lie to me Skyler, you know as well as I do that this wouldn’t be happening if I wasn’t leaving next week.” He was right. I didn’t want him to leave. He sounded so sad in himself and I could see that he felt guilty. Turning to me, he moved the water and the cotton wool away, pushing his fringe to the side so he could look me in the eyes. “If I could bring you with me, I would. If I didn’t have to go, I wouldn’t go.” He took my hands in his, his touch gentle as if I was made of porcelain. “I hate leaving you just as much as you hate me going. I’m terrified to leave you here alone. It breaks my heart to think that you’re not able to cope on your own.”

His voice trembled as did mine. “I can cope. I can. It’s just a slip up. I was scared. Harry, I don’t deserve you and I can’t understand why you haven’t left me. Is it pity? Do you think that if you leave, I’ll do something really stupid? I can’t hold you back. I won’t.” I’d needed to get those words off my chest for so long, but Harry looked dumbfounded. I hurtled into panic, knowing I shouldn’t have said anything.

“Skye, I love you. And because I love you, I’ll never leave you. You’re not holding me back and you never could; you’re my driving force. I do this for you. When I’m on stage, I’m singing about you. You’re the main reason for me getting out of bed in the morning, but, you’re also the reason that I stay in bed that little bit longer, because you’re so beautiful, even when you sleep. I just wish you could see what I see.” Harry’s features had tensed, riddled with pain but doused with hope as our eyes still locked onto each other’s. Relief washed over me. Deep down, I knew he felt so strongly about me, he told me often enough. And really, I understood that he had to leave me to go on tour. I guess the conflicting actions just left me confused sometimes, though I told myself that was how life was for Harry and I.

I stayed still as my eyes took in his frame, his body tense with worry as he waited for me to speak. “I don’t know what I’d do without you, Harry. You shouldn’t have to put up with what I throw at you.”

“You don’t even have to think about what you’d do if I wasn’t here because I’m here for life. I don’t put up with you, I embrace it. If I didn’t want to be here, I simply wouldn’t be. I’ve told you this, so many times.” He leant across, his lips grazing mine gently. “Shall we get you bandaged up? We have a big day ahead of us tomorrow, I’m taking you shopping.” I smiled softly. The thought of spending another day with my boyfriend was one that would get me through the night for sure. Harry knew that. He wrapped my wrists in military fashion, the bright red cuts being covered by a much more pleasant-looking clean white fabric.

“Babe, will you hold me tonight?” I asked Harry, my voice still weak as he lifted me from the floor tenderly, carrying me towards our bedroom.

He chuckled lightly, nodding his head as he pushed the door closed with his foot. “Darling, I hold you every night. I couldn’t sleep if I didn’t.” He sat me down on my side of the bed, moving towards the wardrobe to pick out a new shirt for me. “A new day tomorrow. I’m not having you wake up with bloodied reminders of today.” I understood where he was coming from. I raised my arms carefully and he pulled the shirt over my head, replacing it with one of his favourites. “You look better in my clothes than I do.” He laughed again, one of the sweetest sounds to my ears, as he discarded the marked shirt and tucked me into bed. He joined me on the other side of the mattress, pulling me close to him.

“It’s a human impossibility to look better in your clothes than you do, Mr Styles.” I spoke matter-of-factly, my voice already being clouded by sleep.

I felt him shake his head against my body. “Oh no, Miss James, it is most definitely not. Sleep tight, love.” An arm draped over my waist and our breathing slowed in tandem as the night air sent the pair of us into a much needed sleep.

Notes

Hi there!

This is very, very new to me. I have never written 1D before but have finally persuaded myself to give it a go.

I'm excited and I hope you are too! Please do let me know what you think, feedback would be immense; you'll come to realise just how unique Harry and Skyler's relationship is so do subscribe for another update soon! I am looking to update when I hit 10 subscribers, just so I know that I have a reason for updating!

Love! x

PS, This is already on Mibba, though I know some people don't use that site! x