I Do

Harry's POV


I wake up with Catie next to me, she's still sleeping. She looks so peaceful and so cute when she's asleep.

It feels so wrong to say this, but it feels so good at the same time.

This is bad.

I can;t go further than this. I don't want her to feel forced to love me. If I have to live like this, then I'm going to.
If she would feel the same way about me as I feel about her, this whole situation wouldn't be that bad. But this is different.

Come on, Harry. You're a man. Past is past and you re-live it. You have to show her how you really are, you have to win her heart. Because then there is a chance she'll have feelings for you, that's what you want. Don't be a pussy. The voice in my head says.

Usually I don't listen to him, he's an annoying bitch who only gives me crap advice. But this time, to my surprise, he's right.

I'm a guy.

And if I can't win her heart, I'll steal it.

Because I'm a guy.

I love this beautiful girl in my arms, and I'm gonna treat her like a queen.

I was so stupid that I've bullied her. I didn't know what I was thinking. I'm a terrible man.

But hey, everyone learns from their mistakes...


Catie's POV

I wake up and look at Harry, finding him staring at me.

''Were you watching me while I was asleep? How long are even awake?''

''I woke up 20 minutes ago but I don't mind. You look cute when you're asleep, you know.'' He winks and I blush.

Honestly, I think his morning voice is hot.

Shut up, Catie. He has hurt you a lot so you can't just give him a chance and let him do whatever he wants. He's lying, you know that? He only wants in your pants. The annoying voice in my head says.

Does he? Does he only want in my pants? I don't even know this boy. I mean, I know some things about him, but not everything.


''Catie? Are you even listening? CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATIEEE?''

''WHAT?''

''Sorry, but you were zoned out.'' He laughs.

I blush madly. He sees me and stops immediately. He pulls me towards him when I was about to get out of bed.

''Don't leave.'' He whispers. I sigh.

''What's wrong?'' He asks carefully.

''I don't know...'' I trail off. I stand up put on a sweatshirt.

''Me neither, Catie. Me neither! I don't know what's wrong! I've tried anything the last two and a hald week! I tried to be nice to you, I tried you to show you my good side, how I really am. But you push me away everytime I think there is a chance that you'll have feelings for me! I know I've made mistakes that I can't take them back! I was stupid, I had to think before I act. I was high or drunk and I was mad at my parents because they make decisions and never ask me something! I don't even know why I was mad about marrying you, you are different than the other girls. And I don't have to live with my parents. You know how hard that was for me? Living with my parents? Everytime when we'd go shopping for new clothes or shoes or something, my dad would only buy cheap things, or he'd buy something ridiculous. Everytime when I would ask him for money to buy candy or something, he would say he had no money. He was an evil, Catie. I practically wasn't raised by a real father. I don't know how it is to have a normal father! And my mother, my mother would just stand there and do nothing because she was scared of my father. Whenever he was mad, or when he was drunk, he would hit me. He slapped me and he kicked me. I don't even know how he got his job! When I was 13 he was always drunk, Catie. And he never came home. The only time he came home was when he wanted to sleep. And I slowly turned into this, the monster in front of you. I was so scared we would end up like my family, Catie. I'm scared about us!'' He says, tears running down his cheeks as he punches the wall angrily, creating a hole in the wall.

I stand up and walk towards him.

''You think my childhood was perfect, Harry? You seriously think that? Do you even know how hard it was for me? Yes, my parents were not like yours but they were harsh. I was bullied, Harry. From when I was a little girl till our wedding. Do you know how it feels to be called ugly, dumb, stupid or fat everyday? They even gave me a nickname, Piggy, because they think I look like a pig. When I went to high school, I thought everything would be better. But it just got worse! That friend of yours, Jett, is someone I know longer than you. He used to live next to me but moved house when we went to high school. When I saw him at school, I knew it was his fault that I was bullied, and that I've never really had a friend. He spread rumors about me around school and everyone started to hate me. Do you know how it feels to be alone, to be ignored and to be hated by everyone around you,? I can tell you, that feeling kills you. It's like a hammer beating your heart, instead of your heart beating against your chest. And that hammer slowly starts to make bruises, the bruises turn out into cuts and your heart is bleeding. It's bleeding and bleeding, till your heart is empty. There is nothing left. No love. no trust, no emotion, no colour, no life...'' I say. I try to swallow the lump in my throat but it doesn't work. The tears stream down my face as I run to the bathroom and lock myself in.

This is too much, I don't want to think about my past. It's too hard. Too many bad memories came up.

I pull the razor out of the closet, fold my sleeves up and did the thing I used to do when I was thinking about all of this. I've had enough, I need something to distract me, and this was, and is still, the only way.


Here, this cut is for me being stupid.

This one is for me being dumb.

This one is for me being ugly.

This one is for me being fat.

This one is for me being worthless.

This one is for me existing.

A little cut here, a little cut there.
No one will see it, no one will care.


I wash my arms and pull my sleeves down. I wash my face and ook at myself in the mirror.

I'm so ugly, so fat, so stupid. I wish I was someone else.

I stayed in the bathroom for a few minutes thinking about everything that happened and I've let out a few tears, but then I open the bathroom door and go to the living room. I'm not hungry anymore, I don't want breakfast anymore.

Actually, I feel bad for yelling at Harry and leaving him there. I can't believe what he said. His father is a devil. I feel so sorry for him. And I was being a bitch to him. But it all just got too much for me.



Harry's POV

Catie run away, and I wanted to go after her but I just stood there, frozen in my place of what she just said. She has a horrible life and I'm making it worse for her. I can't believe what she's all been thinking about the bullies. I didn't knew it hurted that bad. I feel so super stupid and dumb. I've damaged her life and now I'm making it even worse.

A few minutes later I go downstairs to the kitchen to drink water because my head hurts. Then I go to the living room and see Catie standing up from the couch. I grab her wrist so she would stop walking. She flinches and screams.

What?

I roll up her sleeve and my eyes widen.

''Why?'' I whisper, my voice cracks and I can feel the tears in my eyes.

She had tears in her eyes too and looked at me, but then wraps her small arms around my torso, as she cries in my chest.


''I don't know, Harry. I don't know...''

Notes