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Dreaming Of You // If I'm Still Dreaming

'Can you die from Sars?'

Harry’s POV

“Did an angel pass by?–––I hear Jimmy saying and I slightly shake my head. Harry?” He insists and I look at him, disoriented. What the hell has happened…? “Did an angel pass by?” He repeats, amused. For God’s sake… I zoned out on national television, and my jaw is still dropping… My palms are wet; my heart, pounding furiously. I try to compose myself, but I can’t. As her words come back to my mind I turn to look at her. What the hell, Jeanne…? You… You did… You told me… “So I guess the answer’s yes…” Jimmy mutters blithely, as she holds my gaze without even blinking. Not an angel… because she rises from the abyss with the sole purpose of driving me crazy… Jeanne tilts her head as if she didn’t know what’s happening. Have I imagined this? Is this some sort of dream, one of those dreams where she tells me she loves me? Because if it’s a dream I should wake up right now… “So, Jeanne, you are a mother, and you are also… currently single?” What? What kind of question is that? Jeanne quickly glances back at him. I blink several times. Everything keeps returning to me… Maybe I went too far with my statement and she didn’t want to look cold-hearted… God, why couldn’t I just keep my big mouth shut? “Would you like to have more kids–––Jimmy asks her–––or one is enough?” What? I just shake my head, dazed. Are they determined to murder me? The image of Jeanne with her baby bump crashes into my memory, I can’t help it… God, she reminded me so much of her mum in that photo I saw at ‘La Biguine.’ I would have never let go of her baby bump… She’d have had to carry the weight of the bump and mine all together.

“I’d love to have more kids,” Jeanne asserts in her smiling voice, and I involuntarily bounce in my seat. For some reason I wasn’t expecting that… “I always missed a sibling while growing up. My father used to say I was very keen to every baby I came across with. I want my daughter to have what I hadn’t…” Did I get it right? Is she saying she wants a family? That she wants to remake her life…? I’m aware I’m staring into space right now, and cameras may be pointing at me, but I’m petrified. Do I have to tell her I was one of those babies, the one on her father’s photograph at Clevedon Pier…?

“Is there any prospect in sight, you know… to be the father?” He goes on hesitantly. I can’t help but bounce again. No, no, no, no, not that question… We haven’t spoken about this and I’m not ready to listen to whatever the answer to that question is.

“You don’t need a man to have a child these days…” Fuck… Why are they even talking about this? My mind is barely able to catch up. How can this interview become more surreal by the second?

“But I have lots of suitors here!” Jimmy complains throwing his arms up. What the actual hell? Suitors? ‘Lots of’? As in ‘many of them’? “My floor director, for instance–––he addresses Jeanne very emphatically, pointing at her with his hand. He failed at complimenting you, but he doesn’t shut up.” Jeanne laughs, glimpsing down, legs crossed and hands gripping both armrests of her sofa as the queen of Hades that she is. “He’s on and on about you…–––Jimmy rolls his finger, touching his earbud with the other hand. And then my interns… New York's Jewish’s community at its finest… Anyone else?” He surprisingly asks to the audience. Jeanne slowly turns her head to glance around, smirking. Is she enjoying this? “Yes, there’s Phil behind the camera,” Jimmy snaps, pointing at the distance, and I can’t help but turn to look at the bloke. “I thought you had a girlfriend…–––he jokes. And in the audience?” Is he teasing me? “I see a lot of hands in the air…” Jimmy glimpses around. What is he trying to do? “Harry, would you like to get into the line too?” At his question I blank. No angel, no angel…

“Why not?–––I quickly avoid another rather obvious silence, grimacing because I can’t do other with my face at this point. Yeah… I mean…” I gesture with my hand casually, trying not to sound too awkward. “My chances are slim, but I do…” What the bloody hell? We agreed I was going to court her, but this is way out of script… I can’t even look at her now.

“I’d totally ship you…” He says, as I keep staring into space. I knew this was going to happen… I knew this interview was going to be my doom. “Come on, Jeanne–––he speaks in a persuasive tone–––look at this rainbow…” I shyly glimpse at her and shudder, as I recognise that look in her eyes, that caring look she has when she pities me… “You’d have the most beautiful babies,” he ponders, all snotty. Please, stop it, Jimmy, for the love of God. How can you tell me this when you already realised I fancy her for real? “What would your ship name be?” Jimmy inquires theatrically. I can’t stand the concept of shipping. I know it didn’t start with me, but I surely took it to unsuspected heights.

“Heanne!” Someone from the audience shouts. I squint at the mere mention.

“Sounds awful,” Jimmy remarks as if he were reading my mind, and flicks his hand.

“Jearry,” somebody else claims.

“It seems our names don’t merge well,” Jeanne observes, slightly approaching me, all coolness while I’m this massive mess. I can’t help but frown. Is she trying to tell me something?

“Sars!” Jimmy blurts after a second, making me jump.

“I like it…” She almost talks to herself, as she pushes her index to her soft, plump lip, lightly nodding her head. What the hell?

“It’s a disease…” I whinge, scrunching my face.

“I know,” Jeanne says quietly, holding my gaze and battering her lashes in the most flirtatious way. I don’t know why, maybe because I’m deranged, but a warm sensation spreads everywhere. Of course this is a disease, Jeanne… A smile cracks up on my face, and she smiles me back. Can you die from Sars?

“Stars!” Some girl at the front row exclaims. I smile even harder. Stars… I scratch my temple and force myself to take my attention away from Jeanne, as I can hardly bear the feels. What’s going on…? I know something’s going on. Does she have feelings for me?

“So back to boy bands!–––Jimmy practically shouts for us to carry on with the interview. Jeanne, did you go to a One Direction’s show by that time?” I think I should relax at this.

“I did, actually,” she answers blithely. My eyes widen. “Philadelphia, August of 2014…” What? Did I hear that right? Did she go to that show after we met in Philadelphia? The one where the boys were all frightened and I almost cried singing ‘You and I’ because she had left me high and dry all over again? I choke and cough, gasping for air. Jimmy shoots me a weird look. How could this be even possible? She never cancelled her plans of going… She lied to me, to all of us… She must know I’m realising about everything as she speaks, but she doesn’t even mind… Quite the opposite, she’s coming clean… But, why now?

“You have a lot to explain,” I quietly groan for Jeanne only as I cover my microphone, leaning towards her a bit. She batters her long lashes one single, everlasting time, conspicuously still in her seat, while I squirm, distraught, as I can’t wait for this interview to be over. How will I manage to stand the wait until I finally get a chance to talk to her? So much is coming…

“Well, my team and I brainstormed about all this boy band mania, and we came up with this hashtag: #BestBoyBandsLyrics–––Jimmy explains, looking at some notes lying on his desk. So, in parallel to the other question we asked people on Twitter about their favorite boy band’s lines. But first, Jeanne, what would be yours?”

“How to choose a favourite star in the heavens?” She retorts, shamelessly skirting the issue. Jimmy winks at her. He already realised she won’t give him too much to work with. Knowing Jeanne she most definitely has one, though she’ll never tell. But now that I think…

“Harry, what’s yours?”

“I guess it would be ‘You turned around, and you stole my heart with just one look,’” I claim, feeling cheeky all of a sudden. If she wants to play, I can match her.

“Is that by One Direction?” He asks mockingly, pointing at me. I bow my head to him. “Couldn’t you be a little less self-centered?” I can’t help but giggle.

“I know, but it just reminds me of someone,” I say in a lop-sided grin. I glimpse at Jeanne, and she glimpses down, smirking. I remember you once told me it was your favourite One Direction’s song, Jeanne Mars, and you obviously do too.

“You are sounding so shady tonight, Harry. I know it’s part of your job but…” Jimmy interrupts himself, taking a hand to his mouth, acting as if he were revealing a huge mystery. I laugh hard. Being shady is the key to keep people interested. I learnt that lesson very early in this business. I wonder what will be the fans’ response to this interview, especially to my high levels of randomness. “So, Twitter. This might sound familiar to you, Harry…”

Baby, look what you’ve done to me. Baby, look what you’ve done now. Baby, I’ll never leave if you keep holding me this way. #OneDirection #StockholmSyndrome

“Is everybody OK?–––Jimmy snaps, all serious. Because that line can cause heart attacks…” Everyone laughs, and so does Jeanne. I never knew her thoughts on FOUR. I don’t know if she even listened to it as she promised she would. This song made me weak for so long because of her, until I realised she wasn't forced to love me. The entire album did, especially ‘Fool’s Gold,’ and that’s why we never performed it live.

“This reminds me of that one time when Julian Bunetta, one of our songwriters, tried to pick up girls with our lines for 1D Day,” I intervene to brush off the blues. Listening to it out of context makes it sound even more surreal. “Zayn was honestly sure it would work.”

“I bet it’d work if you were the one to say them,” he retorts, earning another general laughter. I suddenly turn self-conscious. Yeah, it happens to me too. I’m not a machine. It’s always a bit uncomfortable when people bring up my looks. I’m a whole human being, not just a pretty face. “We are moving to boy band’s old school now,” Jimmy points out, and I sigh, relieved. One line was enough. “They had some great lyrics back then…” I glance at Jeanne, and she looks quite excited.

Sometimes I wish I could turn back time, impossible as it may seem, but I wish I could, so bad, baby. #BackstreetBoys #QuitPlayingGames

“Harry, are you acquainted with the video of this song?” Jimmy says. Of course I am. When they showed it to us back in 2010 I remember Zayn cried. “Because personally I think this video is everything a boy band's video has to be…” How can he be so evil? “It starts very casual, with the guys hanging around a basketball court, and then there’s a plot twist to unleashed lust!” Jimmy taps both hands on the desk, making us jump. “You all should learn from Nick Carter there…–––he points his finger around, very engrossed in. Like, for instance, at showing tongue,” Jimmy continues, looking towards the camera, and pushing his chin down he opens his mouth a little, displaying some puppy eyes too. Pretending to be sexy is definitely not his thing. Jeanne muffles her laughter. “Is it a mandatory ability to be in a boy band, Harry, to show tongue?” He quickly composes himself.

“No, it isn’t,” I claim as offended, scrunching my face.

“But you were quite good at it…” He cheekily retorts, winking at me. Jeanne cackles, and I know for sure I’m blushing. God, the things I’ve done… I nod my head, acknowledging my guilt at this. And then I complain about being sexualised… “And then the hands, the hands–––Jimmy carries on talking to the camera, gesticulating. Don’t forget to move the hands if you want to get into a boy band. I bet the director was all ‘Keep those hands up, guys! We don’t want people to think you are touching yourselves!’” The audience erupts into laughter.

Baby, baby, the love that we had was so strong. Don’t leave me hanging here forever. #BackstreetBoys #QuitPlayingGames

“Great harmony of A.J. with himself,” Jimmy remarks ironically. Yeah, what’s the point of having bandmates? “He hadn’t enough solos though…”

“Most former boy banders would tell you that,” I observe. I bet I’ll get a few phone calls tomorrow because of this.

“So at that point it turns steamy… Shirts magically change and it starts to rain. What do you think, Jeanne?–––he talks directly to her. Years of fighting for equal treatment for men and women to finally level things down and have A.J., Howie and Kevin stripping off in a video?” What?

“I’m not complaining,” Jeanne states in her mischievous grin. Jimmy shrugs, as asking if that’s all she has. Well, she just publicly admitted she enjoys sculpted, wet, naked males. I’d say it’s enough, at least for me… “I get your point, but human beings are also bodies–––she asserts thoughtfully. Because women have been objectified over the last century it doesn’t mean men aren’t allowed to show a bit of flesh…” There’s some cheering coming from the audience. Female cheering. “Yes, sex sells, but that doesn’t necessarily imply naked bodies–––Jeanne explains. Men and women can be successful in the entertainment business without stripping naked. One Direction barely stripped off…” She gestures towards me.

“We didn’t have the body type,” I quickly intervene, trying to sound cool about it, though I stiffen in my seat. No matter what she said in the past about me resembling Antinous’ statue, I’m nothing like one of those Backstreet Boys, and much less a certain German goalkeeper she shagged. Contrary to me, he even looks good in his bloody wax sculpture, and that’s because he’s a living, motherlover Greek god. I lose my shape quite easily, I have love handles I can’t get rid of, and she even disliked my tattoos.

“It seems to set pretty high standards, as you may see,” Jimmy suggests, gesturing towards me too.

“Those standards have been there since Ancient Greece,” she starts to point out. It’s been a while since I don’t get one of her lectures… “The problem is the perverted use of the standards by the corporations in order to get a profit.” People in the audience acclaim her. God, she’s so hot when she lectures. She’s not as prone at it as one could imagine, but she opens that mouth, talks about some weird, random stuff, and I pee in my pants. “It’s not about fighting an ideal of beauty and its manifestation, but about learning to be in peace with who we are…” Did she send me to see a shrink? On national television? “We all have flaws, we all have insecurities…–––she carries on, speaking steadily, but passionately. The most beautiful people are those who are comfortable being who they are, no matter how they are.”

“I think someone over there has fallen in love,” Jimmy mutters, smiling broadly, as he points at nowhere in particular.

Yeah, I know. Now literally everybody loves Jeanne.

–.–.–

Notes

So much for Harry in this chapter! Take notes. A little easier by the end to let him have a bit of peace... Who knows what's expecting next chapter ;)

Now you have a Magister writing this story for you. Thank you so much, my friends, for your support and caring. I had a mad time last week and I'm barely making it again in the Internet. But here I am, and I'll be back into writing in no time. So I'll try to update soon. This story holds many surprises, so don't get too comfortable! Thank you so much to those who have commented. It really helps me, especially now that I have to take this story near the climax. I hope you got to watch the vid of the BSB. If you don't want to miss a details of the next chapter, be sure to watch these:

Backstreet Boys, As Long As You Love Me
Take That, Back For Good
Robbie Williams, Come Undone
Mark Owen, Clementine
Bee Gees, How Deep Is Your Love
The Rolling Stones, She's So Cold
Bruce Springsteen, Dancing In The Dark

Thank you so much again for being the most amazing friends and readers. Let me know if you enjoyed this. I hug you all!

Comments

miss you a lot friend,
message me sometime if you have the chance ❤️

cococranberry cococranberry
3/13/19

You promised you would never make us wait for an update that long again... *cries*

JasperRenee JasperRenee
7/3/18

Hello,

I hope your life is everything that you want it to be. It seems like the past couple of months have really changed my perspective of the world, and how much you need to appreciate the little things in life. You never know when life will snatch them away from you.

I have really appreciated all that you have done for me. I miss your constantly developing plot, and your infinitesimal points of detail. In other words, I miss this story so much.

I feel like so much has happened since the last time you updated. I hope you know that I am always eagerly awaiting your next chapter. Even if it's 5 years from now, and I am a fully licensed Speech Language Pathologist, I will try my best to keep up my support. Maybe next year while I am studying abroad in Italy you will find the motivation to continue. Who knows what's going to happen. Maybe I should take the quote from the t-shirt I am currently wearing. "Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know you're gonna get."

Thanks,
Morgan

Oh no, and then the moment came there's no next chapter anymore! What do I have to do with my spare time now?!
On a serious note: I loved loved looooooved your story so far. I loved the way the sequel wasn't the same as 'Dreaming of you'. Another timeset, other places, other people getting involved, and the tension being build up from the beginning till now. Their 'relationship' didn't went back to the way things were in France 4 years ago, it needed time to get together again and in a different way (happy about their love right now, but after 111 chapters I know things can change...). I really loved the way you wrote about Mark Owen as being Jeanne's 'Boyband crush'. I've been such a big fan of Take That and Mark was my first true love when I was 11 or so. His picture was hanging above my bed, wich I kissed goodnight every night. (I guess I've just spilled my age, haven't I? ;-) )
When I read the last comments, I think your last update was from 2 months ago. I really hope you can find the time, the energy and the inspiration to finish this story, because I'm hooked! Give me a warning when you'll write a book, I will be in front of the bookstore, waiting!

Love, Leah



Dear You,

I've started reading this story two days ago. From the very first chapter I'm hooked and I can't stop reading. I don't want to go out, I don't want to sleep, I just want to read. Not to know how it will end actually, because I don't want it to end! So I try to find a balance between reading fast en making it last a little bit longer. I'm a fan of Harry from the day Sign of the times has released, so I have a lot of catching up to do. When you mention a song or a situation with One Direction, I look for it on Google or YouTube. So you're helping me to get to know the world of Harry and 1D, thank you for that! I've been to Paris a couple of times, It's such a beautiful city. I have good, romantic, memories of the times I've been there. You're writing about the city is so accurate and lively, it feels I'm there again by reading. My heart nearly broke for Harry and Jeanne when I read the last chapter of Dreaming of you. Happy to know there's a sequel, I going to start reading that now. I just wanted to write you this, because in the notes below the chapters you seem like a very nice, caring person. Thank you for writing such a beautiful story! (I hope my writing makes sence, English isn't my native language so I know I make a lot of mistakes. I'm sorry!)
Love, Leah