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Dreaming Of You // If I'm Still Dreaming

'This is going to be madness'

Harry’s POV

“I thought they wanted Logan Lerman–––Jeff says over the phone, sounding quite anxious, as no one has offered me a main role in a while–––but Nancy just called me and said the writer wants you–––he explains. We need to be there in half an hour.” I check at my watch.

“What’s the part all about?” I ask, glancing down at my outfit. It should go well.

“A synaesthetic genius…” At his words I can’t help but close my eyes, throwing my head forward. It almost hurts, as I sense this side of me awakening from a very long dream.

“What’s the name of the writer?” I manage to mutter, grasping my brow, as my body trembles from head to toe.

“Her pen name is Jane Darcy, but her real name is…”

“Jeanne Mars…” I cut him off.

I need to sit down.

–.–.–

Four years… I cling on the steering wheel. Almost four years have passed and I’m going to see her. What is she doing in LA? Is she a writer now? It’s been so long since I stopped checking on her. How could she be in LA? For how long has she been here? I should have continued checking on her… But how? It was killing me. Maybe one of the boys knows something about this… No, how could they know? Louis and I barely talk to each other since the band split up, but I’m sure he would have told me if he had got to learn something big… He didn’t say a word after my last time in Paris, but he was the only one who ever believed she was in love with me, even if he was wrong… Fuck, I was OK with the idea, but now, having to see her suddenly changes everything.

I wish I had time to call Niall, but after I hung up on Jeff I needed proper clothes. This isn’t that proper either… Just a shirt buttoned up. I have to meet Jeff outside the building. God, I’m shaking, and my hands are sweating. I don't think he remembers her from those days. I hardly told him about her because I didn’t want to seem too childish. Maybe it is better this way… I don’t even know what I’m going to find at the meeting. God, I’m going to see her… Like right now… And she wants me. Nancy told Jeff she wanted me… Did she publish a book? Because I don’t know if it’s the same story anymore, but the synaesthetic genius based upon her father was the main character from ‘I Wish’… My mind is close to overload. I’m not ready to do this… Come on, Harry, breathe. And park… like a person without mental issues. Relax, Harry; things are completely different now. You are older. You are much more in control. She can’t affect you the same way… And it has been long since you stopped dreaming of her, at least lucid dreams. This is just work. You are in no danger. Too much time has passed to be in danger. You don’t even know her current status… She might be married… Come on, this is Jeanne whom we are talking about. She’d never get married. But what if she is? What if she met the one for her like in ‘500 days of Summer’?

“How are you?” Jeff asks as he pats my back, and we begin to walk up to the building.

“Nervous.” I push my hair behind my ear.

“Good nervous?” I shake my head ‘no.’ “Well, relax then, Harry–––he tries to chill me out. The part is almost yours and it would be a great deal because I checked and the book was quite a success in Europe and now it’s an overnight New York Times bestseller.” I frown at him, confused. Does this mean that she did it? That she made it to Hollywood because of her writing? “Somewhere between romantic comedy and drama as…”

“As the guy is a stalker, I know,” I finish his sentence. She re wrote ‘I Wish.’

“Did you read ‘Venetian Blinds’?” He inquires, amused. So that is the name of the thing now. And I’ve never heard of it or Jane Darcy… It means she managed not to let people know. She is still her devious self… “I thought you didn’t read bestsellers, especially not female-oriented…” He carries on absolutely unaware of my astonishment.

“Not exactly,” I mumble, glimpsing down, as somebody opens the door for us. I mechanically nod my head. Jeff walks ahead of me and talks to the receptionist. Jeanne could be already here. I could bump into her at any moment… I clutch my hands together, rubbing them nervously as I twitch my head. I need to appear calmed down, even if inside I’m going under. My yoga training should help me with this. I start to breathe in deeply by the nose, pushing the air throughout my body. My mind feels immediately better. Who cares if Jeff is looking at me as if I were crazy?

As we step out of the lift Drew, waving at us from some distance, welcomes us. I like to be here. The ambiance is far more relaxed than other production companies. Too bad we hadn’t worked together before but as they say, it’s never too late… I timidly glimpse around but Jeanne is definitely not here. Some more people approach us as I kiss Drew in the cheek. Nancy throws an arm around my neck and greets me, repeating the same gesture with Jeff. I can’t help but get distracted from the talk. She should be here… Where is she?

“It’d be so great if we could work this out… We didn’t know she had someone in mind–––Nancy says at my side, catching my attention–––but when she suggested it we thought it was the best idea ever…”

“Lara!” I hear someone calling. As I turn around I see a little girl running in our direction. I instinctively move towards her, as she seems a bit clumsy. She has to be somebody’s daughter. “Lara!” They insist as I crouch down to her, softly preventing the impact of her little body against me. I look at her face. She’s like the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen with her greenish eyes and the most adorable nose. I hear footsteps. High heels. Then a pair of naked, soft, toned legs standing behind her distracts me. I glance up. Lara… “She likes you,” Jeanne whispers, startling me, and before I could stand up she kneels down, looking straight into my eyes. It’s as if my heart can’t stand it. I can’t breathe. I can’t speak. Her eyes are piercing into mine as if she were trying to read my soul. “Lara, celui-ci c’est Harry, un vieil ami de maman,” she talks lovingly to her daughter, suddenly taking her attention away from me. Her daughter… My heart is going to stop beating. “Dit: ‘salut, Harry,” she continues, grabbing the little hand and waving it at me. My stare lingers upon her. Her hair is shorter… How can she be even more beautiful than before? I don’t want to make her feel uncomfortable so I glance down at the girl, standing between us. I realise how much she resembles Jeanne in the photo.

“Salut, Lara,” I talk to her as I push her hair away from her face, while she looks at me with widened eyes. I don’t even know how to feel about her. “Comme tu es jolie…” I carry on absentmindedly, caressing her cheek. She’s Jeanne’s daughter… Jeanne's daughter with another man. Something strikes me and I lift my gaze to glimpse at Jeanne’s left hand. No ring…

“You speak French,” Jeanne mutters, quite amazed. I turn my attention to her face. Her pale, rosy skin is glowing like never before. Not a single trace of make-up. The spark in her eyes makes my lower belly tingle… This inner light she has is simply happiness.

“I had a French lover once,” I try to joke, glimpsing down to Lara, as I take one knee to the floor.

“You haven’t changed…” I glance back at Jeanne in surprise. Somehow she sounds relieved.

“No,” I let out with a slight shake of my head, pressing my lips together and forcing me not to stare at her as a desperate fool. “How old is she?” I make myself speak, looking into space. How could this be happening? It has to be another dream.

“She’s almost eighteen months old.” My mind tries to do the maths, but I simply can’t focus.

“She’s beautiful–––I mutter, still avoiding Jeanne’s gaze. Congratulations…” I can’t handle this…

“Thank you… I thought you’d know.”

“How would I know?” I retort with a hint of sarcasm, returning to look at her. She seems a bit worried, or sad, or guilty… I don’t know anymore. I never thought I would go back to try to read her again.

“My mum or…–––She interrupts herself. I don’t know…” She shrugs, smiling. She hasn’t changed either. I stroke Lara’s arm as she mumbles a few unintelligible words to me.

“I haven’t spoken to your mum in a very long while–––I say. How is she?”

“Quite mysterious, to be honest,” Jeanne claims in a blithe tone. We both giggle almost foolishly for some unknown reason.

“It runs in the family,” I remark, a cheeky grin curling the corner of my mouth. Maybe I shouldn’t have said that. I glimpse at her and she doesn’t seem to care as she mindlessly brushes Lara’s hair. I had forgotten how it was to talk to her. “Why did you give her such a tragic name?” I turn my attention to Lara again, who stands here watching me closely as both her mum and I pamper her. It’s strange but there’s something about her that makes my heart warm up. I can’t believe she was a baby once inside Jeanne’s womb. She was pregnant once…

“Do you know who Lara is?”

“I do–––I tell her, trying to keep myself together, as something stirs inside of me. She’s Zhivago’s beloved…” The name brings so many memories I can’t help but stare at her and fall into silence. Jeanne languidly batters her lashes. This feels just like the old times… How much I had been missing this.

“Your hair…” She mumbles out of the blue, gesturing hesitantly towards me with her hand, though she quickly takes it back. We both glance down and I freeze as I notice something pinned to her dress, right across her chest. She’s using the cameo brooch I gave her for her PhD… My stomach lurches.

“I let it grow when I can,” I manage to say, flinching and taking a hand to feel my ear. This is how she used to like it. “I haven’t been working too much lately…” Fuck. To be admitting these things to her… I’m hardly able to keep myself crouching. And then Lara, and the brooch, and having her so near after all this time… Suddenly I’m this weak mess all over again. I slowly begin to trace the contour her body, smoothly insinuated underneath the black stretchy fabric of her dress, the beginning of her cleavage…

“We’ll change that.” I look straight into her eyes, the moment growing impossibly intense.

“Why now, Jeanne?–––I shake my head. Why me?” This is just too much for me to take.

“Because I wouldn’t have written it if it wasn’t for you…” Jeanne murmurs, her eyes buried into mine. Her words unleash a commotion in me. My head goes dizzy. How can she affect me this much? I’m sure she’s taken… I flick my gaze to her lips and I must be going insane because it seems she’s leaning forward.

“Have you two met before?” Drew cuts us off in an amused tone, making me jump. What had just happened? I had totally forgotten other people were around. Jeanne quickly glimpses at me and straightens up, pulling Lara into her arms. I stand up after her.

This is going to be madness.

–.–.–

Notes

This is going to be madness.

OK, explanations' time. First of all, I'm glad to be back. I've been missing you a lot, but I felt like publishing it just now. It's madness, probably much more than you were expecting. But this is an unpredictable story. You've read 'Dreaming Of You' so you know that. I'm working hard here to bring new ideas because there's no sense on reading the same story again and again. So I took the twist to an unexpected place. I don't want you to read the sequel thinking you know what's going to happen. What will be the thrill?

So, someone was pregnant in a certain epilogue. I put the hint there: Jeanne getting flustered and rubbing her stomach. You can go back and read it again, though it gets sadder. She was still in love with him then, so what was going on? And who's the father? Well, Harry will be trying to figure it out... But you won't have to way until the end of the story to get the truth. We'll have a Jeanne's POV soon enough, after Harry goes bananas over everything.

This story is different because this is a story about Harry being the sweetest, most caring guy in the face of the earth, not about him being a great lover. This story is about deep feelings, overcoming ourselves, understanding and forgiveness. I really hope you decide to give me another chance as you did so many times before. Thank you for reading and for your support through all these months of hard work. It means the world to me. I need you to trust me here, and I hope you do. I promise the feels of your life. Feedback is always appreciated. Love you all <3

Comments

miss you a lot friend,
message me sometime if you have the chance ❤️

cococranberry cococranberry
3/13/19

You promised you would never make us wait for an update that long again... *cries*

JasperRenee JasperRenee
7/3/18

Hello,

I hope your life is everything that you want it to be. It seems like the past couple of months have really changed my perspective of the world, and how much you need to appreciate the little things in life. You never know when life will snatch them away from you.

I have really appreciated all that you have done for me. I miss your constantly developing plot, and your infinitesimal points of detail. In other words, I miss this story so much.

I feel like so much has happened since the last time you updated. I hope you know that I am always eagerly awaiting your next chapter. Even if it's 5 years from now, and I am a fully licensed Speech Language Pathologist, I will try my best to keep up my support. Maybe next year while I am studying abroad in Italy you will find the motivation to continue. Who knows what's going to happen. Maybe I should take the quote from the t-shirt I am currently wearing. "Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know you're gonna get."

Thanks,
Morgan

Oh no, and then the moment came there's no next chapter anymore! What do I have to do with my spare time now?!
On a serious note: I loved loved looooooved your story so far. I loved the way the sequel wasn't the same as 'Dreaming of you'. Another timeset, other places, other people getting involved, and the tension being build up from the beginning till now. Their 'relationship' didn't went back to the way things were in France 4 years ago, it needed time to get together again and in a different way (happy about their love right now, but after 111 chapters I know things can change...). I really loved the way you wrote about Mark Owen as being Jeanne's 'Boyband crush'. I've been such a big fan of Take That and Mark was my first true love when I was 11 or so. His picture was hanging above my bed, wich I kissed goodnight every night. (I guess I've just spilled my age, haven't I? ;-) )
When I read the last comments, I think your last update was from 2 months ago. I really hope you can find the time, the energy and the inspiration to finish this story, because I'm hooked! Give me a warning when you'll write a book, I will be in front of the bookstore, waiting!

Love, Leah



Dear You,

I've started reading this story two days ago. From the very first chapter I'm hooked and I can't stop reading. I don't want to go out, I don't want to sleep, I just want to read. Not to know how it will end actually, because I don't want it to end! So I try to find a balance between reading fast en making it last a little bit longer. I'm a fan of Harry from the day Sign of the times has released, so I have a lot of catching up to do. When you mention a song or a situation with One Direction, I look for it on Google or YouTube. So you're helping me to get to know the world of Harry and 1D, thank you for that! I've been to Paris a couple of times, It's such a beautiful city. I have good, romantic, memories of the times I've been there. You're writing about the city is so accurate and lively, it feels I'm there again by reading. My heart nearly broke for Harry and Jeanne when I read the last chapter of Dreaming of you. Happy to know there's a sequel, I going to start reading that now. I just wanted to write you this, because in the notes below the chapters you seem like a very nice, caring person. Thank you for writing such a beautiful story! (I hope my writing makes sence, English isn't my native language so I know I make a lot of mistakes. I'm sorry!)
Love, Leah