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Dreaming Of You // If I'm Still Dreaming

'You give me this'

[WARNING: Mild adult content below. Read at your own discretion.]

Once we made it to Paris a melancholic sensation overcame completely and I couldn’t help myself. Sainte-Mesme was over, and my head was a huge mess. I was leaving next day… Nobody could change that. I wasn’t sure about the Opera anymore. Jeanne had played ‘The Ring of the Nibelung’ from Wagner after lunch, and even if she told ‘La bohème’ was lighter, I just wanted to stay home in bed with her, just her softly caressing my forehead, tucking my hair behind my ear in silence.

But we got plans and everything was set to get inside the Opera building by a side entrance. Things had turned out pretty well on the privacy department to ruin it the last night. Recalling Pat’s words from England I was going to stick to my all-black attire, but wearing it in a proper way as I used to do the previous year. I knew she would appreciate it because she obviously preferred my looks from 2013.

As the afternoon progressed nervousness started to creep up on me. If I was going to ask Jeanne to be my girlfriend I didn’t have too much time left. The idea was settled in my mind after those two weeks together and what I had recently learnt about her. She was the girl in my dreams… And the whole world was pushing us together. So who was I to disagree?

I hadn’t the slightest idea on how I was going to bring up the issue though, so I really began to contemplate the possibility of skipping the Opera part. I was going to bore to death, and you can’t speak at the Opera. Jeanne was about to take a shower, so she undressed to her knickers and wrapped her body in her light, white robe. It didn’t surprise me that her mood was as blithe as ever. That was the way she was, and it was one of the main reasons I was so besotted with her. She always had a smile on her face, always trying to find the bright side of things. Before going to the bathroom she sat a moment at the table with me. I was going to say something different but then a memory of our old chats crossed my mind and I couldn’t stop myself from asking. It was the perfect excuse to get on subject.

“You told me you were going to Philadelphia this August–––I mused in a cheeky grin. Are you still going?” Jeanne suddenly frowned.

“No–––she muttered, trying hard to dissimulate her surprise. I was going to see some friends there and one of them who knows about my research insisted for us to go to your show, but I’m not going anymore.” I didn’t know if it was because of her refusal or her expression, but my heart sank to my feet.

“Why not?–––I asked, forcing myself not to sound too dejected. You should come….–––I tried to be casual. We could meet there. And you could come to the show with your friend. The boys would love to meet you… They’re your biggest fans.” The more I spoke, the more unsure of my words I was becoming. I had never seen her frown for so long. She seemed almost in panic.

“Oh, that is lovely–––she said blithely. But I can’t go. I have to stay in Paris to work on my thesis.” In a second she was speaking right into my eyes. There was something so firm on her gaze. “I didn’t know I was going to take these two weeks off, and I need to get on schedule,” she went on, turning her tone to caring.

“But I’ll miss you so much…” She tilted her head. “Please, come…” The die was cast.

“Mouth, I can’t,” Jeanne said, turning away. I quickly moved forward to hold her hands, still resting on the table, before she could take them away. At my gesture she looked back at me.

“Well, not to Philadelphia but elsewhere…” I let out almost in a murmur.

“I can’t, Harry.” Her last word resounded in my mind as a gong. Suddenly I wasn’t Mouth anymore. Something deep inside of me trembled. “I have to continue with my life.”

“What do you mean by that?” I asked, confused.

“Harry, we shared this wonderful time together but this is a stolen season.” I shook my head, dazed. “You have your life and I have mine…” She was… She was going to end up things with me. And the worst of all was I couldn’t deny that some part of me was expecting it.

“No, we can work this out–––I complained, tightening my grip on her hands. I could buy a flat in Paris…” Her gaze hardened, and she pulled her hands out from mine. That was such a stupid thing to say.

“A flat in Paris?–––she shook her head ‘no,’ taking a hand to her hair. You can’t solve this with money…” I had never felt so ashamed in all my life. I’m such an arse sometimes.

“I know, but…” I mumbled, glimpsing at her. Strangely, her expression softened and she came to grasp my hand, still lying in front of her.

“This time we spent together was perfect–––she claimed reassuringly. If we try to take it further we’ll ruin it.”

“No, we won’t,” I whispered, leaning closer, as I clasped our hands around mine.

“Harry, I’ve been indulging you in every way I know–––Jeanne spoke slowly, but there was a hint of frustration lingering in her voice. I’ve fed you; I’ve bathed you; I’ve shaved you, shagged you, sucked you… What else do you want?” God, she was so infuriating.

“I want to keep this going on!” I exclaimed, falling back against the chair and releasing her hand abruptly. I crossed my arms over my chest and glanced away.

“Harry…”

“Yes, I do!” I said turning to look straight into her eyes. She must know it already.

“Harry, you couldn’t keep this going on even if I wanted to…” I frowned.

“Why not?”

“Because you can’t do this to your fans!” Why on earth did she care so much?

“We could keep it secret…” I ventured, knowing she probably was the only woman capable of understanding my situation.

“Don’t you have a clause on your contract to prevent this?” Jeanne asked, rather exasperated. I raised my eyebrow, moistening my lips in amusement.

“You have been reading too much Fan Fiction,” I chuckled. Even in a moment like that I managed to make her giggle. She glanced at me in complicity.

“We could keep it casual…” Jeanne said in a blither tone, bending over the table.

“What does ‘casual’ mean to you?”

“Let’s keep it spontaneous–––she almost cheered. Do what you have to do and I’ll do the same, and maybe later we could see each other again if we want to. We don’t stay pending on each other, we don’t miss each other…” Was she trying to take me for a ride?

“But we wouldn’t be together…” I mused.

“We wouldn’t be together anyway,” she tried to meditate with me. Yeah, but…

“What if you meet someone?”

“I’m not planning to. I’ll be working on my thesis–––she talked quietly. And you could meet someone too and it’d be OK…” What? “And if after you finish with your tour and I finish with my thesis we want to see each other again, well, it wouldn’t mind what you did this time apart as long as you’d want to be with me.” I had a squint at her.

“But I don’t want to be with anybody else…–––I muttered, frowning. I just want you.” Jeanne seemed upset.

“I can’t offer anything more right now, Harry. I told you where I stand concerning relationships. And you…–––she spoke softly, batting her eyelashes. You are so young–––she said. You have so much to live…”

“Is this because of who I am?–––I asked, distraught. I can have a relationship. I want a relationship with you…” I was watching her so closely I noticed an almost imperceptible twitch of her nose. “We can keep it away from public view if it’s what bothers you.” I was going to try everything.

“No, Harry, no–––she asserted. Let’s not force this. I want to keep this as it is. We had this season together, now it is time to return to real life.” My heart narrowed inside my chest. Somehow she sounded just like my mum. “I can’t have extra stress in my life right now.”

“To have someone who cares for you is too stressing?” I retorted in sarcasm. She was just too much.

“I need all my energies to finish my PhD.” Yeah, I got that, but I was feeling so helpless right there and then I just lost it. I am just this selfish, immature dick.

“You let me think we had something…” I mumbled, turning away. I couldn’t keep looking at her telling me such things.

“We have something, Mouth–––Jeanne let out in a small voice. But I thought we had an understanding, that I was your geisha…” I instinctively glanced at her, bouncing on my chair. “You don’t fall for your geisha–––she shook her head lightly. And geishas don’t fall…”

“It wasn’t an understanding–––I grumbled. It was a fantasy.” God, Jeanne… How could she be like this? My mind was about to explode.

“That we played…”

“Have you been playing with me?” I snapped in dejection, standing up unthinkingly.

“No, that I can’t commit to you doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings for you–––she explained, looking quite flustered. I thought you knew I can’t do this.” I frowned in pain and confusion. What was going on with her? Jeanne looked me in the eyes and stood up herself, taking two steps away from the table. In a quick movement I followed her and grabbing her by the arm I pushed her against the door, coming to firmly pin her.

“You have feelings for me…” I said, my eyes fixed on her eyes, her hands pressed on the wood. I pushed my hips to hers, leaning in, and brushed my thumb on her lower lip. Jeanne blinked repeatedly, glimpsing at my mouth in expectation as I approached her. Our lips met, making my stomach churn. How could she have such an affect on me? I was supposed to be mad at her… Her scent overtook my senses and I moved so I could slide my tongue inside her mouth. I started to search for her tongue eagerly, and gripped her tightly once I sensed she was kissing me back. I pushed my chin up to her roughly, kissing her with all the passion I had, and all the anger I was experiencing. Her body quivered entirely. “I knew you have feelings for me…” I muttered to her mouth when I pulled off for air. Jeanne slightly frowned and pushed her lips back to me, her hands tugging at my hair. I parted her legs and led my hand to her pubis. When she felt my fingers scratching over her lacy knickers she gasped, her tummy contracting involuntarily under my touch. “I know I can get more of you…” I incited her lightly grazing my nails on her. I could feel her lips moving tremulously against mine. She couldn’t resist this.

“Why do you want to put so much energy in this?–––she sighed sounding almost in despair. I can’t give you what you want…” Her eyes fluttered open to me.

“You give me this–––I groaned, tracing a circle with my face. Your voice says one thing but your body says another.” My fingers kept brushing on her insistently, my mind running wild at her shivers. “I’m going to make it impossible for you to escape those feelings anymore,” I shook my head ‘no,’ speaking in my raspier tone.

“No, this isn’t the way,” Jeanne pushed me apart in one fast gesture, moving away from me. I glanced at her, dejected. “We can keep this as it is, or it could end right here,” she said tightening her robe around her delicious torso and folding her arms. This couldn’t be happening.

“So you are ending things,” I claimed, quite mad.

“If I have to, I will.” She bit her tongue. God, I loved it when she did that, even if it meant she was mad herself.

“OK, fine–––I gave in, motioning my hand to the side. If this is what you want, let’s play it your way. It seems it’s what we’ve been doing since the beginning.” Jeanne twisted her mouth, annoyed. “But then you are still my geisha until I leave to England tomorrow.”

“I keep my word,” she stated.

Jeanne slowly turned around and made her way to the bathroom. How could she keep her coolness all the freaking time? And then I realised it… In my anxiousness not to lose her I had agreed on keeping it casual. It was better than nothing… I threw my hand to my forehead, shaking my head in bewilderment. It was madness. Why couldn’t she be as any other girl, eager to jump into a relationship? Those words from Louis when he called me at the cafe returned to my mind. One in a million chances… How was I to make it through all those months without Jeanne, and fearing what she could be doing, without turning insane? I was going to miss her so badly. What if I never got to see her again? My mind refused the idea. I heard her turning the shower on and without even thinking I walked to her tallboy, opening her lingerie’s drawer. I moved my hand mindlessly searching for the texture of a silky fabric. I sensed one at the bottom but when I pulled it out it wasn’t the colour I was expecting. Bright red. Fuck…

My body convulsed violently when I realised it was an Adidas’ football shirt. It was from that freaking German. I threw it aside and frantically began to search for a slip. When I found one I decidedly grabbed both garments and walked to my handbag, shoving them inside it. I brushed my hair back with my hand, finally bringing my palm to cover my eyes, and deeply breathed in. She was going to drive me crazy.

–.–.–

Notes

You wanted some drama, now you have hot drama. Those two have communication's issues... Next chapter at the Opera is going to be legendary. Do you think things can change before Harry leaves? Don't miss it. I'll update very soon.

Thank you, everyone, for sharing your time with this story. I work a lot to write this, you don't imagine. So your feedback means the world, even when things get rough, like right now. Your honest support makes me work harder.

Any story deserves hate

Comments

miss you a lot friend,
message me sometime if you have the chance ❤️

cococranberry cococranberry
3/13/19

You promised you would never make us wait for an update that long again... *cries*

JasperRenee JasperRenee
7/3/18

Hello,

I hope your life is everything that you want it to be. It seems like the past couple of months have really changed my perspective of the world, and how much you need to appreciate the little things in life. You never know when life will snatch them away from you.

I have really appreciated all that you have done for me. I miss your constantly developing plot, and your infinitesimal points of detail. In other words, I miss this story so much.

I feel like so much has happened since the last time you updated. I hope you know that I am always eagerly awaiting your next chapter. Even if it's 5 years from now, and I am a fully licensed Speech Language Pathologist, I will try my best to keep up my support. Maybe next year while I am studying abroad in Italy you will find the motivation to continue. Who knows what's going to happen. Maybe I should take the quote from the t-shirt I am currently wearing. "Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know you're gonna get."

Thanks,
Morgan

Oh no, and then the moment came there's no next chapter anymore! What do I have to do with my spare time now?!
On a serious note: I loved loved looooooved your story so far. I loved the way the sequel wasn't the same as 'Dreaming of you'. Another timeset, other places, other people getting involved, and the tension being build up from the beginning till now. Their 'relationship' didn't went back to the way things were in France 4 years ago, it needed time to get together again and in a different way (happy about their love right now, but after 111 chapters I know things can change...). I really loved the way you wrote about Mark Owen as being Jeanne's 'Boyband crush'. I've been such a big fan of Take That and Mark was my first true love when I was 11 or so. His picture was hanging above my bed, wich I kissed goodnight every night. (I guess I've just spilled my age, haven't I? ;-) )
When I read the last comments, I think your last update was from 2 months ago. I really hope you can find the time, the energy and the inspiration to finish this story, because I'm hooked! Give me a warning when you'll write a book, I will be in front of the bookstore, waiting!

Love, Leah



Dear You,

I've started reading this story two days ago. From the very first chapter I'm hooked and I can't stop reading. I don't want to go out, I don't want to sleep, I just want to read. Not to know how it will end actually, because I don't want it to end! So I try to find a balance between reading fast en making it last a little bit longer. I'm a fan of Harry from the day Sign of the times has released, so I have a lot of catching up to do. When you mention a song or a situation with One Direction, I look for it on Google or YouTube. So you're helping me to get to know the world of Harry and 1D, thank you for that! I've been to Paris a couple of times, It's such a beautiful city. I have good, romantic, memories of the times I've been there. You're writing about the city is so accurate and lively, it feels I'm there again by reading. My heart nearly broke for Harry and Jeanne when I read the last chapter of Dreaming of you. Happy to know there's a sequel, I going to start reading that now. I just wanted to write you this, because in the notes below the chapters you seem like a very nice, caring person. Thank you for writing such a beautiful story! (I hope my writing makes sence, English isn't my native language so I know I make a lot of mistakes. I'm sorry!)
Love, Leah